Author's Note: Special Thanks goes to Poisoned Dark Angel for taking the time to editing and reviewing this chapter and for reading my fanfics ^^
Chapter 2: Brothers till the End
"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself:
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.
I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
~ Groucho Marx ~
Time had passed.
Just as it always did.
And every morning he would have to repeat to himself.
Like a master to a student...
Stay Happy. Stay Happy. Stay Happy.
It felt like he was clinging onto some small light of hope.
But as the days went...
The air grew thick.
One brother bedridden.
Another hounding him.
And the third – distant.
His home was no longer home.
But...
He also knew.
He knew their wandering eyes.
He knew their secrets.
He knew their feelings.
His heart ached.
For deep down he had forbidden thoughts of his own...
However, he knew...he knew he could never have him.
For his heart longed for another.
But he keeps on smiling.
Wondering if one of them will notice...
That he is screaming inside.
"RAPHIE!" Mikey's voice shrilled across the lair. He glanced in the training room noticing Leo once again meditating. Glancing in Don's room he smiled as he watched the sleeping form of the genius curled up in his bed. Sighing he wondered where the residential hot-head could be hiding. He checked the kitchen, the living room, even Raphie's bedroom but he wasn't there.
Sure it had been two weeks since the event over Donnie's near death experience. But things were not even close to being normal. Raphie could not stand being in the room with Leo for even two seconds before leaving. The only time Mikey noticed them together was during training and even during that they would not even dare say two words to each other. But to make matters worse, Raphael was starting to become more of a short fuse.
Of course...being locked up inside the lair for two weeks would make Raphie more agitated. Sighing Mikey took a seat on the couch as he stared at the television, switching the channel to the news. Even though he knew he would not be watching it.
Don had started a fever a few days ago. And despite Mikey playing the caregiver he knew that Donnie would always look forward to a visit from a certain red-banded turtle – he noticed this long ago. It was never hard for Mikey to notice things. Despite his easily distracted personality and dumb-witted attitude he had always been the one that carefully observed his brothers. When Raphael needed a reason to be angry Mikey would jump in, when Donnie wanted some company he was always there, and when Leo secretly desired a break from being a leader Mikey would force him to do something...
He had always been the shining light of hope for his family. He knew that. They knew that. Even Master Splinter had told Mikey many speeches about his importance in the Hamato family life. But things had reached to a point that even his smiles could not fix things...
After all...in the future there was only room for heartbreak...
Donnie loves Raphie.
Raphie loves Leo.
Leo loves Raphie.
He loves Donnie.
Man, his life was starting to sound more and more like one of Master Splinter's cheesy soap operas. He was not sure to be insulted that no one loved him or insulted that Leo and Raph continued to ignore their feelings for each other...didn't they realize it was only making matters worse?
Whatever lover's spat they had, Mikey was getting annoyed with all this drama and sexual tension.
That was why this morning he vowed to have a conversation with Raphie about everything. Actually it was a plan he been brewing all night. Corner Raphie, force Raphie to admit his feelings, talk about ways to fix things and maybe things would start getting back to normal. Of course his little plan did not work if Raphie was nowhere to be found.
After a few hours of dumbly watching TV he got up stretching, Leo muttered something about bringing Don his lunch this time. As much as Mikey loved being close to his sick older brother he just did not have the heart to see him just yet...a small part of him wanted to not only talk about Raphie's feelings but also his own. It was nearing two in the afternoon and still no sign of Raphael. Sighing he got up, thinking of grabbing a comic or two as he went towards his room...he wondered where Raphie could even be? After all he was forbidden to go up on the surface, Leo hasn't drag him off for training yet, and while usually he would be hulled up in his room reading a motorcycle magazine or two...
Opening the door Mikey looked up only to jump in surprise. Laying on his bed, holding a comic in his hands rather loosely and flipping through the pages with a bored annoyed scowl on his face was the hot-head himself. Raph lowered the comic book glancing at Mikey with those intense yellow eyes, "about time ya showed up..." he grumbled. "I don't know how you can even read these..."
