Clarke woke up much earlier than she intended and groaned when she saw that it was still dark out. Beside her, Hania began to stir, awakened by the blonde's conscious state. Clarke got up and looked to her right, happy to find Octavia sleeping soundly. The moon was setting just above the tree line and the blonde looked to the sky to find the last of the stars fading in the morning light. On the Ark, she would dream about feeling the ground beneath her feet instead of the cold metal that made her feel detached from everyone else. Now that she was on the ground, she felt the label of being an outsider by the Mountain Men weighing her down. Clarke was distracted by her own thoughts failing to notice Hania getting up and moving, knowing full well the sound she heard wouldn't be registered her human ears. Clarke immediately noticed the creature's low stance and felt her body tense. In the past, there hadn't been a threat, but now the forest was eerily quiet, all too much for Clarke's liking. With one swift movement Hania bound forward into the dark yielding a high pitched shriek from the blonde and a grunt from the person beneath the large cat. Clarke could barely make out a person below the panther, but saw the animal's jaw, open and ready to attack the human at a moment's notice.
"Clarke," the voice said quietly, "could you kindly remove your...uhm, friend from me?" Clarke froze and moved toward the voice she would recognize anywhere; the panther pushed down harder on the woman's arm below her. "Clarke," the voice came again, "I do not intend on dying today, at least not this way."
"Hania," responded the blonde, "it's okay." It was a stalemate and Hania was genuinely unsure how to handle the situation. She could sense the palpable tension in the air, but removed herself from the woman underneath her. Neither to Clarke's surprise, nor the woman's, the panther remained trained on the woman ready to strike. The blonde bore into the woman in front of her. "What are you doing here, mom?" Abby smiled - even if "mom" was said with slight distaste, she enjoyed the way her daughter still recognized her as just that.
"To be honest, I don't know. I've been here for a while. I made myself a little camp between here and Jaha; I've been trying to find the words to say, and was going to wait it out a bit longer, but I heard you and Octavia talking about leaving for Polis and I wanted to..." In truth, the doctor wasn't entirely sure what she wanted to do. She feared a goodbye, but knew better than to beg her daughter to stay. Clarke thought on her mother's admission and it clicked. Hania's defensive position over the past few days with no obvious threat could now be explained by her mother's presence. Abby decided it was best to redirect the conversation,"You did a good job with the stitches, I'm surprised she didn't get infected," Abby nodded her head in the panther's direction.
"Monty. He left some moonshine in the dropship." Again, the doctor nodded.
"How are your hands?" Clarke held up her hands to show her mother. "Nyko," the brunette said simply. Clarke nodded, an involuntary reflex as she tried to contain the lump forming in her throat. She felt a head under her hand and looked down, suddenly feeling ashamed of leaving her mother. She knew Camp Jaha was in good hands, or presumed it was. Clarke mumbled a few choice words after mulling over her thoughts. "What was that?" Abby asked.
"I said, I'm sorry," Clarke replied quietly, but with a bit more conviction. Hania purred at the delicacy of her words and Abby moved to hug her daughter. Within moments, sobs wrecked Clarke and her mother simply held her. In that moment actions spoke louder than words. Moments passed and the sun began to rise, breaking open the sky, "You're still a good guy," Abby whispered. Clarke did nothing but sob harder, her hands gripping her mother's shoulder until her bones ached as much as her heavy heart.
