"I forget again. Why am I doing this?"
"You have a way with words… and with women," cheered James as they walked down to the lake. Sirius felt a little burden with the amount of confidence James was giving him. With any other woman he would step up to the challenge. But with Lily, after that night at the tower, he would rather crawl out of existence.
James yanked Sirius next to a tree. He pulled out an old hearing aid that he took from his Uncle. He instructed Sirius to perform the charm, to which he said the words then tapped the small device.
"OK. You should be able to hear our conversation. You'll just say what I need to say through your wand, and I'll hear you from the earpiece."
Sirius heaved a sigh as he shook his head, "Are you sure this is will work? I mean, what if she catches you? I just think if you spoke from your heart, she'll appreciate it more then it coming from me-"
"Sirius, come on! You saw the way I struggle with that poem to her. And after what happened, I don't think I can find the right words to – SHE'S COMING!"
James pushed Sirius out of sight then casually leaned up against the tree. Lily looked over and gave James a faint smile as she walked to the edge of the lake. James stood there, unable to move from his spot. But Sirius motioned him to move in her direction.
"THIS IS YOUR PLAN REMEMBER!" He mouthed to James.
James stepped a few feet towards her then stopped. Lily just sat on the boulder, watching the sun set over the water.
"How are you?" Sirius relayed in his wand.
"I'm fine," whispered James.
"Bloody hell, James! ASK HER HOW SHE IS!"
James tentatively looked at her as he tried to make a sentence, "How are you, Lily?"
"James, I…I don't feel like talking right now."
James held a very dejected looked while trying to respond.
"I understand," Sirius said through is wand. James said the same back to her. "One day I hope you'll understand what really happened."
"I know, James. I just have a lot to think about right now."
James held his rejected stare, "I understand," he mumbled to her.
"But I want you to know," Sirius prompted, "that I'd never meant to hurt you nor would I mean to. Remember the poem, Lily? All I want is to be with you. And as I humbly stand here next to you, all I can do is hope that your heart hears me."
As James relayed the message he was almost at a lost for words. He never realized how moving Sirius' words could be.
"Even now, I envy the moon making for your skin glow and how it touches your sweet licorice lips."
Something stuck James very hard at those last words. As he watched Lily walk away, he noticed something familiar in her dark silhouette.
Tension consumed the shrieking shack.
Two boys stood between two friends who stood quietly, looking back and forth with apprehension.
"You love her."
"I ALREADY TOLD YOU THE TRUTH!"
"BUT YOU NEVER ANSWERED MY QUESTION!"
"WHAT?"
"DO YOU LOVE HER? ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH LILY?"
Sirius paced around the room rubbing the side of his face that James had struck. "I have FEELINGS for her! Damn, James, is it a crime to have FEELINGS? Hell most of the guys at school have these feelings!! Even some of the Professors!"
James gave an exasperated moan, "THERE YOU GO AGAIN AVOIDING THE QUESTION!"
"IT'S THE TRUTH!"
"ITS NOT THE POINT, SIRIUS!" James finally corned him while the other two, Remus and Peter, tried holding him back. "Don't you think I know what the other guys think? Don't you think I'm aware?"
"SO WHATS YOUR FUCKING POINT!"
"THE FUCKING POINT IS YOU! You and these FEELINGS - AND DON'T PASS THEM OFF TO ME LIKE THERE NOTHING! The poem, your words, everything!! HOW COULD I'VE BEEN SO BLIND!"
More silence as the tension mounted.
"James you're like a brother to me. And that's saying a lot considering the brother I have."
"Don't-"
"It's true! I have feelings for her, yes, but who doesn't? The point is I would never let those feeling come to hurt our friendship…our brotherhood."
"Then answer me."
"What?"
"Do…you…love…her?"
Sirius looked nervous as he tried to reply to his friend, "There just feeling, James. Nothing more."
James looked at him, determined to get to the root of those feelings. He reached into his pocket then threw Sirius a small green bottle. "Take this."
Sirius examined the bottle, "What's this?"
"Veritiserum," James replied coldly. Remus and Peter exchanged surprised looks.
"Where did you get this?" asked Sirius.
"We're Marauders. It's not like we've never snuck around and took things before."
"But this? Did you want me to drink this?
"I need a DIRECT answer to my question. How else can I trust you unless you are honest with me?"
They stared at each other for a few long moments. Finally, Sirius took a swig from the bottle. He felt he had no choice. He couldn't loose his best friend and yet he couldn't avoid the situation.
His stomach curled as the potion settled. He didn't know if it was because he was fighting the truth or fighting James, but he felt a disturbing sensation his core.
"Do you love her?"
He sweated as he answered, "I fancy her, she gorgeous. But love is something too deep right now."
"But is it deep enough for you to feel it?" James seethed as his eyes narrowed down on his friend.
More sweat fell. His mind raced as he fought the answer that threatened to escape him. His stomach twisted in knots, "Not as deep as your feelings for her. Not as deep as our friendship, James."
