Disclaimer: I don't own The Walking Dead. Everything belongs to whoever owns them, my wishful thinking aside.
Authors Note #1: For onedayyoujustchange who asked for: "How about one where Tobin pursues Rick :)" – Naturally this is a Rick Grimes/Tobin story.
Disclaimer:adult language, canon appropriate violence, blood and gore, slow burn, mild sexual content, roughly follows canon season 5-6 events, au where Rick and Michonne don't hook up but instead- Tobin bags himself Rick Grimes with a lot of innocent low-key trying.
Eumoirous
Chapter Three
"Up! Up!"
He was on the porch a couple days after the worst portion of the wall had been repaired. Talking to Daryl and Michonne. Keeping an eye on Judith who was sitting on a blanket spread across the front lawn. Cooing at her toys and talking nonsense to the world at large when her high pitched gurgle caught his attention. Cutting through the bureaucratic tangle of guard rotations and how much fuel they reckoned Alexandria had in storage as Tobin paused on the sidewalk heading towards his house at the end of the street.
He looked up just in time to watch the man set aside his rifle and sink down on his haunches. Smile beatific and wide as Judith flapped her arms at him. Half a wave, the other a demand, like she'd taken to doing recently. Spoiled to high heaven, of course. Not that he blamed her for it. There certainly wasn't any shortage of people willing to lavish attention on her, and of course, Tobin seemed to be one of them.
"Well, hello there little lady," Tobin greeted, looking up at them carefully – like he was making sure they saw – before switching his attention back to matters closer to the ground.
"Can't walk yet huh?" Tobin observed as Judith reached for him, bouncing on her butt with impatience. Stating the obvious as Daryl and Michonne trailed off in mid-sentence to look.
"Looks like you have them fooled though. Carrying you around everywhere. Bet you think that's a sweet deal, huh? But see, I know better. You're ready to do it. I can tell. You just gotta get off that butt, kiddo," the man hummed, poking her side with gentle tickles as Judith squealed in glee. Almost tipping over when Tobin let go of a deep, genuine laugh that Judith seemed to take to immediately.
And she wasn't the only one.
"Yeah, I'm on to you, sweetheart," Tobin chuckled, tickling under her tubby little chin when Judith managed to grab his finger in both her hands. Examining it with faux seriousness until she was laughing again. "If you want up, those are the rules. You gotta give me a few steps. Think you can do that? Hmm?"
He leaned against the porch railing, transported. Caught in a strange place that existed somewhere between pleasure and discomfort. Not quite sure what to do with the warm frisson of electricity sinking deep and comfort-like in the pit of his belly the longer he watched.
Michonne shifted beside him.
Feeling the weight of her eyes trying to catch his.
He didn't take the bait.
Instead, he watched Tobin rock back on his heels, tall frame curling inwards as he held out his hands encouragingly. Piling on the praise as Judith crawled determinedly to her feet. Wavering a bit as she pulled herself upright. Still chanting "up, up, up!" with growing pitch and volume as Daryl snorted beside him.
"Little asskicker seals the deal now and Glenn is out three chocolate bars and two mickeys of vodka," Daryl rasped, sounding strangely pleased as he watched Judith's face scrunch up in concentration. Nearly falling flat on her face before righting herself.
Gravity was hard when you were ten months.
"You guys are betting on when she's going to walk?" he remarked, eyebrow raised like he was above such things even though everyone and their dog knew he'd lost his own bet last month when Judith couldn't quite get from point a to point b without scooting on her butt. "Is nothing sacred?"
"Says the guy that lost what? Half a box of Big Reds because he was stupid enough to go all in?" Michonne sing-songed. Twisting her dreads behind her with an elastic and laughing when he nudged her playfully. Looking back at the scene playing out in front of them with open interest.
"Come on now, that's it. See? Easy peasy," Tobin told her as she lost her balance and planted a grimy little fist into the grass. Righting herself before straightening again. Holding his arms out wide as she wobbled forward.
He sucked in a breath when she took her first step. Then her second. Falling flat on her butt on the third only to get up and try again. Making grabby hands as Tobin encouraged her forward, coaxing and prodding until suddenly- she was there. Tottering through the last few steps and falling right into his arms with an excited giggle. Little legs wind-milling as she went airborne.
Tobin swung her up with a whoop. Propping her up on the wide of his shoulder as Michonne clapped and Daryl hid a smile into the curl of his collar. He smiled, but internally he had no idea what was going on. Wondering if this was something he was going to have to make sense of right now before Tobin solved that part for him and took the entirety of the steps in one easy movement.
"Did you see that!? Were those her first?" Tobin asked excitedly. Eyes bright like the entire thing had been a rush as Daryl gave her an open-palmed high five before sidling off the deck and across the street where Glenn and Maggie were coming around the corner.
He nodded mutely. Feeling the smile spread across his face as Judith slid down from his shoulder and arranged herself in the cradle of the man's arms. Comfy as can be. Watching him watching her with those big doe eyes, blinking slow like she was about to fall asleep.
There was a companionable silence after that. A smattering of moments where Michonne looked between them, smiling. Apparently not inclined to share whatever she found so amusing as she ducked down and gave Judith a kiss before heading off herself. Trailing after Daryl with a particular look on her face. Something that eventually got lost when he looked back and noticed Judith starting to droop to port in Tobin's arms.
"Looks like she's about done for now, want me to take her?" he asked, already reaching forward as Judith rubbed her eyes sleepily.
