Chapter Three: Another Now

I woke up the next morning unwillingly. I didn't want to face today or any day after that for that matter. I groaned sitting up pushing my hair out of my face. I combed it down quickly pulling it back in a low ponytail at the nape of my neck. I pulled onto me a pair of faded blue flare jeans and lanky white tee-shirt along with short socks.

I raced down the stairs and looked through my kitchen for something to eat. It was when I first looked into my fridge that I didn't have an appetite. I closed the fridge and walked out of the kitchen. I wasn't hungry… it was like I was going back to the catatonic me. I shuddered and went back to the kitchen. I ate my cheerios treacherously slow. I didn't even eat with milk, just the cereal. It was half an hour later that I realized I felt sick of the cheerios. I made a disgusted face as I threw the bowl into the sink and slid into my rain jacket. I put on my black Converse even though it was raining outside. I quickly put my bag on my back and raced outside.

I got into my truck and was nearly startled out of my skin when I noticed Leah sitting next to me. "Gah!" I exclaimed as I noticed her there. "What are you doing in my truck Leah?"

"Come on don't you want to make Edward jealous?" She asked.

"Uh… Leah I don't know if you noticed but he already is. I've got Jake and I think that's more than enough," I stated. To be honest I didn't want to make him jealous. It hurt him enough as well as me. Keep the playing field even.

Leah rolled her eyes. "Come on Bella! You should've seen the state you were in when Sam found you. You were in a way worse state than he is now. A little revenge wouldn't be that bad."

I groaned. "Leah you don't see him like I do. For me what I did is torture enough."

Leah frowned clearly upset that she didn't get her way. I arrived at school and the second I was out the door Jacob was holding my hand. I sighed but it still didn't feel right. I wanted to rip my hand away from his and run over to Edward but as I promised I stood firm ground. As I walked by that silver Volvo it was as if the beautiful god of a being was dead. His eyes seemed like the gold had been frozen solid, like the night he left me. Edward's body was tense like he was expecting a blow but wasn't even going to do anything about it.

***

In Science class there was an air of such silence and tension, hatred, and mixed emotions that I nearly shredded my textbook. He left much like he did the first day I saw him, quickly and fluidly. I ground my teeth together. I gathered my textbooks slowly and tried to stack them perfectly before walking out to my locker. I got my things together and scanned it. The Cullen's were nowhere in sight but neither was the pack. I threw my things into my truck and got in. Just as I got in I heard a feral snarl coming from the forest. "Oh no…" I whispered. I slammed the door to my truck and went into the forest.

I walked for a few minutes before the next thing I saw shocked me right out of myself. Edward and Jacob were circling each other and the pack and the Cullen's snarling and growling and snapping their jaws together threateningly at each other. The pack was in all wolf form. Edward's shirt was shredded by Jacob's claws. His eyes seemed crazed, totally black, and no gold anywhere in them unlike this morning. Jake on the other hand was limping one paw hung in a distorted way; breath heavy and eyes fixed on Edward, his target.

I gasped for air. Alice suddenly came up behind me restraining me from running any closer to the fight. "Let me go!" I screamed at her. All the focus suddenly drifted to me. Edward was almost instinctually by my side in an instant. Alice released me and Edward gently took my hand, his crazed eyes calming at the touch. "No," I said in a firm voice taking my hand away from his.

Emmett and Carlisle ran up and grabbed Edward from behind restraining him. Edward's whole body seemed to look murderous and just plain violent. Jacob crouched in front of me, his knife like teeth bared. Now that I realized Edward was going kill me I was angry and hurt beyond relief. Leah being the nice sister she was had already brought my music down for me to express myself.

I walked over to the small boom box, Jake limping beside me. I knelt down next to it and then looked at Jake. I put one of my hands on the side of his furry face, stroking it gently. He whined in appreciation. I smiled and then turned to Get Over It by Avril Lavigne.

"Slipping down a slide
I did enjoy the ride
(Being with you was the best thing that ever happened to me)
Don't know what to decide
You lied to me
(More than once if I can count correctly.)
You looked me in the eye (Frozen, cold and yet still somehow true)
It took me by surprise
Now are you gratified
You cried to me
(Yesterday in the forest, that pleading…)

"La, la, la, la, la


"Don't turn around
I'm sick and I'm tired of your face
(I don't want to see that horrible perfect face that is always somehow mad and full of sorrow)
Don't make this worse
You've already gone and got me mad
(Attacking Jake? You should know better.)
It's too bad I'm not sad
(No, I'm beyond mad right now.)
It's casting over
It's just one of those things
You'll have to get over it

"When I was feeling down (Just now, it was YOU who walked over me to comfort me when it was your fault)
You'd start to hang around
And then I found your hands all over me
And that was out of bounds
You filthy rotten hound
(Yes, I know you take offense for that.)
It's badder than it sounds, believe me

