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Charmy Rogues: The Reunion Show

Chapter Three: Rodrigo Touched An Area of Espio's No-No Square!

"Okay, hi again, Damien here," the dog greeted, fanning himself, "and I just realized that all of my insurance has been stolen by that bitch over there."

Tomo/Mary-sue yawned, shaking her head. "I have no idea what your saying."

"Tomo, give Damien his money back," Espio commanded.

Tomo leered over to him, shaking her head. "No, piss off you Sasuke-wannabe."

"Excuse me, you're the Mary-sue," he countered, rolling his golden eyes.

"I am not," she spat back.

O rly?

"Ya rly, bitch," Tomo hissed, glaring at the sky.

"Uh…anyway, if Tomo is finished talking to the ceiling, not the sky, you idiot," Gemini stated, "we'll go into some grueling questions."

"Espio, do you think of yourself as a raging asshole because you betrayed everyone in Babylon Bee, even though you sorta redeemed yourself at the end and in Rogue's Bee?" Damien asked, throwing the microphone into the boy chameleon's face.

"Well, I-"

"And what was the deal with letting Rodrigo invade your body? Pedophile much," Gemini interjected.

"Let me say that-"

"And what was the deal with stabbing me, you little crap-headed ninja brat!" Nack shouted, leaping to his feet.

"Shut up!" Espio screamed, gripping his horn. "I'm going to kill you all if you don't just shut up!"

Silence…whooooo….

"Let me speak. I am still horrified of my actions because I let my pride and desire for rebirth overcome me. For that, I am humbly asking for everyone's forgiveness," Espio requested, standing up and bowing towards the audience.

"…Hey, Espio, why do you have a yellow penis on your forehead?" Bean asked, raising his hand.

Espio chucked a kunai at Bean's forehead, stabbing him and instantly killed him. Bark poked Bean's side, watching him roll out of his chair and sprawl onto the floor.

"…Anyone else wish to discuss my horn?" Espio growled.

Moar silence.

"Excellent." Espio sat back down, sighing through his invisible nose.

"It's okay, Espio, we forgive you," Vector stated, coming down and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Charmy, get the hell over here and forgive him!"

"He can't," Raine stated.

"Why?"

She pointed to the syringe that was in his arm with Charmy sprawled on the floor. Ripping it out the syringe, she read the label and rolled her eyes in disgust. "Apparently, Rodrigo wants him."

Inside the syringe was a drug that lead Charmy's soul to Hell where Rodrigo could have some fun time. Needless to say, Raine was pissed that Rodrigo was probably having a little fun with Charmy's subconscious. Taking the syringe, Raine stabbed herself with it and fell unconscious. For her, it was time to kick some major crow ass.

"…Pucking fedophile," Vector grumbled.

"Well, while Raine goes to kick the crap outta Rodrigo, let's go see the scene where Espio meets Rodrigo in the other realm," Gemini stated, pressing a button the remote.

The screen behind them changed to where Espio was a ghost going all "whooooo!" and floated around the Purgatory. He was bored and wanted to stab something desperately. He couldn't stab Vector because, he, too, was a ghost going "whooooo!" with him and that would just be like cutting air. At the moment, Vector wasn't with him because he wanted to go watch Pooty Tang.

"Want to live?"

Espio took in a sharp breath, looking around the darkness. He managed to find the figure cloaked in a white hood behind him. Growling, Espio instantly recognized the malicious violet eyes that had slayed him. Rodrigo removed his hood, smirking cockily.

"I asked you a question, Espio, a member of the Chaotix Detective Agency. I've learned all about you. You hate being here, stuck to rot in the darkness of Purgatory. You never wanted to die so young with so much potential," Rodrigo sneered.

"Stay back," Espio snarled.

"Why would I do that? I'm just here to have a platonic conversation," Rodrigo cooed, shaking his head.

"You're a murderer, you monster," Espio barked.

"…Espio, that was so gay," Tomo muttered, placing a hand to her cheek.

"Shut up, sister," Espio whined.

Back on the screen, Rodrigo approached Espio and cupped his chin, forcing the chameleon to gaze up to him. "You don't have to blame me. Blame the bee brat."

"You cannot be serious. You're telling me to blame Charmy?" Espio questioned, slapping his hand away.

Rodrigo nodded, gripping Espio's shoulder in a tight grasp so that he couldn't escape. "Indeed! Why should you have died if he was the one that caused your pain? I was after him, not you. It was like you were the innocent bystander that got caught up in the crossfire. Poor Espio, dying for a child."

Espio squirmed uncomfortable, looking away. "It…wasn't his fault. Why were you even after him?"

"Simple! He ruined my life centuries ago, so I'll ruin his life now so he'll never get the chance too!" Rodrigo chortled.

"But how? Charmy's eight by now."

"Wait until he's a little older. Then you'll see what a terror he is." Rodrigo grasped Espio's hands, making him gasp. "It does not have to be this way, Espio. Join me. We will stop the terror that will be Charmy Bee."

