-3-

Harry had never been a religious sort of man, he'd always believed in life and death to be two sides of the same coin. You lived making your way through life and its troubles and then you died continuing to exist in a non-corporal state. There was no heaven or hell in his mind though he'd like to think that there was a place like Azkaban after death for those who truly deserved to go. But otherwise he just tried not to think of death as much as possible, which was in his eyes the very reason for a religion, people needed something to lean on when faced with the uncertainty of death, some chose liquor, some chose church, some chose both and a few managed to keep going. He was in the middle of liquor and keep going, he'd seen so much death in his time alive that mourning had become second nature to him.

Oh he'd tried the whole church thing, when he was really young he'd truly tried to believe that there was a god, at the time the Dursley's were certain that perhaps church could 'cleanse' him of his freakishness. He'd wanted to believe that it would, wanted to believe that his parents were in heaven and that he would go too some day if he was good and quit doing freakish things. But he'd given up on God when he'd assumed that God had given up on him. Still he knew enough not to want to piss him off if there really was a God so he showed his respect as he entered the large creaking doors.

Slowly he made his way down the long isle staring around him at the stained glass windows and the long padded benches feeling nostalgia and new found respect for the cross that was hung up before him. He knew now what it must have taken to willingly walk to death- to take the burden of the many and carry it despite the pain and the sheer weight of it. He wondered if he had ever met the man if they wouldn't have become good friends. He frowned as he heard a soft pitter patter of steps come up behind him. Since it was a Tuesday morning he'd assumed that there wouldn't be anyone there but to his surprise as he turned around a small boy was striding to him with a determined gaze. Messy copper hair floated about his head and a smatter or freckles crossed the bridge of a small pert nose which was wrinkled as their gazes locked. Brown eyes glared at him balefully and small fists settled on narrow hips.

"I'm Michael!" The boy said with a scowl. Harry blinked. "Well? Introduce your self!" The boy demanded stomping a foot. "I can't tell you what you're doing wrong until you introduce yourself or it would be impolite!" He all but shouted. Harry felt his eyebrows rise and a smile tug at the corner of his lips. Boy but didn't that attitude smack of-

"Michael!" Harry's heart thundered to a halt and his gaze snapped up. He felt the blood rush from his face. Snape, still pale and imposing yet entirely different stood at the opposing end of the isle frowning helplessly at the boy. There was a softness about him though that had never been there, relaxed, unhurried…gentle.

"Gee I'm sorry sir I didn't mean to make you cry!" The boy said startling him. Harry blinked down at the copper haired boy for a moment before noticing the tears that were dripping from his eyes. He relaxed under the contrite look on the boy's face and smiled faintly at the uncanny resemblance the boy had to Ron.

"No forgive me." He said wiping the tears away in mild annoyance as he crouched down so that he was at eyelevel with the child. He held out his hand. "My name is Harry Potter, pleased to meet you." He said forcing himself to focus. Merlin he'd made an utter fool of himself hadn't he? Snape didn't even know who he was and he was already messing things up! The boy looked skeptical before reaching out and grasping his hand with a firm shake.

"I'm Michael, but you already know that now, I was gonna' tell you-"

"Going to Michael, the word 'gonna' isn't any where in the dictionary." Snape said mildly as he strode towards them. It was only then that Harry noticed the difference in the robes as well as the bible in the man's hand.

"Yes father." The boy said reluctantly before turning back to Harry. "I was going to tell you that you're supposed to kneel before the cross." The boy said proudly. Harry glanced at the idol and tried his hardest not to stare at Snape.

"Off you go Michael, go study your lessons for the day." Snape said with a roll of his eyes.

"But father!" The boy said pleadingly. Harry watched with slight amusement as Snape's expression hardened slightly.

"Did you just whine at me?" He asked softly. Michael gulped loudly before sharply turning to Harry and bowing deeply.

"It was a pleasure to meet you Mister Potter!" He said before turning and running full force down the isle.

"Running in the church honestly…" Snape muttered to himself with pursed lips. Harry smiled weakly only to wince when dark eyes turned back towards him appearing wary and sharp but bearing no recognition of him. It was almost too much to bear and Harry cursed to feel his eyes ache again with hot tears.

"Sorry I-"

"You know me." Snape said solidly. "Or at least you knew the me before I lost my memories." He said with a slightly frustrated scowl. He was calm though, and that alone nearly drove Harry to hysterics.

"How-?" He started with wide eyes.

