Chapter 3: Up From Below
"Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within." – Sigmund Freud
She slowly opened her eyes to the unwelcoming sight of bright light streaming through her window. Of course, the one day where she forgot to close the blinds happened to be one of the rare days of sun in La Push. She closed her eyes to the blinding sunlight and sighed in content. She was warm, much warmer than usual, and she silently thanked the too bright sun for warming up her room. She was relishing in the rare and pleasant heat, until an arm wrapped around her waist pulled her closer to a soft and warm chest, and a head buried deeper into her hair as a breath of warm air was expelled onto her neck.
Slowly and carefully, she turned her head only slightly as to not awake him, but needing to get a glimpse of his face to register that this was real, she wasn't dreaming, he really was there.
As she gazed into his handsome face, she slowly began to remember the events of the previous night. A party, a couple of drinks, a confession.
Oh, fuck, she thought.
When she looked back on it, she really had no idea what made her decide to actually go to the party. She had made a spontaneous decision in saying yes to the invitation, partly because she had been taken by surprise and wasn't prepared, but also in some measure because she had felt much more confident and laid back since she began her friendship with Jared. But still, going to one of the huge cliché high school parties was a big step for her. She didn't exactly have much experience with those sorts of things. So it's really no wonder it turned out to be a disaster.
It all started with the broken toaster. It was a pretty old toaster, so it was bound to happen soon anyways. It just slowly started getting colder and colder, and they just kept setting the timer longer and longer, until the toaster wouldn't make anything warm at all. Which became a big problem because Daniel had a thing about toast. For some reason, he claimed he needed eggs and toast every morning to have a good day. So, when the toaster finally broke, Rebecca felt the need to make something special for breakfast for Daniel. Unfortunately, that "special surprise" turned out to be a fire in the oven as a result of a plastic pan going unnoticed at the bottom while the muffins were baking. Before the fire even became noticeable, Daniel had already left the house in an angry disposition because making muffins takes longer than the simple task of making toast. So when the fire began and the smoke detectors automatically called the fire department closest to home, it was only Kim and Rebecca there to respond. But, after the fire had been safely put out, Rebecca claimed she was already late for an important meeting and so she rushed off to work, leaving Kim only too happy to sit and wait for the firemen and be late for school.
When she finally arrived at school, late for second period, she stopped by the front office on her way to class from her locker. This took her through a different route than she normally would go, which in turn led her to stumble upon the discovery of the secret relationship between Molly Davis and James Crawford. Now, the fact that this relationship was a secret did not hold much significance. But, the fact that the relationship was a secret from Molly's boyfriend, Jesse, held much significance. Kim tried to sneak away unnoticed, but unfortunately she was seen by Molly and sworn to secrecy. Of course, she had never planned on telling anyone anyways. Well, except for maybe Jared. But only because she knew that if she asked him to he wouldn't tell anyone else.
So after much pleading and persuading on Molly's part, and much reassurance and promising on Kim's part, Molly decided that she should do Kim a favor, to thank her for keeping her big secret and to ensure that it would never get out. So she invited Kim to her boyfriend's party that he was throwing that Friday when his parents went out of town. This sudden and unexpected invitation threw Kim off guard, making her unable to come up with a good excuse not to go and forcing her to accept the invitation. And that's how Kim wound up at Jesse Parker's party, all because of a broken toaster.
The party was the talk of the school that week, for apparently Jesse knew how to throw a phenomenal party. As usual, Kim overheard people making plans for before and deciding on their clothes for the night. It was funny how much one can learn when they're quiet, when people forget that they're there and talk with no reservations. But, unlike a usual week at school, Kim was forced to contemplate the possibility that she very well might be one of those girls to be soon talked about the following Monday when the gossip about the party had begun. Although she knew she wouldn't do anything gossip-worthy, it would of course be a surprise that she was invited, and an even greater surprise when she actually showed up.
She secretly wondered if Jared was planning to attend, although she knew he probably wouldn't. Ever since his "illness" (she still didn't believe he only had mono), he hadn't been going to these kinds of events and hanging out with his old friends, instead choosing to spend his time with Sam Uley and the other members of their gang.
Molly had offered to drive Kim to Jesse's house, informing her that she would pick her up promptly at 9:30. Kim felt she really didn't have much of a choice then, knowing that Molly and her friends were going to show up at her house on Saturday whether she wanted to go to the party or not. A large part of her regretted giving Molly her address, but an infinitesimally small part of her was excited, glad she was going to have a reason to make herself go. She spent all week thinking about it over and over, switching plans constantly.
