Takano turned around. Since this, what was happening now, could not in his wildest dreams be actually happening- to him, right now- he laughed it off, and continued to walk back to Marukawa. For the past couple of months, Ritsu had been acting strange. But, he had never done anything too suspicious. Since this was not actually happening,Takano shouldn't have been thinking what he was actually thinking.

I am being ridiculous.

He nodded to himself, but his hands were shaking, and when he got to the lobby and Yokozawa saw him and waved, Takano ignored him. He didn't have the capacity for anyone else to occupy his thoughts. Everyone was faceless. The receptionists, his Emerald team, his best friend, they didn't. What had love done to him? He'd always thought he'd understood it. He never, never thought it could scare him this much.

On the sidewalk, he'd wanted to chase after Ritsu. But he was afraid.

Ritsu had pulled away from Takano as if a stranger had touched him, flinching like between them there was nothing. Takano sat down at his desk, putting on the face that, in this situation, only he could muster. It came from practice, but even a master of disguise like him was losing it. He didnt like this new Ritsu. The old Ritsu was on this stupid, tattered bag, that smelled like vanilla and grass and air freshener and cherry blossoms, and sweat and freshly washed sheets and patchouli…. Someone like that couldn't be marched into the elevator and stabbed the button.

Ritsu and his face. Ritsu and his arms. Ritsu and his skin. Ritsu and his hair. Ritsu and his lips. Ritsu and his eyes. Ritsu and his kiss. Ritsu and all of that and another man.

He didn't trust Ritsu.

He couldn't.

He put his hand over his mouth. He was supposed to; Ritsu, after all, was Takano's first and only love. Of course he should trust RItsu. Bsides, Ritsu outperformed his expectations at work. At school, he'd done that, too. He was an all around good guy. Well rounded. Nicely developed. Mature. He was an all around well-behaved, quiet, kept to himself, distrusting even... Takano pressed his hand into his eyes. Shit. He needed to question Ritsu about his behavior, reasonable doubt or not, because it was killing him to imagine all those sticky, dark reasons.

Takano was frustrated and terrified but mostly confused, and people don't have emotions like this on the train, but the protagonist always meditates discreetly and sternly in the drama movies. He tapped a tune against his thigh, his brows knitted together, meditating as if his life was being filmed for a soap hit the end guard-wall as the train jerked, but he didn't even notice.

People like Onodera don't do it with strangers; he had never been for that stuff. So, Ritsu had fallen in love. Why would he fall in love? He had Takano. Takano was the best for would make Ritsu so happy. He would kiss Ritsu every day, spoil him, buy him everything he could afford, and he would make him breakfast and pretend they were married. Why didn't Ritsu want that? Of course he did, but why not from him?

I am the best for Ritsu.

I am the best for Ritsu.

I am the best for Ritsu.

Someone sneezed, someone coughed, Takano felt sick. Ritsu was soft. Ritsu could glance his way and it would send him stuttering. Ritsu was beautiful... and they shared so much history, and at one point Ritsu had loved him. But what if there was someone better? Someone more handsome and more intelligent? A doctor or a lawyer? What if he had been one-upped? He put his head in his hands. Someone tapped his shoulder, asking him if he was going to throw up, and don't do that in the middle of the train please, but he replied that he'd throw up on everyone if they didn't stop touching him.

There was someone out there better for Ritsu. He knew it. There was someone in Ritsu's bed, better for Ritsu. He coudn't ignore this. He was so afraid. This is what love did to people. It overrode reason and shredded dignity, and Takano was powerless to do anything about it. The train screeched to a halt and he jumped off. He needed to get home, to him.