"Lucius Malfoy told me. He told me that if a Harry Potter ever came to this church then to run as far and as fast as I possibly can because Harry Potter would surely ruin my peaceful life." He said with a snort. "However I fail to see how you could possibly be able to harm my life." He said scanning Harry with dark eyes. "In fact if anything you look as though you are about to break down right here and now." He said narrowing his eyes. Harry suddenly doubted that he should have come but he had to. He had to see Snape and there he was. Harry stared at him unabashedly now that Snape had figured out that Harry had once known him. Snape was still thin however the circles that had once been permanent under his eyes were gone and the sallow skin had filled out and appeared softer. He looked healthy, happy despite the scowl he was wearing.

"He would say that." Harry said at last. "And he would probably be right too." He said feeling his heart twist.

"And yet you come now? Ten years after I've joined this church?" Snape said sounding more amused than anything though there was an edge to his voice. Harry couldn't help but shiver as he lifted his hands staring at them. Ever since that night he'd been able to see blood on them.

"You died in my arms." Harry said quietly. "For the last ten years I've thought you dead." He said his hands falling to his sides helplessly.

"You know…" Snape said quietly. "You know what happened to me you know my past, Potter you must tell me you must look at me and tell- gah!" Snape suddenly lifted his hand and pressed it to the side of his head wincing terribly and Harry panicked feeling his blood rush from his face.

"Snape? Nonononononononono…Snape!" He felt his legs tremble and give beneath him as Snape's face went lax and his body fell. "No!" He sobbed the dam he'd been building for years crashing down around him as he cracked. His hands shook as he drew Snape into his arms letting his magic slide from his fingers and sink into the man's skin checking for his pulse, for injury for anything.

"He'll be alright Mister Potter." A voice said drawing his frantic gaze away from Snape to the small cautious form. Michael was staring at him in determination. "He faints every so often because his health isn't very good but he'll wake up sir I promise." The boy said with a nod. Harry shuddered as his magic pulled back into him and relaxed when Snape groaned quietly before shifting slightly. Michael scowled slightly and shifted a bit before speaking again. "He has a bed set up in his office, but I'm not strong enough to carry him yet." He said sullenly. Harry blinked at the child before carefully slipping his other arm under the crook of the man's knees and lifting him up. Michael's eyes grew wide at the ease with which he did so before a tentative smile crossed his lips.

"Which way?" Harry said softly.

"This way." The boy said before turning and quickly making his way down the isle. Harry followed with swift sure steps his heart pounding as he cradled Snape's body to himself. Snape…Snape…Alive…Snape was alive…The thought ran repetitively through his mind as they slipped through darkened hallways quietly until reaching a small door. The boy pushed the door open and Harry walked in behind him noting how barren the room seemed before setting Snape down on the uncomfortable looking cot.

"Do you think he'll get cold?" Harry muttered to himself before fussing over the thin blanket and subtly casting a warming charm. "I thought Malfoy would have taken better care of him…" He growled reaching out and setting his hand on Snape's forehead.

"Malfoy?" The boy said his face screwing up. Harry snorted at the expression.

"My sentiments exactly." Harry said with a nod.

"He and the father argue constantly." Michael said dragging the only chair in the room over to the side of the bed and forcing Harry to sit. "Malfoy always leaves angry because Snape wants to devote himself to the lord, but Malfoy keeps saying that it's a load of poppycock." Michael said tugging absently at his trousers which Harry could see with a frown were too small on the child.

"Sounds like Malfoy alright." Harry said smirking slightly.

"So why didn't you kneel?" The curious child said crossing his arms as he eyed Harry skeptically. Harry smiled thinly.

"I made a promise to my best friend just before he died never to bow my head; I swore to hold my head high no matter what." Harry said sadly. The boy eyed him for a moment longer before nodding to himself and holding out his hand.

"I like you." He said definitively. Harry's lips twitched and he captured the boy's hand in a firm handshake.

"I like you too Michael, it's good to know that Snape has some one like you protecting him." He said amused. Michael puffed out his chest and lifted his chin.

"Father Snape took us all in when we had no where else to go, the other orphanages aren't very good and we got hit a lot but Father Snape never hit us not even when we were bad!" He said grinning from ear to ear before leaning in closer. "Don't tell him I said so but I love him, even if he can't cook!" Harry didn't know whether to laugh or cry at that statement.

"Brother Miiiike!" A small female voice cried out from afar. The copper haired boy puffed out his cheeks and scowled as the pitter patter of feet approached the room and the door clicked open hesitantly. The largest set of blue eyes that Harry had ever seen peered up at him from under long dark lashes and a small round face bore a surprised expression as a little girl looked up at him.

