"Look B, I've got to get back… but I swear, I'll come back soon – I'll try and get a message to you when I can so you don't have to keep waiting out here by yourself." I tried to come up with a way but was blank for the time being. But I knew I would figure something out. I had to.

"I promise Beatrice. I won't forget you and I won't ever leave you behind."

Beatrice's Point of View

Once. I had seen Tobias only one time since his choosing ceremony. Going into our agreement I knew it would be like this… we both did. And yet I hoped, even now, three months into our two-year plan that it would be different. That late at night when I nearly fell asleep on the cold asphalt, waiting in our hideout for him to appear, that suddenly he would be there. He would wrap his arms around my tiny frame and hold me tightly to him, reminding me of who I am – of who he is and who we both need to be.

"Be brave B." I try not to cry as I wrap my arms around my torso and try to live his words, his faith in me that I am strong enough to do this on my own - to keep my thoughts and emotions in check while I live the only life I can until we are able to be together again – it is the only thing keeping me going. I repeat his words to me constantly.

It's getting late now… or rather early. I've been in our spot for hours and I know that if I don't leave very soon, the sun will be coming up and my parents will worry, will demand answers as to where I've been. Abnegation does not keep secrets – especially from their family. My knees are locked from lying so stiffly through the night, the chill on my skin from the colder air has left it almost numb in spots and as I stand up awkwardly I glance around to make sure nobody has wandered out this far. Of course they haven't. Nobody ever comes this far out of their way. Glancing up quickly I see that it's even later than I thought, the first rays of light are already up and bouncing off of the buildings in the distance. Silently scolding myself, I reach down to grab the blanket, folding it and moving to shove it into the crevice where I now keep it. But I don't put the blanket away, noticing as I shift the brief reflection of white crumpled up deep inside the asphalt.

Reaching down I squeeze my arm through the cracks and breaks in the old road until my fingers are pressed into the farthest corner and I grab the small piece of white, bringing it out and squinting to see what is written on the paper. B. It's still too dark to see anything else but my heart leaps up into my throat as I go back to putting things away, the blanket no longer folded neatly, simply thrown haphazardly into the crevice, my candle snuffed out and dumped into a second, smaller hole. I shove the letter in my pocket, glancing up once more and know that I have to run or I won't be back before my mother and father know that I've been gone, and before Caleb – my brother – comes to wake me up and discovers that I'm missing.

By the time I make it back to the house I'm barely able to slip inside the door and remove my shoes when I hear heavy footsteps making their way downstairs and I freeze in my spot. This is the latest I've stayed out and I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to get caught. I don't want them to know.

"Beatrice?" My father stops in stunned silence as he sees me at the foot of the stairs. I've quickly taken my hair down and I'm sitting stiffly on the plain brown sofa in our living room, my head in my hands as I hear him approach me cautiously. I don't look up. I don't want him to be able to read my face because I know that I am easily read, my emotions controlling me more than is acceptable in Abnegation. More than is acceptable within our entire society.

"Beatrice, are you all right sweetheart?" I hadn't heard my mother's footsteps on the stairs. But she always had a lighter step than my father, a peaceful presence always seeming to encompass her no matter what she was doing.

"I… I haven't been sleeping well the past few days and I'm feeling very unwell today." I know that I shouldn't be drawing attention to myself but I can't think of anything else to say as I try to speak smoothly, but I can hear my own deception in my voice. Lying is not something that I think I can ever get used to doing even though I know it is necessary to keep T's secret. To keep my secret.

"After today's classes if you are still unwell we will take you to see a physician in Erudite." My father words are clipped and he doesn't approach me further as he speaks and his steps redirect him towards the kitchen to begin preparing breakfast for the family. For once I'm thankful for his lack of concern, and even more thankful that he doesn't berate me for speaking of my own troubles when there are so many factionless out there who are worse off than me. Breathing out a sigh of relief I look up towards my mother who is still watching me carefully and I see a brief reflection of myself when nobody is watching. The way that she analyses me, my clothes, my face… it's the same way that I constantly analyze our world… it's the way that I know makes me stand out. It's something that makes me different from the rest of my faction, from the rest of the city and for the first time I realize that my mother is the same as me – she simply hides it better.

"I will have you excused from your morning classes Beatrice, why don't you go upstairs and get some sleep. Set your alarm and you can go to your afternoon classes." My mother offers me a small smile, but I can tell she is worried. Not from my apparent sickness or lack of sleep. No, I can tell from the look that she gives me that she knows there is something going on that I am not telling her. But oddly, she doesn't ask questions and I simply nod my head, needing to accept her offer of sleep more than I should, unable to refuse and sacrifice my own well-being even though I know it is expected that I should.

"Thank you." I turn to my mother just before I reach the stairs and whisper quietly, hoping that she understands my meaning. That I am thanking her for being more than just abnegation, for not prying even though it is obvious she sees more to me than there should be.

Again she smiles at me only slightly, her eyes letting me know that she does understand what I'm trying to tell her, but that she's still concerned.

When I reach my room I don't know what to do. I've never been sick enough to stay home from my classes or my volunteer times before. And while my earlier statements weren't a complete lie – I haven't been sleeping at night, and I do feel unwell – I can't sleep yet… not while my parents are still here, while the small folded piece paper sits just inside my pocket...

