He looked exactly how she imagined, and yet completely the opposite. All of the physical characteristics were the same. The same burnt coffee colored eyes, the same face devoid of emotion, the same hairstyle, the same cane in his hand. He looked older, but Inej supposed that was to be expected since, well, he was. She was too. But besides older, he looked… haunted, almost primal. The look in his eyes was unsettling, and Inej didn't know what to make of it.

He might look the same, but this wasn't her Kaz.

Inej was aware that she was staring, but he was staring back just the same. "I… it's good to see you," she said, suddenly timid.

Kaz grinned, and the haunted look he wore only moments before was gone. "The sea is a good look for you," he commented, one eyebrow raised.

Inej blushed. What is wrong with you? Saints, blushing over him? She cleared her throat awkwardly and gave him one long, appraising glance. "Ketterdam's highest ranking Barrel boss seems to be a good look on you too."

He snorted, but straightened his tie. "The day this city is good to me will be the day I die."

Inej couldn't help it. She burst out laughing, unable to contain the emotions that were wrestling around inside her. It wasn't the most logical response, but she supposed it was better than crying.

After a moment of silence, Kaz joined in, his gravelly chuckle underscoring her hysterical laughter. Inej sunk down to a seated position, and Kaz followed.

Once seated, Inej sobered up. "How have you been?" She asked him softly.

Kaz waved his hand as if to dismiss the question. "Everything has been smooth sailing here. No sign of Rollins and Van Eck's been put away for life."

"That's good," Inej said. "But how have you been?"

Kaz remained silent, staring off into the distance. That haunted look was back, and Inej knew she wasn't imagining it this time. Her heart clenched.

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

He looked at her sharply. "For what? You have nothing to apologize for."

Inej was fairly sure that wasn't true. "But I do. I… we… I left you. And not just me. Everyone left. And we… well I don't know what we were, or if we would have ever been… anything. I ran away before we could find out."

She was staring off at the harbor but she could feel Kaz's eyes boring into her. "You made the only decision that made sense." Ever the pragmatist.

"But was it the right one?" She turned her dark eyes back to meet his, the challenge obvious.

Kaz still hadn't looked away. "Think about it Inej. Why would you want to be here? Ketterdam is a city of sin, where the bad guys win and everyone else gets conned, swindled, and left for dead. The monsters have free reign of this place. Your Suli ideals would only be tarnished here, more than they already are. This place doesn't deserve you, and you deserve better than this." He gestured around them.

Inej didn't back down. "Then you don't blame me for leaving you, for leaving this?"

"No. I would have done the same thing if I was you," Kaz said.

Inej wasn't sure if she should be angry or reassured by that. "Then why do I feel like there's something you're not telling me?" Normally, she wouldn't have asked. But that look was back and she could feel it searing her insides.

"I'm fine Inej," he said sharply.

She looked at him sadly. "I don't think that you are."

Kaz stood up, his face blank. "I do not need your pity." She stood up with him.

"What? No that's not-" Kaz stormed off across the rooftop, to wherever he had found access, leaving Inej baffled.

"Kaz!" She yelled, and it was if finally saying his name after all this time shattered any restraint she had left. She sank back down to the ground, sobs wracking her small frame. Three years of pent up emotions flowed out of her on that rooftop under the Ketterdam fog.

Finally the tears stopped coming, and Inej sniffled and hauled herself to her feet. This wasn't the first time she had despaired over Kaz Brekker, and there were two people who could make her feel better, one much more accessible than the other. All she really wanted to do was crawl back to her ship and leave this Saintsforsaken city, but she knew that was the wrong course of action.

Carefully, she picked her way over the rooftops, the exhilaration she felt earlier completely gone. She was exhausted by the time she reached the Van Eck manor. Hesitating, she decided to go to the front door. Inej had left this place as a guest, and it seemed right that she should ask to be allowed to wasn't entirely sure she would be welcomed. Inej squared her shoulders and knocked.

"Hello ma'am, can I help you?" The door was answered by a tall Shu woman, her golden eyes shining in the afternoon light. Inej didn't recognize her. She supposed it was only natural that Wylan would have different people working for him after three years.

"Ah…" Inej's voice faltered. "Yes, I'm here to see… Mister Van Eck?"

"May I ask who is calling?" The woman inquired politely.

"Inej Ghafa," she responded, wringing her hands.

The woman smiled, opening the door wider. "Of course, ma'am. We've all been told that Inej is always welcome in this home. If you'll wait here, I'll go inform him-"

There was a sudden screech and then Inej felt herself flying across the room, arms pinned to her sides. She braced herself to slam into the wall or the floor, but her descent was abruptly stopped. Opening her eyes, she was greeted with a flash of lime green and dark skin. It was then that she realized she had been literally tackled into a hug, and she grinned.

"Saints, Jesper, I didn't come all this way to be killed now," she managed to gasp.

"Sorry," Jesper said without letting go. She could hear the grin in his voice.

