A/N: Second Chapter! I know I am rushing this a lot. But I stayed home from school sick so I had time to write this. And by the way I have not figured out how to reply to comments, so please don't take it personally if I don't respond.
I am, actually, allergic to rose sachet so I think it fun to slip it in. I love the smell, I just can't inhale it. So I'm taking my revenge on that evil scent by giving it a bad name in my fan fiction. Take that, rose sachet!
In some ways this chapter is fluff, more like a part of the slope that will add up to the climax. We meet the fair and lovely swimsuit model Mr. Collins.
Yes, we will be meeting the kind saint that is Lady Catherine Cholmley (nee DeBourgh) in the next chapter, and her babelike daughter Anne.
By the way, the idea for the 'Orlando Brown' comment came from a true story. I hadn't seen Pirates of the Caribbean two years ago and you know how people make a big deal out of Orlando Bloom, right? So I turned on the TV and That's So Raven was on. The opening credits show the guy who plays Eddie as Orlando Brown. I got their names confused. So I thought, what's so special about him? Did he make a name for himself by rapping on MTV or something? What's going on? Then after I watched Pirates of the Caribbean I figured it out. Weird….. Well, sorry to bore you all with my story. Enjoy this chapter! ROLL TAPE!
Disclaimer: Baa, baa, Jane Austen, have you any characters? Yes, miss, yes, miss, three bags full, but you don't own any of them or the books either. And I have no affiliation with Orlando Bloom.
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After the dinner, the younger set headed to the ballroom to dance and drink, both to unhealthily obsessive degrees, and the older set adjourned to the parlor, to laugh and gossip about London society and a new one added to the list: Do you think Mr. Darcy has a streak of insanity in him? Well, Mrs. Tares, can't say exactly, but I do know his mother used to wear the oddest dresses. Yes, Lady Garfield, and don't forget the time his father showed up three hours late for that concert……
Caroline's other 'friends', Susan, Frieda, Iris, and Lispeth, according to their stories, had arrived late in Heathrow Airport and literally run for a taxi, giving the driver an extra hundred dollars to get to her mansion. In truth, they had delayed their return for as long as possible until they finally remembered that Caroline's super-important party event was tonight. Then they were specimens Einstein would have taken great pleasure in studying, as being faster than the speed of light.
"Well, you're in luck," Caroline said smoothly, disguising her annoyance. "We just finished dinner and all the important guests are still here."
"We heard you hooked up with Fitzwilliam Darcy," Susan said excitedly. "Did you? Did you? Did you?"
"No," Caroline said irritably, "and shut up, Susan, because I've been busy leading everybody to believe that is so. And we might still have a shot at it if you keep your damn mouths shut! If you overturn two months of costly diplomacy with Charles, spill my secret, and ruin my reputation, I swear, I will take you down with me. In fact, I'll pin you down so hard, you won't have a whole bone in your body!" Caroline's contorted features were made rather comical now because in her anger, her red lipstick had somehow smudged into her front teeth.
"You said Orlando Bloom would be here," Iris whined, holding her fan at a precarious position and gazing at the door longingly as if she tried hard enough, the door would magically spit Orlando Bloom forth. "And he isn't. And I really, really wanted to meet him."
"I said Orlando Brown, not Orlando Bloom. Besides, what would a lowly actor be doing in the upper echelons of British society?" Caroline snapped. "And pick up your fan."
Frieda yawned. "What does 'echelon' mean? And can I have an eclair?"
"They're in the kitchen. Go there and stay there."
"Really?" she gushed. "Will the cook teach me how to make cookies? I always wanted to know how to make cookies."
"He will also teach you a recipe for Being Thrown Down the Social Ladder," Caroline said cuttingly, but as usual, her sarcasm was wasted on her IQ-0 friends.
"I've never heard of that before. Sounds delicious! I can't wait!" She rushed off in the direction of the kitchen.
Caroline sighed. "I suppose you are the only one I can rely on, Lispeth."
"What? Lispeth said blankly. "Did someone call my name? Who died?"
Caroline shook her head and went in search of Will.
O0...0O
"Miss Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth turned around sharply. What was Darcy doing here? "I beg your pardon? I was just about to go into the garden alone and uninterrupted."
"No," the voice stammered. "No, no, for it is I who must beg your pardon. I did not see such a fair flower in my future."
Elizabeth frowned. This didn't sound at all like Mr. Darcy.
A tall, pasty white, and enormously fat figure emerged and stood next to Elizabeth by the huge, moonlit window down the corridor from the ballroom. "I am Mr. William Collins, your second cousin," he explained. "I believe your mother mentioned me once or twice? I was much lauded in the press for my elegant sermon in defense of the Catholic Church……"
"Oh," Elizabeth said finally. "Yes, I remember now, the little newspaper clips in the corner of the Community Service section of the paper."
Mr. Collins looked rather offended. "Well, my current employer said she just knew the press was breaking down my door just to get to me," he said. "Perhaps you have heard of her? Lady Catherine, recently married to Sir William Cholmley….."
