Chris stood on the dock of Pahkitew island, waiting as a boat pulled up to the shore. "Hello, Total Drama fans! Welcome to Total Drama: Return to Pahkitew! We've got 16 new competitors fighting for the million! Let's see them now!"

First, a girl with bright red hair wearing a black and pink turtleneck dress appeared. "McLean, you'd better not play any jokes on me. I will rip you to shreds!" she said while filing her nails and smoothing her dress.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Meet Francesca," he greeted. Under his breath he muttered, "A real pain in the ass."

Francesca walked to the dock, boards of wood falling. "I will not have this!" she complained. "You will pay."

Chris looked towards where two guys were standing. One had a gray T-shrt and blue vest and an outfit covered in rainbow swirls, and the other wore a green hoodie that brought out his green eyes. They both had short dark brown hair, but one had green eyes and the other had dark brown eyes that matched his hair. "Jake and Christopher, the twins." Jake sent Chris a death glare.

"Settle down, Jake." Christopher took his brother to the dock with Francesca. Jake glared angrily at her, and his expression softened and he walked over to her. "Hello. What's your name?" he asked with fake kindness in his voice. Francesca sent him a sly look with her eyes. "Francesca, good to meet you," she responded.

"You too. I've never seen someone as feminine and ladylike as you."

"Why thank you Jacob." Jake said, "You can call me Jake."

A girl joined them next, with a bright pink hoodie bearing a black infinity symbol on it. Her hair was bright blonde, and changed to orangeish-blonde at the very bottom. Her jeans looked new, and were dark blue. "Meet Brooklyn, everyone." Chris sent Brooklyn down towards the others. Francesca and Jake were still chatting, so she turned to Christopher. "Hi," she greeted.

"Hey. I'm Christopher."

"Can I call you Chris?" Christopher laughed. He said, "No, that's his name." He gestured to the host. His green eyes seemed alive as he said this. "Just Christopher."

The next camper had blue dyed hair, wearing a green T-shirt with a funny emoji face on it. His eyes were brown and bordered black. He smiled and Brooklyn birghened. "Meet Simon, the lovable comedian."

Simon grinned and pushed his hair back, attempting to get it out of his eyes. It fell right back, and Simon pretended to fall to the ground dramatically. "Oh... my hair killed me... Hair, how could you?"

Christopher and Brooklyn smiled and laughed. "I'm Brooklyn. This is Christopher."

"Cool to meet you two." He and Brooklyn stared at each other, and looked away blushing. The next competitor was a guy with mahogany hair cut straight across his forehead. His eyes were dark and narrowed. He wore a black and blood red sports jersey.

"Baden, good to see you!" Baden, the guy, sent him a nasty glare that could kill in seconds (if looks could kill) and turned away from him. "Screw you, McLame." He flashed him the middle finger. "Burn in hell." Francesca and Jake looked on approvingly. They gave him high fives and fistbumps.

"Cool dude." Jake looked away long enough to pull out a spray can of paint. He started spraying a tree bright blue.

"Nice color, but make it a little darker." A girl with pale skin and black hair cut short (the tips royal blue), wearing black makeup that popped against her pale skin, stepped towards Jake. "Couldn't have chosen better myself."

"Glad someone has taste." He winked at her, and the girl cracked a smile. Chris groaned and said, "Ugh, this is Denise." Denise pulled out an iPod. She walked over to Brooklyn and waved.

"Hey, Denise! You actually arrived." Brooklyn grinned.

"Yeah, of course."

Another girl, who had pale skin and brown hair in a ponytail, wearing pants, stepped off the boat she'd arrived on carrying a whiteboard and a whiteboard marker. She wrote, "Hello. I'm Alice."

Christopher stared at her for a few seconds, and shook his head. He smiled and waved her over. "Hi! I'm Christopher. Don't call me Chris."

Alice smiled back. "Nice to meet you," she wrote back. Chris pushed her away from Christopher.

"Enough! Let's finish the introductions!" He cleared the way for a girly looking person, who nobody could tell if it was a boy or girl. Jake whispered to Francesca, saying, "Is that a boy or girl?"

She held a hand up in a ladylike gesture. "One does not just ask that! Where are your manners?"

Jake acted shocked. "You are such a..."

Francesca only held her hand up again. "Say it, and I will kick your ass."

Confessionals

Jake: Man, that girl is fancy. Also, way too feminine. I may take her to the end with me, just for fun.

Alice: *is writing*

Christopher: Woah... Alice is cool. I mean, she's silent, which is nice...

Brooklyn: Woohoo! I'm actually here! I cannot believe this. Seriously, how would you react?

Simon: *laughs* I think my intro and first impression went well.

Baden: Bring it on, Chris. I will be the winner of this season.