"La, la, la, la, la

"Don't turn around
I'm sick and I'm tired of your face
Don't make this worse
You've already gone and got me mad
It's too bad I'm not sad
It's casting over
It's just one of those things
You'll have to get over it

"Hey, you gotta get over it
Hey, you gotta get over it

"It's too bad I'm not sad
It's casting over
It's just one of those things
You'll have to get over it

"Don't turn around
I'm sick and I'm tired of your face
Don't make this worse
You've already gone and got me mad

"Don't turn around
I'm sick and I'm tired of your face
Don't make this worse
You've already gone and got me mad
It's too bad I'm not sad
It's casting over
It's just one of those things
You'll have to get over it
You'll have to
get over it!" I said the last line with such hate that I saw him flinch away from me. Alice was watching me with such shock that I thought she might slap me.

"Bella," she whispered. "I can't believe you would do this to him and to us."

To be honest I was quite surprised I even did that myself. I instantly regretted it but I didn't show it in my face. I picked up my boom box and shoved my I-pod in my pocket. I looked at Edward and he seemed to be deciding something. I then heard him whisper to Carlisle, "Tell Esme that I'm leaving." At first I thought I imagined it but the hurt that crossed Carlisle's innocent face was so hard to look at that I had to look away. I couldn't blame Edward for leaving but the chances are I wouldn't be able to stay sane this time.

I dropped my boom box to the floor of the forest and sprinted back up to my truck. I heard Jake follow me. I spun around. "Jake, please. I just need time to think this through." I knew that Edward was probably already well gone by now. He nodded his big furry head and turned back to the pack. I raced up to my truck and slammed my door. I burst into tears. STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! I screamed at myself in my mind, mentally tormenting myself. I cried for a bit then turned on the truck and drove back to the house. I walked out in the rain but I didn't enter my house. I put the boom box on the porch protecting it from the rain and turned on Another Now by Kate Alex. I sang the whole song through tears but my voice still came out like twined gold.

"Was only just the other day,
When all this felt so real
Like nothing could go wrong,
Was like a never ending dream,
Nothing ever changed,
For so long…

"But now you've gone away,
And I've tried turning the page,
and it's just not the same...

"But I'm breathing in,
And I'm breathing out,
I'm wide awake,
But i can't hear a sound,

"But I'm breathing in,
I can't think about,
Another you, Another me, Another now.

"Where do i go from here,
I've never felt so strange,
I've never felt so torn,
Cause ever since you came my way,
"I learned to live by you,
and now I'm on my own.

"I know I need some time,
To leave all this behind,
Cause I'm still hanging on,

"But I'm breathing in,
And I'm breathing out,
I'm wide awake,
But I can't hear a sound,

"But I'm breathing in,
I can't think about,
Another you, another me, another now.

"I'm sitting here, all alone,
Nowhere to move, nowhere to go,
Nothing to do, I just wanna hurt,

"Cause you're not here

"But I'm breathing in,
And I'm breathing out,
I'm wide awake,
But I can't hear a sound,

"I'm breathing in,
And I'm breathing out,
I'm wide awake,
But I can't hear a sound,
But I'm breathing in,
I can't think about,

"Another you, Another me, Another now

"Oooooh whoa

"Another you, Another me, Another now." I sighed as the song finished. I didn't cry however. Memories were being thrown around in my head. The first day I saw him, in the car when I found out what he was, meeting his family, our first kiss, protecting me from James, sucking the venom out of me, the angel crying in heaven, saving me, loving me, leaving me… coming back and now leaving again. Each memory was like a sharp knife tearing me inside out leaving me lying on the wet wooden deck floor twitching and gasping at the pain. Tears were hot in my eyes but I refused to let them pour. The floor suddenly vanished beneath me. I screamed, struggling against strong arms. I opened my eyes and saw Jake staring at me, his eyes reflecting my own pain.

"Bella," he whispered, "I can't see you like this anymore."

What?! No! He can't leave me now! He's all I've got left. I clung to his bare chest, selfish. "No Jake!" I sobbed. I sounded so selfish and stupid that if I were Jacob I would've gave up a long time ago. "Please! I'm begging you!" I yelled in my hoarse voice. Jake moved my wet hair out of my face with one hand, still cradling me with the other.

He stroked my face. "Sh. Sh. Sh. Sweetie, it's going to be alright. I'm here for you. I'm not going to leave you ever. It's alright," he murmured to me. I nodded calming down still sniffling. He took me indoors and placed me on the couch covering me with a thick blanket. He vanished for a moment then came back with my backpack in his hand. He left it for me by the couch. I took it and began to painfully slow do my homework. He sat down next to me watching. Once I was finished I got up and made a quick chicken noodle soup. I ate it as did but everything we did was through silence. Later on I showered and Jake lulled me to sleep much like Edward used to do… minus my lullaby…