At his appointment with his therapist later that week, Spencer opened up more, telling her every detail he could possibly think of. She could see the slow progress he was making and was proud of him for leaning on the members of his team for support when he needed it. When he talked about his work limitations, she asked how he felt about them, and agreed with Hotch, mentioning how grateful he was that he even still had his job. She also had him keeping a journal, writing down his emotions and discussing them with whoever he could.

That weekend, he planned on sleeping in, doing some much needed relaxing. As usual, Derek got out of the bed after sunset to go for his morning run. Spencer moved over to his side of the bed, pulling the blankets over his head. A few minutes later, Derek walked back in, sitting beside him.

"Rise and shine."

Spencer shook his head slightly, turning his back to him and curling up.

"Your doctor said to get involved in a hobby. You're coming running with me."

Spencer groaned. "Then I'll read a book," he mumbled into the pillow. "Now go away."

Derek shook his head, getting up and pulling the blankets off of him. "Get up." He walked over, opening the shades on the windows.

Spencer whimpered at the sudden brightness in the room.

"You can end this right now. Get out of bed and throw on some sweats. I'll make it a half hour run, and you can come back and go back to sleep."

Spencer realized it was a losing battle and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He walked to the guest room, changing into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, and slipped on his sneakers, tying them. How he did it this early was beyond him, but he figured since Derek was nice enough to share his apartment, the least he could do is go on this run with him.

He walked out. "You really want to go running with someone with a bum knee?"

Derek shrugged, tying his own shoes. "It's not about speed. It's about getting you into something and out of the apartment."

"I could've read, or listened to music, or watched television. Something that didn't involve physical activity and me possibly hurting myself."

Derek laughed softly. "You make it sound like I'm pulling teeth. You're just going for a run in the park."

Spencer shrugged. "If something happens, it's your fault."

Derek held open the front door. "After you."

He rolled his eyes, walking outside. "Where do we run?"

Derek pointed. "Down this street, cross it, through the park, around the trail, and back."

Spencer groaned. "Do I at least get a head start?"

"If you'd like, go ahead."

Spencer took off down the steps, running down the street. He wasn't surprised when Derek caught up and passed him once he made it to the park.


"Come on, Pretty Boy, is that the best you got?" Derek taunted, running backwards and looking at him.

Spencer panted, looking up at him. "Considering I'm not in shape and you do this daily? Yes, it's the best I've got."

"Don't quit on me now, we're halfway there."

Spencer exhaled, resting his hands on his knees and panting. "I'm pretty sure you're the devil, Derek Morgan."

"Then catch up to me," he teased, turning around and running away.

Spencer groaned, standing up straight and running after him. He took a deep breath, running up behind him and tackling him into the grass.

Derek looked up at him. "What was that for?"

He panted slightly. "That's the best I got."

Derek shook his head, smirking. "That doesn't leave the park."

"Are you kidding? I took down Derek Morgan. That's going everywhere."

He stood up, brushing the dirt off his pants and holding out his hand. Spencer shook his head, taking it and pulling himself up.

"You okay?"

He nodded silently, brushing himself off and running again. He couldn't remember a time where he felt this relaxed or carefree. His head was clear and he didn't even think of what he'd done a week and a half ago. All he was concentrating on was running, and of course, beating Derek back to the apartment building.

When he made it back to the apartment, Spencer paced the front steps, in slight disbelief that he'd beaten Derek. He exhaled, looking up as Derek walked up to the apartment.

"You've been holding out on me, Pretty Boy. Why didn't you tell me you could run?"

He smiled slightly. "I didn't know. I mean, when I was a kid, I had to outrun bullies a lot, but I haven't actually gone running in years."

"You do realize I'll be dragging you out of the house for a run more often now? It actually seemed like you were enjoying yourself."

He shrugged, holding out his hand. "Give me the key. I won, I get first shower."

Derek shook his head, reaching in his pocket and handing it to him. "Fine. Just this once."


While Spencer was in the shower, Derek took out a change of clothes, setting it on his bed. He checked the clock and saw that Spencer had been in there longer than ten minutes. He walked over, knocking on the door. "Spencer, everything okay in there?"

When there was no answer, he sighed, opening the door and walking in. He hated invading his privacy, but this was something Spencer requested from him. He found Spencer curled up in the bathtub, knees to his chest, the water from the shower hitting his back. He reached in, turning off the water and kneeling beside the tub. "Spencer?" he asked, rubbing his back.

Spencer sighed, snapping out of whatever mindset he was in. "I'm sorry, I… I um, I dropped the shampoo and bent down to get it… then I had a flashback."

He grabbed a towel, handing it to him. "Do you need to talk?"

He nodded slightly, taking the towel and wrapping it around himself. "Can I have a minute?"

"No problem." Derek got up, walking back to his bedroom, closing the door behind him.


After Spencer got out of the shower, he walked to the guest room, grabbing his journal and sitting on his bed, writing. Derek knew better than to interrupt him when he was getting his emotions out, so he took his own shower then sat in the living room, waiting for him.

Spencer tucked the journal away in the drawer, walking to the living room and curling up in the armchair.

Derek looked up at him. "Hey."

Spencer bit down on his lip. "I'm sorry for making you worry. I just, when the flashbacks start, I can't get out of them. I tried, and I wanted to pull myself out and yell for you, but I couldn't."

"You don't need to apologize to me."

"But I do. The last time you found me in a bathtub, I was almost dead. I didn't want to bring that back for you." He closed his eyes, sighing, not wanting to face Derek.

A moment later, he felt arms wrapping around him, rubbing his back. He buried his head in Derek's shoulder, sighing. "I know that if you ever think of going back there, you'd talk to someone first. Whether it's me, or your therapist, or anyone else on the team. You wouldn't do this to yourself again without discussing it. We both know that. Stop beating yourself up."

Spencer sniffed, nodding against his shoulder. "I promise, next time, if there is one, I'll talk to somebody. I promise."

"I know you will." Derek placed a soft kiss on the top of his head, rubbing his back. "You're not alone anymore, Pretty Boy. You never were."

Spencer nodded again, exhaling, willing the tears not to fall. He couldn't remember if he had ever felt this cared for in his life, but he would gladly admit that it felt good that somebody gave a damn.