Francesca: This outhouse is such a disaster! Ugh, how do you even stand it in here for a second? I really hate Chris.

End Confessional

"Meet Sam! The girl trapped in a boy's body." Sam only ignored him and walked over to where Alice and Brooklyn were chatting. "Hi! I'm Sam."

Alice wrote, "How are you in a boy body?"

Sam only said, "I was born like this."

A boy with almond brown eyes stepped off his boat next. He looked like an athlete. "Meet Ricardio, the Athletic Loner!"

Denise glared at him, blasting her music. "Making a mess of the 'loner' stereotype I see?" she asked. "Why am I not surprised."

A guy with ice blue eyes walked to them next. He looked like a comedian, but seemed to hide something behind his eyes. "Joshua!"

"Call me Josh." He walked down the dock, making jokes. Simon walked to him. "You make jokes too?"

Josh nodded. "You?" Simon nodded.

The next person, a girl, had an afro that was dark brown and reddish at the tips. She walked around, observing everyone. She seemed very polite. "My name's Carson," she greeted.

Francesca seemed to perk up. Jake saw her face, and asked, "Anything wrong with you?"

She shook her head. "You do not simply ask that of a lady! And no, she just seems easy to eliminate."

"I agree. We should form an alliance. Agreed?" He held out his hand for a high five. Francesca insisted on a handshake. Jake rolled his eyes. "You are such a lady..." Francesca beamed.

"Thank you," she said. They both turned to see a boy and girl. The girl looked like a bookworm. "Meet Emily, the sarcastic bookworm, and Jason, her protective brother."

Jason stood in front of Emily. "These challenges better be safe."

Chris fake nodded. "Of course!" He ended up earning glares from most of the players. "Not..." he muttered under his breath.

"One camper left! Meet Conan." Conan looked like a detective type of guy, and was silent as he walked to everyone. When nobody was watching, a girl stepped off a boat. "Hello. My intro?" she asked, annoyed.

Jake didn't look sorry at all, and he turned and laughed at her face. "You look so peeved," he said through his laughter. Francesca glared and slapped him with a glove she pulled out of nowhere.

"Manners?" she questioned him.

Confessional

Jason: I'm only here for Emily. She better not hook up with someone. Emily is my sister!

Francesca: Jake needs a lot of work if he's going to be in any alliance of mine. Why do I always have to do this? Why me?

Emma: They forgot my intro! Ugh! Whatever, I'm here to win.

End Confessional

"Emma! We missed you." Emma rolled her eyes. "Now we have everyone! Welcome to Total Drama, everyone. Where you'll suffer from pain, make enemies, and go home penniless. It'll be the time of your life."

Christopher asked, "Seriously? That is wrong." He crossed his arms and looked away.

Brooklyn looked a bit scared. She shivered underneath her pink hoodie. Simon gave her a quick funny face, making her smile and get closer to him.

"First things first- we need teams."

Denise asked, "What method of torture will you use against us?"

"None! You'll all be separated by me." When everyone watched him, seeing that he was possibly faking it, Chris added, "Not joking. When I call your name, come and go to the right. Simon, Brooklyn, Jake, Emily, Alice, Christopher, Sam, and Joshua."

Jake smirked. He grinned and thought, "If Francesca and I are on different teams... I can have a cross-team alliance." Francesca looked upset and annoyed, but thought the same thing. Brooklyn and Simon seemed happy to be on the same team, while Christopher brightened at the mention of Alice's name.

"Jason, Baden, Ricardio, Conan, Emma, Denise, Carson, Francesca. You are the other team."

"What are our team names?"

"Well, you decide! You have one minute."

Brooklyn immediately said, "Team Unique? We're all different, so..." She trailed off, waiting for her team's response.

"No." Jake didn't look too happy at it. Alice smiled and flashed her a thumbs-up.

"Hey! We have two comedians on our team. Let's be team Funny!" Jake looked like he were about to blow.

"No. Again. You people are terrible at naming!"

With the other team...

"Team Evil," Baden said right off the bat. Francesca nodded and grinned.

Emma already didn't like him. "No."

Denise sighed. "Team Nobody Gives a Crap."

"Ten seconds!" Chris's voice rang out to the players. "Nine, eight, seven, six..."

"Any other ideas?"

"..." Nobody spoke.

"Five... four... three... two... one!"

Denise ended up with her name. Chris declared, "Team Nobody Gives a Crap!"

Her team face palmed. Baden looked pissed at Denise.

"Other team? Ideas?"

Confessional

Denise: I really don't care if I'm eliminated or not. There's no point of me being here.

Baden: I. Will. Kill. Denise.

Francesca: Could the name be any more messed up?

