SCENE 2 - Rude Awakening
Confusion. That was the emotion that dominated my thoughts. Not fear, not sadness or anger… I was not coherent enough for anything but confusion. Where am I? Am I alive? Why are the blue lights still on? Why can't I wake up? I was marginally aware of myself bobbing in and out of consciousness like a drowning woman, peeking above the water just long enough to catch a breath. Hours, days, weeks - the span of time could have been any of them. It was miserable, and yet… had I known what I would face upon awakening, I would have gladly stayed with the emotional opium of confusion.
Eventually, the momentary lucid spells became seconds, then minutes, until finally, I was aware. There was something over my mouth - I wasn't sure what it was, but I didn't want it there. Still confused, I lumbered a sluggish arm from my side up to my face to investigate the source of the discomfort - and immediately regretted it. I eked out a pained moan and returned my arm to my side, thudding on the bed like the limb of an Elcor as a stabbing pain erupted under my ribcage. My vocalizations must have aroused the attention of the medical staff - in short order, Dr. Chakwa's face returned to my view, eyes narrowed with furrowed brows.
"Liara… can you hear me?" She asked, her inflection shaded with concern and uncertainty.
I nodded, trying to hold eye contact. "Water," I tried to say, but my throat was so parched that no more than a whisper came out. Seeing my failed attempt to communicate, she removed the mask and leaned in closer.
"Water…" I repeated painfully, much louder this time.
"Yes, of course," she said, relief coming to her face. She left quickly, and returned with a tall, thin glass, lifting my bed into a semi-seated position. "You've lost a lot of fluids," she continued, flashing a light into my eyes as I sipped slowly. "I imagine you're going to need quite a lot to drink." She placed a hand on my abdomen, lightly at first, then with slight pressure at different points. I winced in pain. It felt like my entire midsection was one large bruise, throbbing in some areas, stinging in others. "Stitches are holding," she muttered to herself, "no signs… of infection… very good." She stood up, and for the first time, a weary smile appeared on her face. "I must say, you had me worried there for a while. I was prepping you for surgery when we lost power… had to end up doing things the old-fashioned way - no mechanical assistance."
"Surgery?" I asked, leaning up to try and have a look at the damage. It was a bad idea. The pain roared at me, and I promptly returned my back to the bed. "What…"
"Five broken ribs, two ruptured organs, and a lacerated artery. You nearly bled to death. Ensign Braxton quite literally saved your life - she held you together with her bare hands for nearly an hour while I did my best to stitch you up." She sighed, stroking her forehead. I could see the exhaustion on her face. "You know, I haven't done surgery by hand in years… I must admit, given the haze with which I recall Asari anatomy, I'm relieved things went as well as they did."
"What happened to the power?" I asked, my voice flowing more freely now that it wasn't so parched.
"I'm not quite sure yet," she said, surveying the eerily-lit room with trepidation. "Nobody is. We were hit with some kind of pulse - from the crucible, I assume - and most of our systems went offline."
"Which systems?" I replied. There was another question pushing to the surface of my mind, but I wasn't ready to face it yet. It terrified me. I felt safer asking about the ship.
"… nearly all of them," she said, her voice tinted with despair. "Navigation, propulsion, communication… and of course, the majority of my state-of-the-art medical equipment." She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts. "And we lost EDI."
"Lost?"
"Her body in the cockpit, the servers in the A.I. core… they just… stopped."
"Oh my…"
"And to make matters worse, the pulse diverted our trajectory. We've been drifting off course for over a day now, at God-knows what speed. Adams and Connelly have been working 'round the clock to at least get the sub-light thrusters back online to slow us down so we don't crash into anything. It's… it's a mess."
"So, where are we now?" I asked, half-hearted. The buried question was fighting its way to the surface. I could feel my pulse increasing, a flush of weakness tingling through my muscles as I tried in vain to block it from my mind.
