Author's note: this chapter is a little bit sad just to warn you but it will get better, hang in there!
Moments later, the train lurched to a sudden stop and I was hurtled forwards. I gingerly began to creepy towards the door of the carriage when Peeta burst back in again, his eyes red and puffy and watery streaks running down his face.
"Peeta!" I gasped. What was he doing? Why was he crying?
"Just answer me one thing," he sniffed.
"What?"
"Was it – was it for… him?"
"For who?"
"You know who!" he shouted, punching the wall of the train in fury. "Did you do this for him?"
I bit down on my bottom lip and when I replied it was a mere whisper.
"Yes." We both knew we were talking about him. Him who I'd done this for, hurt Peeta for, felt all this guilt for. But I knew it was the right decision. Anything else was just wrong.
Peeta gave a shaky nod and wondered off looking dazed. I was about to go after him to say, I'm not sure what exactly, when Effie came marching in.
"Katniss! We're here! Are you ready to see your friends and family again? I'll bet you weren't expecting to here those words again, now were you?"
I wanted to answer her question with a big fat no, but I knew that whether I liked it or not, I had to leave the train and confront all the people waiting for me.
Once out of the train, the journey to District 12 was too short, too quiet. It was unnerving.
When we arrived, Effie shuffled us both through and double doors to the Justice Building. Peeta had barely looked at me, let alone said a word. The second the doors were flung backwards, I was blinded by the endless rays of sunshine and deafened by the thunderous applause and cheering. Above all the commotion I could hear Effie shouting, "District 12 – your winners!"
I managed to smile and wave and accept their warmth and just for a second it hit me. I was never supposed to see this place again. But then the guilt swallowed it up and it was gone.
I scanned the crowd for my mother and Prim and saw them almost instantly.
"Prim!" I exclaimed, joyous tears running absently down my face.
"Katniss! Katniss, you're home!" she screamed, crying as well.
I'm home. I am really home, I realised in wonder. Except one person was missing from the perfectness of that moment. I searched the crowds for Gale but couldn't see him anywhere. He isn't here.
We weren't allowed to see our families for another half hour afterwards. After all the speeched by the Mayor, Effie, Haymitch, Peeta and I, the crowd was ushered away and we were returned to the Justice Building.
"Now, it may not be very safe for you at the moment – the crowds are very excited that you won but you never know what that might lead to. After all, District 12 isn't exactly the safest place anyway. So you've each been assigned a body guard to ensure your safety. Sounds nice, doesn't it?" Effie cooed.
"No!" I exclaimed before I had even meant to open my mouth. It hadn't exactly meant to come out so rudely, but how could I see him, explain to him, with a bodyguard watching?
"What do you mean no?"
"I – I can't. I want to see my family alone."
"Well I'm afraid that's just not possible, Katniss.
"I don't care! I don't want-"
"Just shut up, will you?" Peeta broke me off angrily. "Can't you see she's just trying to help you?"
"Well that's rich coming from you!" I yelled, furious with him for still being angry with me. It wasn't my fault he'd fallen in love with me! "I'm not the one who can't see when someone's trying to save his life!"
I was practically screeching by this point. I couldn't take any more of Peeta's aggression or Effie's whining knowing that I was back in District 12 and still hadn't seen my family. It was so unfair! I took off running out of the building and down through the desolate square. I ignored the distant shouts of protest behind me, taking a second the glance at the filthy Seam around me. I'd never have thought I could miss this place but the arena had made me grateful for what I had at home in a way that I couldn't describe.
Still running, I soon reached my house but didn't stop or even slow down. I had something more important to do before I got caught up in being reunited with mother and Prim. As I swiftly made my way towards the edge of the Seam, I nodded at the many people who congratulated me or smiled, unable to smile back until I'd seen him again.
Eventually, I reached the not-so-electric fence and ducked underneath, jogging until I got to the beginning of the forest. I slowed to a walk, not exactly sure how to do this.
Not after long, I reached mine and Gale's place where he was perched on a tree stump, looking at his feet.
I took three silent, deep breaths before stepping into view.
"Hey."
His head snapped up but only a hint of recognition passed over his features. This face was stony cold and etched into a frown.
"You're alive then. Congrats," he said gruffly, showing no emotion.
"Yep, still here," I answered smiling weakly. "So, I wanted to explain something to you – if you'll let me." Then I added in a whisper, "I don't want you to hate me."
"What you want to explain how we can no longer hunt together, how you'll be moving into your new house in the Capitol with your new boyfriend-"
"Peeta's not my new boyfriend-"
"Yeah? Well that's not how it looked on TV-"
"Look Gale, how I can I explain if you won't forgive me?"
We were both on our feet, starring each other in the eye. Shouting probably wasn't the best of ideas right now but neither of us stopped.
"Forgive you? Give me on god reason why I should-"
"Because I love you!" I screamed, collapsing down onto my knees.
The long stretch of stunned silence that followed was painful.
"What?" he demanded, starring down at me.
"I love you," I tried the words out again quietly. They sounded so right.
"That's messed up, Katniss. You can't have both of us-"
"I don't want both of you!"
Gale looked at me once more and turned to leave.
"Funny way of showing it," he muttered.
"Gale, don't go!" I wailed.
"I can't deal with this right now, Katniss!" he snapped before marching away, leaving me crumpled and broken on the forest floor. And for the first time in a long time, I sobbed.
Aww, poor Katniss! Sorry that was kind of sad it will get better for them, promise! Please let me know what you think, thanks x