End Confessional

"Uh... no?"

"Team No it is!" Simon seemed amused. Christopher found humor in it as well. Jake was mentally killing his teammates.

"What? We never got to-" Brooklyn began, but Chris shushed her.

"Nobody cares," he said annoyed. "We have our names."

Denise gave Brooklyn a wave and a sympathetic smile. She listened as Chris described the rules of the challenge. "I hope you're hungry! Because I have a treat for you! Your teams have cabins right over there." He gestured to an area to the right of them.

"You, however, will have to unlock them. I have plates upon plates of food here, and both keys are in some of those dishes. The table in white is for Team No, the other one is for Team Nobody Gives a Crap." He held up an airhorn and said, "Go!" before blowing it out.

The campers ran out to the tables. "Okay, we need to divide the table into sections." Christopher said, Jake nodding in agreement. "We'll each eat whatever's in our section."

Brooklyn asked, "What if we can't finish?"

"Then... well, I don't know actually." Christopher looked lost.

"Bro, I love you, but you can be really stupid sometimes." Christopher punched Jake's arm, and the boys laughed. "I can eat like crazy, remember? I'll finish what's left."

The team nodded, and went to eating.

With the other team...

"I got this!" Baden said as he ate right away. Denise rolled her eyes, picking up something small to start with. Francesca grinned. 'Well Denise, I admire the way you're eating."

"Uh... thanks, I guess?"

"You are very welcome." She herself picked up a small piece of food, and ate it with tiny bites. Most of the others were pretty fast. Jason wasn't much help, he mostly kept his eyes on Emily at the other table.

"Work!" Baden seemed to be the self-proclaimed leader of the team, and he was demanding everyone eat faster. "Especially you, Jason! Stop obsessing over Emily!"

Carson just looked away from the escalating fight and focused on her food. She was just about done, and lay back, tired and almost sick. Denise gave up entirely, and sat down on the floor listening to music.

Meanwhile, Team No was working well. They were already about half done. To make things go by faster, Simon and Josh were both telling jokes and making everyone laugh.

":)" Alice wrote on her whiteboard, while eating. Emily looked away from where her brother kept looking at her and watching her. She just ignored it. Christopher and Jake ate at almost exactly the same pace. Brooklyn looked like she were about to get sick, and lay back tired. Sam was mostly eating, but also watching her teammates.

Confessional

Sam: I want to win so I can get surgery to make myself a girl, but seeing my team get sick and tired? I didn't want to see that, I'm nice and want to help them!

Brooklyn: Well, I may as well not eat for the next month or two.

Simon: Too easy! Plus I love eating.

End Confessional

Ricardio, Conan and Emma were all working on one area where nobody had eaten much. Carson and Denise only watched them and Denise almost laughed at their focus. She turned the volume on her iPod higher, and the noises from her team faded.

"Got it!" A voice suddenly called. "Here!"

Both teams turned to see Brooklyn hold up a key. Jake watched her and said, "But you hardly ate!"

"It fell out of that," Brooklyn explained and pointed towards a plate on the table. "I just caught it."

Jake met Francesca's eyes and pointed to Denise, then mouthed, Gone.Francesca nodded. Chris announced, "There will be no elimination tonight."

"What?!" said the campers.

"Yep! Team No gets an advantage in the next challenge, and here: Chef, show Team NGC their key."

Chef came out of the kitchen and suddenly cut open a dish. The key, which slid off the plate, fell into Francesca's hand. She immediately wiped it off. "Thank you ever so much, Chef."

Chef only nodded and walked back into the kitchen. Chris directed them to their cabins and said, "You can unlock the doors now." Francesca and Jake both inserted their keys into the door, making them both unlock.

Inside, with Team No, they all chose bunk beds. "Alice!" Brooklyn called. "Wanna bunk with me?"

Alice wrote back, "Sure, Brooklyn," and Brooklyn said, "Call me Brooke."

That left Emily and Sam to share the other bunk. Emily climbed on the bottom and Sam got the top. In the guys cabin, Christopher and Jake bunked together and the other bed was shared by Simon and Josh.

With the other team, Francesca decided to share a bunk with Denise, since all Denise did was listen to music and not talk to anyone. The other bed went to Emma and Carson. For the guys, Baden bunked with Ricardio. "You were the only one I think I can tolerate," he explained when prompted why. Conan shrugged and climbed below Jason.

"Two teams! One million dollars! Who will go home first on Total Drama: Return to Pahkitew!"

Eliminated: Nobody

Team No: Simon, Brooklyn (Brooke), Jake, Emily, Alice, Christopher, Sam, Joshua

Team Nobody Gives a Crap: Jason, Baden, Ricardio, Conan, Emma, Denise, Carson, Francesca