WARNING: This chapter contains rape. You've been warned. Read at your own risk. The story's rated M for this reason. Don't forget to review, I like seeing feedback.
Hurt and Betrayed
I squirm beneath him, sex is the last thing I want. I told him I don't want to get that intimate with him until we're married. He's drunk and angry, and I neglect him. This is my own fault. I should have known this was coming. I shoot him down every time he tries to touch me below the waist. He usually listens, he must have snapped now. Maybe it'll hurt less if I tell him what he wants to hear.
His mouth continues to attack me and I feel him tug on my pants. I shake, fear builds in my chest. I want to push him away, but I'm afraid of what he'll do if I do that. Another moan escapes me and I close my eyes, "I.. I want it.."
It takes virtually three seconds to undress me and I'm lying naked on the couch with my fiancee straddling me, taking his own clothes off. I look away, fixating my gaze on the wall across from me. I'd rather look anywhere but at Vanitas. I don't want to see the look in his eyes. I don't want to see any of what I'm allowing to happen. I gasp as I feel his grab my legs. I look at him as he hooks my legs over his shoulders. Realizations hits me then, what exactly is happening. I'm going to lose my virginity, and he's drunk. This isn't what I wanted my first time to be like.
I imagined soft romantic foreplay and kind words, maybe some nice wine, a fancy dinner. Hell, I wanted freaking rose petals to fall around us, but this is nothing like that. This is forced, and uncomfortable, and I feel like I'm going to throw up. The alcohol on his breath makes things even worse, because it's a constant reminder that he isn't in his right mind.
I can still tell him to stop, I can- He thrusts into me and pain fills my entire being. I feel like I'm being ripped in half. The pain causes me to scream and Vanitas covers my mouth with his hand, "Shh.. It'll be better if you just be still."
He keeps thrusting with such force, I feel like my insides are being shredded by a cheese grater. I continue to scream and my cries of pain are thoroughly muffled by his hand clamped tightly on my jaw. After awhile the pain sort of subsides. Now I'm just numb. He doesn't stop. He turns me over and I face the wall as he rips me apart again. I blink slowly, moans and whimpers leave my mouth, but I don't scream anymore. It's a dull pain. I came twice already, but he's still hard. I hear him moaning and grunting in my ear and I wince. Please, just stop soon.
He finally comes inside me and I shudder. It's the worst feeling, I feel so dirty. It's gross, I don't want to think about it. I just want to take a shower. He pulls out and I whimper. He sighs and stands, stretching. I sit up slowly, I know I'm going to have to clean this mess up. I look up at him, "I'm going to take a shower.. Then I'll.. Clean this up.."
He nods, "I need a shower, too. You start cleaning while I get my shower."
He heads to the bathroom and I sigh, standing up. Pain shoots up my body and I grip the arm of the couch so I don't fall down, groaning. I slowly clean the living room. I pick up Vanitas's beer bottle and put it in the fridge since it's still half full. I grab a sponge from the kitchen and soak it with soap. I clean the rug where the beer spilled, and then I try to clean up the couch. Vanitas comes out of the bathroom, wearing just pajama bottoms. He smiles at me, "Good job, Ven. Fuck, I'm going to have such a hang over tomorrow."
I nod limply, "I'm done now, so I'm.. Going to shower. I'm not feeling too well, so.. I'm going to bed after my shower."
He nods, turning on the t.v., "Night, babe."
"Night.." I go limp my way to the bedroom. I grab a t shirt, underwear, and a pair of sweatpants then I set the water and get in the shower. I just stand in the shower, letting the hot water run down my body for awhile. I slowly start to wash myself off then and once I'm done, I just start crying. I sit in the tub and pull my knees to my chest. I sit there in the hot water, and I cry. I can't stop crying. I feel hurt, and betrayed. It's my fault, it wouldn't have hurt so much if I had just let him have sex with me one of the first few times he asked.
He'll probably ask for it more often now, and I'm not sure I'm okay with that. I want romance, not drunken fucking. I hurt all over, he was just so rough with me. Maybe he'll be more gentle next time. Yeah, he has to be. This was an exception, he was just in a bad mood. He seems much more happy now that I've given myself to him. I'll just have sex with him again the next time he asks, and he'll be more gentle. I'll get my romantic fantasy, for sure. He loves me after all, he doesn't really want to hurt me.
I calm down and get out of the shower. I gingerly dry off and get dressed. I go to the bedroom and turn off the light and get in bed. I pull the covers over me and I face the wall. I can hear Vanitas's obnoxious laughter from whatever show he's watching. I sigh and close my eyes. I just want to sleep. I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning. I'll make Vanitas breakfast and he'll thank me for taking care of him while he's hung over. Everything will be fine in the morning.