"Nobody knows," she sighed. "Maps are still offline. Traynor and Tali have been more focused on keeping life support running so we don't all suffocate. But the good news is, we are still breathing." She grasped my hand tenderly. "Right now, I'll take any good news I can get, and hearing you speak is a tremendous relief. After everyone we've lost…" She cut herself off, fighting back emotion and resuming with a forced smile. "Well, I couldn't bear to lose you, too."
Everyone we've lost…
There was no more resisting, no more distracting. I had to know. I had to ask. My heart wasn't ready, but my mouth couldn't wait any longer. "Karen… where is Shepard?"
The look on her face told me, even before she could form the words. Sadness, empathy, pity, forming in her moistening eyes.
Oh no. Oh, goddess, please! Please no…
"Oh my dear girl," she said with a tint of surprise, her face blurring as tears welled up in my own eyes. "You didn't hear? Of course, how could you have? We tried to go back for him, we stayed 'till the last moment…"
My pulse raced as I gasped for air. No, no no! Not again! I can't take this again… Her words turned hollow as she continued, as if they were emanating from some etherial place, some realm that my psyche was trying to escape to. "Oh, Liara, I'm so sorry. He… he didn't make it."
I closed my eyes forcefully, pushing the emotions back under the surface as tears escaped down my cheeks. You knew this could happen, I told myself. You've been here before. You promised to never let yourself go back there. Keep it together…
"I see," I near-whispered. "Thank you… for…" Words escaped me. I turned my head to face the wall, staring blankly at it. "I… need to be alone right now," I said in measured speech, with all the control I could muster.
"Of course," she replied with a sniffle. "I'll be with the other patients if you need anything."
I didn't want to talk to anyone, didn't want to think or feel. I didn't even want to exist. I stared at the sheet metal wall of the med bay for what felt like hours, musing over the crimson stains pooled at the top of rivets and streaking down their sides. A few streaks were the unmistakable deep purple that belonged to me. Dr. Chakwas was right - it was a miracle I was alive. Or a curse. As I lay there staring, I was unsure which it was. My labored breathing got the better of me, and I was right on the verge of sleep when Garrus's voice brought me back to consciousness.
"Liara? Chakwas said you were awake…"
I heard his footsteps approach, sensed his presence next to my bed. I didn't move.
"He's dead, Garrus," I said coldly, surprising myself. I wanted to hug him, to be excited that a dear friend had survived. I knew I should, but somehow I was incapable of it.
I felt his hand rest on my shoulder. "Hey now, we don't know that," he said defensively.
I was in no mood for hope. Hope had betrayed me too many times before. I was emotionally exhausted. I was done.
"Chakwas told me. We waited… he's…" my voice cracked, as I pushed back a sudden rush of emotion.
"We don't know anything," he replied, kind but firm. "For all we know, Shepard and Anderson are standing on a Reaper corpse right now, toasting our victory with a couple of beers."
"Or crushed to death underneath one," I countered.
"Liara," he said pointedly. I turned to face him, meeting his eyes as he continued. "Which Shepard are we talking about? 'Cause the one I know has been shot, smashed, blown up, spaced… I'm not even sure he can be killed."
"You saw it yourself, Garrus. Nobody made it to the beam. Nobody made it out."
He was trying to look confident, but I saw the vulnerability in his eyes. Shepard was his best friend. "I hardly even…" I continued, succumbing to the tears that refused to be contained. I could see Shepard's face so vividly in my mind, hear his final words to me. 'No matter what happens, I will always love you.' The fervency of his voice, the pain and reassurance in his eyes… it wrecked me. "I barely even got to say goodbye!" I blurted out, the words narrowly escaping my mouth ahead of an avalanche of tears. I pulled Garrus to me in a painful embrace, heaving and sobbing uncontrollably. It ached to cry, but there was no stopping it.
"I know," he said, patting my back timidly. "I know… but we can't give up hope. We can't."
As much as I appreciated his reassurance, I couldn't accept it. There was no hope left in me. Shepard was gone.
