We Celebrate Them
A/N: This story will contain spoilers for How to Train Your Dragon 2. Read no further if you haven't seen this movie.
It was the first Snoggletog after Stoick's death, and Hiccup was miserable.
He supposed there were lots of things to be happy about. The dragons had returned from their annual trip to the breeding grounds with babies in tow. A party was in full swing in the Great Hall. All his friends were gathered and having a great time. And for the first time, he was celebrating the winter holiday with his mother.
And yet…he couldn't quite muster up the appropriate amount of joy.
He stood in a far corner of the hall, watching the festivities but not actively participating. He held an untouched mug of mead in his hand. Beside him, his dragon Toothless warbled in concern. He could sense that his human was feeling down but couldn't figure out why, and if he didn't know why then he couldn't really do anything to help, and if he couldn't help…
The Night Fury looked around and perked up. A short distance away, Astrid was talking animatedly to Fishlegs about something, probably about the behavior of a baby Deadly Nadder but Toothless couldn't have cared less. This human female always seemed to lift his friend's spirits. Maybe she could help now. He bounded away from Hiccup and crooned to Astrid, who looked up in surprise. "Hey, Toothless. What…wuh?!" Her question was cut off as Toothless took her fur hood in his teeth and lifted her off the ground. Astrid, knowing it was no good to fight with a dragon (not that she'd have been able to fight – her shock at being lifted like this left her momentarily stunned), merely hung limply from his jaws as the great reptile trotted happily over to where his human stood.
Hiccup's expression went from mournful to bewildered and then to amused as Toothless set Astrid down in front of him. "Thanks for dropping in," he said, his usual lopsided grin curving his lips.
"Wasn't exactly my idea," Astrid replied, glaring half-heartedly up at the Night Fury, who was giving both of them his trademark gummy smile, convinced he'd done something great. After all, his human was smiling. Therefore Mission: Make Human Happy was a success as far as he was concerned.
Hiccup glanced over at Toothless and rolled his eyes. He'd learned to stop questioning his dragon's whims and just go with it a long time ago. It spared him a headache. "Useless reptile," he muttered good-humoredly, and Toothless warbled.
"So," Astrid said, straightening her hood and trying not to grimace as her fingers touched Night Fury saliva, "what are you doing over here in the corner? Shouldn't the chief be taking part in the festivities?"
She realized a second too late that she'd hit a nerve. Hiccup's smile faded and he looked at the floor. Her heart missed a beat. "Oh gods…Hiccup, I'm so sorry, I didn't think—"
"No, it's okay," Hiccup cut her off, looking back up at her and trying to smile again. It didn't quite reach his eyes this time. "I can't live the rest of my life avoiding it, I guess."
Astrid found herself lost for words. So she pulled him into a tight embrace. He seemed surprised at first but soon wrapped his own arms around her, holding her close. "You don't have to face it alone, Hiccup," she murmured into the leather of his flight suit. "We're all here for you. I'm here for you."
Hiccup's hold on her tightened for a brief moment, and she could sense the gratitude in the gesture. "Thanks, Astrid."
They pulled apart and gazed at each other for a moment. She completely filled his vision, and he liked what he saw. Her golden hair was shining and the decorative lights strung around the hall were reflecting in her sapphire-blue eyes. Gods, she was so beautiful and smart and sweet…how could he have been so lucky to win her? She smiled up at him, running a hand through his unruly auburn hair, though her smile faltered slightly when she met his gaze. His emerald green eyes were dull. The vibrant spark they usually held was noticeably absent.
"You really miss him, don't you?" she asked quietly.
Hiccup nodded and said with some hesitation, "He…he may not have been a perfect father, but he was still my dad. I loved him. For a while, he was all I had. How…how am I supposed to just move on from it…?"
Astrid shook her head. "I don't know. I suppose you don't ever really get over losing someone you love. You just…learn to continue living despite the pain, I guess." She sighed and added, "I'm afraid I'm not really good with this kind of advice. I've never…I mean…I don't know what you're going through."