A few feet away, Octavia began to stir as did Lincoln. The two certainly noticed a change in the atmosphere, but out of respect stayed in their somber state. Abby continued to hold her daughter until the heaving in the blonde's chest lessened and the occasional stiffs stopped all together. "Raven's been worried about you...and Bellamy?" Abby paused suddenly very aware that his sister was listening intently only a few feet away, "Bellamy is none too pleased about your absence. I don't think he realized how serious you were about leaving." Clarke stared blankly back at her mother, fully aware she needed to hear this, but not entirely sure she was ready; Abby released a sigh before continuing. "I think you'd be happy to know that Raven and Wick seem to be getting along. That girl deserves to be happy after all that she has been through. Monty has been helping out a lot and Jasper is...well, Jasper seems to be distancing himself from Monty. I think he is ashamed about what happened in the mountain. Seeing Monty hurts him too much. Speaking of hurt," a look of panic and conflict crossed the brunette's face, "Raven's leg. It's not getting better. It's worse in fact." At that, Clarke's face visibly fell and Abby returned the action with a weak smile. "It seems that tiny pieces of the bullet were left and are nearing her spine. It's been affecting her nervous system more and more and if it hits her spine…" The doctor shuddered at the thought. Octavia sat up out of concern for the brunette. "What do you mean, what happens if the pieces hit her spine?"
"Paralysis." Clarke replied automatically, to which Abby nodded her head.
"Can't we just operate again?" the warrior questioned.
"The shrapnel is so small, I missed it the first time, and we have no morphine, no zofran, nothing in the way of aiding for this surgery. It was hard enough the first time…" There was an unsettling pause weighing down on the group. Finally, Lincoln spoke.
"We do." Abby raised an eye.
"Who is we?" she knew the answer before she could stop herself from asking the question.
"Our healers. I don't know what morphine or zofran is, but for all invasive healing we use herbs - one for pain management and one to settle the stomach." Clarke shifted her weight, understanding this decision was a precipice of sorts. If her mother said yes, she would have to return with Raven to the capital which would open up many fresh wounds. By that same token, it could also get a dialogue going between the sky and ground crews a lot sooner than she had hoped. So she did that, along with Lincoln, Octavia and Hania, she hoped that her mother would make the decision to save her friend's life. She paused her thought...was Raven still her friend? She killed the man who was her only family and gave her the okay to get herself blown up...the blonde let out an audible sigh. Simultaneously, Abby said the word that set up their plan of action. "Okay."
Within 24 hours, Clarke, Octavia, Lincoln, Raven, and Abby were packing under the direction of Lincoln to travel to Polis. The doctor was not joking when she said Raven was getting worse, the girl had lost a considerable amount of weight and she seemed to constantly have a thin sheen of sweat layering her shaking body. Clarke examined the mechanic from a distance when she first came into sight, impressed she wasn't getting chewed out. "I'm hot but no need to stare, Griffin. Thought your mother taught you better than that." Clarke smiled at the girl's welcome of sorts.
"Let's get you fixed up; I'm glad you said yes."
When Abby returned to Jaha, she was immediately flocked by people asked her questions, none of which she bothered with. Hurriedly, she rushed to Raven's bed in the clinic where the woman was sleeping with a pained expression on her face. "Raven, sweetie," she placed a gentle hand on the mechanic's shoulder, "you need to wake up." It took a few seconds, but soon the brunette groggily came to, alerting the doctor she was awake with a pained grunt. "How are you feeling, any better?" Raven looked at Abby unsure what to say. Abby herself struggled to find her own words. "Can you feel that?" she asked as she moved a pin up Raven's right foot. The response or lack there of let the doctor know the answer. "Tell me when, just like last time." The doctor moved the pin up Raven's leg and was relieved when she got a grunt from the girl just below her knee.
"Tell me we can do something," pleaded the mechanic. Abby fully looked at Raven and took a deep breath.
"You're not going to like it." Abby continued to explain that she found Clarke, and the healing process Lincoln detailed for invasive surgeries. The prospect of seeing her friends unnerved Raven more than she cared to admit, but Raven needed her legs. At least one of them. After internally mulling the over, Raven stared at Abby.
"Yes, but I have some questions first." Abby let a shy smile take over her face, maybe the girl was learning that it was okay to ask for and need help.
"Of course, what do you need to know? I'm sure Lincoln can explain these things better, he -" Raven shook her head effectively cutting the doctor off.