"This is Mister Potter he's father Snape's friend Cilia." Michael introduced with a grin. The girl whose face was surrounded by black ringlets crept shyly into the room and stared up at him hesitantly. "He's not mean like Malfoy was." Michael said with a jerk of his chin. The girl tugged at her already ratty skirt and Harry frowned in sudden dawning understanding. The Orphanage must just be scraping by; Snape would never dress these children this way if he could help it.

"I'm Cilia I'm six years old and I like to paint." The little girl said frankly before holding out her hand whilst nibbling nervously on her bottom lip. Harry grasped the small hand in his and felt a small smile cross his lips.

"I'm Harry Potter, I'm Snape's friend." He said amused by the whole situation. Suddenly a loud gurgling growling sound filled the room and Harry's eyebrows rose as the girls' cheeks flushed bright red.

"Hungry?" He asked amused. The girl ducked her head in shame. Harry chuckled and then stilled at the sound. He hadn't laughed in a very long time. His smile faded a bit but he shook his head. "Very well then, how about this, Snape needs to rest and I'm supposing that there is no one else around to cook for you so why don't you show me to the kitchen hmmm? I'm a passable cook when I want to be." He said happily. The girls eyes widened and a grin spread across her cheeks.

"Really!" Michael said bouncing on the balls of his feet. Harry chuckled at their expression and stood.

"This way!" The girl said suddenly grasping his hand and nearly running away with it. He snorted and followed after her making his way down the small cramped back rooms of the church until they reached a large kitchen. Harry snorted at the scorch marks he could see on the walls and quickly reached for the cupboards.

"Today is pasta!" Michael offered helpfully. Harry grinned as he found the packages of pasta and the cans of tomato sauce.

"Alright I'll get this ready then; it should be ready in half an hour so please have the others wash their hands and set the table." He said as he continued to search for what he needed. The two looked at each other with large grins on their faces before tearing out of the room. Harry snorted and put a large pot of water to boil. It had been a while since he'd cooked, most of the time he hardly had time to eat a sandwich before running out again and more often than was probably healthy he simply forgot to eat too busy to think about such a trivial detail. He worked smoothly though falling into the rhythm that he found he'd missed as he chopped and minced and sautéed losing all sense of time as the kitchen became filled with familiar comforting sounds and smells. Long ago, when it had been just him and Gin, he'd cooked for her every night and relished the challenge of new recipes and different exotic dishes. He smiled faintly as he remembered those days. He and Ginny had been so close back then, before she realized that he could never give her children, before he acknowledged that there was something that just felt wrong about having sex with her.

Before Draco kissed him.

His smile faded away as he thought of the blond. Draco…Draco had filled a part of him that Ginny never could, things just seemed to fit together with Draco even when he'd come to understand that Draco simply wasn't going to leave his wife the way Harry had. Draco had been passion and fire and comfort- everything he was missing. Ginny had been a dream, the perfect, normal wife who wanted a perfect normal family. Instead she had Harry, Harry who tried his hardest and was as sweet as he could be but could never truly give her what she needed. Harry who was broken and so, so old by the time they'd married. He'd tried; they both had, every second of every day together, until Draco forced him to recognize his feelings for Snape. Until the healers announced him impotent. He shook his head to dispel the thoughts as he turned off the stove and slipped out of the kitchen to check on the small room he'd seen earlier where long tables had been set up for the children. As he entered the noise level dropped and at least twenty wide eyes stared at him in awe their expressions hungry and wanting. Harry's breath caught in his throat.

"I got the pitchers of water Mister Potter!" Michael said bouncing up and down on his heels.

"Ah, so you are the illusive mister Potter the children were telling me about." Harry spun his body reacting defensively his arms out and ready to protect the children before he caught sight of the small woman who was staring at him with a startled expression on her face. A nun…Merlin he had been about to attack a bloody nun, how paranoid was he?

"Er, sorry you startled me." He said sheepishly. Had he really been that distracted? It was practically impossible for people to sneak up on him these days. The woman smiled kindly and shook her head.

"No, no forgive me! After all you went through all the trouble of cooking!" She said sounding amused. Harry blinked.

"This is Anna!" Michael said pointing at her. "She can't cook either." He added in a loud whisper. The nun's cheeks reddened terribly and Harry shook his head in amazement. He'd forgotten how frank children could be.