Sirius fell to his knees as his stomach spasm. He clenched his sides as he moaned in pain. Remus and Peter rushed to him as James stood dumbfounded by his words.
"Isn't this enough! He's told you what you needed to the know!" Remus protested.
James looked as if he had snapped out of dream as Remus shouted at him. James helped them bring Sirius to his feet.
"Let's take him to the clinic. Madam Pompfrey will set him right."
"But the potion?" Remus replied nervously.
James gave a remorseful smile "I gave him castor oil."
His eyes slowly opened. His vision was slightly blurry as he tried to focus on his surroundings. He thought he was alone, since no one was in the room…or so he thought.
"How are you feeling?" came an angelic voice. He couldn't see her at first. But then her bright green eyes appeared, perfectly matched with her beautiful smile.
"Sweet mercy, I've made it into paradise!" he groaned.
"Not likely," Lily snickered as she sat upon his bed. Sirius tried to move to sit properly, but his insides jolted him to lie back down. "Take it easy."
"What happened to me?"
"Madam Pomfrey said that James and Remus brought you in. It looked like you were in a fight." Lily propped up his pillows to make him more comfortable. But from the expression on her face, she looked as if she needed the comfort. "Were you fighting?"
Sirius' mind recalled the answer. His eyes dodged hers to cover the truth, "No, no. It was nothing."
"Really? Cause I overheard James and Remus talking about what had happened at the Shrieking Shack." Sirius could hear Lily exhaling deeply. "I didn't mean for this to happen – you and James."
"Look," Sirius forced himself up, ignoring the jabs of pain in his stomach, "regardless of what you've heard, it wasn't that bad. James and I will get through this and we will still be friends."
"Yet still, if we hadn't -"
"Don't!" He raised his hand to stop the words from her mouth. "Don't take it back," his tone pleaded with her. "What happened that night happened. And if you take that kiss back now…then I'd have to stop believing in love." He lay back down like a man defeated from a long drawn out fight. The pain at his sides was too much. But not as much as the pain that throbbed within his heart.
"I don't want to be 'that girl' that broke a friendship. I don't want to be fought over like some prized trophy."
"Yet you are so worthy," he said plainly. "You deserve someone who'd fall at your feet and fight to be at your side," he smiled. "You deserve a love that's unconditional and somewhat uncontrollable in a passionate sense. You deserve –"
"You?" Her eyes looked deep within his as she finished his sentence. They sat in silence, holding each other's gaze. He knew she was right. He could be that man. But at what cost to his friendship?
Ignoring the pain yet following his heart's desire, he pulled her into his embrace. Lily protested a little, but she found herself accepting his advances as she met him with a kiss.
But before it got any further; the sound of falling beads interrupted them.
"What was that?" Lily asked nervously.
Sirius looked to where the noise was and found jellybeans along the floor. He picked up one and tasted it. From the flavor, he knew whom they had come from.
"James."
"James?" Sirius whispered loudly in the dark hospital ward.
"You two kissed before?" came his voice, but neither Sirius nor Lily could see where it came from. James stayed hidden underneath his cloak.
"It's not what it seems!" Sirius pleaded.
"But you two kissed… before?"
"Yes," sighed Sirius.
"When?"
Sirius and Lily looked nervously to each other. Both were reluctant to respond to the question, yet they knew they had to. "That night when I saw you kissing Abigail in the common room."
"I don't understand?" It was evident in his tone that James didn't comprehend what Lily had just said.
"At the tower," Sirius calmly added to give clarity to her statement. There was a long moment of silence within the darkness. However, Sirius and Lily could hear their hearts beating wildly within their ears.
Finally, James spoke up with a slight strain in is voice.
"You were the figure in the corner. The shadow in the darkness." His words rolled out slowly as he finally recognized the situation.
"Yes," Lily replied meekly.
"James, please!"
"NO, SIRIUS! What is there to understand? You've kissed her before- you were just kissing her now! EXCEPT THIS TIME I SAW IT FOR MYSELF!" The heat from his anger could be felt from all around. But they could not see the tormented expression written across his face. "You've wanted her all along! You watched as I tried to win her heart, but you secretly wished that I didn't succeed!"
"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Sirius replied angrily to his accusations.
"ISN'T IT? You set me up from the beginning with the poetry, the love letters, and your words! Everything! It was all working according to your plan!"
"YOU CAME TO ME FOR THAT, JAMES! I was trying to help you!" Sirius shouted.
"MORE LIKE YOU WERE HELPING ME TO FAIL!"
"ENOUGH!" Lily raised her voice. "No one was going behind your back, plotting your downfall! It wasn't like that! It's not like that at all!"
"Then what is it like, Lily? Do you want to be with Sirius?" James asked the question that she hadn't been prepared to answer. But James felt, from her lack of words, where her heart wanted to be. "Never mind! I can see where this is going!"
"NO! WAIT! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Lily pleaded.
Her mind was able to focus on his voice and zoned into his location. She reached out and caught a piece of his cloak. But she wasn't able to hold onto him. She watched his back as he ran away from her sight.
