Insomnia
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Authors Note: I want to give a very heart-felt thanks to Kallou for reviewing all the chapters on this story, and my others. I'm dedicating this story to her.
It wasn't until months later that I would actually talk to the boy.
When he arrived I was so excited. It seems strange, I know, to be excited by yet another patient, but his eyes... he must have had insomnia. I just knew it.
I watched him carefully. Every time he was out of his room my eyes were on him. I suspected he knew I was watching him, but it didn't stop me.
I stared intently at his expression, so stoic, almost like a mask. His mouth was always set in a thin line of a frown, and his arms were crossed 95% of the time. He always dressed in black, and he was thin. I could see his muscles through his shirts.
At night, in the chair, I would draw him. I would try and capture the way his hair was so messy, or the fleeting smirks he had when the nurses seemed uncomfortable with him.
He was at the front of my mind.
I didn't know how to rid myself of him. The feeling of wanting was strange to me. All I know was when I saw him my chest constricted and I couldn't tear my eyes away.
What was it I wanted, anyway?
Did I want to tell him, "I have Insomnia too." or did I want something more...?
Was I craving a human relationship with him, something I had never had? Did I want to become his... friend?
Before my mother killed herself, I had a friend. Her name was Ino Yamanaka.
She was a bitch.
I thought I was always the one doing wrong in the friendship. She was always yelling at me. What was I to do but listen to her?
I had no other friends, and no way of knowing if I was a good friend or not, so I followed along. It didn't bother me so much really. It was better than always being alone.
The hope of him becoming a friend was soon shattered as I "got to know him" from afar.
He was violent.
The nurses had to drag him down a lot of the time.
He got a lot of narcotics in the first month he was here. Each time the nurses shoved a needle in his arm he thrashed and yelled, and all I could do was watch. His face, so twisted with rage and fear, it tore at me.
Why was this boy such a priority?!
He was on my mind so much I wanted to rip my hair out. My thoughts whirled with possibilities of how we could meet, and what I would say to him. It was always so varied.
The boy was an enigma.
I didn't even know his name.
And yet he dominated my mind.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
I was watching him, as usual that day. He'd been here for two and a half months now.
I was on the second floor, leaning on the railing, looking down on him.
A nurse was talking to him, and giving him his medication. I knew he never took it. I watched him pretend to swallow it, then spit it into his had and grind it with his fingers.
He was tricky.
When the nurse walked away, the boy turned at just an angle that I could could see every feature of his so perfectly. The way the dark red of his hair framed his pale face, and made his deep green eyes seem flat and cold.
Then, his eyes caught mine.
I felt my breath get caught in my throat, and my heart just stopped.
I was shaking.
I couldn't look away. As much as I knew I needed to, I couldn't. I was frozen.
His face was so expressionless. He looked like a murderer, and I felt like his prey.
The strangest thing happened then.
His lips curled into a slight smile, and he turned so slowly, his eyes on mine, and walked away. When our gazes slipped apart, I fell to my knees, clutching the banister.
After a few deep breaths, I stood on shaky legs and walked to my room.
I flipped open my sketch pad, and started to draw him with that smile. The way he was staring into my eyes, with a satisfaction. As though he knew what his stare was doing to me.
I feared him.
I wanted more of him.
I didn't see him for five weeks.
I had no idea where he was.
My mind was telling me he was gone, checked out probably. My gut was telling me he'd be back.
I couldn't stop the strange hope, that he was still here, from filling my chest and hurting me with more raw want.
I know, I was pathetic, wanting to see someone I knew nothing about. I wasn't even sure what I wanted from him still.
But that smile on his face... it confused me so much, made me wonder.
He wasn't another fake nobody. He was a real person, with a mind. A free thinker.
I wanted to know what was inside his head.
I was walking to the room with the chair one night when I heard foot steps. They were slow and deliberate, the steps carefully measured. I slowed my pace so I could hear them better. I finally came to a complete halt, and strained my ears to listen.
They were coming towards me.
I felt a sick sense of panic knot in my stomach. My knees felt weak, and my hands went clammy.
The footsteps slowed, and I could see the shadow of a figure standing in the hall directly in front of me.
The person took a few more steps, and instantly I recognized those deep black-rimmed eyes.
His voice was deep and rough, as though he'd been yelling for days. His gaze pierced me as he spoke. "You..."
Authors Note: Sorry for the cliff hanger there. I was just trying to get another chapter out so I don't disappoint anyone. Anyway, REVIEW! Or I am NOT continuing. Thanks for reading, and again a huge thanks to Kallou.
