Jack Napier's (Joker) first appearance in the story.
NOTE: This chapter contains domestic violence and conversation of disturbing topic.
Chapter 2 – Daddy's Gun
I didn't notice it but I fell asleep by the time an hour had slipped by.
I was woken up when I heard the sound of the harsh wind batter my window, making me stir. However, when I blinked my eyes open and glanced down, I noticed that the carpet in the hallway was not underneath me anymore. It was my bed sheets. I felt something soft underneath my head, my pillow. I blinked hard, a puzzled look came across my face. That's when I lay on my back (I couldn't be bothered sitting up) and realised I was in my bedroom, with my lampshade lighting up the room. The sound of the wind quietened a little, but the rain kept on pouring.
Of course I was totally confused, but nevertheless I stretched over to look at my clock on my side table. I got a shock when I read it. 21.37pm.
I still had 23 minutes before bedtime!
I finally sat up, well in fact I leapt up and threw the covers off of me. I switched on the main light and then stopped in my tracks. I heard the TV humming from the sitting room.
I knew it for a fact now. Dad was home!
I quickly slipped on my slippers and dressed myself in my gorgeous pink dressing gown that dad had gotten for me. Like I was in a marathon, I ran out of my bedroom, of course leading me into the hallway.
Then my excitement faded. The events from that afternoon soon came flooding back to me. The red stains from the event before, were still clearly visible on the floor. I stroked them with my hand, it wasn't as cool and soothing as I'd remembered.
I only realised there and then that the dog had disappeared. My eight-year-old mind came to the obvious conclusion that he'd gone to doggy heaven…or then again, doggy hell, as Ace was a dog from hell. That made me giggle slightly under my breath.
Not quiet enough for dad to hear me, though.
"What's so funny, Shaylee?" His distinctive voice called from the sitting room. Even with the door firmly shut, his voice was so crisp and clear, I never failed to hear his every word.
Upon hearing his voice, I dashed into the room with the door swinging behind me. Dad was sat on the torn-apart sofa, holding onto a glass of mom's vodka in his hand and the TV was blaring the other side of the room. His floppy brown hair with a hint of frizz in it, drooped down the side of his head, though not hiding his handsome face. He sat there like he was a king, and as I entered the room, his brown eyes followed me in. Dad smiled when I rushed over to him, my arms outstretched like I was about four again. He didn't seem to mind though. He chuckled as I jumped onto him, hugging him round the neck. He'd only been gone for a few hours, but I'd missed him so much. He was the only person who made me happy. Like his usual self, he roughly threw me onto my back, making me squeal.
"Dad!" I laughed as he pushed me on my back. I kicked his arm and he played around with me like a kid, pretending to be in pain. He laughed along with me. Dad's laugh was hilarious, always making the walls of the flat ring whenever he did.
Once we'd calmed down from hysterics, dad turned down the volume on the TV, and looked back at me as he put his glass to one side. I hadn't moved and was still on my back, looking up proudly at my father.
"How are you, precious?" he asked me, loudly.
"I'm okay," I replied, with a slight yawn.
Dad smirked at me. "Must've got up to a lot today if you're that tired, Shay."
That's when my heart skipped a beat as I remembered what had happened that afternoon. My mind suddenly couldn't connect with my mouth and I couldn't say any words as dad continued to grin at me.
Thank goodness he broke the silence. "You were certainly tired when I came home, honey. There you were, flat out on the floor. I had to put you to bed. What woke you up just now anyway?"
"The wind, dad," I answered, eventually. "The wind was loud of my window."
"Ah, yes, that damn wind. Been a lot of trouble for me today too."
I sat up, smiling, leaning closer to dad.
"What did you do today, dad?" I asked, excitedly.
I always loved dad's stories about his criminal ways, which is most unusual for a little girl, mind you, but, as I've said, I didn't care what sort of trouble dad caused, as long as he cared about me. Most nights, these stories consisted of kicking a guy's ass or getting the better of some losers down at the bank.
Unfortunately, tonight wasn't one of those nights.
"Nothing much, nothing much," he replied, simply, making my smile fade a little. "Just the usual." He paused, and leaned in closer to me, exposing his rotten teeth with his sudden grin, and lowered his deep voice. "I'm much more interested in what you've been up to anyway, my darling."
Dad grabbed me and pulled me closer to him, startling me a bit. He looked at me with a crafty smile, as he put his long arms around my shoulders. I didn't say anything, but I tensely nuzzled up to him anyway. I gulped, looking down and fiddled with my hands. I wasn't sure where to begin. Like I said before, dad was really unpredictable. I didn't know how he would react. The thought of him being angry with me made my heart race.