"Hey! I think they have deep and entertaining storylines..." Mikey paused at the accusing look on Raph's face, "and well the pictures are pretty cool!"
"Whatever..." Raph muttered tossing the comic book to the ground.
Mikey dived catching the comic before the pages got ruffled from hitting the ground, "hey you may treat your magazines like that but not this!" Mikey stated shaking the book in front of Raph. "This is the limited edition of Silver Sentry number 26; they don't make these with this cover anymore!"
"Then isn't shakin' it gonna make it worse?" Raphie pointed out as he sat at the edge of the bed, letting his feet touch the cold ground.
Mikey looked at his comic book, "gah! I am so sorry my baby!" He smoothed it out and nuzzled the glossy cover before placing it back on his many chaotic piles; piles that were organized in ways that only Mikey himself could understand. After that he took a seat beside his brother. "So why are you in my room?"
"Mmm...No reason..." Raph muttered as he stared at the wall across from him. Mikey however was studying his brother. He noticed how slumped Raph's shoulders were and there appeared to be a small shake to his hands which were curled up in fists. Raph's eyes were looking anywhere else but to his younger brother...
"God, Leo has been such a hard-ass lately!" Mikey whined the flinch at Leo's name did not go unnoticed to the youngest. "Hey Raphie, its okay if you want to talk..." Mikey stated reaching out to place a hand on his arm. Raph quickly pulled away.
"Ya know what Mikey I think I'm going to go..." Raph muttered, about to get up. But Mikey was not yet ready to let Raph draw away from him. He pushed his older brother down onto the bed.
Raph growled, "What the hell - !" and before he could react Mikey cuddled against him. One leg loosely place over both of his and Mikey's head nuzzling against Raph's cheek.
Mikey knew Raph was just stunned laying there, his mind trying to register what this was about. But eventually he felt his older brother become less tense and an arm even shyly wrapped around Mikey's shoulder providing some support for Mikey.
There was nothing strange about it, as both brothers laid there seeking the comfort and warmth they both desired – comfort that Mikey had needed so bad...and he had a deep feeling Raphael was feeling the same way.
"You know you were always my hero..." Mikey said to Raph after awhile.
"Why the hell would I be your hero Mikey?" There was an unbelievable tone to Raph's voice and Mikey wanted to yell at Raph for always placing himself so low in his own standards.
"Well I have to admit for the longest time I had this huge crush on you – " Raph looked at him and he was about to move away, "Had! Geez Raphie..."
"I don't understand why you would –"
"God, whatever Leo did to you he messed you up bad..." Mikey muttered.
"What? How do you –"
"Don's not the only turtle that can notice things Raph," Mikey pointed out. "I mean I may not act it but I do observe quite a bit – of course part of that is due to playing video games for so long, you really need to learn how to catch onto things quick. Like there was this one game where –"
"Mikey!" Raph growled his name in a warning. Smiling Mikey only cuddled closer into his older brother.
More silence were exchange between the two youngest. It was not the kind of awkward silence but a sort of welcoming one. Mikey enjoy it. He could hear and feel each breath Raph made and with his head against his side now Mike could hear his heart beating. It reminded him too much of when they were young, how Mikey would cuddle against Raph and Raph would try to pull away.
"What is so funny?' Raph asked his voice was much more gentle and calm. It held a sort of sweetness to it and Mikey knew he had managed to earn one of those rare moments where he was getting to see Raph as well Raph. He was not hiding behind his mask this time – but it also meant Leo really did mess him up if Mikey was able to strip it away so easily.
It was funny if Mikey thought about it each one of them had their own little masks. Leonardo's was control, Raphael's was anger, and his was the forever happy personality he shrouded himself in. Actually maybe that was why Mikey loved Donnie so much because out of all his brothers Donnie was always more – well his true self. "Was thinking when we were kids..."