"Oh," Elizabeth said again, remembering the toast at dinner. "Yes, but I'm not acquainted with her in any way. But if her nephew is any judge of her character," she snapped, suddenly remembering Mr. Darcy's behavior, "then she must be a ridiculous, stuck-up, inbred, aristocratic little…" She mimed choking someone with her arms.
He was taken aback, and more than a little scared that a Bennet would express her feelings in such a manner. "Oh, no," he hastily corrected, "she is a wonderful woman, really. She always listens to my sermons in the most attentive manner, and praises them in the highest-" he stopped to lick a thin trail of spit that was currently dripping down his chin- "words I have ever heard her use."
"Well," Elizabeth was at a loss as to what to say, "uh….congratulations."
"Thank you very much, Miss Bennet," he smiled stupidly, "thank you very much, but I must be getting back to my discussion now. Until next time." As if she had asked him too many questions like an eager fan and he had been generous enough but now really must go.
"Yes," Elizabeth waved vaguely, "Until next time." Which can wait for a couple years, trust me, she added mentally.
O0...0O
I should probably get back to the ballroom. But on the other hand, a walk in the garden would be nice.
The dimly lighted pathway wasn't much good in terms of vision. But she didn't care. The fresh air smelled so good after that damn rose sachet. Her high heels clicked on the pathway.
The dim light cast a warm glow on the flowers and trees in the forest in the distance. She felt utterly at peace, something she missed in London. She remembered her childhood in the small house on the farm, and how she loved the nature surrounding it. She pushed her arms back behind her in a stretch that would have seemed very odd to the casual observer.
Then her primitive instinct kicked in at precisely the wrong moment. She sensed another creature coming out of the shadows of the forest. Goosebumps crawled out of their hiding-holes on her flesh.
Something was wrong. She heard footsteps. Or were they the predatory steps of a wild animal?
Don't be silly, she thought irritably to herself. What would a wild animal be doing in the civilized British countryside?
It's still countryside, and accidents happen, an evil voice in the back of her brain whispered.
Oh no. The footsteps were coming closer. She decided to step forward and brace herself for the inevitable blow…
And collided with some kind of body. She screamed.
"Miss Bennet, I had no idea my features were so frightening. Perhaps Caroline Bingley, in her haste and last minute preparation, pasted a mirror on the pathway, which you looked into and saw your reflection in, thus causing you to scream." The amused, well-bred tones of Fitzwilliam Darcy hovered above her.
"Oh," Elizabeth said, in too much relief to digest the insult. "It's only you."
"Yes, sorry to disappoint," he laughed, "but no, I am not a wild animal."
"Really? Judging from your mannerisms…" Elizabeth let the suggestion finish itself.
Then she realized how awkward she was making the situation and stood silently, looking at him in a pseudo-apologetic way.
Will actually thought she was looking at him with the greatest scorn, but he ignored the comment. "May I escort you inside?"
"You may not," Elizabeth said irritably, having finally recovered her composure.
"May I inquire as to what you were doing outside?"
"Again, you may not."
Will raised his eyebrows, interested that she was not interested. "Good night, Miss Bennet."
Elizabeth could think of no suitable retort. "Yes. Whatever." She turned on her heel and marched back toward the door to the garden.
She marched purposefully into the corridor to the ballroom, then stopped halfway as she realized how ridiculously she was walking and came into the ballroom in a normal walk.
She saw Jane from afar, laughing and talking to Lord Cumnor. She ran towards her (insofar as it is possible to run with slippery high heels on).
"And he said…." Jane whispered something in the ancient gentleman's ear. His prominent blue eyes grew to the size and shape of a very large circle.
"Oho!" he said merrily. "Then he was flirting with you! I remember his father from World War Two, when I was just a lad and him two years older than he and a soldier besides! Nice chap, although too friendly for his own good….."
Elizabeth grabbed a side of Jane's dress, snagging it in one place. "My lord, could I borrow Jane for one moment?"
"Of course, of course, Miss….."
"Bennet, Elizabeth Bennet. Jane," she hissed, "we need to get out of here, now."
"But why, dear?"
"Because of that wretched Mr. Darcy man. He ruined the whole evening for me. He insulted me publicly and privately. We have to go, now!"
The urgency of Elizabeth's voice moved Jane to action. "Alright. But I have to say goodbye to a few dozen people first."
O0...0O
Charlie drove them home, laughing and talking with Jane, who was a bit too lightheaded from so much champagne and laughed tipsily with every word he said. Jane was completely focused on Charlie. Charlie was completely focused on Jane.
And as they reached the lights of London, Elizabeth found her thoughts straying to Mr. Darcy. He was so revolting, and there was something about him she couldn't understand, even with her bright mind and intellect, and it made her angry. What right had he to make her so confused? And George had told her all about how when they were young, Darcy was jealous of him because his father favored George best! And cut him off without a penny! And embarrassing her in public! And laughing at her on the pathway!
Luckily I will never see him again, she thought.
Elizabeth seems to have extremely bad luck whenever she plays Future with Fate.
