Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters and references, and I own Whispers Of Honesty.

Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved See my heart I decorate it like a grave
You don't understand who they Thought I was supposed to be Look at me now a man
Who wont let himself be...Down in a Hole by Alice In Chains

EPOV Chap3

Holy fuck! My body is burning. My eyes seem glued shut, why can't I open my eyes? Nothing will work. Somebody help me…Please, help me, I'm burning.

"Edward…"

Someone is here with me.

Help me please; I don't want to be in hell.

"Mr. Cullen, can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can."

Yes, I can hear you. I'm trying to move but nothing works.

Fuck!

I'm so tired…

~*WoH*~

"Edward…baby wake up. Please baby, I didn't mean for this to happen."

It's her.

Kate, oh god baby I can hear you Kate.

Please, Katie help me.

Come on hand, fucking move damn it.

"Edward, come baby open your eyes...Dr. He squeezed my hand."

Kate, yes I can feel you.

"Mr. Cullen, I'm Dr Berity. Can you try to open your eyes for me?"

I am asshole, but nothing is happening.

Wait, I see flashing light.

Holy fuck that shit is bright.

Oh, god turn the lights off.

"Calm down Edward, it's alright. You're safe."

"K…te." Wow was that me? It feels like I have swallowed sandpaper.

"Hey, I'm right here. Jesus Edward, what were you thinking?"

"OWW! What the fuck!" Something sharp was jabbed into my foot, and then the other.

"His senses are all in tack. Mr. Cullen, how many fingers am I holding up?"

My eyes still are not able to focus, as I look at the strange man waving his finger in front of my face. If the fucker would stop moving them, I could tell him. Finally, he holds three in front of me.

"Three." I rasp out.

"Very good, Mr. Cullen, Now, do you remember what happen to you?"

All I know is I am in the hospital, and my body is stiff, and in severe pain, but I have know idea how I got here. The only thing that comes to mind is, perhaps I was in a car accident, though it does not seem familiar. I suggest it anyway.

"Was I in a car accident?" I ask. Kate and the Dr. give each other a look, telling me instantly that is the wrong answer.

Okay then, what the fuck happened to me? I try to think, but my mind is an ocean of images. All these strange images are sloshing back and fourth, and nothing makes sense. Make it stop please. My head is fucking killing me. Kate…I will focus on Kate. I realize she is no longer beside me. This only raises my anxiety and I desperately need a smoke.

"Why is everyone so quiet? What the hell happened to me?" I demanded, and neither of them speak.

When my anxiety spikes my habit is automatically try to drag my hand through my hair. This was a bad idea. Every fiber in my body screams in agonizing pain. I am positive the arm I lifted has spontaneously combusted. When I can no longer take the pain panic takes over, and I let out a gut wrenching scream. Kate begins to cry, and Dr. Berity walks out returning with a nurse with a fresh IV bag. I assume it is pain meds. I look over to Kate, who is now staring out the window trying to hide her tears. Yes, something is definitely wrong.

The nurse hooks up the new bag, and tells me the pain will subside in a few minutes. Finally able to get my pussy-screaming ass in check I take calming breaths and relax. The dr. is once again beside me, and flashing the light in my eyes again.

"What is the last thing you remember?" Dr Berity asks me as he flips through his chart, his uni-brow creases in the middle of dark beady eyes and spectacles that rest low on his nose. He is short pudgy man with fat fingers and a large nose that has acne scars. For some reason I think of the man who plays Professor Filius Flitwick in Harry Potter.

Growing more frustrated, not being able to remember what has happened to me, I speak slowly aloud hoping it will help remember "I remember filming the final scenes of Angels In Disguise, and then Kate and I went back to London. Garrett and Sienna threw us a house warming party. The next day, I remember waking up alone, and then it's as if my life just stops." I watch Kate's body language carefully. She is tense, fidgety, and chewing the sides of her fingers. I can tell she wants a cigarette as badly as I do. I continue to stare at her, though not once does she look at me. The silence after my confession only makes the tension worse.