So I lay down on my bed, staring at the ceiling while the slight noises continue on among my family downstairs. I hear the murmurings of my mother through the thin walls of our house after my father asks where I am – his voice naturally louder than hers. I hear Caleb dash out the door, ready to take on the world and follow in my parent's footsteps – seeing all of the places he can offer assistance before I would even be able to process where I'm going. And then… finally I'm alone. The quiet is comforting but completely terrifying at the same time so I do the only thing that I can think of. I pull the small white square from my pocket and open it up.

Inside the note I find his scraggly writing and notice immediately that it was obviously rushed, the way it is written, the messy scrawl all giving it away. But I don't care. It's from him and it's all that matters as I feel a tear slip from my eye and begin to travel down my cheek. I haven't even read it yet. But all of the worry and fear, the anxiety slips away just knowing that he is still alive, that he still remembers me.

Sniffling once I briefly run my hand over my cheek, collecting myself before I turn my focus back to the paper and begin to read, the exhaustion settling in quickly, making my eyes heavy and my hands shake.

B,

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to contact you… it's always hectic around here and it is difficult to get a moment's privacy and peace.

I close my eyes, relief that he has written allowing me to relax and before I can blink my eyes back open to force myself to continue, the black pit of sleep has swallowed me whole, images of Tobias – dressed all in black – are invading my dreams.

I forgot to set my alarm. Instead of feeling refreshed after my day of sleep I feel panicked as I bolt upright in bed, the rush of blood to my head causing me to become dizzy and the room to spin as I spot my mother sitting opposite me. It had been her voice I had heard calling me softly and waking me out of my deep slumber as the late afternoon sun streamed in through my window.

As both my head and my eyes began to adjust to sitting up and the bright light, my mother sits silently at my wooden desk chair, waiting patiently with her hands clasped together while I gather myself together. "I'm sorry Mom." I apologize immediately, realizing my mistake and gasping as I see the time on the clock and listen closely, hearing that my father and Caleb are also both at home, downstairs in the kitchen by the hint of their voices that make their way up to my room.

"Beatrice…" My mother seems off as she sighs, her eyes closing briefly before she continues. "Abnegation is under much scrutiny from the other factions right now." I nod my head towards her, biting the inside of my cheek to try and keep my emotions in check. "It is vital that we do not draw any more attention to ourselves than is necessary right now. We absolutely cannot do anything to discredit the way that we run the government, or the council members who are trusted to keep our city safe." As she speaks she's watching me closely, monitoring my reaction to her quiet words. Her warning that I can't quite grasp the entire meaning of. A few things about her statements hit me though, things she had never spoken out loud to me before although Caleb and I had already suspected ever since the last choosing ceremony. The one where Tobias defected and chose Dauntless. The one that seemed to spark the anonymous articles being printed in the newspaper – attempts to discredit Abnegation as leaders, as the good and selfless people that they all – with the exception of myself – are.

"I'm sorry Mother. I know that it was selfish of me to forget to set my alarm clock and attend my afternoon classes after you allowed me to stay home this morning. I promise that I will attempt to do better and draw less attention to myself." The last part is an easy promise to make… it's something that I continually aim for from day to day. The rest of it is expected of me anyways, drilled into me constantly from a young age. Be selfless. Think of others and never yourself. Help anyone who needs it. Sacrifice yourself and your needs for those of others.

"Beatrice…" she sighs again shakes her head slightly and I'm confused. She is more upset than I expected and as I look down to my own clasped hands folded in my lap I feel an icy shiver travel up my spine. Glancing around the bed I remember it, but I can't see it, it's not on the floor – the bed – my desk. My note from Tobias is missing.

"Mom…" she doesn't allow me to speak, standing up and holding out her hand to silence me. I don't think I could have said much more anyways. My voice is scratchy and I'm suddenly having difficult time breathing. It's strange. We are taught not to need anybody or anything in abnegation. To sacrifice so that others may have what they need but not to be concerned with ourselves. But I realize I cannot live like Abnegation. I need Tobias. It's a terrifying realization.

"We can't afford to draw any attention to ourselves right now Beatrice. There is more at stake than you can possibly realize and we cannot allow them to see anything that might flag us as different." For a moment I'm stunned both by her words and by my own internal awareness. I don't know what to say. By the time I've gathered my wits about me enough to try and ask her a question, I hear my father's heavy steps ascending the stairs and coming towards my room. Shaking her head silently at me I know she is telling me that what she just shared with me is something that I should not take lightly, and that what I have just discovered I can never reveal to anyone else and I bite my lip, nodding just once to let her know that I understand her.

But I don't.

A/N: I'm going to put this out there once more – this story is not completely canon. There may be a few things that I have changed/will change to make it fit with the direction that I want to take it. This may include how characters meet, which faction they were originally from or where they go. I try to at least stay true to character although that is not always possible. If you don't mind these changes feel free to keep enjoying my fic, but if it bothers you – I promise I won't be offended if you choose not to read on.

Anyways, that's all, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and the story in general so far. Please leave a review – especially if you want me to keep writing it! Sometimes it can be hard to decide whether or not to continue when there aren't many reviews telling you to keep going! Thank you to those who have already reviewed… you're awesome!