Chapter Three
There was no hiding the truth or denying it: Marissa Cooper was scared, beyond scared, she was absolutely terrified, and, besides the fact that she was frightened something was wrong with her baby, she was scared beyond belief that as she sat there on the edge of the exam chair, her hands tightly knotted together as she waited for the doctor to return with what she knew was going to be bad news, she wanted him with her. She wanted her baby's father to be beside her when her tiny, perfect dream world came crashing down around her, when those heartbreaking words left the physician's lips, cold and clinical in nature, to tell her that she had lost the only person in this world whom she had to love and who would eventually love her back. She wanted Ryan.
It was insane though, wanting him to be there with her, but wasn't that the pattern of her day so far. First, while she was walking from Ryan's…..their apartment to her OB-GYN's office, V had called her requesting that they meet for lunch. V, her friend V, was actually making plans. If nothing else, that should have told her that today was going to be one of those days that did not make any sense, but she shrugged it off, ignored her instincts, and continued on her way, agreeing to the meal with a smile on her face. After all, she was going to see her baby for the first time that day, and nothing could ruin that moment for her.
Everything had appeared to be perfectly normal with her pregnancy. The nurse had administered all the various tests she had been pre-warned about in the numerous books she had borrowed from the library, the doctor had talked to her about how she was feeling, gave her the exam she had been anticipating, and then, finally they looked at the innocent life growing inside of her on the sonogram machine, hearing the heartbeat pitter patter away at what seemed to be an insanely rapid pace but what was absolutely, text book normal. Sure, Dr. Griffin had chastised her for waiting so long to come in for her first appointment for she was already three months pregnant, but, other than her slight reprimand, Marissa was left with the idea that her baby was healthy and happy, his or her growth and development right on track with where it was supposed to be….that was until the doctor told her to get dressed and she would be back in a moment, that they had to talk.
Marissa was not naïve. She knew that there were many things that could go wrong with a pregnancy, especially before the fourth month mark where the risk of suffering a miscarriage decreased rapidly, but she had been taking excellent care of her body. She and the baby ate everything they were supposed to, not too much or too little. Their calorie intake was measured exactly, she exercised, lightly, by taking a brisk walk every night, and, every morning, she took her prenatal vitamin. There was no reason why she couldn't carry a baby to full term nor was there any family history, at least on her part, of difficult pregnancies. Because of her careful research, she knew what to expect as the baby continued to develop inside of her, she dealt with her side effects as it was recommended in her books, and she was already preparing the baby's things. When she had walked through those doors an hour earlier, Marissa had expected to pass her exam with flying colors, just as she would a test for school. To be told that she had to stay after her appointment to speak with the doctor, had not only made her feel as if she had failed her child, it had scared her. She couldn't deal with one more loss in her life, especially when she already loved her unborn baby so much. Sitting there, alone and petrified, she realized how much she needed the life growing inside of her and how much she wanted the father of her child to be a part of not only her baby's life but her own as well.
You're being ridiculous, Marissa, she yelled at herself perhaps in an attempt to turn her fear and pain into an emotion she was capable and prepared to deal with: anger. You don't even like Ryan. He avoids you, and you avoid him. When you see each other at the apartment, which is a rarity in itself, you both turn your back on each other and walk away. In the past month, out of the perhaps fifty words you've shared with one another, every single one of them was out of anger or bitterness, but yet, you want him here, and for what, to fight with, to take your aggression out on, to blame? He'd probably just feel relieved that he dodged that bullet, that he could kick you out of his apartment, his life, no longer having to worry about loosing his inheritance. Breaking down, she let a lone tear slip its way down her cheek; it's pungent, saline flavor only reminding her of her pain as it was absorbed by her dry, cracked lips, lips she was incapable of relieving from their misery by either wetting them with her own tongue or applying chapstick. In an odd, masochistic mentality, she rather enjoyed he physical pain, for, even if just a second, it helped her forget her fear and emotional duress as she sat there waiting, watching for the door to open, listening for the sounds of the doctor as she moved down the hallway to, in just a few words, tear Marissa's life apart, waiting, wanting her to arrive as soon as possible and wishing for her never to return in the same, shaky breath.
