Okay, I got this out kinda late, but at least it's before the next episode.

Thanks to DevilMadeYouCry, Selvet, Neptune19, Wait. .YOU, LoveK, AlrightHaterFloorsYours. I was very happy with all the reviews. :)


Teen Wolf Season Three Viewathon

Fireflies

Me: Episode three. Let's do this.

Little Boy: Got one!

Me: Aww, look at that cute little kid and his sister catching fireflies!

Older Sister: What are you doing dumbass?

Me: Annnnnnnnd moment gone.

Older Sister: (Smiles and runs into a Disneyesque scene of fireflies)

Me: Moment back?

Boyd: Grrrr.

Me: Nope. STRANGER DANGER!

Little Boy: Eeekk.

Older Sister: Billy?

Me: His name would be Billy. And que the running montage. How on earth are they outrunning an angry werewolf?

Older Sister: Quick, into this random shed in the middle of the woods!

Little Boy: We are so screwed!

Older Sister: Shut up shut up shut up!

Boyd: Arrrg.

Bottle of Fireflies: Attack the Werewolf!

Me: Didn't that kid drop his bottle of Fireflies? And I thought he had only caught one? And why are they attacking Boyd?

Scott: Derek! I'm all alone and I'm scared and I miss you!

Derek: Fine, we'll work together, even though we probably should have been doing that to begin with.


Lydia: Ugh, I fell asleep in my clothes again. How strange! Damn it, I'm out of drugs! Mom, I'm going out to get more drugs! (Pauses) Huh, a full moon. That means that there are probably several super natural psychos out right now and I should probably stay inside…oh well. I need my drugs.

Me: Oh Holland, you so silly.

Scott: Running montage!

Derek: Running montage!

Lydia: (Gets out of her car while texting) Wait a sec, this isn't my drug dealer's house.

Me: And that kids, is why you should never text and drive. But seriously, wtf Lydia?

Lydia: OMG!

Body: Lying in the pool.

Lyida: Omg, omg, please don't be dead.

Me: Naw, I'm sure he's just holding his breath. In a pool at night. Alone. For several minutes.

Lydia: (Pulls over body) Oh what a relief! It's just a blow up doll that looks like Tyler Posey!

Me: Oh look! Large amounts of blood that wasn't there a second ago!

Lydia: (Looks up at the torn body of the life guard) Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

Me: Lydia sure does a lot of screaming this season. Anyway, Death Count 4.


Me: (Cue sad music) Great, this must be an Allison scene.

Flashback –

Allison: She tried killing you.

Scott: Yeah.

Allison: Why didn't you tell me?

Me: Because instead of asking him what happened that night, you just decided to try and kill every Werewolf you came across instead.

Scott: I couldn't. I couldn't let that be the last memory that you had of her.

Me: Oh my God Scott, that has to be the sweetest thing eva!1111! Oh look, a dead Erica!

Flashback Ends –

Allison: Right, time to become a badass!

Me: Y'know, apart from that flashback, Allison doesn't say a word though out the entire episode.


Pretty Girl 1: (Lighting candles inside a tent)

Me: OMG, are you trying to catch the tent on fire?! WTH?

Pretty Girl 2: (Jumps into the tent)

Me: Lesbians. Calling it.

Pretty Girls: (Begin kissing)

Me: Called it! And feeling more justified as a guy for watching a show called Teen Wolf.

Nice Lesbian 2: Ew, giant bug!

Me: Well you are in the woods…

Lesbian 2: Eeeekkkkk!

Me: There is so much screaming this episode!

Tent: (Covered in bugs)

Lesbian 2: (Runs out of the tent only to be covered in bugs)

Lesbian 1: Emily, wait!

Emily: (Runs off creaming until she trips on a rock)

Me: And she's going to die.

Lesbian 1: (Looks for 10 seconds, then runs off)

Emily: (Gets swarmed by bugs and then disappears)

Me: What the fuck just happened? Death Count 5?