"What kind of terror?" Espio questioned, looking up to Rodrigo in sight curiosity.

"I don't know how, but he comes back to my time when Babylon was on the brink of war and ruins it for the people," Rodrigo informed, smirking wickedly. "He is the reason why the Babylonians had to escape, causing thieves like the Babylon Rogues to be born. He is the cause of Babylon's destruction!"

Espio gasped, looking down to his Rodrigo's hands in horror. "How…how could he do something so horrid?"

"I don't know, but he did." Rodrigo offered his hand. "Listen to me, Espio the Chameleon, we can find the Grim Reaper and steal his scythe, cut a hole into the fabric of reality and join the living, but I'll need your body to do so. Give me your hand, and the connection will be made."

Espio backed up, gritting his teeth so tightly they could have cracked. The ninja warrior hesitated, glancing down to his feet because his shoes were the most ballin' things in existence. In fact, Espio's shoes were more ballin' than platform shoes! Disco inferno baby!

"Okay…I'm in," Espio stated, reaching out.

Rodrigo snatched his hand, and a brilliant light exploded. "Good, but let me just tell you that you've made a very good decision!"

The crow's body evaporated into mist, and it surged into Espio's mouth. Espio writhed, dropping to the ground and gripped his head like he was going mad. Veins bulged out of his skull and temples, and he unleashed a hellish scream that was really-hitched pitched. Think Hannah Montana screaming.

When Espio finally stopped rolling on the ground like he was on fire, shouting/singing, "No! Stop! Don't touch me there! This is my no-no square!", Rodrigo had fully taken over his body and ran off, kicked Grim Reaper's ass, and went off to Earth to go have himself a jolly old time being an old guy in a young body.

…shit, that sounds wrong…

In his mind, Espio screamed, "You crazy pedo-bird! Get out!"

"Look, if I give you candy that looks like pills, will you shut up?" Rodrigo asked, rolling his eyes.

"…Are they sugary and will probably make my teeth rot?"

Rodrigo looked down at his Nyquil pills. "Um…yes?"

"Okay! I like candy pills!"

And that's how Rodrigo invaded Espio.

…that still sounds wrong.

Tomo straight up slapped Espio over the head. "You are a fucking idiot."

"And you are a bitch," Psyko called from the audience as his brother, Somatic, nodded.

"No fighting!" Gemini ordered.

Tomo and Psyko gave him an extremely blunt look.

"…Well, maybe you can throw some stuff at each other, but-"

Before Gemini could finish, Psyko whipped out his AWESOME Freddy Krueger claws while Tomo pulled out her sword and had an epic battle. In fact, it's too epic for me to describe because it was that epic. In fact, it was SO FREAKING EPIC that even God made a bet with Satan on who would win. God rooted for Tomo because he sure as hell doesn't want that wolf coming in and taking over. Satan rooted for Psyko because he didn't want some bitch coming in and taking over.

So, in the end, both simply called a truce after Somatic calmly walked down and slapped them both in the face.

Under his breath, Psyko muttered, "Bitch."

Under her breath, Tomo muttered, "Ass."

"If we can actually do something productive, that would be nice," Damien stated, wiping some blood of his shoulder. "So, Tomo, do you recognize that fact that you are probably the most unoriginal OC here?"

"…Up yours, mofo," Tomo hissed.

Kiba Sniper hates OCs, especially her own. Especially other people's. She's just a bitch that way.

…Why the hell am I referring to myself in the third person?

"Because you're a stupid little mother-!" Tomo cut herself off, realizing she was standing up on Espio's head and shaking her fist at the sky.

"Ceiling, you mean," Gemini corrected.

Oh, right.

"Tomo, who are you talking to? God? If God's there, tell him that it was Espio who stole his waffles," Vector ordered.

"I was hungry!" Espio defended furiously.

Damien grabbed Tomo, and along with Gemini, scampered off the stage was Espio and Vector began fighting over God's waffles. Psyko and Somatic hopped down since they were bored and decided to chime in.

"Are you crazy? They don't know that they're in a fanfic by some teenage girl," Gemini hissed.

"What if we just tell everyone?" Damien offered.

"Uh, let's just not because either that crazy Sniper is gonna kill them or they'll kill her," Gemini explained as Tomo brightened considerably at the last part. "…Tomo, you're smiling…weirdly."

Tomo bolted back out and shrieked, "Hey, everyone! Did you guys know that-!"

"I'll handle her," Psyko jeered and leaped out, slicing her throat.

Tomo died, but nobody really cared except Nack who lost his bed buddy.

"Well, should we…should we end it here?" Gemini asked, sliding back into his chair as he watched Tomo's corpse.

"Eh, might as well. At least we got through one pivotal part of the series," Damien snickered, wrapping his arm around Psyko in a friendly gesture. "So, see you next time as we sit down with the Chaotix and maybe even this guy to find out why he even helped at all."

Psyko quietly removed Damien's hand and shuddered. "Ew, dog germs…"

Hm, yes. Indeed. Either I die or they die. Probably me. Please, review!