Finally, whether or not it was what she wanted, the doctor did return. As she saw her enter the room, the smile on her face making Marissa even more certain she was about to tear her world apart, the taunting, vindictive voice inside of her head spoke up once more, perhaps, in an attempt, to steel her heart slightly for its inevitable breaking. You're a liar, Marissa ridiculed herself. Do you even realize that when you tell yourself that you want Ryan here so you can hurt him, blame him, that you're not only lying to yourself but to your baby as well? Come on, Marissa, tell the truth. Confess your deep, dark, buried secret. You want him here to comfort you, to hold your hand, sooth your anxiety, kiss your forehead. You want him to not only be your baby's father in name but in action as well. You want him to love this child as much as you do. You want him to love you.
"Marissa," Dr. Griffin's words snapped her out of her revealing thoughts, "I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long, but I had to attend to another patient first."
"It's alright," Marissa whispered gently, her voice barely perceivable for the physician, as she looked down at her hands which were no longer clasped together but tenderly cradling the baby she had only started to physically see a few days before. "But would you just tell me," she pleaded, still refusing to look up into the eyes of the woman who was there to take her child away from her, "please, so I can leave. I need to be by myself."
Dr. Griffin merely chuckled. She's laughing, Marissa thought disbelievingly, finally meeting the gaze of her doctor. Immediately, she was irate.
"I don't see what's so funny about this," she snapped, standing up and moving towards the door. "Have you ever heard of sensitivity, compassion?" Refusing to break down in front of anyone, she closed her eyes tightly, willing the tears away.
"I'm sorry," the doctor apologized, attempting to motion Marissa back to her seat. "I shouldn't laugh at her mood swings, but, even if you feel as if you don't want to be around people, it's important to let your….boyfriend, I would assume since I know you're not married and I don't see a ring, experience this with you. Let him in."
Marissa was not expecting that.
"Excuse me?"
"Why don't you try inviting him to come to your next appointment," Dr. Griffin suggested. "Trust me; fathers want to be involved in this process."
"I don't understand," Marissa replied, still completely lost as to what was going on, how she had gotten this confused, or why they were talking about Ryan. "Do you mean my baby's okay then," she finally gasped out, disbelief evident in her voice. She couldn't have faith yet; she couldn't get her hopes up only to have them come crashing down around her.
"Marissa, like I said during your sonogram, your baby is perfect. It's just where we want it to be at this stage of the pregnancy." Confused now herself, the doctor asked. "What are you talking about?"
"I just…..I mean…..when you said we had to talk…..but I was wrong…."
Sudden realization clouded Dr. Griffin's face. "Oh, no, Marissa, sit down." She went to the younger woman's side to help her to her chair, but Marissa was frozen in place. "Come on, sit down," she finally coaxed, practically having to force her down into her chair. Taking her hands in hers, the doctor spoke slowly, connecting their eyes in the process so Marissa would not only hear the truth of her words but see it in her eyes as well. "Nothing is wrong with your baby. You and your baby are completely healthy, and, from what you told me earlier, you're doing everything correctly with this pregnancy. Your baby could not ask for a better mother, Marissa." Sighing, the physician sat down, releasing Marissa's hands and giving her a moment to collect herself. "When I said I wanted to talk to you, it was not about the baby physically. I just wanted to ask you to bring the baby's father, your….."
"He's my nothing," Marissa answered honestly. "It was a one night stand." She could see how taken aback the doctor was by her statement. "Don't worry, I know who he is, he knows who I am and about the baby, and we're actually living together, but we're not a couple, not even friends. We purely have a business arrangement."
"And may I ask what that is?"
"He, financially takes care of my child while I convince his father that he has an active role in the baby's life and mine, that we are in a relationship," she answered easily. "This way my child will have everything and anything it needs, love, support, friendship, and protection from me and financial stability from him. He has nothing to do with me, my pregnancy, or my baby, and that's how it's going to remain."
After a moment, a surprised and thoroughly bewildered Dr. Griffin finally spoke up. "Wow," she exclaimed, seeing Marissa in a new light. She had always been the polite, sociable, intelligent young woman who reminded her of a gentle, lost soul before, but, after she saw and heard the defiant coldness, the determined detachment in her tone and expression, she knew she was just as strong, stubborn, and ruthless as she was beautiful. Someday, and maybe even in the near future, she would be a force to be reckoned with. "I hope you at least have a family member or a friend to help through this," the doctor finally recommended, once again finding her voice. "You'll need someone to be your Lamaze coach, to take you to the hospital when it's time for you to deliver, someone to help you after the baby is born."