Lesbian 1: (Looks behind her and see's Cora walk out of the shadows.

Me: Death Count 6?

Isaac: (Leaps into the battle)

Me: I guess no Death Count adage…Isaac what the fuck are you wearing? Is that a scarf?

Isaac: This scarf makes me a badass!

Cora: No it doesn't! (Punches him)

Isaac: (Hits the tree) Ophff.

Scott: Iac, pls. (Takes out Cora)

Derek: (Snarls) Cora, got to your room, you're grounded!

Cora: You aren't the boss of me! (Runs off)

Scott: (Notices Lesbian 2) Run for your life!


Stiles: Lydia, you are you okay?

Lydia: (Shaking, probably from withdrawal from her drugs, or maybe just a combination of shock and cold, but most likely from withdrawal) Uh, hello? I just found a dead body!

Stiles: Right, I'm going to call my dad.

Lydia: I already called 911.

Stiles: You called the police before you called me?

Lydia: I'm supposed to call you first whenever I find a dead body?

Stiles: YES!

Scott: You sure?

Stiles: Yep, throat ripped out, blood everywhere.

Scott: Can you check the body?

Stiles: (Inspects the body and sees the purity ring)

Me: Bummer dude.

Derek: That doesn't make any sense, the public pool is on the other side of town. Boyd and Cora haven't been over there all night!

Scott: Derek, they killed him!

Me: No they didn't, you know for a fact they didn't have the time. Not every dead body you find is the result of Werewolf violence.

Scott: They killed someone. And it's our fault!

Me: How on earth is it your fault? I can't honestly see how you could think it's your fault!

Derek: It's my fault.

Me: Why does it have to be anyone's fault?

Derek: We have Isaac now.

Scott: We need real help.

Isaac: Dude.

Derek: Maybe we should just kill them.

Me: Uh, Derek? Cora is your little sister. The only family you have left besides your crazy uncle Peter. You really want to kill her?

Scott: We need the Argents.


Police Lady: So Caitlin, were the two of you drinking?

Caitlin (Lesbian 1): We split of tab of X.

Me: You should give the name of your drug dealer to Lydia. She's in the market.

Caitlin: Look, I saw Werewolves!

Sheriff: Hmm. Interesting.

Me: Uh oh, papa is figuring stuff out!


Chris: (Drops the eggs) It's always the one with the eggs… Whips out a gun.

Scott: Uhhh. Hi.

Isaac: Do you think this is going to work?

Derek: Nope.

Isaac: Me neither. (Pauses) So uh, your sister.

Derek: (Gives Isaac the look)

Isaac: Sorry, uh, bad timing. I'll ask later, it's fine.

Derek: (Gives Isaac the look again)

Isaac: Or never.

Me: And that, is my favorite bit of the entire season.

Scott: Soooo, is there a reason that the gun is still pointed at me?

Chris: There's still some part of me that wants to shoot you.

Scott: I get that.

Me: Well you did steal his daughter's virginity…

Chris: Scott, I have lost almost my entire family to your world. I'm sorry, I can't help you.

Me: Yes you can, you just don't want to!

Scott: Uhhh, you think you can just do me one kind of tiny favor?

Chris: (Gives Scott the look)

Scott: (Gets into the car with Chris)

Me: Well that's not going to be an awkward car ride.

Chris: (Pulls up to the crime scene)

Me: Nicely done Scott, though it's pretty obvious to Chris as to what you just did. Way to give him a reason to hate werewolves again.

Chris: Okay, I'll help. But I'll only do it reluctantly and with snark.


Chris: Tracking by print?

Scott: Trying to.

Chris: Well you're wasting your time. There's only one kind of creature that can track foot prints. Man.

Me: Well that's convenient since they're Werewolves…

Chris: (Begins lecturing about all the ways he is better than Werewolves)

Allison: (Has a montage of doing Hunter-like things that doesn't actually help anyone)

The Group: (Begin walking in slow motion up a hill out of the mist)

Me: MTV, what are you doing?