"Don't remind me," Raph grumbled. He was already withdrawing back within himself and Mikey realized if he was going to start fixing things he needed to start grilling Raph.
"So you love Leo huh?"
"Well I – WHAT!" Raph exclaimed sitting upright to stare down at Mikey who was lying on the bed appearing smug as if it was an everyday kind of conversation. "Was it that obvious? I mean...well...I..." It was definitely weird and yet nice at the same time to witness Raphael so flustered.
"Let's just say, don't think of going into acting anytime soon," Mikey said with a small chuckle and sat up so that his innocent blues made those intense golden yellow eyes stare at him. He saw something in Raphael's eyes a flash of pain and hurt..."what did he do?" Mikey asked his voice had a slight edge of anger to it which was strange sounding even to him.
Raphael turned away so his shell was facing Mikey, "nothing." He muttered. But Mikey knew better. He wrapped his arms around Raph from behind so that his plastron was pressed firmly against Raph's shell and nuzzled his cheek against Raph's, "It's alright Raph, I won't tell anyone. You can trust me."
"Trust is not something I really have right now..." Mikey smirked he knew that Raph had always had a weak spot for when he started getting all affectionate it would be a matter of time before the hot-head gave into his pestering. Of course the warmth and comfort was helping Mikey a lot with his own personal pain...
"If you don't talk about it – it will destroy you." Mikey pleaded his last card up his sleeve to get Raph to open up.
A deep exhausting sign echoed from his brother and Mikey could feel his shoulders tense up, "we had sex..."
"Well isn't that great? I mean you wanted – "
"He said it was only a night of giving into our instincts."
"Oh." Now things were starting to make more sense, "Umm you seriously didn't believe him did you Raph?"
Mikey felt Raph tense up even more – a small thought in the back of his mind wondered if that was even possible? "At first, then I kind of knew he was just playing the role of leader...but I kind of also can see his perspective...but..."
"You wish he thought more highly of your future together." Mikey chipped in to help Raph who was now shaking.
"Yeah. To him to force himself to forget, to forget about me and that night...it didn't feel right and I don't feel right. I still can't help but feel used and unwanted...I don't know why? I mean I know Leo is only thinking of our family – but I can't help but feel like I am just...last in everything he thinks about. I should've never agreed to anything...everything is my fault." Mikey frowned at this, he never wanted Raph to begin blaming himself over things and if he remembered correctly it kind of took two to tango...
"Raph. First, if Leo really wanted to stay as brothers he should have never let that night happen. Two, it is alright to feel the way you are considering and three; I may not have all the answers. I mean I am probably the worst one to talk to about relationships with but you need to work this out with Leo...and no matter what happens I'll back you a hundred percent!" The shaking had finally stopped and Mikey smiled to himself, a small celebration going on in his head of how he was able to help Raph.
Raphael looked around the room as if making sure there was no chance of anyone seeing them, before Mikey was about to ask what is up to he felt himself being pulled into Raph's arms into a hug. "Thanks Mikey, heh I guess you grew up a little without us noticing..."
"Nah I'll always be a kid, who watches way to much TV shows and plays way too many video games – it is where I get all my best speeches from!"
"Ya know if you tell anyone I'll kill ya right?" Raph whispered as he kept holding onto Mikey.
Mikey smiled taking as much comfort as he could from this situation, "I know Raph." After a few more minutes Mikey just could not hold it in any longer, "so umm...one question Raphie?"
"Hmm? What is that?"
"Who was on bottom?" Raph's face reddened and he dropped Mikey on the ground, which got an ow from the youngest. The way Raphael stormed out of the room seemed to confirm what the answer was. "Wow...and here I was voting for Raph to be the dominate one..."
Mikey smiled as he stared at the doorway. He had a feeling that things would start to look up for Raph and Leo. It was too bad for Donnie though – but he would be there ready to pick up the pieces as he had done so many times in the past.
After all it was his job as the younger brother.