"I don't speak with my family," Marissa said harshly, her obvious animosity and mistrust for them tingeing her words with a sense of distaste. "As for friends," she continued, "I mean, sure, I have them, but there isn't one I would feel comfortable with asking them to do this….to include them in this process, but," she amended before her doctor could argue with her, "I'll figure something out." Standing up, she moved across the room to the door that would help her escape from the hell her supposedly joyous doctor's visit had turned into. "If you'll excuse me, I'm meeting someone for lunch. I'll make my next appointment on the way out." And with that, she left Dr. Griffin alone, staring after her fleeing figure long after she had disappeared down the hallway and the self-closing door had hid her visage from the doctor's view.
Now that Marissa knew her baby was alright, she couldn't stop thinking about her doctor's appointment. Not the fact that Dr. Griffin recommended she find someone to support her through her pregnancy, but it bothered her that she had even thought about Ryan while she was so upset. It was bad enough that he even entered her mind when she was in such a state of panic and turmoil, but to even think about the accusations she made against herself, to even consider the fact that she somehow cared for him was absurd.
There's nothing to like about him, she declared resolutely to herself, nothing at all! But yet, she couldn't help but realize, he did have his moments. He never asked you to even consider an abortion, she reminded herself. That has to say something about him. Plus, you've never been able to deny the fact that you're attracted to him; two people who had as much sexual chemistry as you and Ryan did, have to have chemistry in other areas of communication…right? And just like that, Marissa kept going around in circles. It seemed as if for every argument her mind could come up with, her instincts…or her heart had a counterargument. Why this was even happening when three hours earlier nothing would have induced her to even think about Ryan in any sense other than how to avoid running into him while they were both at the apartment, she had no idea.
"This is absurd," she finally exploded, verbally assaulting herself, drawing strange looks from the other patrons in the restaurant. "The only reason you thought about him in the first place," Marissa continued, her voice softer so those around her could not hear what she was saying, "was because you were scared. You were scared and alone, and you automatically, on instinct, thought about the person who should be with you in that type of situation, the person who would be with you if your pregnancy was like almost every other pregnancy out there, but the fact is, it isn't. You're a single mother, and, in a moment of weakness, you wanted your baby's father to hold your hand. There's nothing wrong with that; it's even understandable. As for the rest of it," her words trailed off as she was unsure of how to finish that statement, "chalk it up to hormones."
"Hormones," a voice sounded off behind her as they approached. "That cannot be good. Let me guess," V persisted, "someone is currently in the middle of a very unpleasant red scare."
"What the hell are you talking about, V?"
"Your period," she expanded, a little too loudly, eliciting stares. "You're on your period, right?"
"No, that's not it," Marissa glared at her friend, embarrassed and annoyed with her lack of propriety, "but now that the whole restaurant thinks I am, perhaps they would understand if I stormed out on you."
"Oh, you'll get over it," V dismissed, picking up her menu at once. "Ugh, I'm starving! Sorry, I was late by the way. My last kickboxing class went over and then traffic was a bitch."
Sighing, Marissa ran her left hand through her hair as her right one rested protectively on her stomach. "It's fine. I have nothing else to do today."
"Good, okay," V replied on autopilot before Marissa's statement could sink in. "Wait," she exclaimed, dropping her menu as if it were on fire. "You….YOU, Marissa Cooper, have no more plans, nothing else to do on Thursday afternoon. Where are the to-do lists, the stacks of school assignments, the…."
"I'm on winter break," Marissa interrupted, excusing her odd behavior. "Besides, I've been trying to take it easy lately."
"Have you been sick?"
"Well…, in a way," she admitted, avoiding her friend's eyes by suddenly appearing intensely interested in her menu when she already knew exactly what she was ordering. Unfortunately for Marissa, her ruse did not fool V for she pulled it down as soon as it was placed in front of her face.
"You and I both know that I hate word games," V insisted, watching Marissa carefully for any reaction or slight sign of what was going on, "probably because I suck at them, so let's just cut to the chase." When Marissa didn't say anything, she continued, vocalizing her thought process as she went over all the various examples of strange behavior her friend had displayed. "You've been acting weird now for what….a month! Let's see, first, you put notice in that you'll be unable to give tennis lessons any longer. Then you moved out of your apartment and in with a roommate, a roommate whom I've yet to meet or even hear their name, and, now, all of a sudden, you've gone from the organizational Nazi to Miss Spontaneity. What gives?"
"I'm pregnant," Marissa said simply.