By the time Saturday night had rolled around, she hadn't exactly come to a conclusion yet. Or, more precisely, a final one. So she decided to get ready after dinner anyways, occasionally doubting that Molly and her friends would even show up. She kept thinking they would probably forget about her and no one at the party would know the difference.
But, to her and Rebecca's endless surprise, Molly and her group of friends pulled up to their house at 9:37 that Saturday evening, just when Kim was beginning to think she was off the hook. So she was dragged out of the house by giggling and already slightly tipsy girls and pushed out by an eager and proud aunt.
When they finally arrived to the actual party, the girls all rushed inside, loudly and, in Kim's opinion, obnoxiously greeting their friends and leaving her to fend for herself. Unsure of what exactly to do, Kim wandered over to the kitchen table covered in drinks. And when asked if she would like something, she took a chance and answered yes. The guy she vaguely recognized as a boy in her junior year AP United States History class poured her a cup full of vodka mixed with Coke. She took a large sip and was extremely repulsed by the taste, but decided she should relax and enjoy herself for one, so she finished the whole cup.
Meanwhile, Jared stood with the rest of the pack in the woods near the Parker home, wondering what the fuck Kim was doing at one of those parties. He knew Kim wasn't the type of girl to go to those kinds of parties, and he knew that attending such events were not part of her usual schedule. So what was she doing there? And why was she drinking? He felt a stab of pain as he recalled Sam's memories, wondering if her behavior had anything to do with her grief and hoping with all he had that it didn't.
Jared knew he was going to have to step in and take care of her, but he was unsure of how to go about it. He didn't think he would be welcome at one of his old friend's parties anymore, not after the way he had treated them. So he waited in the woods for a while, listening and keeping close track of Kim and her behavior.
Later she would wonder exactly how many drinks she actually had. She didn't have complete memories of the whole night, and she knew there was no way she would've gotten that drunk off of the few drinks she could remember. All she knew was that she had been drinking while sitting on the couch, and all of a sudden when she stood up she felt dizzy and it seemed like she was in a dream. She knew she was getting drunk, and she decided she quite liked the feeling. It was sort of numbing in a way. So she decided it would then be a good idea to have some more.
Time kind of skipped in her memory after that point, and the next thing she could remember she was having the most ridiculous conversation with a boy in her math class about Harry Potter. And she was talking. A lot. Which was unusual for her, but enjoyable. She found she loved being able to speak her mind, the alcohol making her feel comfortable enough to be herself around others. Some parts of the long conversation were kind of blurry, though she did distinctly remember looking at her phone to check the time and pointing to her background picture of her and Steph and telling her new friend, "This is my sister. She's my best friend." But she didn't think he actually cared too much about her life and her family. But she didn't really mind at the moment. Because she was blissfully, innocently, wonderfully drunk.
Later, when Kim looked like she was about to accept another drink, Jared decided it had been long enough and he needed to do something. So he phased back and put on jeans, a plain white t-shirt, and shoes. He walked into the backyard from the forest, nobody sober enough to notice or care that he had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He walked straight towards Kim on the back porch, talking with a guy he knew from school and taking a sip from her drink.
"Ok, I think you've had enough now," he said, reaching from behind her to take the bottle away from her. She looked up at him, obviously surprised but also very clearly happy to see him.
"Jared!" she exclaimed, pulling him into a tight hug. He laughed. "I'm so glad you're here!"
He pulled away slightly and smiled down at her. "Yeah? How are you doing?"
"I'm good. You want some?" she asked, offering him her drink. He shook his head no. "No, no, you should have some," she argued, shoving the bottle in his face. "It will make you feel good," she giggled.
"I think I'm good for now," he told her, hands still on her waist.
She pulled him into another hug. "I like hugging you," she told him happily.
He chuckled. "Well good, cause I like hugging you too," he said with another smile. "Do you think maybe it's time you go home? Come on, I'll drive you."
"What? No! No, we have to stay! This is fun," she smiled. "We should, we should do this all the time. All the time! It's fuuun," she said in a sing-song voice. He laughed.
"Ok, yeah. Definitely time to take you home." He started leading her out around the house to the front yard, where Paul and Quil were waiting inside his car. She didn't put up any resistance when they walked to the car, but she refused to get inside it when they arrived.