I stuttered, still fiddling around with my hands and the end of my dressing gown. Then dad gently lifted my chin up.
"Look at me," he said, still maintaining that smile. Thank goodness. He seemed to be acting calm, although his eyes twinkled with mischief. "Come on, tell your old man what you've been doing, hmm?"
My mind told me to start at the beginning.
"Well, uh…" I mumbled. "So, mom said she was going out…"
I was interrupted by dad's annoyed sigh.
"Your mother…" He rolled his eyes, then escaping a small laugh, his eyes glancing upwards, still holding my chin with his hand. "Where is your mother, anyway? Stupid woman hasn't given me a call, not left a note, not come home…" He muttered something that I couldn't quite work out and then groaned quietly. "Where did she go, Shay?"
"She went to find you," I replied, nervously. "Like…this afternoon."
"Oh, how thoughtful of her. Well, she didn't succeed, did she, honey?" He continued laughing, making me giggle along with him. "Oh…and she still isn't home yet. Wherever could she be?"
"She'll be home…"
"I don't care." I wasn't sure if he was being serious or not, so remained quiet. "She's driving me…insane at the moment, Shaylee."
There was a short silence before I tried to continue, "Anyway, she said she was going out to find you…which…which made me so mad because I wanted to come too…"
"Yes…"
"I got mad so I started screaming and... and I started tugging on the door, and, I…I…uh, I…I could hear banging and…"
My voice started to crack, so I stopped in mid-sentence. I wanted to punch myself in the face because crying in front of dad was not something I wanted to find myself doing.
To my surprise, dad stayed calm for me, despite sighing as if he was expecting me to say what I did.
"Calm down, calm down…" he shushed me. "Shay, look at me. Look at daddy."
I did so, desperately trying to fight back the tears. The thoughts were flooding back to me and were just repeating in my head. It just messed up my mind big time.
I'd seen dad get mad like that a few times. He'd been doing it more often at that time, though. Like I said before, his yelling was getting scarier as the years went by, almost making me frightened of him, but of course at the time I had no idea his mind was very slowly going just a tad more out of control every day.
I knew his anger was becoming more frightening because I'd heard him scream at mom, and she'd try to outdo him but she never ever won. But I knew I shouldn't be scared of dad, because he never yelled at me like that. Never.
I thought I'd witness his shouting right at that moment because I was being pathetic, but, luckily, he stayed calm.
"Look, look, look…Shay…I know what you've done today," he continued, raising his eyebrows and giving me a little smirk. That made my heart race. "You went into daddy's room, didn't you?"
I said nothing.
"Didn't you?" he repeated.
I nodded timidly, my eyes glancing down at my lap. I didn't dare look at him because I thought I was in trouble.
But I heard dad snigger quietly, making me shoot my head up at him.
"Oh yes, you did, you did…" he continued, holding back the giggles. "And what did you find, hmm?"
"I…I found, uh…"
"You found daddy's gun, didn't you, darling?"
Dad's grin became wider, as he slowly placed one of his hands on my cheek.
"I…I don't know…" I said, truthfully.
"Yes, you did," Dad said. "That little black toy under the bed?" I nodded. "That's the one." He paused as I stared at him, questionably. "You see, Shaylee…daddy uses that, to show people whose boss. People get really scared when they see one of those…well, most people. People who use them a lot, like daddy, they get used to it. I remember seeing one for the first time when I was about your age. I saw my dad use it trying to break into our house when mom had locked us inside. When he came in, he fiddled with it, and then threw it to one side. He left it unattended as he made my poor mommy cry. My mind went into wonder with it, I wanted to try and use it, too. My mom was watching me when I picked it up, she held me back but…I was just curious about it. Fascinating. Is that how you felt with it, too, honey?"
I nodded again as I continued to listen to dad's story, my eyes fixated on his expression-filled face as he recalled his past.
"So…I tried to use it but it didn't work…my mom snatched it off me and threw it out of the house, making me scream because I so wanted to play with it. I screamed very loud, Shaylee….very loud…just like you did."
Dad's voice grew more and more dangerous now, becoming slightly gruffer, but that didn't frighten me, it just kept me more absorbed with his story. I didn't know if this story was true, of course, some of his stories seemed a bit unrealistic to me, but I always liked to believe they were true.
"My father laughed at me when I yelled and he hit me." Dad's voice growled when he said 'hit me', and after that he paused for a slight second, before continuing. "Unfortunately for me, it didn't have bullets in it which means it doesn't work, Shay. You understand?"
"Yeah," I answered, quietly.
"Father had taken them out before he chucked it, you see, but when he saw me yelling, he turned to me, and he said, 'If you don't shut up I'll show you what they're for!'"