Hiccup didn't know what to say to that, but he knew she was right. Both of her parents were still alive. And besides, he hadn't even told her the really bad part, the part that had him even more upset than the usual grief…
There was an awkward silence between them. Hiccup looked around the room, seeing nothing but happy faces and warmth. Didn't they miss Stoick, any of them? Didn't they know just how torn up and depressed he was? Did none of them care that their chief was in mourning?
Suddenly, he had to get out of there. If he stayed, he would lose his composure in front of everyone, and the village didn't need to see their chief crying on Snoggletog. He looked over at Astrid, and she could see the tears building up, knew he was fighting to hold up a rapidly-crumbling façade. "Go," she told him, gently but firmly. "You go on. I'll cover for you."
Hiccup smiled at her gratefully, paused just long enough to kiss her on the cheek in thanks, and turned toward the door. Toothless, confused as to why his human was suddenly so sad again, followed the chief out of the warmth and into the cold, dark night.
Unseen by either of them, Valka, her brow furrowed worriedly, watched them depart. She hesitated for a moment, unsure of what she should do. Her son probably wanted to be alone right now. But she had spent the last twenty years away from him, and he needed his mother's comfort right now. Excusing herself from her conversation with Gobber, she followed Hiccup and Toothless from the hall.
Hiccup, relieved that he'd had the foresight to leave Toothless' saddle on that afternoon, leapt onto the dragon's back the moment they were clear of the Great Hall's doors. Toothless didn't need to be told what to do: he launched into the air just as soon as his rider's metal foot latched into place. Hiccup smiled in spite of the sharp cold air that hit him in the face as they ascended. Cold or not, he never got tired of flying, never grew bored of the boundless freedom it offered. Up here in the air, he could almost escape from the grief and guilt that had been hounding him for months.
Almost.
He sighed, and Toothless, sensing his human's sadness, let out a worried whine. "It's okay, bud," Hiccup said, though there was no conviction in his voice. "Let's…let's go to the statue for a little while, okay?"
A great statue of Stoick the Vast had been carved into Berk's mountainside immediately following his death, and Hiccup had found himself drawn to it whenever his depression became too much to bear. It helped to look upon the visage of the man who had been, if not perfect, at least approachable and lovable…human. Somehow he sensed Stoick's presence whenever he stood in the great statue's shadow, and the ache in his chest would ease a little, enough for him to return to his duties as the new chief.
Tonight the statue was covered in a layer of snow, but the outline of Stoick's face and prominent beard were still clearly visible in the darkness. Toothless landed on an outcropping of rock near the statue's enormous face and Hiccup dismounted, gazing sadly up at his father's profile. He sighed. "I miss you, Dad," he said quietly, his voice almost lost to the wind that whistled around the mountain. "I know we had a…complicated relationship, but…you were the best father I could have ever hoped for. We had some rough times, but I knew you cared about me, even when I was doing everything I could to burn the village to the ground." He smiled weakly. "I know it bothered you sometimes that I wasn't the big, strong Viking you were expecting. But after you started to get to know me, once you realized I could still be strong in other ways, I knew you cared. And I knew I could always turn to you. You were there for me, and you helped me in so many ways…I…I just…" His voice started to tremble. "I miss you so much…I…I wish you were still here with me…"
He broke down, folding his arms across his chest as if hoping to restrain the sobs that were building up inside him. He lowered his head and scrunched his eyes closed. I will not cry, he told himself, but tears were welling up, threatening to spill…
Toothless made a mournful little noise, and Hiccup looked around, blinking the moisture away. The dragon's big green eyes were directed at the ground, and his shoulders were hunched in a posture that could only be an expression of shame, of guilt…
Hiccup's heart sank even further as realization hit him. "No, Toothless," he said, his voice gentle yet firm. "It wasn't your fault. I've told you before, I don't blame you for what happened." He closed the small distance between them and took the Night Fury's head in his hands, forcing him to raise his eyes to meet his rider's. "Drago and his Bewilderbeast are to blame for Dad's death. You can't be held responsible for something you were forced to do."
Toothless crooned sadly, and his meaning was clear: You broke me out of the control later. If I'd snapped out of it the first time, he would still be here.