"Not about the surgery, Abby. I want to know why you're doing this. Helping me, you've dedicated the last few weeks to me. You have plenty of other patients and now you're risking a run in with grounders to help me." She paused, "I'm not going to go through this because I'm some charity case to make you feel better because you feel guilty about everything that's happened between us." Abby nodded, understanding all that Raven was referencing and chose her next words carefully.
"The Ark sucked for you. Your mother wasn't one at all and your father..." she trailed off.
"I'm not some Clarke replacement because she went and ran away. I don't need another parent to screw me over." Raven took note of the way the doctor's features visibly fell.
"No, Raven you don't. You're not my daughter, but I trust you. I know you have talent and the hand you were dealt on the Ark was...less than ideal, but you're in pain. I'm asking as a friend, please, let me help you. You don't have to detach yourself from everyone to deal with this and I'm not going to idly sit by and watch you turn into a shell of yourself."
Raven was blindsided by Abby's admission. She studied the woman, trying to detect any hint of falsehood but saw nothing but truth in her eyes. "Thank you, Abby. I'm sorry I - about what I said. Your part in sending Clarke down here..."
Abby shook her head, "Nothing about that wasn't true. I was angry and I shouldn't have - I'm sorry too." Raven smiled, maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.
Abby gave Raven a gentle nudge to draw her out of her thoughts and alarming her that they were getting ready to move out. The group was informed by Hania that the path was clear for the next few miles and their long trek began. At first sight of the creature, Raven yelped and was promptly laughed at by Octavia. "What the hell is that thing and why is it looking at me like I'm some fluffy cat?" Octavia rolled her eyes and Clarke smiled, bemused by the interaction and glad to hear that Raven had not lost her sarcastic charm.
"That is Hania, Raven. Clarkey picked up her own Lewis during her midnight strolls." Raven eyed the girl, utterly perplexed, mostly confused as to how Octavia knew about Lewis and Clark. "What? I read, what else was there to do under a floor for your whole life? It wasn't all just hand games," the brunette added with a wink. Raven just stared back, gaping at the brazen warrior. Abby, who had been watching the dynamics of the three women shift slowly, walked over to Raven and took her jaw in the crook of her finger pushing up slightly.
"It's not polite to keep your mouth open, who knows what might go in it?" Again, Raven was slack jawed, did Abby just make a dirty joke?
The night before they departed, Lincoln explained the trip and estimated that the ride would take a few days having to walk plus the factor of Raven's slower pace. Abby made it very clear that Raven was not to walk more than a few miles each day so Clarke proposed the idea of using the hammock in the drop ship to carry the disabled girl; Abby smiled and quietly appreciated Clarke's quick thinking. Lincoln further explained that the terrain was fairly flat save for a few minor areas, but they were not to be problematic. The two bonafide warriors discussed a battle plan should an attack occur, but much of that conversation fell deaf to sleeping ears. When dusk rolled around, the group departed.
The first day of the trip was filled with a comfortable silence between the band of travelers. (Or, comfortable given the circumstances.) Abby amended her earlier statement saying Raven was not to crutch her way alongside the group under any circumstances. With that information, the able in the group took turns carrying the hammock. For the most part, the group trusted Hania to sense any immediate danger and after the first few hours, relaxed and began to enjoy the scenery around them rather than constantly searching for a threat.
"Oktevia, osir gaf in hod op, yu lukot gaf in brak." (Octavia, we need to stop, your friend needs sleep.) Octavia looked to Raven who was grimacing as the hammock swung her in an untimely fashion.
"Sha," she said simply. Clarke, who had been quiet the whole time kept walking, despite the group's blatant effort to settle down for the night. "Klark," Octavia called out, "Raven gaf in brak, hod op." (Klark, Raven needs to sleep, stop.) The blonde paused mid stride, translating slowly in her mind.