"Jesper!" She gasped out again.

This time he did let go, to Inej's great relief. His grin was still fixed on his face, and Inej heard the Shu woman laugh softly and turn to leave. "Well, well, well. If it isn't our little Wraith, back from her time as a pirate!" He picked her up and swung her around.

"Jesper, it's so good to see you," Inej said warmly. "But I wasn't a pirate! Not technically any ways. I didn't steal from anyone who hadn't stolen first!"

Jesper raised an eyebrow. "So you're a pirate of thieves. Better tell Ketterdam to watch out."

Inej hesitated, and Jesper was afraid that he had somehow just unknowingly put his foot in his mouth. But the moment passed and she shook her head with exasperated fondness. "I missed you Jes."

"I knew it, you came back for me! I knew you couldn't resist seeing this face again," he winked. "Wylan! Wylan get down here, we have company!" His voice bellowed through the marble foyer. Inej found herself giggling again. Jesper looked at her, wiping under her eye with a small frown on his face. But before he could open his mouth, Wylan entered the room. Jesper gave her a meaningful look, letting her know that they would be talking about this later.

"Inej!" Wylan exclaimed, hurrying across the floor. His embrace was much more collected than Jesper's had been, but she could feel the smaller boy's genuine excitement. She hugged him back tightly.

"It's so good to see you guys," she said, tears forming in her eyes again.

Jesper grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the next room. "Come on, it's almost time to eat, and then we can talk." He looked Inej up and down. "I don't imagine that you eat too well on that boat of yours."

"It's a ship!" Inej huffed pretending to be offended. But her stomach rumbled, giving her away. Jesper just laughed in response as Wylan went to inform the kitchen staff they would be joined by one more.

The food was delicious, and dinner was filled with idle chatter and Jesper's constant questions about what being a pirate was like. For someone who couldn't stand being confined to a ship, he sure was curious about it.

"How have either of you not put on weight?" Inej asked when they had finished. She couldn't remember the last time she had eaten this much food.

Jesper waggled his eyebrows. "We get our exercise, if you catch my drift." Wylan turned bright red and started stammering, which Jesper covered with another booming laugh. Inej groaned and covered her face.

"That was not what I wanted to hear," she moaned. More seriously she added, "I am really happy for you guys though."

There was a note of sadness in her voice, nearly undetectable. If Jesper didn't know the Suli girl as well as he did, he would have missed it.

"Thank you Inej," Wylan smiled as he stood up, his face still red. "I've got a stack of bills calling my name, so I'll take my leave if you two don't mind." Jesper nodded and Inej remained silent. He got up and took two cups of hot chocolate from one of the kitchen staff, moving over to the next room. Silently, Inej got up and drifted after him. He was sprawled out on the couch, and she snuggled into his side, taking the cup in her hands. The routine was familiar, and that in itself was comforting.

"So. You met with him first I assume?" He looked down at her tiny form. "And I take it, it didn't go well."

Inej let out a snort that could have been a laugh. "That's one way of putting it."

Jesper hummed but didn't say anything. His fingers drummed against his own mug, knowing that if he stayed silent Inej would share when she was ready. He hoped it didn't take her too long though. Without the Wraith around, his patience was out of practice.

"Jes… I don't know what I'm doing here. Why did I come back?" She took a sip from her mug, sighing. "I was so excited to be back here, to see Ketterdam and all of you again. I think this was a mistake."

He closed his eyes. Why did Kaz insist on ruining everything? "Inej," he started, but she cut him off.

"I just don't know why I thought things were going to be different now. I don't know, I thought that me leaving and then coming back would somehow magically fix everything, but there is no fixing this. I don't even know what this is! And it's more than… him. Nothing is the same anymore, not you, or Wylan, or Nina, or Mat-" Inej stopped abruptly.

Jesper set his cup on the table and ran his fingers through her hair. "Look, I don't know what to say about Kaz-" Inej let out a little sob at his name and he hastily backtracked. "I don't know what to say for or about him, and I don't know what you two have going on, not really. But I do know that I am incredibly relieved to see you again, and so is Wylan. We don't think it was a mistake for you to come here, to come back and visit your friends, your home."

There was that word again. Home. Right now, Inej didn't think Ketterdam could ever be a home to her, not really. But even as the thought crossed her mind and her heart ached, she knew she didn't want to be anywhere else.

"I didn't really mean that," she nestled closer into Jesper's side. "But I do miss what we had. Is it normal to miss almost dying on a regular basis?"

Jesper let out a bark of laughter. "I think you've finally got a grasp on my life dear Inej."

She turned to look at him. "You're a good man Jesper Fahey."

He kissed the top of her head. "I know," he replied simply.

She drifted off to sleep like that, Jesper's twitching oddly comforting to her.


AN: In which Inej starts the day with one boy and ends it with another. If you couldn't tell by now, Jesper and Inej are my favorite platonic relationship and I love them.