"Have no fear; I've made enough for even this small army." He said ruffling Michaels hair fondly before stepping back out into the hall and making his way to the kitchen where the large pot of pasta with meat sauce sat. Carefully he lifted it and settled it onto the small rolling cart.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" The nun ventured her cheeks still tinged pink. "I'm really sorry that you had to go through the bother of cooking for us!" She added shyly. Harry smiled slightly and shook his head.

"Snape needed the rest, besides it felt good to cook again, I live alone and my job requires most of my meals to be eaten in haste." He said as he rolled the cart through the hall. The children were practically falling off their benches they were so hungry and he snorted before offering them a mild glare that caused them to return to their seats.

"I burnt breakfast this morning." The nun said ducking her head. "They hardly touched it because it was so horrible, they must be starving now." She said shaking her head in distress. Harry handed her a basket with rolls he'd warmed and buttered.

"Don't worry." He said liking the smallish woman already though she looked harried and stressed. He glanced around the room and found the children with folded hands and bowed heads.

"You'll have to pray." The nun said amused. Harry winced slightly.

"I don't suppose you could?" He said frantically searching his mind for the words to the prayer he used to use as a child. The nun grinned mischievously and shook her head. Harry sighed and nodded before folding his own hands and awkwardly saying the prayer only stumbling once causing the children to chortle quietly. When he finished the children at the table closest to him stood with their trays and lined up in front of him. One by one he offered them heaping plates of pasta frowning more and more at the distressing state of their clothing. They looked ravenous too though he knew now that it wasn't for lack of trying. Harry was suddenly glad that he'd made as much as he had, no sooner had the last of the children sat down did a few of the first stand for more.

"Anna?" He asked as he continued to fill plates watching the hungry faces light up with glee as the children quite literally sang praises to his cooking. The nun glanced up at him her cheeks flushed with happiness. "Snape might never tell me but I'm not blind, just how much trouble is this Orphanage in financially?" He demanded giving her a hard look. She winced and sputtered her eyes turning glossy.

"We might lose them." She admitted softly. "Father Snape is a good man, he does his best for these children but our church is small." She whispered nearly choking on the words. Harry clenched his teeth and stared out around at the room filled with young happy faces.

"Don't worry Anna, not one moment longer." He said smiling slightly before stiffening as he felt a familiar presence. Snape strode through the door with wide eyes and stared around at the children like a lost man before zeroing in on Harry.

"You can cook?" He said with equal amounts of hope and disbelief. Harry snorted and handed Snape a heaping plate.

"Of course I can, now sit down and eat." He said checking the man over with his eyes. "You scared me Snape." He admitted with pursed lips. Snape lifted his chin slightly.

"I was fine Potter just tired." He said gripping the plate tightly. Harry sighed.

"Eat Snape, you needed the rest and a proper meal won't be amiss either I'm betting." He said pointedly. Snape pursed his lips but before he could say anything more his stomach gave a mighty growl and his eyes widened in embarrassment. Harry snorted and shook his head before pointing at the table causing the man to duck his head before rushing away. Huh…Snape embarrassed, it was amusing to say the least. Eventually he left the serving to Anna and took a seat beside Snape cutting into his meal with gusto.

"You're injured." Snape said after a few moments of silence. Harry hesitated, for a brief moment he wanted to tell Snape everything, ask him a million questions and demand answers from a man he knew couldn't answer his questions.

"I work for a brand of the authorities." He said instead. "The job gets rough sometimes." He said with a slight shrug.

"You work with people like Lucius then? People that I used to be a part of- people with magic?" Snape said in a quiet voice. Harry nearly choked and had to take a deep drought of water to clear his throat.

"Yes." He said carefully before erecting a silencing shield around them. "We can speak freely now." He said before taking another bite. Snape gazed at him for a moment and Harry stared pointedly into his pasta.

"Lucius wouldn't tell me anything about my past." Snape said quietly. "Would you?" He asked seriously his dark eyes glittering. Harry looked up at him with thinly drawn lips and grit his teeth. Tell Snape…tell him that he hated Harry? That he'd suffered for a better part of his life; that he had been a broken bitter man? Could he risk the absence of pain and sorrow he could see now? He thought about it and his heart pounded, a selfish part of him wanted to keep Snape like this, untouched by the past. But he knew better than anyone what Snape's take on that would be. They were Snape's memories, they belonged to him and Harry had no right to keep them from him! He could almost hear the man's sharp voice in his mind.

"If you asked it of me, then there is little that I wouldn't do for you Severus Snape." He said seriously. "But I warn you now, if you wanted to know, it would change you. Today I met a Snape that I have never met before- you were not cold, or bitter, you didn't scowl at me or hate me simply for existing, you are completely different…you are…happy." He said swallowing thickly. "I don't know if I could take that away from you but it is your past and you have a right to it." He ended looking away.

