I've gone back and edited all of the first four chapters, hoping that it will seem much better than it had before. Someone mentioned Deinera was bordering MarySuedom. I'm trying my best to tone it down. If I can have suggestions about what I can do to take her away from that, it would be appreciated.
I looked out the front window and gasped. It was huge, and made of some strange material, almost organic. It reminded me of a giant squid, or something similar. I saw Darwin shooting ahead of us as we began to dock. I grabbed my duffle bag and stood ready to get out of there and see my new home. I gathered myself, making sure to tuck loose hair under the cap before we left. It was the last thing I needed, them harassing me more about my hair. I personally loved it, but they kept referring to me as a Dagger, which was actually a term used on G.E.L.Fs, Genetically Engineered Life Forms.
After they had all gotten off, I went to find my father. He was staring at the ship, as if he didn't know where he was. I took his hand, and patted it. He looked down at me, and tweaked my nose. I laughed and waited for everyone else to go ahead of us. There were people there he seemed to know however. They seemed to know he was coming, and were all waiting to greet him. They didn't notice me as I slipped behind him, to escape the barrage of strange emotions.
"Ben!"
"It's been a long time!"
"I hear you went off and had a kid somewhere while we were gone!"
"Yeah, it's great to see you guys again. It has been a really long time." Ben said.
"So did you bring your daughter or what?" Another asked.
"Yeah, I did. Guys, I'd like you to meet my daughter." Ben said, taking my hand and pulling me out in front of him.
"She looks a little old. I thought you'd have some adorable five year old that's got her mom's looks or something."
"She's adopted you guys. Don't be so harsh. She's a good girl. There aren't many takers when it comes to adopting a teenager." Ben said, squeezing my shoulder.
"Yeah. Sometimes adoptive parents are much better than the real thing, so lay off you guys. Ben might have been pretty thick and self centered before, but people change."
"It's hard to see you as a good parent Ben, but I'm glad you're trying. I almost wish my dad would let the Captain adopt me and get it over with." A younger voice said.
"Hey Lucas, it's good to see you. You've grown up really well. I'd like you to meet Deinera." Ben said, everyone else was wandering off.
"Hey, I'm Lucas. It's nice to meet you." He said with a small smile.
"It's good to meet someone my own age around here, mentally speaking." I said softly.
"She's like you Lucas. It took a while to get her used to the here and now after adopting her, but after that, it was like lightning." Ben said. I turned and looked up at him.
"What is that thing?" Lucas asked, reaching out to touch the chip.
I dodged past his arm, knocking his hand away. I put my hand over it.
"It's nothing." I said, picking up my duffle bag and walking away.
"She's a bit sensitive about it Lucas. Don't take it the wrong way. I guess it's what started this whole thing. I sometimes think that she's only acting, and wants her old life back. I don't know, I think I'd be pretty heart broken if she went back. I don't want to stop her though, if it makes her happy." Ben said.
"You're a good dad Ben. I know we all made fun of you for being immature, but it looks like having a kid brought out some of your better qualities. Not that there were that many." Lucas said with a laugh. "You've done a good job with what you had. I don't know her very well yet, but I'm pretty sure that she's turned out well. From what I was told, she had almost no memories left. A blank slate is what she was pretty much. And with everything against you, look at what she became."
"Yeah. She's a beautiful girl. Not just physically. She's indescribable inside. I've only caught a glimpse of it here and there, but it's so wonderful. Her smile, her laughter. I think it's what I missed the most when I was in the military, and after I separated with Hitchcock. I don't even think she knows how beautiful she is inside, but when she finally comes out of her little cocoon, she's going to be one hell of a butterfly." Ben said, Lucas laughed. "And you better be careful, you hurt my little girl and I'm going to have to have a talk with the Captain."
"You're sounding like those parenting books." He said.
"But that's what it means to be a parent Lucas. Even the four short years he has had with Deinera showed him what I learned about my son, and I had more time than Ben has had. Inside every young person is something pure and wonderful just aching to burst forth and do some good for the world. It's just, most of the time they don't realize the potential they have, and if they do, only a fraction of it. She's had a hard go of it. Let her have some alone time, then go talk to her. She'd love to spend some time with Darwin." Bridger said.
"Yes Captain." Lucas said and walked away.
I was wandering about the huge submarine, wondering how on earth we could have advanced so far. I was amazed at the love I felt about the ship. Bridger had created it, and though he had to sacrifice the original, there was just as much love for this one. I saw ahead of me a man mopping the floor. He was large, built like a football player I'd think. There were strange markings tattooed over his head and hands. I thought it was strange, the colorful markings reminded me a lot of a turtle.
"Hello, I am Dagwood. Why you not with the others?" He said.
"I wanted to see you." I said.
"Why?" He asked, confused.
"I'm kinda like you Dagwood. See?" I said, taking the hat off.
"Maybe, but you have hair!" He said, reaching out and touching my hair.
"Yeah. But I'm different all the same. We have a lot in common. It's good to finally meet you though. I should get going. " I said.
"Alright. Goodbye." He said. I nodded and walked off.