"Nope, I'm not getting in the car. I'm going to walk," she told Jared in a very matter of fact voice, beginning her unstable path back home. Except she wasn't going home. Not her current home, anyways. Out of habit, she started to take the path she used to go to her parent's house instead of going to her aunt and uncle's. But nobody had realized that yet.
So she continued on her merry way, singing happily and doing a sort of skip to her songs in the street. Jared followed a few feet behind, watching her enjoy life and barely able to contain his overwhelming adoration for the sweet young girl who so freely sang her heart out in absolute and utter joy.
Jared had told Paul and Quil that they could take his car and do whatever they wanted, and that he would take care of Kim. But both boys couldn't stand to miss the chance of seeing Kim when she was intoxicated and having the time of her life. In their defense, it didn't happen often, and she was very entertaining. They followed a little ways behind Jared, not wanting to interrupt his and Kim's conversations. Kim laughed happily and Jared couldn't contain his smile when he thought about how this was the happiest he had ever seen her, and that was the biggest smile she had ever shown him.
When they finally reached Kim's old house, she stopped at the bottom of the steps and her bright smile suddenly dropped off her face as she realized what she had unconsciously done. Jared came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, berating himself for not catching what she was doing as she continued to stare at her old front door.
"Hey, Kim. Are you ok?" he asked quietly, completely unaware of how to take away her pain. She slowly shook her head very slightly as a tear slipped down her cheek.
"I've been putting on a show. A huge fucking show," she whispered, sounding almost in awe of her own words.
"What are you talking about, Kim?"
"I miss my mom and dad. And my sister's gone. I wanted her to stay but I couldn't make her," she said, her voice getting increasingly more hysterical as she began to cry. "I couldn't do that to her but now she's gone. And my aunt and uncle are always gone too. I don't have anyone that cares about me." She broke out into sobs.
"Hey, shhh, Kim, its ok," he said as he turned her around and tucked her head into his shoulder, one hand holding her against him while the other slowly rubbed her lower back. "I care about you." His hands softly stroked her hair. "I care about you a lot. More than you know. More than you'll ever know," he whispered the last part so softly he wasn't even sure if she could hear him over the sound of her tears. He looked up at Paul and Quil, who had frozen back when Kim realized where they were, and they understood his silent message and left to go get the car and give him time. He held her tightly for a long time, until she began to get tired and they sat down on the steps.
They sat there for a long while, her head rested on his shoulder as she told him all that she had felt for so long but was too scared and didn't know how to get the words out. He held her while she cried, whispering reassuring words and caressing her shoulder in a calming manner. Jared responded to Rebecca's text to Kim so they wouldn't know she'd been drinking and wouldn't stay up and wait for her. When she was finally done crying and getting sleepy, Jared called Paul and told him to bring the car. They climbed in the backseat and drove to her aunt and uncle's house, Kim sleepily prattling on about random things the whole ride home.
They then faced the dilemma of what to do when they got there. Jared decided to go in with Kim to make sure she made it in bed safely. He also helped her quietly get up to her room so as not to disturb her guardians with her drunken stumbling. He stayed for a few minutes and had planned to leave once Kim got settled, but she begged him to stay with her.
She grabbed his hand and gazed up at him from her place lying on her bed under the covers, and looked sleepily into his eyes. "Please stay. I don't think I'll be able to sleep if you go," she said sadly. So he stayed, of course. Paul and Quil heard their conversation and went home.
Jared laid down on top of the covers next to her, and she crawled into his open arms. She fit her head into his shoulder and melted into his chest, breathing in his musky scent and feeling at home for the first time in years. She slowly drifted off to sleep to the rhythmic and soothing sound of Jared's breathing.
"Get out!" she yelled, with much force but very little sound, terrified to wake up her aunt and uncle. "Oh my God, what if they see you here? They didn't see you last night, did they? Holy shit, I'm going to be in so much trouble. What happened?"
Jared grabbed her shoulders to steady her and calm her down. "Hey, hey, relax. They were asleep by the time we got here. I texted them for you so they would think you were sober and told them you'd be home late."
She sighed and put her face in her hands, relieved beyond belief. "Oh my God, thank you. Ok, you need to go. Now! How are you going to leave without them seeing you?" she whispered, starting to panic again.
"Don't worry, I'll climb out the window. They won't see a thing," he said with a smile.
She looked at him like he was the stupidest person in the world. "Are you kidding me? You can't do that! You'll die!" she said, nervously looking down at the far distance to the ground.
He laughed. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Call me later." And with that, he was gone.
She stared out her window for a long time, contemplating the mystery that was Jared and working to recall her blurry memories of the previous night.
