Umm...yeah...I don't own the characters...just the stories within..like you didn't already know...oh and BTW these stories are in no particular order.They are random.


Letting Go

When you are sitting at rock bottom…sun beating down on your face…it dawns on you…you've got nothing left to lose. So what is the point of holding onto those people that used to be your world? Because even if you hold on to them, you're still at rock bottom and carrying their dead weight just makes it that much harder to climb back up.

I'm sorry.

Good-Bye.


Life is not a joke

"Life is not a joke, Matsumoto." He said to me through his teeth. His teal eyes flared against the harshness of his voice. I could tell something snapped in him from within and I was the cause. I was always the cause, never the effect.

I couldn't help but stare at him wide eyed and a bit unhinged. Life was a joke to me. One big fucking joke and I was the punch line. I didn't mean for my comment to come out as brash as it did. Sometimes I feel a bit jaded and I try and compensate with humor. Usually my crude humor serves me well to mask my pain in a cocoon of invisibility. I push buttons that I know will frustrate and infuriate to hide my own insecurity. This time it back fired.

"Dammit woman! Every time I drop my guard you are there to help me rebuild it. Why can you just let things be? Stop running your mouth for a change!"

I could feel his hot breath on my cheeks as we stood inside his apartment. He had my arms pinned above my head against the wall.

He hadn't been feeling well that day. He said that it was nothing major; he was just tired. I didn't believe him. I knew my Captain was suffering from a broken heart. I know his pain. It's agonizing to watch someone you love suffer a fate worse than death. The body remains but the mind is lost in a sea of confusion and all you are left with is the shell of a person that you once loved. It's Earth shattering to realize that even though you can still see, hear, touch and smell that person they are still out of your reach. I know that pang of loneliness like the back of my hand. I brought him dinner to take his mind off of the situation and reassure him that I have not changed. I would be there to help him with whatever he needed. It was more than my job, to back him up, it was my pleasure.

"You feeling better?" I yelled to him as I collected the dirty dishes.

"I am much better now thanks to you. I appreciate it." He said with content in his eyes. I smiled at him. I am glad that my mission was a success.

It was dusk and the setting sun gave his apartment a heavenly glow. I walked over to join him on the couch. He let out a content sigh. We sat silent as the light danced across the walls, casting distorted shadows of everything in its wake. The silence was shattered by his voice.

"You are too good to me you know that? I am going to end up spoiled."

"I only spoil you because you are way too hard on yourself. You need to lighten up. Everything can't be all serious; you'll miss out on the good things in life." I said matter-of-factly. "I think you deserve more than that."

He pondered my words for what seemed like an eternity. I could see the muscles in his face fluctuate with every coming thought. I wondered what he could be thinking about.

"I want to tell you…" He began as he reached up to brush the hair out of my eyes, nimble fingers lingering on my cheeks. "…that you are a gift to me. Who knows where I would be without you. You have a knack for pulling me out of my sadness. You lost Gin and I've lost Momo. Please, tell me that we will not lose each other."

I stopped breathing for a moment or two. Did I hear right? The words rolled off of his tongue and into my ears with a passionate undertone. It was so unlike him. Maybe he really was sick. This situation was becoming uncomfortable. I tried to hide my vulnerability by exposing his. I laughed nervously.

"Aww…Captain…if I didn't know any better I would think that you are falling in love with me…but I know that you would never let a thing like that happen now would you?" I teased. My mouth went dry. I didn't get a chuckle out of him. All I got was a cold stare. His eyes fell to the floor and then looked back up to me. He then stood up and walked over by the window to spy on the moon that was just coming into view. The aftermath of my destructive words was apparent in the set of his jaw. I couldn't believe it. He must think I am a bitch. He was trying to tell me that he loved me and I made fun of him. I jumped off of the couch to join him at the window. I ran up behind him, slid my arms around his waist and pressed my face against his. He did not move. He just kept staring outside.

"Captain, I…"

Before I could finish my sentence he had me pinned, with my hands above my head, against the wall. We both remained silent…looking into each other's eyes for a shred of acceptance. I found a surfeit of love. I would be lying if I said that I remember the exact moment his lips free fell onto mine. It just happened.

The whole time he was kissing me I thought about how much we are alike and how scandalous this relationship would be. I would prove everyone right. I am ridiculous. I should be ashamed…but I am not. I want to be loved too! I cannot be contained in a box that is shaped for anyone but me…and neither could he…to hell with them all. When he pulled away I kept my eyes closed. I was too afraid to let him look into my eyes and see the scared little girl that I really am. His grip on my wrists remained tight. I had never been that terrified in my life. I would much rather ride into battle than expose the bitter nakedness of my soul to him. I wasn't prepared for such an advance. He caught me off guard. Damn him, now I am going to have ideas of love and happiness. Fantasies I had long forgotten. I had gotten used to being an undesirable soul in a desirable shell. I took a moment to collect my thoughts after the whirlwind of unpredictability I had just experienced. Since when did I become a person instead of a play thing? I wanted to believe that it could be real, that someone could love me, but I was having a really hard time.

"Captain, if you wanted to practice your moves you should have just told me in the first place."

My words were not welcomed. He pressed my wrists harder against the wall and his lips found my ears.

"Life is not a joke, Matsumoto."

It is to me.


Get your eyes checked

It was a beautiful summer day. The sun was shining high in the sky. Life couldn't get much better…at least that is what I thought until I found out that it was my day off as well as Gin's. We decided to spend it together.

"Ah. Vice Captain Matsumoto." He sounded pleasantly delighted to see me.

"Captain Ichimaru." I said trying to suppress my giddiness. It had been so long and I have to admit I had forgotten what his voice sounded like. Our lives were full of things that we thought separated us from who we were as children. We were dirty, no good, street rats and we knew it and yet fate smiled upon the two of us. We were rescued. I was rescued for the second time in my life. We had to continually prove that we deserved to be there and that we were no longer those dirty kids we once were.

We made our way to the top of a hill. The view was outstanding. Problems seemed to be nonexistent at this elevation. He latched onto my arm and made his way over to a tree. He settled himself under it pulling me down with him. I let my back lean into his chest. I couldn't remember the last time we had been that way.

He nuzzled against my neck and tightened his grip around my waist.

"Why ya so good ta me?" He questioned as he placed a kiss on my cheek. "Why ya always here fo' me?"

That statement was unexpected.

"What's gotten into you?" I said with an amused smirk. I cocked my head back and raised an eyebrow in his direction.

"Just wonderin'. "

Since when did he ponder the wonders of the world?

"Because I can see the good in you." It was true. I could still see him for what he was to me. He could be unbelievable considerate. He was selfless. I know what he had given up for me when we were kids. He was my friend, my father, my protector and my lover. He was everything to me.

He chuckled as my words crashed into his ears. He leaned forward, his lips barely touching my ear.

"I think you should get your eyes checked. One day I'll be ya one regret." I didn't understand his statement then, but I do now.