Cailin: That's stupid.

Me: Agreed. And now Chris has a stupid scarf too.

The Group: (Looks out over Beacon Hills)

Chris: We should trap them in the school.

Isaac: What about the boiler room?

Chris: Are you sure the school is empty?

Scott: Uh, yes?

Me: Well it does look to be close to dawn…

Ms. Blake: (Doing paper work of some kind in her classroom)

Me: Who does that? It's the first week of school! It's not like you have anything to grade!

Chris: Ultra sonic transmitters. Blah blah blah. I get pleasure out of your pain.

Pack: Argggggggggg.

Isaac: Anyone want to rethink the plan where we just kill them?

Me: And cue the running montages again.

Chris: I'm such a badass, I'm not even going to get out of my car. I'm just going to drop the transmitter out the window and hope it works.

Scott: Hard Core Parkor! (Does a flip off a school bus)

Me: There is way too much slow motion in this episode.


Lydia: You didn't have to follow me home.

Stiles: Uh Hello? I'm in love with you…

Lydia: I had a police escort.

Stiles: And I happen to know that police escort and they just happen to suck.

Lydia: Well you also didn't have to follow me into my room.

Me: Or course he did. He's Stiles.

Stiles: Uh yeah, I don't have an answer for that.

Lydia: I have no clue as to how I ended up finding that body.

Me: I do. It's because you're a freak Lydia. But that's okay, because Stiles and I both still love you.

Stiles: But the last time something like this happened…Peter.


Peter: And the hunted becomes the hunter.

Derek: ERMAGOD, go away Peter, no one likes you.

Peter: This is a waste of time.

Derek: Cora's alive.

Peter: So?

Me: Proof that Peter does not have a heart. Geez, you think that he'd support wanting to keep Cora alive, despite the fact that she's killing people. It's not like he has any room to judge.

Peter: So what if they off a few homeless people…

Me: Ohh, so Peter does care. I think…?

Peter: You and I Derek, we live in shades of gray.

Me: Hopefully not 50 shades of it.

Peter: You can always make more Werewolves.

Me: No he can't, no other actors have been signed on besides Cora and the Alpha pack. SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU KNOW PETER!


Stiles: Sup

Mrs. McCall: Wanna see a dead body?

Stiles: Sure?

Mrs. McCall: And if you tell anyone that I showed you this I will kill you. Painfully.

Me: This is your idea after all Melissa.

Mrs. McCall: See this? It means he was strangled.

Stiles: What kind of Werewolf strangles someone?

Mrs. McCall: And then there's this.

Stiles: Is that brain matter? Yeah, that's brain matter…

Mrs. McCall someone bashed him in the back of the head. Whoever it was seriously wanted this kid dead. Oh, and that girl over there.

Me: So far this seems like a serial killer. If it wasn't for the nature of this show, that's what I would think. This is strange since all of the villains that we know about in this series are all Werewolves, if you count Gerard.


Chris: Do you see that?

Scott: Yeah, it's a firefly.

Chris: No… the California Fireflies aren't luminescent.

Me: Wouldn't that make them not fireflies? And if you don't have fireflies in northern California, then why are Billy and his sister out catching them like it's normal and clearly Scott doesn't see anything unusual about it. I'm sensing a plot hole…

Scott: So does that mean something?

Chris: …

Me: Damn it! I want answers!

Werewolves: Running montage.

Me: Quit with the montages!

Derek: Where are they?

Isaac: (Hears them behind him) Fuck.

Scott: They aren't going over the school. They're going over it.

Me: Well that plan sucked.


Heather: Very much dead.

Me: Nice to have a confirmed death count for once.

Mrs. McCall: Stiles? Oh my God, did you know her?

Stiles: Her name is Heather… (Has a revelation) Are there any more bodies or missing people?

Mrs. McCall: There's a missing Lesbian wandering the wood now that you mention it…

Stiles: I think I know what's happening.

