It was just another day in Teufort. There had already been fifteen arguments, seven fistfights, and a fractured collarbone; all outside of battle. The battle itself had ended in a stalemate, and the sun was setting over the blood stained battlefield. Everyone had finished dinner and was now off doing whatever. This (relative) peace could not last long; seeing as everyone had some form of mental illness.
"LEETLE BABY IS DEAD!" Heavy roared as he charged through the rec room.
"Holycrapholycrapholycrap!" Scout repeated multiple times as he tried his best to avoid the speeding Russian.
Heavy chased Scout around the base, cause tremors as he ran and plowing over several (already battered) pieces of furniture. Nobody was 100% sure how this started, but it involved noodles… lots and lots of noodles… and an enchilada! Also; Heavy was covered in Swiss cheese.
"Neanderthals…" Spy rolled his eyes at his teammate's immature behavior, "I can think of no one more uncivilized than those two."
"Hey Spy, have you seen Medic?" Soldier tapped Spy on the shoulder after appearing out of nowhere, he had a traffic cone lodged in his knee, "I got a traffic cone in my knee."
Spy stood in shock, he wanted to ask, but then he realized that this was Soldier, so he just gave him directions. After that; he locked himself in his room and took a nap, for some unknown reason; he was developing one heck of a migraine.
~0~
12:13, cause that's when paranormal stuff happens… right?
~0~
Spy woke up to use the restroom, and snuck through the darkened hallway. As he passed Soldier's quarters he activated his cloak because Soldier didn't let anyone have any unapproved bathroom breaks after 12 AM, because that's when ghosts start coming out. Nobody ever obeyed no matter how many times Soldier tried to enforce this rule.
Once he got to the restroom; he noticed a thick fog rolling out from under the door. No doubt one of his idiot teammates left the shower running. He opened the door, and he was right, someone had left the faucet on. He rolled his eyes and turned it off, then went to relieve himself. As he dropped his pants, he noticed a person under the sink in a fetal position.
"Who are you?!" he asked, his face became red as he quickly pulled up his britches.
"So cold… It won't go away…" the raspy voice called out.
"What the…" Spy did what every sane person in this situation would do, approach it!
The huddled mass was shivering, even though the bathroom was filled to the brim with scalding hot steam. "I wish… I had a coat…"
"Hey, why are you in the bathroom?" Spy got closer to the thing, and it began to look more and more like a young girl; only the skin was an unearthly shade of blue and several bits of skin were frostbitten, she was obviously malnourished, and her hair was shaved off completely.
It looked up at him, its eyes were nonexistent, and in the hollows was one small red dot each. "Will you be my coat?" it rasped.
"What the-?!" Spy suddenly froze, unable to control his own body. The thing stood up, toe to toe with Spy, and jammed its hands into Spy's chest. The bones cracked as she forced them apart. After a suitable sized hole was made, she crawled inside.
"Not warm enough…" it rasped, "We must find… More warmth…" Spy began walking throughout the base, barely alive and unconscious.
~0~
Medbay, about fifteen minutes later
~0~
Soldier had dragged everyone into the Medbay, he had seen what happened to Spy because he hid a hidden camera in the restroom, and after hearing a noise, checked the video feed from it. Luckily he was smart enough to take the recording with him to help 'persuade' his teammates to obey.
The Medbay was barricaded with generic hospital objects, like a broken nuclear reactor and a gun from a tank. Soldier was currently taking roll.
"I am now taking roll!" Soldier called out as he took roll, "Scout!"
"Here…" Scout raised his arm sleepily, and then fell asleep (he was carried into the Medbay like a piece of luggage because he wouldn't wake up completely).
"Pyro!"
Pyro snored, he was wearing a sleeping cap and bunny slippers over his uniform, he even bathed in the thing.
"Demo!"
"Over here lad…" Demo was mildly annoyed.
"Heavy!"
"Da…" Heavy was leaning against the barricade (I'm assuming that he was part of the barricade).
"Engie!"
Engie just grunted.
"Medic!"
Medic just shot him one of his this-better-be-important-or-I-will-cut-you glares.
"Sniper!"
Silence.
"Ugh… where's Snipes?" Scout gained a bit of consciousness.
"I think he sleeps in the barracks." Medic sighed, "I bet that idiot is dead already…"
"Who goes to check?" Scout rubbed his eyes.
"Eh, I've got experience with ghosties, I'll go." Demo shook his head as he stood up, "Who wants ta come?"
"I'll go!" Soldier leapt at the opportunity, "Medic will come too!"
"What?" Medic glared at Soldier.
"Your job is to keep us from being dead!" Soldier grinned and grabbed Demo and Medic by their collars, then pulled out his rocket launcher and gracefully rocket jumped through the ceiling to the barracks. They all were all unscratched because the magical aura of American-ness that Soldier emitted decided that they should live for the moment.
The barracks were covered in a strange black goo; it bubbled slightly and smelled of sulfur. It was the same goo from a few weeks ago.
"What on Earth…?" Medic poked some of the ooze and it hissed like a very annoyed cat.
"Well… this is…" Demoman turned on the lights and the ooze began boiling harder. "Really… disgustin'!"
"Forget it, let's just find Sniper and get out of here." Soldier was completely oblivious to the goo.
They wandered through the barracks until they found Spy lying on the floor with a huge, empty hole in his chest. Medic turned the medigun on him, and he healed up all nice and fancy, but was still unconscious.
"That thing couldn't have gotten far." Demo said to Soldier as he heaved Spy over his shoulder.
They walked through the barracks, and the farther they got, the less goo there was. When they finally got to where Sniper was supposedly sleeping, there wasn't a speck of the stuff. The sleeping bag Sniper generally slept in was empty.
"Where'd that idiot go?" Medic huffed.
"Hey look!" Soldier ran over to a closet and flung the door open, he was met by a kukri to the head (luckily he was wearing a helmet, so it really didn't do anything). Sniper was standing in the closet covered with the black goo.
"Oh thank God you're here, that thing won't leave!" Sniper sighed in relief when he recognized his teammates.
"What happened, lad?" Demoman asked.
"Spoi ran down the hall, but he didn't insult me so I knew somethin' was up. I followed him a bit, and when he noticed me 'is chest bloody exploded and this little kid ran out!" Sniper wiped some of the goop off. "Then the little kid starts babblin' 'bout the cold and tries to stab me in the chest! I got away, but-"