"Yeah and I'm running for governor," V replied flippantly, her tone displaying her skepticism and exasperation with Marissa's answer. "Now, will you please tell me what's really going on?"
"V, I'm not joking around; I'm pregnant, three months in fact. Here," she pointed, handing her the sonogram she had just had taken that day. "See, that's my baby."
"But…..I don't understand," the flabbergasted redhead exclaimed. "Who….when….holy shit!"
"If you'd just calm down," Marissa laughed, "I'll explain everything." An emphatic nod of V's head told her to continue. "Okay, so about three months ago, I had a one night stand, and, before you say anything," she stopped her friend before she could interupt, "it's not something I normally do, but sometimes, I just….need a release. Well, obviously, one of the condoms we used didn't work or we forgot to use one once, I really don't know, but, whatever the reason, I'm pregnant. As for where I'm living, I'm living with the guy, the one night stand."
"So then…you two are a thing now, a couple," V inquired.
"Not quite," Marissa laughed. "We have…an arrangement." Noticing V's quirked eyebrow, she clarified…partially. Some things were personal, just between her and Ryan. "He knew I would need help financially with the baby, so, to save me expenses, he offered to let me live with him, strictly platonic. He has his own room, and the baby and I have our own, too. While I still pay for my own expenses, he takes care of anything that has to do with the baby."
"So then, what does he get out of this arrangement?"
"He's…..um….he's protecting what's his," Marissa answered her quickly, once again avoiding her piercing gaze and speaking in cryptically.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean," V went off, fed up with her friend's evasive responses. "You're lying to me," she pressed, finally lowering her voice when she noticed the irritated expressions on the other patron's faces. "There is more to this story, and I want to know what's going on right now!"
Giving in, Marissa confessed, "he has to make his father believe that we're in a relationship, that he's actively participating in his child's life, otherwise he looses his inheritance. As long as I go along with his lies, he'll support the baby."
"His inheritance," V cried out. "Just what exactly have you gotten yourself into; who is he?"
"I can't tell you."
"You can't or you won't?"
"I can't," Marissa said forcefully. "You don't understand this situation….you don't understand us. He…we can't let this get to the press, so I can't tell anyone."
"I'd hate to tell you this, but they're going to find out eventually," V pointed out self-righteously, too offended that her friend would not talk to her and tell her the truth to realize how she was hurting her. "When you're nine months pregnant and about to explode, it's going to be pretty difficult to hide the fact that you're pregnant. What's your little rich boy going to then? Deny that it's his kid?" Marissa's angry glare did not stop her. "He's just going to use you somehow, probably take your kid away from you, and leave you broken and alone; and, when that happens, do not come crying to me."
"I'm not a child," Marissa spat out in a rage, standing up from the table so suddenly, her chair fell over and her napkin slid off her lap and unto the floor. "I can take care of myself."
"Yeah, that's why you're living in someone else's apartment while they support your baby. Way to be independent, Marissa!"
"Maybe I'm not independent any longer, but I'm doing what's best for my child. My baby deserves everything in life, and I'm not going to punish him or her and take those advantages away from them because I had too much pride to accept help from their father. He's their FATHER and I'm their MOTHER! What we decide for our child is our decision. Until you can accept that, we have nothing left to say to one another."
Tossing down enough money to cover the cost of her drink, a simple glass of orange juice, and to reward the server for putting up with their dramatics, Marissa turned her back on her incredulous friend, completely astonished at her own behavior. I defended him, she realized. I defended him and referred to the baby as our child. Hurrying out the restaurant, she didn't even attempt to wipe the tears away that were flowing rapidly down her face. Too many thing had happened that day, too many things were changing, too many feelings, unfamiliar ones, were surging through her body for Marissa to deny them any longer. So, for once in her life, she wore them on her sleeve, proudly. With her head held high, she left the restaurant, taking her time as she walked through the city to her next destination. She needed to calm down; she needed to feel at peace. So, like always when she was upset, she went to a place where she could relax and finally think in quiet: the art museum.
"Where have you been," an impatient voice sounded off at Marissa as she walked through the door into the apartment, a voice she recognized as Ryan's. Oh my god, was he worried about me? An unbidden, warm, content feeling spread through Marissa, and she refused to analyze why she felt that way. She had tried to analyze her thoughts and actions all day, and had come to no conclusions, so she had decided to just be, to let herself feel and experience her pregnancy freely without scrutinizing every tear or every smile. The decision was freeing and oddly tempting.