"Hey! You're moving too fast for your old man. What's the hurry Deinera?" Ben asked. I smiled.
"I'm just trying to find my room. I want to sit down for a bit, and relax." I said.
"Alright. Well, as soon as we find it, I'll let you unpack, and then give you the tour." Ben said.
"But you said yourself, this is a different boat." I said.
"Yeah, but it's the same basic design. Besides, it'll give us some time to spend together, since I'll have to deal with the class and stuff, and you'll be pretty much on your own." He said, looking at me.
"I'm glad you brought me along Ben." I said, hugging him.
"Me too. Heck, I don't give a damn how much it took to get them to agree to bring you aboard. I'm just glad you're here." He said, kissing the top of my head.
He kept his arm around my shoulders as we walked around trying to find my quarters. The class was for marine biology, and although I had an interest, I wasn't going to get involved with it. I knew Ben would like me to join the military so I could be assigned to SeaQuest, but I wanted to get involved in sciences instead. And with the marine biology class here, most of us were assigned to rooms with one another; a few of the heads in class were actually assigned to members of crew and the science department. It had taken a lot of convincing on a lot of peoples part to get the Admiral to agree to let the students join the crew of SeaQuest for the last leg of the tour. Money had exchanged hands, after that, things went easy. Money made the world go a lot smoother, that hadn't changed in any decade or century. But since the SeaQuest still had military personnel, it had been quite the task to get assigned there.
I was glad to be assigned near the pool where they talked to Darwin the most. I was assigned with one of the doctors workers. It was nice to meet her, but she immediately left as soon as she saw my eyes. I was sure that I'd be given a new room. I was right too. I was assigned to the Doctor. Her name was Wendy, and she was a psychic. I was relieved, because she didn't seem to mind my eyes or hair. I was glad to find someone who didn't flinch when they saw me, except for Ben. He stopped by after I was settled, looking a little confused.
"Hello Ben. One of the science officers was a little nervous about Deinera, but don't worry, she'll be fine with me." Wendy said softly.
"Alright. Call me if you need anything, won't you?" Ben asked.
"I will, don't worry dad." I said.
"Don't get into any trouble. Lucas will probably stop by to chat. It's not so often he gets to see kids his age at his level of thinking." Ben said.
"Or anyone else for that matter. He's a very smart boy." Wendy said.
"Thanks for takin' her in Doc." Ben said, nodding to her.
"It's not a problem. Deinera is unique. We have some similarities between us. I think we'll get along fine." Wendy said.
"Alright." Ben said, wrapping his arms around me tightly. "Be careful sweetheart."
With that he turned abruptly and left the room. I sighed and sat down.
"Ben isn't your father is he?" Wendy asked.
"No. But you already knew that." I said.
"I don't like to pry where I am not welcome. A person's mind is one of those most sacred places Deinera. He loves you very much you know. As much, if not more, than a real father would love his real child." Wendy said.
"Yeah, I know. I try really hard to show him I love him just as much. I can't even remember the feeling." I said.
"Yes you do. I can see it, bright as day. Whatever they did to you back then that took your memories, was probably the worst thing that happened to you, and your friends. But in the end, I think two people reap benefits from the tragedy." She said.
"Sometimes I want to find my old family. But, they took all my files from before and destroyed them. I hurt Ben the most when I kept asking him about my real family. Every time I was looking, and he saw, I felt like I had ripped out his heart. I can only hope the love I have for him now, my father, can begin to repair the damage I did before." I said.
"I think it has." Wendy said.
"If I asked you to read my mind, would you?" I asked suddenly.
"Why would you want me to do that?" She asked.
"Because, perhaps it will unlock all the memories I have lost." I said.
"Are you sure? Some things are better left forgotten, and it seems that you are much happier now than you were in the past, although you're still not whole." She replied.
"No, I'm not I suppose. But no one ever is until they find the other part of their soul. And mine, was ripped from me when we were brought here."
"Your friends?"
"Yes. They are a part of me, and I am a part of them. But if it takes remaining unwhole to keep them safe, I don't care." I said.
There was a knock at the door and Wendy opened it, to find an out of breath teenager, Lucas. He smiled when he saw her, and she welcomed him in. He was talking to her about something or the other, and turned to see me sitting there, and stopped.
"Whoa." He said.
"It's rude to stare Lucas. This is Deinera, I think you've met?" She said.
"Oh, um, well, yeah. We have. I'm sorry about before, and, wow. Your hair is something else." He said.
Wendy looked at him and he looked chagrined. I just shook my head and laughed.
"It's all a part of genetic engineering Lucas. I am what became of and entire group of people at the institute. Me and two others." I said.
"Well, come on. Darwin wants to talk to you some more." Lucas said.
"Lucas, you know better." Wendy scolded.
"Would you like to talk to Darwin again?" Lucas asked, sighing.
"Of course." I said, after looking to Wendy to see if it was alright. She nodded.
I do hope this is better for those of you who have read before, although I don't know if you'll come back to read it again. I'll probably post up some more this weekend, after I edit a bit more.