"I don't sound like I was a very nice person." Snape said a small pained smile lingering on the corner of his lips. Harry shook his head sharply.

"No, you were everything you had to be and you had every right to hate me. Still, in the end you gave me the courage to do what I needed to do- if it weren't for you the world would have been a darker place." He glanced at Snape to find him frowning slightly a curious expression on his face.

"Well Mister Potter which was I a hero or a villain?" He asked eyebrows raised. Harry looked away.

"Neither…you were a martyr, but to those of us that know the truth you were a hero- a hero who sacrificed too much, a hero that deserves a peaceful life." He looked then at the children who were laughing and talking to one another animatedly and smiled faintly. This place, even with all that it was lacking had something that he hadn't seen for a long time.

"You are alone." Snape said quietly. "I've seen those eyes before, all sorts of men and women come to my church but few come alone and few are truly alone. You have no wife?" He asked carefully. Harry smiled wanly.

"I had one, a long time ago, but I couldn't give her what she wanted." He said softly.

"Family?" Snape questioned just as cautiously. Harry smiled widely but the smile fell away before he could hold it up.

"My family…" He trailed off. "My family was her family but…it's falling apart." He admitted. "My best friend was her brother and he died- it should have been me…" He didn't notice the hot tears that had begun to slide down his cheeks. There was no photograph to keep him strong here, there was no Ron, no Hermione…Merlin how long had it been since he'd spoken to her?

"Potter…Potter look at me-argh!" Harry jumped as Snape suddenly gripped the sides of his head in pain and lurched forward nearly hitting his head on the roughly hewn table before him. Harry jumped up and pulled Snape up by the shoulders reaching out with his magic and probing gently as he tried desperately to figure out what was wrong. Had the venom caused some sort of neural damage? Snape gave a great shudder before falling lax in his arms. Harry's heart was thundering in his chest and he lifted Snape up and swiftly strode back down the halls he was becoming accustomed to until he found the crude wooden door and pushed it open gently laying Snape down onto the bed. He checked Snape's pulse the muggle way and continued to poke and prod him expertly until the soft sound of someone clearing their throat drew his gaze away. Anna was standing in the door way looking nervous as she shifted from one foot to the other.

"How often does this happen usually?" He demanded.

"Once or twice a month." She said wearily. Harry stilled.

"I did this…" He said his voice hoarse. "My presence because I'm here-"

"Or it could be that he's been up late most nights trying to figure out how to feed and clothe the children." She said crossing her arms a thin scowl on her lips. Harry frowned and glanced at Snape.

"Lucius never gave him money?" Harry asked gritting his teeth.

"The blond man with the long hair?" She asked after a moment of confusion. "No, why would he?" She asked.

"Because Snape is the reason his son is still alive!" Harry growled. "That utter-"

"Mister Potter you are in a house of God!" The nun reminded with red cheeks. Harry bit his lip and took a deep breath to calm himself.

"Sorry." He said shaking his head before standing up and rubbing his eyes. "I think I've probably over stayed my welcome for today." He said before pulling out his wallet. "Is there a fund that goes directly to the children?" He asked pulling out a large stack of notes making her eyes widen impossibly.

"Yes." She said hoarsely. Harry nodded and held out the stack.

"This should do for today I'll bring more next time, please make a list of everything this church needs and don't worry about expenses, without a family to spend it all I'm ashamed to admit that my pay has been piling up over the years not to mention money I inherited." He said with a wince. "I don't spend much on myself you see." He said gesturing to the faded clothes he'd worn with him.

"Mister Potter this is too much-" He held up his hand

"I always wanted children even though I'm unable to have any myself." He said grimly. "My childhood left much to be desired too, like these children I had no parents, no where to go, and no one who cared about me the way you and Snape care for them. I won't let a lack of funding keep them from having what they need." He said shaking his head. Anna gazed at him for a moment before nodding.

"Thank you mister Potter." She said softly before glancing at Snape. "For everything." She added with a kind smile. Harry shook his head and straightened his shoulders.

"I'll be by to make dinner tomorrow if you don't mind I'm a bit tired of TV dinners and eating alone doesn't appeal to me either." He said with a smirk at her blush.

"I'm sure the children will appreciate that." She muttered. Harry chuckled as he walked to the door his eyes drifting towards Snape for one last lingering moment.

"Take care of him Anna." He whispered his voice pained. Her eyes softened and she nodded watching as he walked out.