Kate breaks the silence speaking her words to the window rather than to anyone in the room "How the fuck can this be happening. I…I can't be here. I have to go," she says, and turns to run from the room, from me, leaving me more confused than when I woke up. Looking up at the Doctor, I see he too is apprehensive. I close my eyes, and fall back to sleep.

My eyes are still closed, but I know instantly the hand holding mine is my mothers. I open my eyes to her beautiful blue ones smiling down at me. She has never been good at hiding her feelings and I see there is sadness underlying there as well. Something was definitely wrong.

"How are you feeling sweetheart?" She asks in her soft monotone.

"Hi mom. I don't know, to be honest. What happened to me?" She took my hand and kissed my knuckles, and brushed back the fly a ways from my face.

"You really don't remember love, do you? What month is this Edward?"

"Depending on how long I was out, I believe it's still April." Her face fell, and I was really getting agitated with all the evasiveness. I wanted some fucking answers now, and since my mom was the only in the room, I take it out on her… "Mom, stop treating me like a child. What the hell happened to me, and how long was I out?" I felt bad for raising my voice at her, but enough was enough.

"Love, its October 5th…" I cut her off before she finished. If I believed in ghost's I would think one just punched me in the stomach sucking the air from my longs. I had been in a coma for 6 months?

"Jesus Christ mom, six months?" She nodded her head.

"No, Edward, you were only out for three days. You overdosed on heroin, cocaine, and alcohol that is why you are here. Garrett found you in a hotel room ready to jump from the 12th floor balcony. You were rambling about trying to get your head and arms back. Just as Garrett reached you, you lost you balance and fell hitting your head on the ledge. Luckily you had fallen towards Garrett." She held my eyes with her teary ones and squeezed my hand even tighter. What the fuck is she talking about?

"I…What…I don't understand?" Six months of my life is missing, and apparently, I was junkie. What about Kate? I was just about to bombard my mother with questions when my PA Irina walked in.

"Oh thank god Edward. You scared the hell out all of us. How could you be so irresponsible? Just because that lying witch K…" Before she could finish my mother interrupted her.

"Yes, it's terrible what has happened to Edward, and now, him not remembering anything that has happened for the last six months. Edward surely has had more than he can handle right now. I think we should let him try to rest," she said staring pointedly at Irina. Very subtle mum.

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry you don't remember. Yes, I think Elizabeth is right we should let you rest. Elizabeth how bout some coffee?"

Irina walked over to me and kissed my forehead and tucked the blankets tightly around me, and walked towards the door. Now, she has been my PA since I began my career nine years ago, I consider her a second mother. Though there was one time after a party we were drunk, and things went a little too far, but we realized that was a huge mistake. I trust her with my life, but if she thinks she and my mother were going to talk in code and walk out of here like I'm not even in the room, they both sorely mistaken.

"Hold on you two. I need some goddamn answers! What the hell is going on?" I sat up quickly and screamed out as pain burned through my body. Both of them were beside me in an instant, paging the nurse. Whatever is in the bag worked quickly. I was feeling good and absolutely pain free in no time. Taking one last look at my mother, I closed my eyes and was back in lala land.

The fog a thick swirling haze. Screaming coming from all directions. Where was I? Kate, is that you? Katie! Where are you? Oh, fuck, Katie I'm coming! I hear you baby. I'm running deeper into the forest tripping over rocks, and fallen branches, and the fog is getting heavier, to the point it is holding me back to a walk. I can't run anymore, but the screaming is so loud. Where is she? Up ahead is a light. Many lights flashing. The ground was turning red. Kate, where are you baby, please Katie answer me. More voices, sounds laughing. However, the screaming is still there. Holy fuck, I'm at a premiere. Photographers are everywhere. Journalist are rushing towards me. Where is Felix, Irina, Carlisle. Then I see her. Kate. I call to her, but she turns away from me. The journalist shout things at me I don't understand. Edward, how are you doing after the break up? Is it true Kate is in love with another woman? Edward, now that you are single would you date a fan? Is it true you found Kate in bed with Garrett Thomas? Edward…Edward…Edward…Ahhhhhh…That's when I realize the screaming and painful cries are coming from me. I fall to my knees I can't breathe. Kate, please Kate, don't do this to me. I call to her, and she turns back to me. You knew this wouldn't last Edward. Be a man Edward, you'll be fine. She is standing with men and woman I don't recognize. They are licking, kissing and, grinding on her…Nooo, KATIE PLEASE!