"Toothless…oh Toothless…" Hiccup lowered himself to his knees and hugged the dragon's head tenderly. "It's not your fault, bud. It's…it's my fault."
Toothless grunted in confusion and drew back, sniffing his friend. Hiccup sighed. This was what he'd been battling with for months, what he hadn't told anyone, not even Astrid. It was his own fault that his father had died, and he knew it.
Toothless was still looking at him as if he'd sprouted wings of his own, so he explained, "Dad tried to warn me that Drago couldn't be reasoned with. He told me that several times. 'Men who kill without reason cannot be reasoned with.' Those were his exact words. And what did I do? I went after him anyway. I was so sure I could change his mind. And my father is dead because I didn't listen to him, I didn't take his advice. Instead of trying to talk to him, I should have just killed him when I had the chance. Then maybe…" He trailed off and wiped his eyes on his sleeve.
"You're not being fair to yourself, Hiccup."
He jumped and whirled around. He'd been so consumed by his guilt that he hadn't even noticed Cloudjumper, who had landed a few feet away with Valka on his back. Toothless crooned excitedly at the sight of the other dragon, who nodded his head regally to his new king. Hiccup shook his head: he still had a hard time wrapping his mind around the idea of Toothless as the new Alpha. Then again, he'd never thought he'd become chief either, so…
His mother dismounted from Cloudjumper and walked over to where he stood while the two dragons began to socialize with each other. She put a hand on his shoulder and said gently, "You shouldn't blame yourself for your father's death, Hiccup. You said it yourself: Drago was the one who took control of Toothless. It wasn't your fault."
Hiccup broke eye contact, not at all reassured. "But Dad died trying to save me. If I hadn't been so stupid then—"
"Hiccup, we can't live our lives dwelling on 'what if's," Valka interrupted. "If we spend too much time looking to the past, we won't be able to appreciate the present or anticipate the future. Listen, your father loved you very much, enough to take Toothless' plasma blast in your place. But I know he wouldn't want you to drown in sorrow for his passing, and I know he wouldn't want you to blame yourself. It's okay to blame Drago for what he did. He is the one at fault here, not you and not Toothless. Besides," she added with a smile, "if you hadn't insisted on finding Drago, then your father and I would never have met again. Even if it was for just a few hours, I'm grateful I got the chance to be his wife once more. And it's thanks to you, son, that I got that chance."
Hiccup allowed a small smile to curve his lips, though he still didn't look entirely convinced. Valka sighed. "I know it's hard. I miss him too. But it will get easier with time." She hesitated before continuing, "My first Snoggletog away from Berk was a very emotional time for me, you know. I'd been taken away from my family, my friends, Stoick, and you. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to handle the permanent separation. I missed you all so much…
"But then…I realized that I hadn't really lost any of you. You were all still here." She pressed a hand over her heart and smiled. "It got a little easier after that. Oh it still hurt. Every holiday season was difficult to get through. But with time, I healed. I learned to appreciate the time I got to spend with you all before I was taken, and that time became so precious to me that I was able to get through Snoggletog with real peace and joy."
Her words stirred something in Hiccup's memory, and he frowned, thinking back. He saw his father in his mind's eye, standing tall, looking down in sad understanding at his son as the fifteen-year-old boy struggled with the absence of his Night Fury friend that first Snoggletog after the integration. That was the winter he'd given Toothless the new tail that adjusted automatically, allowing the dragon to fly without his human's help, and he'd gone missing for three days looking for Hiccup's lost helmet. Seeing that his son missed Toothless terribly, Stoick had given him some words of comfort.
"Listen," he'd said, "I know what it's like to miss someone you love this time of year. But what do we do when they can't be here for the holiday?…"
"We celebrate them," Hiccup murmured aloud. That's what Stoick had said. He hadn't fully understood it at the time, but now…
"Exactly," Valka said, smiling fully. "That's exactly what we do. And it's how we'll get through this holiday and each one after it. And don't forget," she added, pulling her son into a warm embrace. "You're not alone. You have me. You have Astrid, your friends and the village. We're all here to help you. Remember that, Hiccup."