"I'm going to check around us," replied the blonde, not bothering to wait for an answer and too tired for Trigedasleng. Octavia felt the palpable emotional shift in the healer ever since her mother and Raven showed up. The warrior relented, letting Abby know where her daughter was headed to, rather what she was doing. Clarke felt her mother's eyes on her, but pushed through letting out a loud whistle. Hania came bounding towards Clarke and put her head under the girl's hand. Just out of earshot of everyone, the blonde sat down, stroking the furry animal in an attempt to quell her racing mind. To no avail, she let out a steady breath, placed her head against the animal's torso and let the rise and fall lull her to sleep.
When the makeshift camp was quiet and everyone was asleep, Raven willed herself to get up and hunt for Clarke. To be fair, it wasn't that far but her "good" leg hurt with every hobble. Below her head, Hania stirred at the unevenly pitched, yet rhythmic noise. Immediately she recognized it as the crippled woman and shifted her body to draw Clarke into a conscious state. Raven had just made it around the bend to see large creature stand up letting Clarke's head fall on its paw. The only thought that went through Raven's mind was that this cat was strange as fuck. Protective, but weird. Hania looked at the mechanic and the girl could have sworn she saw the panther dip its head in respect. But it was late, early rather, and who the hell knew what she was seeing. Raven moved over to Clarke and lightly tapped her back with her crutch, unable to bend down. Clarke gave a groggy groan, "Go away Lexa, it's too early." Raven froze and the panther moved to nuzzle her face into Clarke's to which the blonde hummed, "Lexa that tickles."
"Try again, princess." The blonde bolted up right at the sound of the mechanic's voice, nearly crashing her head into the understand of Hania's jaw.
"Raven..uhm hi. What - you shouldn't be walking," the healer said taking note of the crutches.
"Yeah, well, you shouldn't be assuming that the Commander is waking you up." Clarke cleared her throat, uncomfortable with the directness of Raven's words. Then again, she wasn't too surprised. Hania purred beside the blonde, "See even your little friend agreed with me." The blonde gave the cat a look of, 'really, you're taking her side?' Raven just shrugged, "What was that about anyway. You didn't sleep with Lexa did you?" Clarke had a blank look on her face.
"No," she responded dryly. "I did sleep in her presence though. After we got attacked by the giant gorilla," she clarified.
"But you like her," Raven added, more of a statement than a question. Clarke pursed her lips, honestly unsure how to respond.
"You didn't come here to talk about Lexa."
"Oh but I did, Clarke. I told you to kill her if she wouldn't let Finn go and you killed Finn. You managed to strike a deal with her, get her to listen to you, get her people to listen to you, defend her against your own people and now we're going to the heart of grounder life to try to salvage what is left of my limb. I definitely came here to talk about the Commander, or Lexa, as you so conveniently call her."
The blonde steeled her jaw. "Fine, you want to talk? Let's talk, but at least sit down, there is no sense if putting any more strain on your leg then you have to." Raven complied, plopping herself down and Hania moved across behind her so the mechanic could lean back.
"Some cat you got there," she mumbled.
Clarke scoffed, "You're only saying that because she is currently taking your side." She looked at the cat, amused. "Literally." Raven shrugged as Clarke thought about what to say next. "What do you want to know, Raven. You made a bunch of statements but I don't know what to say if you don't have questions." The brunette stared intently back at her, noticing her tiredness not just in her eyes, but in her features as well.
"I'm sorry," the mechanic breathed out. Clarke responded with a look of pure shock. "I shouldn't have asked you to kill Lexa, you would have died too and that would have been...most unfortunate."
"Thanks, I think."
"What I mean to say is…ah hell. I forgive you, for the Finn thing at least. I forgave you a long time ago and it wasn't cool of me to make you feel guilty about that for so long." The young leader raised an eyebrow. "Well, punching you felt good, but after seeing Gustus tied up and everything...that would have been Finn, and you saved him from that at the cost of.."the mechanic trailed off.