"Nah, she's fine," Tobin hummed, looking pleased as anything as he hefted her easily.
There was an awkward a beat before-
"Unless- unless this isn't okay?" the man added carefully, looking it him with dawning realization. Catching on to the underlying mood of the moment. A slow moving shift of muscles and sinews as the man's expression turned knowing. Already starting to untangle Judith's fingers from his shirt collar. Ready and willing to give her back as he exhaled slowly through the cracks between his teeth.
Thing was, it wasn't.
It hadn't been.
Not until right this second, anyway.
Not until he was able to really take it in. Watching his daughter riding high in another man's arms. Expertly cradled in a way that spoke of more experience than he'd ever have. With an expression that said there was nothing he'd hate more than to give her back - but he would.
And that was the difference.
That was where the afterimage of Shane faded and left only Tobin standing in front of him. Face full of the same longing - the same need – but with no desire to cross that line. Not now. Not ever.
"It's alright," he managed, swallowing thickly as the truth rose out of the back of his throat like something heavy. Something significant. "She likes you."
The man's grin was blinding, but slow to form.
"You're lucky, at this age they're usually mom, dad or nothing," Tobin observed, adjusting her a bit so that she was caught soundly in the curve of his arm. Drooling contently into the strong of his chest. Making it look easy – natural.
"She grew up around a lot of hands," he shared, not quite sure what made him say it. Why he was trusting Tobin with something SO private. Things he and Carl didn't even talk about, but rather accepted as facts and kept emotions away from it.
"Takes a village, right?" Tobin echoed, hips shifting from side to side in a slow unconscious rock he doubted the man was even aware of. Putting a surprisingly different spin on something that had been just another harsh reality on the road. "That's what they say, isn't it?"
Now that he was up close, he had to admit that for once – everything else aside - he wasn't sure if he liked what he saw. Tobin looked worn. He was sure there was another word for it, a better one, but he couldn't quite grasp it. It was more than just the dark circles punched deep under his eyes. More than the dull sheen of his skin and the careful way he held himself. Like he was one muscle movement away from a flinch. It was something else. Something that tasted bitterly familiar and-
"You alright?"
Tobin just blinked before-
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired," the man answered as the breeze kicked up the longer wisps of his hair.
He fixed him with a look, but didn't call him on it.
Instead, he surprised himself by drawing it out.
Like he couldn't quite let it go.
"It gets easier," he offered, hands on his hips as he let his right leg rotate on its heel. Softening his stance to something less aggressive as Tobin's posture slowly unkinked itself. Straightening to his full height as discomfort rose wearily to the forefront. Just like things always tended to when two men who usually kept their own counsel tried to navigate the minefield that came part and parcel with slippery, private things like feelings.
The frown was back on Tobin's face.
"That's what I'm afraid of," Tobin murmured quietly. Shaking his head like he didn't quite understand the words, but felt like he had to say them anyway.
"Yes. You should be afraid. Getting used to killing isn't something any of us should ever be comfortable with. We can't stop feeling it, otherwise- what are we?" he negated. Stopping Tobin cold as the man looked back at him, listening. The blunt of his thumb rubbing gently against the pudge of Judith's cheek. Adding a complexity to the moment that'd been building for a while now. Something delicate and small, but unrepentantly alive.
Growing.
"But I don't mean it that way. Not exactly. You get used to it. Fighting. It takes a lot out of you and sometimes you can get lost it in. Just remember what you're fight for – what's at stake - and you'll be fine. This place is different than out there. It's life. But because of that it means people will want it- it means they'll want to take it. Want to make it their own."
"And if you hadn't come along when you did, then they would have" Tobin pointed out. Breaking the quiet with a gentle rejoinder that reminded him of crushing his knees against the blacktop as Deanna put her hands up, placatingly. Aiming his gun at-
"Who knows what would have happened," he started, trying to back out of that branch of conversation before Tobin shook his head. Looking down at him in that way he had.
"I know. We all do," Tobin told him, rocking Judith back and forth as the sound of laughter floated down the street. "Look around, Rick. Look at what happened. Those people were just out there, looking to kill. It wasn't even the walkers, not really. The reason we were in that mess was because of people. And honestly, that just makes it worse. We lost people, good people, for no good reason. If they'd come to us. Needed us, like you guys did, we could have worked together. But-"
Anger and frustration did something shadowed and strange to the man's face.
Looking distinctly out of place on Tobin's placid, easy-going features.
He disliked it immediately.
"I'm the first to admit that maybe I'm not suited to this- to this life- to killing," Tobin said hesitantly, eyes boring into his – painfully honest with an expression that was clearly still hoping for the best case scenario. "But I'm willing to learn. The world might get better, it might not, but I want to try."
He smiled, feeling it stretch across his face. Apparently habit forming as far as Tobin was concerned. Filing the man's words away to think on later before he turned towards the stairs. Huffing a laugh when Judith made a disgruntled snuffling into the puff of Tobin's sleeve.
"Com'on, we'll get her down for a nap. I think there's still some whisky in the liquor cabinet in here somewhere if you're willin'."
Tobin knuckled the back of his head thoughtfully. Smiling tiredly before nodding and making to follow him up and into the house. Close and warm at his back. Making something hot flare in his belly when the vibrations of the larger man's steps coursed through his worn soles like a tell.
"Normally I'm not much of a drinker, but yeah- with the week we've had? Sign me up for that."
A/N: Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think. – There will be more to come, stay tuned.