Scott: Someone needs to get the rear doors open.

Isaac: I'll go chase them in.

Allison: (Firing flash arrows at Boyd and Cora)

Me: Wow! Allison is actually helping for once!

Isaac: (Sees Allison)

Allison: (Runs off)

Me: Would it kill Jeff Davis to slow things down for once and let us know what the characters are actually doing?


Boyd/Cora: (Chase after Derek and Scott)

Me: Whoa, their eyes are actually glowing like flashlights. I thought they just reflected light.

Boyd/Cora: Grrrrrrrr. (Gets attacked by a fire extinguisher and acts like it's killing them)

Scott/Derek: BOLT.

Scott: Whoa, did that actually just work?

Derek: We rock!

Scott: Heart beats…

Derek: Both of them?

Scott: Three of them.

Derek: Fuck.

Ms. Blake: Hello? Is someone there?

Me: Why do they keep the paper in the boiler room under the school? And why is she still there? It's like ten minutes to sunrise! This makes no sense! This episode has too many plot holes!


Caitlin: We weren't doing anything that bad… just sex and drugs.

Me: Drugs are bad kids. Mmkay.

Caitlin: We wanted it to be romantic.

Me: Why is she even talking to them about this? I wouldn't talk about my sex life with a complete stranger while I'm in the hospital and my significant other is missing. I'd be calling security.

Stiles: Because it was her first time.

Caitlin: They're going to find her right?

Me: Nope. I've already added her to my Death Count. She's toast.

Stiles/Mrs. McCall: … uh…


Derek: Close the door behind me and keep it shut.

Scott: You go in there alone and you're either going to kill them, or they'll kill you.

Me: Trailer quote!

Ms. Blake: (Just standing there)

Boyd/Cora: Grrrrr.

Ms. Blake: Oh shit.

Derek: SHOVE (Cue the Werewolf fighting scene)

Boyd/Cora: (Literally shredding Derek to pieces)

Me: Bummer.

Isaac: Suns coming up…

Me: So Ms. Blake stayed there the whole night. Wouldn't her students notice her wearing the same thing the next day? And school sure is going to suck tomorrow. Or today. Hey, you all have class in like two hours…and wouldn't that mean other staff members would be getting to the school? I've been at school pretty early, usually someone is there… oh whatever. This is MTV. I give up.

Isaac: (Rushes down the stairs)

Me: Hey! Werewolves CAN actually go down stairs! I thought all they could do was leap down them!

Boyd/Cora: (Unconscious)

Derek: There's a teacher. I'll take care of her. Get them out of here.

Me: Uh, Derek? News flash, but you aren't very good with your words. You sure you want to handle this?

Ms. Blake: (Sitting in the corner and looking like she regrets becoming a teacher)

Derek: (Walks in completely bloody and offers his hand)

Me: Awwwww. Love at first bite….get it? Okay, I'll shut up now.


Scott: So Boyd and Cora might not have killed anyone?

Stiles: No… but someone did. And they're going to find that other girl Emily. All three were virgins.

Me: Oh shit, you're so fucked Stiles. Damn you MTV for promoting sex to underage teenagers!

Stiles: They're all going to have the same three injuries. Strangled. Throat Slashed. Head Bashed in.

Me: Trailer quote!

Stiles: It's called the three fold death.

Scott: What does it mean!?

Stiles: Sacrifices. Human sacrifices.


Me: Alright, theory time. Who is killing who? Whoever it was has control over wine bottle and bugs. That doesn't exactly narrow it down. The fact that Lydia discovered a body randomly makes me think Peter. I wouldn't be surprised if this was a sick way for him to regain power. It doesn't really feel like the Alpha pack, although I could just as easily be wrong. That leaves Gerard. I'm inclined to believe Gerard is damaged in some way. This kind of power seems beyond him, although it could be a way to fix whatever damage was done. Or you know, it could be someone completely new. We have too many villains in this show. I love it.


Thanks for reading!