GINTAMA BLEACH X-OVER

Gintoki

They're not very good at being stealthy, these shinigami. Not very good at anything, really, if human teenagers have to go and do their job. It's not like their probabilities of success were any good, either. Honestly. This is why they can't have nice things.

Gintoki, for instance, knows when to keep out of a fight and when not. Which is why he gets to have a fantastic sex life and even better access to strawberry milk, since people keep trying to spar with him and he won't accept until they agree to his conditions. It's a lot like the Yorozuya, only the Shinsengumi are missing and, well, obviously he's still waiting on Kagura and Pattsuan. But apart from that (which Kisuke says is an anomaly in itself that he can remember his past life) he's doing well for himself. Or Kisuke is. Because Gintoki is kind of free-loading off of him.

The man doesn't seem to mind, though.

In any case, these kids suck at stealth and Gintoki has been having more fun here than since the last time he beat up Takasugi. Only, no one can give him a challenge, which kind of sucks, now that he thinks about it. And it's not like he's not looking out for one either. He thought this was supposed to be the castle of the king, the fortress of the insane would-be conqueror, but they have yet to encounter opposition. With how sucky these kids are at stealth...

Mad laughter echoes through the hallway. Gintoki... has heard that laugh before. It's too obnoxious to forget. For once in his second life he doesn't crash the party Sakamoto is throwing, though.

Carrot-top does.

It feels a little like the old days with this spitfire about, only, y'know, the rest of the lot is missing.

The kid storms into a large hall full of arrancar. It actually looks like they're having a get-together and are hanging out. Only, most of them are the moody loner types. In the light of this, Sakamoto is not to be overlooked. Can't be, the way he's making an arse of himself. Suddenly, Gintoki is acutely aware of how much he's missed the sight. Not that Sakamoto's gotten any less ugly. His arrancar form has sunglasses, which is just as ridiculous as he is.

Ichigo zeroes in on someone with blue hair who looks equally delighted to see him if the growling is anything to go by and leaves Gintoki to stare at his old friend. Which is what he does. Sakamoto looks his way and gives no indication whether he recognises him or not. Gintoki still stares, then he says, quietly, "Tatsuma."

Sakamoto, the little shit, laughs obnoxiously, elbows someone who has suspiciously long glossy hair and spreads his arms wide. "Kintoki", he begins, Gintoki is next to him that very instant. "It's not Kintoki, It's Katsura."

Catchy, that. But he uses it mostly to see whether it actually is Zura. And on cue, "Zura jia nai, Katsura da."

He is holding something that looks suspiciously like a joi meeting. He wonders if that means the Shinsengumi is in Soul Society. Although he wouldn't have missed the majora (he'd smell the sacrilege of coating anything with the horrid substance) or Souchiro (he's been by every dango stand he could find and there was no sleep mask in sight) or even the Gorilla (because Gintoki does in fact have a nose, which is also why he hasn't found the Madao). So, since he's found both Sakamoto and Zura with their respective followers, where is Takasugi?

Zura actually looks at him, then "Ah, finally, our joi figurehead has finally joined us! The Shiroyasha, my comrades!"

They suddenly all look awed and scramble to hold up welcome banners. This is all eerily familiar. Gintoki contemplates running, but has a better idea. "Hey Strawberry-kun, they've been waiting for you, look!"

This startles the two brawling idiots so much that Ichigo simply leaves the other moron behind and comes over to read the banners. "But I'm not Shiroyasha, Sakata", he says is so confusedly that Gintoki almost thinks it's cute. He reminds him a little of Pattsuan, only he's both more and less fun to rile up. His words are not heeded by the ecstatic joi-arrancar.

"Ooh, Gintoki, you have already recruited more young and noble warriors for our cause. I see waiting for you has paid off", Zura says seriously, as always, and the joi cheer. It's a little dissonant and someone lets loose a cero in the excitement which starts a fight in which Sakamoto's lot join eagerly. It's a little like the old times when they went and took down the space pirates together. Ichigo looks a little lost there. He obviously needs to see more proof before he believes that Zura is plotting to overthrow the alien government of insane megalomaniacal shinigami.

How odd, Gintoki would've thought he'd jump at the chance of getting the mousey-haired shinigami with a god complex out of power.

Suddenly, the blue haired idiot Ichigo was fighting before he came over is behind them. He's also very confused. Gintoki wonders why everyone but Kisuke seems to be so slow on the uptake around here. Seriously, it's like they all have nothing but 'must establish dominance as alpha male' on their minds. He doesn't mind Shunsui or his fellow strawberry milk drinker, but the rest of the lot are hopeless. Ikkaku and Yumichika especially.

"Hey, fight me!", the blue haired monkey says, "I've gotten stronger since the last time!"

Uh, how about no? He's busy figuring out how he's going to establish communications between Zura and Kisuke so they can actually hatch a successful coup. A propos, where is Elizabeth?

So he makes use of the brawling joi patriot arrancars in front of him. "This one is not worthy of fighting the Shiroyasha, yet he has challenged him!", that is, apparently, all he needs to say, because the monkey is swallowed up in the mass of bodies. Ichigo stares at Gintoki a little. Just a little.