I awoke in a cold sweat still screaming. Familiar soft hands were instantly cradling my tear stained face. "Mum, oh mum, what happened? Why did she leave me? It hurts mum, please make it stop hurting," I cried into my mothers chest as she rocked me, holding me tightly into the safety of her body.

"Shhh, I know love. It's alright. Everything is going to be alright now. We have you back, and we can begin making you well." She held me until the remainder of the day turned to night. The Doctor had been in and out as well as nurses, friends, and my father. I didn't speak to anyone as I went in and out of consciousness, wishing I could forget all that I had remembered. Kate had left me, and my life had spun out of control.

~*HStHS*~

"Kate, he doesn't need the added stress, and I feel your being here will only give him false hope. Perhaps after he gets well you could see him, but right now he has just remembered what happened, and I think it best you not be here," my mother said to Kate softly. They were out in the hallway, and my heart had sped up at the sound of Kate's name.

"Elizabeth, I know that you feel I have wronged Edward, but just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean I stopped caring about him I mean…" She was cut off by mother's uncharacteristic outburst.

" How dare you try and tell me you care about him, look what you have done to him. My son nearly died all because you used him to move your career forward. He was nothing but good to you, would have done anything for you, and you tore his heart out and shoved it in his face. You Katharine Brewster are nothing but a lying, heartless, talent less disgrace to society, and I don't want you anywhere near my son. If you don't leave right now I will remove you myself.," she said with firm viciousness. I have never in my life herd my loose her patience nor say such harsh words. Sure, she has always been very protective of me and my sisters, but she has never lost her cool so to speak. I almost wanted to give her a fist pump at her protectiveness, but the whole situation was just fucked up. In addition, I knew the pain that would radiate through my arm, no not a good idea.

"Well, Elizabeth, I am sorry you feel that way. I didn't use your son to push my career forward. I had already had ten movies in my resume when Edward had none. If it wasn't for me he would still be an unemployed no nothing actor. Edward has the career he has because I chose him out of thousands of other actors who tried out for the role of Ian Zander. If anything he owes me…" A twig being snapped in half is how I define the sound I herd next. My mother Elizabeth 'sweet loving kind hearted' Cullen had just smacked Katharine Brewster A list movie star. "I'm…" my mother began. "I think you need to leave now" she finished and walked back into my room closing the door in tears.

Outside the orange hospital lights glowed into my room., and I could make out her features. Her hands we clutched to her chest, her eyes were closed as her tears rolled down her cheeks. I knew she thought I was asleep, but I couldn't stand to see my mother looking so hurt.

"Mum, are you alright?" I asked quietly yet it still startled her.

"Oh, Edward, yes sweetheart I'm fine. I didn't mean to wake you," she said as she gathered her composer.

"I herd what happened." She sighed, and walked over sitting beside me. She took my hand in hers and kissed my forehead.

"I'm so sorry Edward. I don't know what came over me. I will apologize to her when I have settled. I don't know what came over me," she cupped my face and kissed my cheek. She is so humble and strong willed. There was no need for her to apologize, but I knew she would anyway. "It's fine mum, you were just protecting your son," I said kissing her cheek.

"Edward, you are such a good man, and I love you so much."

"I know mum, and I love you too," with that she got up from the bed, and sat in the chair she had taken up residence in. I watched her for a bit thinking about how amazing my mother is. I hoped someday I would find a woman just as loving, courageous, and strong as her. Though I thought, I already did. My thoughts turned to the present making my chest ache once again. After so long I finally found sleep.

Waking up in sweat covered sheets, and an unknown woman lying naked beside me, I turn my head to the nightstand on my other side. Laid strewn about are my tools to forget and feel nothing. I am back in a hotel room.