She didn't call. She hadn't known what to say. Thank him for taking care of her? Apologize for being such a hassle? She was embarrassed of what she had done, of what she had said. And that was only the parts she remembered. She had no idea if she had done something else that was even worse.
Her secret was out. Someone had seen a side of her that she had always kept hidden; a side she knew would make anyone go running for the hills. And she was scared that not only would it happen, but that it was going to happen with the guy she had dreamed about for years. She realized that he had acted like everything was normal, but figured it was only a matter of time before Jared realized what he was up against and he left too.
So she didn't call on Saturday, but instead recovered from the night before by lazing around the house, watching TV and drinking tons of water. And thinking about Jared. About what to say to him the next time she saw him, wishing he were there with her or that he would call her or text her first, hoping he wouldn't hold the previous night against her.
When Sunday finally rolled around Kim was still unsure of her plan to go about speaking to Jared again, and so she again refrained from talking to him. Kim was berating herself for so stupidly getting drunk and making a fool of herself, doing what she thought was going to ruin the best friendship she'd ever had. Jared, on the other hand, was constantly thinking about how to take the next step from friendship to something more in his relationship with Kim, and mistakenly believing that he had somehow messed it up when he took her away from the party the night before.
Jared was, without a doubt, driving his pack brothers absolutely crazy. Sam was sympathetic, the only one able to understand the overwhelming need to see his soul mate, but even he was beginning to get sick of Jared's never-ending thoughts of Kim. Paul was annoyed and angry, thinking that Kim was stupid if she didn't realize how Jared felt and pissed at the fact that it was taking so long for them to be happy together. Jacob was disgusted with Jared's lack of will in the situation but even more so with his happiness at finding Kim, despite the complications. Embry was just sick of hearing about her. And Jared's constant thoughts about the girl he loved were annoying even Quil, despite his enthusiasm and exuberance for being a wolf.
It was funny how they both thought they had done something wrong. Well, no, in the moment neither of them had thought it was particularly funny, but one day they would look back on it and laugh about how they had been so foolish as to think they had done wrong by the other. They didn't speak the entire weekend, which was notably troublesome for Kim and unbearable for Jared. He frequently spent his nights outside her window to make sure she stayed safe, and he spent that entire weekend listening to the sounds of her life, the scratch of her pen in her notebooks for school while she finished her homework, the sound of her sipping her coffee in the morning.
When Monday finally rolled around and it became apparent to both of them that they would inevitably see the other at school, Kim put on a brave face and attempted to reclaim her confidence from before the weekend, and Jared prepared himself to handle whatever feelings Kim was dealing with.
Kim decided to get to school early that Monday, partly because she could barely sleep the night before and had woken up early, and partly because she had subconsciously thought that maybe if she got to school earlier than usual, she would not see Jared waiting at her locker like she usually did every morning. But, Jared had the same sort of insomnia and an eagerness to finally see the face of his love that he had missed over the past two days, and so he got to school early as well with an excitement that annoyed the crap out of all his exhausted pack brothers.
When Kim turned the corner and saw Jared standing at her locker like he usually did, she felt a bit of the unease drift away like one small flower petal floating away with the wind. She slowly walked to their usual meeting place and looked up at him.
"Hey," he said softly and with a smile, thinking about how beautiful she looked when the shadows of her eyelashes brushed her cheeks when her eyes closed sleepily.
"Hey." Her eyes flickered up to his and then back down to his shoes again. "I'm sorry. About…" she didn't really know how to say it. "Everything."
He smiled sadly, quickly understanding how much trepidation she felt and how embarrassed she was. "Hey, you don't have to be sorry for anything. I didn't mind." He meant it.
She looked up. "Really?"
"Yeah. Anything you need, I'll be here." She continued to look up at him, judging whether he was being sincere in his thoughtful and sweet words. "I mean it, Kim." Jared could see the sadness from the weekend still in her eyes. "Come here," he said, opening his arms. She crawled into them, embracing his warmth and soaking up the comfort that was exuding from his skin. She felt content here. Peaceful. Like she belonged.
So that's how they went from tension and uncertainty to complete and utter trust and honesty. That's how an event that they both thought had the potential to tear them apart actually brought them closer together. After that day, Kim knew she could trust him. She knew that when she needed to talk, he would listen. And more importantly, when she did talk, he would still continue to be her friend. She may have had a heavy heart, but wrapped up in his strong arms, she knew that Jared had the strength and ability to lift it.