"Where have the Kihetai gone?", Sakamoto asks and Gintoki has the creeping suspicion that Takasugi has gone ahead and launched an attack on the oppressor already, with the way the ground shakes.

They charge, one laughing like an idiot, one looking ridiculously noble with his glossy hair, one an orange-haired kid with too much power and Gintoki. It's a good feeling, whatever it is spreading through his chest.

Ichigo

Sakata has such weird friends.

Ichigo can't get used to how over the top they are. And still, Yuzu likes the one with the nice wig, his dad thinks the one with the obnoxious laugh is hilarious and Karin has taken to following the moody one around. So maybe, just maybe they're alright. Just…

"Ha? Says the one with the butterflies on his mask!", shouts a childish Sakata.

"They're artful, you numbknuckle!", the moody one shouts back, "I wouldn't expect someone with a perm to understand."

"Come on, guys", the laughing madman says, trying to play the mediator, "Can't we all just-"

Two fists strike him in the face and they simultaneously shout, "NO!"

Ichigo tries to determine whether he can go check on the guy or if there's still a danger-zone. A moment later it turns out, there isn't and the moody one stomps off moodily. Karin trails him conspicuously.

Gintoki flops onto the couch with a huff.

And Kisuke just won't stop laughing.

Yamamoto

Shunsui and Juichiro know something. He's sure of it. There is no way they can't know, but they won't tell him. Which is inexcusable.

The amount of time they both spend in that Vizored's company is alarming. They're there more often than not. Shunsui's squad is fine, they've dealt with continuous absences often enough, but the eleventh… They are acting very suspiciously like they are competent without their captain.

It seems he must investigate.

He'll send Kuchiki-taichou to find out more.

Byakuya

The human realm is just as he remembers it. A little dirtier than Soul Society, a little louder and the smells are just as pungent. He's a little horrified to have to return. But, Yamamoto-soutaichou was very clear in his orders. Byakuya is not to return until he has found out what is going on.

Where, exactly, he didn't say, but Byakuya suspects it has to do with Kurosaki Ichigo and his ragtag band of ryoka friends. And Urahara. He's got his fingers knitting too many webs for him not to have spun a thread here.

He doesn't expect to find any arrancar. But he does and they are playing with two little girls. And Kurosaki is watching. Calmly.

"I couldn't believe it the first time, either", Ukitake-taichou says from beside him, where Bykuya barely felt him coming. Only the whisper of his clothes gave him away. Clothes that are not his Shinigami garb. Which means he's in a gigai. Which means he's been spending and intending to spend much time in the human realm. Which is worrying.

But… he looks healthy.

"Gin-chan has such interesting friends", Kyoraku-taichou says from his other side. Now him, Byakuya did not sense at all, but with Ukitake-taichou's arrival, he was expecting the man to not be far behind.

"Who're you calling my friend?", one of the arrancar whom Byakuya has not seen before, suddenly asks from behind Kyoraku-taichou. He has a butterfly on his mask. And only one eye. Which is… unfortunate. It looks a little like Soi-Fong got him in the face. Byakuya does not say that. Although without Abarai-kun there to voice his rude opinions, he has the sudden urge to do so.

He does not give in.

"Ma, Takasugi-chan, I know you and Gin-chan have a lot of issues to sort out, but-", there is the clash of swords and off they are, sparring at a speed Byakuya has not seen since Shihouin Yoruichi left the Gotei 13.

A chuckle from beside him. There is something missing. A fit of coughs is missing. Byakuya shakes himself out of it.

"So, the Soutaichou sent you to investigate."

He nods slowly.

"You might consider not reporting to him for a while, Kuchiki-taichou."

Byakuya looks at him.

"Just wait and see. Urahara-san is about to arrive."

Byakuya watches with growing fascination and a little horror as the exile and the arrancar with the long hair line out battle strategies. It seems there are quite a few arrancar unhappy with their current government. Which is a happy convenience. Byakuya is suspicious.

Gin-chan, Kyoraku-taichou said.

His train of thought is interrupted by someone ambling up to Ukitake-taichou and handing him a carton of something. There are strawberries depicted on it. Rukia has told him of this ingenious contraption of the humans. Is this a juice-box?

"Thank you, Gintoki-kun", Ukitake-taichou says and Byakuya flicks his eyes over the man. Silver perm, dead fish-eyes and a pinky in his left nostril. His yukata hangs oddly over his frame and Byakuya has the sneaking suspicion that it is so on purpose. He does his best not to make a face.

The man stares at Byakuya unflinchingly without expression. Byakuya stares back.

"Ooh, staring match", someone says and laughs obnoxiously. It's the most vile sound Byakuya has ever been forced to hear.

"A contest worthy of our attention. Not many can give the Shiroyasha a decent fight", were the voice not speaking of what it is, Byakuya might have thought there was one decent person amongst the assembled.

Someone yelps, then: "Hey, Byakuya, long time no see."

Byakuya turns incredulous eyes upon Kurosaki. Does he still have no manners?

"Aw", a girl says, "And here I thought, finally he'd met his match."

A… duck-like creature is holding up a sign. "He has yet to beat me!"

"Elizabeth, you two have never had a contest, but it is a good idea! Everyone, we must gather the men, we shall have a tourney. They must all know what it means to contend in a staring match!"

Byakuya contemplates whether insanity is contagious.