"My mental stability?" Clarke offered, gaining a chuckle out of Raven.
"Your words, not mine princess." the blonde gave her a weak smile.
"I am sorry Raven, not just for taking his life, but for everything before that. He - I didn't know that he had you. I wouldn't have.." she trailed off, trying to study the mechanic's features in the poor lighting. Raven sighed.
"I know that now, you're good Clarke. I'm sorry I didn't realize that earlier." The blonde tensed at the word "good" and she could hear her mother in her head. Maybe there are no good guys. She let out an audible sigh to which Raven responded with a look of concern. "Two shit choices don't make you a bad guy, Clarke. I'll tell you what I told Finn, build a brace and get over it." Clarke hummed with a small smile on her face. She realized how much she had missed Raven. Despite her crass approach to life, Raven still acted as a rock for Clarke whether she knew it or not. "So," the brunette began awkwardly, "what is up with you and the Commander." Clarke pursed her lips. She had been doing her best to avoid this subject for quite a while, because truthfully, she didn't know. There was something there, but when she told Lexa she wasn't ready, she meant it. She was not ready, and even less so after the mountain.
"We are leaders," the blonde stated a bit too factually for Raven. "She - we -" Clarke sighed, "honestly I haven't the slightest clue."
"You like her?" Raven questioned. Clarke bit her lip, thinking seriously about the question before responding.
"I don't not like her. I tried too, after she left, I tried, but I can't tell if I was hating her for making me irradiate level five or it was easier to hate her than myself." Raven looked at the younger girl, aware of how torn she was.
"It's okay...to like her I mean."
"I don't think I am supposed to, with all that happened, with all that is going on?"
"Look Clarke, we don't have the luxury of sitting on our asses all day. Hell, within the first few hours of being on the ground, Bellamy said that Jasper took a spear to the chest and it only went downhill from there. I blew up a freaking bridge. We aren't going to find much of anything with war and fighting, but there's a whole lot to be found in each other. Don't we deserve more than just fighting to survive?" The blonde stared blanky back at Raven, somewhat shocked by her bold statements, but mostly impressed.
"It's funny, I told Lexa the same thing before we kissed," Clarke revealed as plainly as possible. Raven sat up, causing the panther to turn in her, as if she too was questioning the healer.
"I'm sorry, you what? Raccoon eyes kissed you?"
"Raccoon eyes?" Clarke asked amused.
"So not the point here, blondey. The Commander of thousands, the one whose antiquated lifestyle goes back to Hammurabi, the leader of all grounders kissed you?" Clarke only shrugged and nodded. "Jeez, I think I need to sit down for this."
"Raven," the blonde said pointedly, "you are sitting down.
"Again, not the point Clarke." As Raven absorbed the information, Clarke got up and moved towards the panther, stroking her head pensively. From what the brunette could tell, the blonde had been stuck on this kiss more than she cared to admit. "So what, you two are a thing?"
"Not a thing, Raven. We aren't together or anything, but.." she trailed off.
"You were hoping to be something?"
"I'm not ready," Clarke responded, almost robotically.
"Doesn't answer my questions, Einstein." The blonde huffed, mildly annoyed with Raven's persistence. "Hey, you're the one that brought it up," to which Clarke pursed her lips.
"I think -. I think I want to be ready, but that may be a while." Even in the dim light, Raven could see Clarke's features relax at her admission and decided to let the conversation die. After a few minutes of silence, save for the hums coming from Hania, Clarke mumbled something about going to bed. The mechanic stood with a fierce determination, hobbling her way back over to camp. It wasn't exactly the conversation she imagined having with the blonde, but they could both admit it felt good to be on cordial terms again. Laying down, Raven stared at the trees above her, suddenly very curious how many grounders may be lurking around their camp. Instead of feeling threatened, though, she felt oddly calm and protected and let that thought lull her to sleep; they had another day of travel after all.
*brak - sleep