"I'm sorry," she finally answered him, removing her coat leisurely and walking into the kitchen for a snack, unable to help but notice that he was in nothing but his boxers. He never normally walked around the apartment like that in front of her. "I just….I had a rough day, and I needed to relax, so I went to the art museum."
"Marissa," he pointed out testily, "it's 10:00 at night! There's no way you were wandering around a museum for that long."
"Nope," she agreed, unable to keep the smile off of her face. "After I finished at the museum, I was on my way back here….back home, but then I saw this adorable baby boutique, and I had to go in."
"I don't see any bags," Ryan reminded her, going back to the foyer of the apartment to look to see if he missed something. She followed him.
"Oh, I didn't buy anything. I don't know what I'm having, and it was too pricey…."
"I don't care what you spend; I have more than enough money," he interrupted her.
"I know you have money, but that doesn't mean I need to spend it. A baby grows out of their clothes so quickly anyway. It's ridiculous to buy expensive clothes," she responded. "Anyway, so then, after I was finished at the store, I was hungry, so I stopped and had dinner."
"By yourself," he questioned her. It was obvious to Marissa that the idea of eating by oneself seemed incredibly ludicrous to him.
"It's so peaceful," she answered. "You should try it sometime. But then, after dinner," she continued when she noticed he was about to argue with her, "I just….I don't know, window shopped. Do you realize how long it's been since I just enjoyed a day doing nothing productive? And this town is so beautiful at Christmas time. I've lived here for over four years, and I've never taken the time to even look."
As she finished talking, she went back into the kitchen, exhausting Ryan as he tried to keep up with her disorderly thought process. "Where are you going," he asked her as he, once again, followed her throughout the apartment. "I'm trying to talk to you."
"Oh, I know," she said hastily. "Sorry I'm being so scatterbrained. I'm just….really happy. Oh, and hungry," she motioned towards the fridge as she pulled out a bag of carrots and her favorite dressing. "Would you hand me a bowl, please."
Sighing, Ryan did as she asked. "Listen, I don't care if you're in a good mood or not or what you did all day, would you just shut up for a two minutes so I can tell you something?" Suddenly, Marissa was not so happy any longer, her smile instantly falling off of her face. "Thank you," Ryan said when he realized she was ready to listen to him. "I've been waiting for two hours before I could go out to tell you that we're having dinner with my Dad after the holidays. We're going to his house, it'll be formal, and you'll need to make sure you're off that day so you can properly get ready."
"That's what you had to tell me," Marissa asked, hurt. "If that's all you wanted, why didn't you just leave a note or, hell, tell me the next time we accidentally crossed paths?"
"You needed plenty of time to make sure everything was ready for the dinner," he answered her. "As for why I didn't leave you a note, we don't want to leave a paper trail."
Just as Marissa went to retort, a third, high pitched, whiny voiced floated through the apartment.
"Ryyyaaannnn," it whimpered.
"See what I mean," Ryan snickered, walking out of the kitchen and back towards his room. "You just never know who might be here, and we couldn't have them finding a note now could we?"
"I thought you said you were waiting to go out," she followed him, for some reason not willing to let their fight go. "It sounds like to me you already went out for the night!" As she rounded the corner of the hallway, Marissa suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. Standing in front of her, in nothing but her bra and panties stood Ryan's conquest for the night. "You've got to be kidding me," she yelled frustrated.
"Uh, like, who the hell are you," the short, peroxide blonde with the obvious fake assets and personality asked, looking disdainfully at Marissa.
Recognizing the situation could be dangerous, Ryan stepped in, moving to the rude woman's side. "She's my roommate."
"Wait," the ditz demanded, "I thought you said you were like rich. If you are, why do you need a roommate?"
Shrugging dismissively, Ryan responded, "she's basically like a live in maid; she cooks and cleans for me. I just call her my roommate to help save her some embarrassment."
"Oh, that's like, so cool," the shorter woman gushed, turning towards Marissa. "I'm like so thirsty though. Would you mind getting me something to drink?"
Exploding, Marissa asked, "Ryan, can I see you for a minute, please, in private?"
"Like, oh my god, you let the help call you by your first name!"
"Gigi, can you give us a second," Ryan asked when he noticed Marissa was about to completely loose her temper, walking away from his guest and immediately taking Marissa by the arm and guiding her down the hallway towards her own room. "Make it quick. This is clearly breaking our agreement to not interfere in each others personal lives. What do you want?"