Hiccup hugged her back. "Thanks, Mom," he murmured. "Happy Snoggletog."
"Happy Snoggletog, dear," Valka replied, drawing back and cupping his cheek in her hand. "Come on. Let's rejoin the party."
Hiccup smiled. "You go on. I'll be along in a moment." He glanced back up at the statue. "I'd…I'd like a few more minutes alone, please."
Valka nodded in understanding and turned away, heading over to where Cloudjumper and Toothless were playing (or rather, where Toothless was playing while Cloudjumper watched. The Night Fury's position as Alpha clearly hadn't changed that particular dynamic). Mounting atop Cloudjumper's back, Valka called, "Take as long as you need, Hiccup, but don't forget what I said."
Hiccup nodded in wordless thanks and turned back to the statue as Valka and Cloudjumper took off into the night.
…
Astrid was getting worried.
She'd fully expected for Hiccup to have returned by now. He'd been gone for nearly an hour. She'd noticed that Valka had left the party for a while – most likely to go search for her son, Astrid figured – and returned without him, looking at ease and contemplative. But where was Hiccup? Had he perhaps gotten hurt? The snow was pretty deep in some areas around the village. If he got separated from Toothless…
She made up her mind and left the Great Hall, mounting Stormfly the moment she was outside and launching into the air. The wind buffeted her face and she lowered herself in the saddle, clutching her hood around her head for protection from the cold. She squinted, trying to see, but the darkness was almost impenetrable.
For her eyes, at least.
Stormfly, on the other hand, squawked and changed course, heading toward the mountain. Astrid, knowing from experience that her dragon had sensed something, let her go, hoping against hope that they were on Hiccup's trail.
Her heart lifted in relief when she saw him, standing next to the statue of Stoick, gazing thoughtfully up at the stone face. Stormfly landed not too far away, but he didn't look around, so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear her. Toothless' ears perked up, however, and he looked over at the newcomers as Astrid slid effortlessly from her dragon's back, her feet hitting the snow without a sound. She opened her mouth to call out a greeting, but Hiccup spoke first, cutting her off.
"How did that song go again?"
Astrid frowned in confusion for a moment before she realized he wasn't talking to her. He was speaking either to Toothless or to himself (really, it could have been either one; even Hiccup wouldn't have been able to say for sure).
Toothless looked back at his rider and warbled. Whether Hiccup took notice or not was hard to tell. He was still staring up at the statue.
Then he started to whistle a tune.
Astrid inhaled sharply. She recognized the melody. It was the song that Valka and Stoick had shared mere minutes before the chief's death. Hiccup had told her about their special moment in the depths of the Alpha's nest, and she'd asked Valka to teach her the lyrics and accompanying dance. She thought it was a beautiful song, but why…?
Then she understood. Hiccup was no longer dwelling on Stoick's death, choosing instead to look fondly back on a memory that was filled with laughter and delight. She felt a smile curve her lips and listened as Hiccup stopped whistling and started singing quietly.
"I'll swim and sail on savage seas
With ne'er a fear of drowning
And gladly ride the waves of life
If you will marry me"
He paused for a moment, smiling as he remembered watching his father sing to his mother, recalling the joy he'd felt at their reunion.
"No scorching sun nor freezing cold
Will stop me on my journey
If you will promise me your heart
And love…"
He stopped, frowning. He couldn't remember what came next. What was the next line…?
Astrid, still smiling, stepped forward and decided to help him remember.
"And love me for eternity"
Hiccup whirled around, his mouth open in shock. "Astrid?" he said. "What are you—"
Astrid reached up and put one finger to his lips, silencing him.
"My dearest one, my darling dear
Your mighty words astound me
But I've no need of mighty deeds
When I feel your arms around me"
She held up her arm and, after a moment, Hiccup smiled and imitated her, bracing his own against hers as they began the jig he'd seen his parents do that day. And as they danced, Hiccup picked up the song, the tempo increasing slightly.
"But I would bring you rings of gold
I'd even sing you poetry
And I would keep you from all harm
If you would stay beside me"
They messed up the steps of the dance and faltered slightly, but they didn't pause, laughing at their own stumbles and continuing as if nothing had happened. After all, their dragons were the only audience, and they were watching with interest. Toothless was flashing his namesake grin at the sight of his human so happy and carefree at last.
Astrid continued the song:
"I have no use for rings of gold
I care not for your poetry
I only want your hand to hold"
As they spun around, Hiccup interjected:
"I only want you near me"
They both sang at the top of their lungs, twirling around, gasping for breath in between lines and laughing joyously.
"To love and kiss, to sweetly hold
For the dancing and the dreaming
Through all life's sorrows and delights
I'll keep your love inside me"
The song got faster and faster, spinning toward its conclusion.
"I'll swim and sail on savage seas
With ne'er a fear of drowning
And gladly ride the waves of life
If you will marry me"
The song ended on a high note, and Hiccup lifted Astrid and spun her around, both of them laughing rather breathlessly. Even after Astrid's feet returned to earth, they continued to laugh like they hadn't in years. Hiccup couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so happy, so light-hearted, so…free.
"Will you?" he suddenly asked, looking into Astrid's eyes hopefully.
Astrid blinked. Was he asking what she thought he was? "What?"
"Will you marry me, Astrid?"
The words were simple, but the way he said it, filled with such simple sincerity and longing, made her heart melt. For a moment she could only gaze up at him, lost for words. Then she smiled, positively beamed up at him, and replied, "Yes. I will."
Hiccup's face broke into the widest smile she'd ever seen and he pulled her into his arms, planting his lips on hers in a passionate kiss that might have lasted hours for all she knew. She returned his embrace, running her hands through his hair and pressing herself as close to him as she could get.
After a while, they finally broke apart, though their arms remained wrapped around each other.
Then Astrid punched his shoulder.
Hiccup yelped. "What in Odin's name—!"
"That's for taking so long," Astrid informed him, grinning. Hiccup groaned and rolled his eyes, but before he could say anything she pulled him in for another kiss, this one much softer but no less meaningful. "And that's for everything else."
Hiccup found he couldn't string two thoughts coherently together, so he settled for grinning like a dork.
"We should go back," Astrid finally said.
Hiccup nodded and smirked. "Race you there."
Astrid mirrored his expression and said, "You're on!" She launched toward Stormfly and clambered on the Nadder's back as Hiccup jumped into Toothless' saddle. "Don't go easy on us!"
"Wouldn't dream of it," Hiccup laughed just as the Night Fury took off, showering Astrid and Stormfly in the snow they kicked up.
"Hey!" Astrid cried, and then she chuckled darkly. "Oh, you're gonna pay for that one…"
Hiccup and Toothless won the race, though narrowly. They dismounted in front of the Great Hall, and Astrid called out playfully, "Cheater!"
"Poor sport!" Hiccup retorted with a chuckle.
In response, Astrid punched the little dial on the front of his flight suit, and the tailfin in the back popped out. He groaned wordlessly, and Astrid laughed.
They returned to the party and were greeted warmly by their friends and the other villagers. They announced their engagement, which was received with a deafening cheer and quite a few calls of, "About time!"
As the festivities resumed, Hiccup found his eyes drawn to the far wall, where the portraits of past chiefs and their sons stood. His gaze settled on the last one, the one of him and his father. His smile faltered for just a moment. He remembered that day well. He remembered the surge of pride he'd felt when he'd fully realized that Stoick loved him, that he didn't care he wasn't as big or burly as other Vikings.
He continued to gaze at the portrait for a while, and slowly his smile returned. "Happy Snoggletog, Dad," he murmured, so quietly that Astrid, standing just a foot away, didn't hear him. Toothless, sensing his friend was no longer sinking into depression, purred happily, and Hiccup gave him an affectionate scratch on the chin before turning away from the painting. It still hurt, and he knew he'd continue to miss his father for a long time, but now wasn't the time for mourning Stoick's death.
It was time to celebrate him.