"I wasn't the one who was attacking and demanding answers when I walked through the door," Marissa argued with him.
"Look, I have a nearly naked woman waiting for me, so unless you have a better offer, I suggest you cut to the chase right now."
"The help," Marissa hissed, furious, ignoring his comment. "You called me the help!"
"It wasn't intentional," he excused himself. "I had to think fast and that's the first thing I came up with."
"Uh, Ryan," Gigi pouted behind them. "I'm like really cold, and I need you to warm me up."
Hearing her voice, set Marissa off. "Ryan is trying to have a real conversation with someone who is actually capable of forming a sentence without uttering the word like or using sentence fillers such as um or uh to complete their pointless thoughts, so, if you cannot wait for five minutes to be fucked, I suggest that you invest in a vibrator already! And as for you," Marissa returned her attention to Ryan. "Just let me know the date, time, and details for this dinner within the next week."
Whirling around on the heel of her foot, Marissa stomped her way into her room, slamming the door behind her for effect. She couldn't resist temptation though and put her ear up to it in order to listen to what Ryan and his slut had to say. She was surprised when the only thing she heard was an amused chuckle coming from Ryan.
"Ugh," Marissa could hear Gigi complain. "Like, what the hell is so funny?"
"It's nothing," Ryan dismissed. "Don't mind, Marissa; she's just….hormonal, I guess."
"Uh, wait, are you telling me she's pregnant? You're like not the father, right?"
"Please," Ryan dismissed as he moved back down the hallway towards his own room. Marissa couldn't resist opening her door slightly to peer out and watch them. "Do you honestly think I'm the kind of guy who would knock up a common slut like that?" Gigi just giggled and trailed her hands down Ryan's bare chest and abdomen until she found what she was craving, squeezing him tightly through his boxers. "Why don't you go in and turn some music on for us, Ryan suggested. I'll be with you in a minute."
As Marissa saw him lean in to hungrily kiss the random woman he had brought home that night, she couldn't take any more. Shutting her door once again, this time so softly no one would hear it, she slid down the door until she was lying in front of it, emotionally destroyed. Tears instantly fell from her swollen, pain filled eyes, but she refused to let a sob escape her tightly clasped lips.
"Marissa," Ryan's voice startled her. What does he want now, she asked herself close to breaking down. "I….uh….brought you back your carrots and dressing," he explained his presence outside of her door. "And I grabbed you a water, too." After a few seconds of silence, he continued. "We couldn't have you interrupting us later," he elucidated with a snicker. "Gigi and I might want to explore other areas of the apartment later, and my maid would definitely kill the mood. Are you going to open the door?"
"I'm changing," Marissa lied. "Just put it down on the floor."
"Come on, Marissa," he argued with her. "I've already seen you naked."
"Just put the damn food down," Marissa screamed, her pain transforming into anger to not only protect herself but to get rid of him. He must have done what she asked, because she soon heard his bedroom door slam shut.
As soon as she knew he was gone and was not coming back, she finally let her sobs break free of her trembling lips. Stripping herself of her constricting clothes, she pulled on an old, worn, comfortable pair of sweatpants and climbed into bed, cuddling with a baby blanket from her past that she had brought out of her box of childhood memories to use for her own child while starring at the picture from the sonogram.
"Oh, baby," Marissa exclaimed in terror, "what is Mommy going to do?"
Stripped of her defenses, Marissa was suddenly faced with the truth. She did care about Ryan; she cared too much. It had all started the very moment she had found his business card, and he suddenly had become not a nameless one night stand but a man with an identity, a man with a name to forever link them together. And now…..and now she was carrying his baby. He was a part of her, and seeing him with another woman, with her hands all over him and knowing that he was kissing someone else, touching someone else, embracing someone else the very same way he had with her the night they had created the perfect, beautiful life growing inside of her, made Marissa insanely jealous. She wanted him to be in bed with her, laughing and smiling over the first picture of their baby, making plans and dreaming of their future together, just the three of them, holding her against him tightly after they made love and fell asleep in each others arms, his hands tenderly caressing her small, barely noticeable pregnancy belly. She wanted Ryan….not only as the father of her baby but as her lover and her best friend as well….and he wanted nothing to do with her. Eventually, she cried herself to sleep, the baby blanket and sonogram image both grasped tightly in her hands, while the carrots and dressing remained sitting outside of her door and down the hall from her room Ryan lost himself and hid from his fears in yet another one night stand.