His impression of his father made me burst into laughter. Dad put his finger on my lips, lightly.
"Shh, shh….I'm not finished, Shay," he whispered. I shut up immediately.
"He frightened poor little me, so I didn't talk back to him, but at that moment, my mommy put the thing to his head. 'It's working now' she says to 'im. Next thing I know, ah, she's on the floor, along with me, and then the next day she's in hospital."
Everything suddenly went silent. Dad looked at me in the eye, his expression was very serious. His hand had still not removed from my cheek.
"Wa-Was she okay?" I asked, pulling my hair back slightly.
"Oh yeah, yeah….yeah she was fine," Dad replied, taking his time with the words. "The point is, Shay, now you know how they work, right? Do you know?"
"Y-Yeah…" I traced my mind back to dad's story, straining my face thinking. "They don't work unless they have…bullets in them?"
"That's right. Bullets are what fire from it to scare the person. So…what happened today then, hmm? Did the gun have…bullets in it today, Shaylee? Because I remember leaving them in there."
I didn't say a word, because I was now totally confused. I tried to think back but I never recalled seeing anything like that on the gun.
"Lost for words, honey, hmm?" Dad let out a little laugh, making me jump. "When I walked in, I saw you laying there, ever so peacefully, and you had daddy's gun in your hand, and there was the dog, laying there with you. Neither of you stirred. I thought it was strange, you see, because you've never ever liked that mean old thing. So why did you just decide to take some nap time with him? I took the gun away, and you know…you what I noticed? When I picked you up and took you to bed, your socks were stained red. How did that happen then, hmm?"
I knew very well dad wasn't stupid. He was very, very clever. In fact, he was too clever. I could tell by looking in his eyes that he knew Ace had spilled blood that afternoon. He was just being sneaky and trying to get me to tell him some amazing story. He wanted to hear those words from the tip of my tongue.
I began stuttering again.
"Ace…Ace was pouring blood and I stepped in it," I said.
"Spouting blood, was he? And how did that happen?" He then paused, and spoke more softly when he saw my bewildered face. "I won't be angry, you know, Shay. I just want to know what happened. I'm not complaining, am I?"
That made my face light up a little more. I sighed softly out of relief. Dad winked at me.
"I…I'm not sure what happened, dad," I explained. "I found the…gun under your bed and I thought it was cool, but then Ace started barking because of the workmen outside. I just got angry with him because he was so noisy…"
"Ah, there's nothing wrong with getting angry, baby, it's part of life. Carry on."
"I was telling him to shut up, and then…I heard banging in my head and it drove me mad. I still had the gun in my hand, and then…Ace dropped down on the floor and blood started coming out. I don't know why, he just died."
Dad raised his eyebrows at me and then finally removed his hand from my face. He leaned back on the sofa and casually took a sip from his glass. I waited for his reply, but it seemed like forever before he answered.
I took a moment to glance around the room and the TV caught my attention. Some sort of action film was on where a car uncontrollably blew up after landing into a building. I found it quite stunning.
I got caught up too soon, however, as my adoration was disturbed by dad finally replying.
"Did I ever mention that guns are dangerous?" Dad's sudden answer was.
I stared at him.
"Well…they do sound dangerous, dad."
"Was there…a certain noise before you saw Ace drop…down…dead?" Dad's voice sounded so unsympathetic, his gravelly tone was now returning. It did not phase me.
I thought hard.
It then struck me like lightning. The loud bang had totally slipped my mind. I smiled at dad, feeling proud of myself for remembering.
"Yeah," I said as the smile drew on my face. "Yeah, there was. There was a bang." I paused for a few moments. My eyebrows then furrowed. "But I didn't know why it happened. I thought it came from my head."
Dad sniggered under his breath as he leaned towards me again, like a tiger hunting its prey. It almost looked like hunger was in his eyes. He tickled me under my chin, making me wriggle and punch his hand away. Dad put his arm around me again, still laughing, and I looked up at him, eager for his reply.
"You say that noise came from your head, huh?" he asked.
"I don't know, but that's what it felt like. I don't know."
"Hmm, you are your daddy's daughter, aren't you? You blame your mind for everything. No, honey, the truth is…you fired the gun, you shot the dog and he died. That's what happened. You see, guns put an end to something quickly. They end it with a loud…bang!" He smacked his hand loudly on the arm of the sofa to resemble the bang, laughing slightly. "That's why I only use them on worthless people to get them out of the way, honey. You can't wait around on people like that. That's why I use a knife on people who are worth it. But you don't need to know about that. What you need to know is…you killed the dog."
"No I didn't!" I retorted, as to me, it was the only response I knew how to do if I was accused of something. "How did I–?"
"Ah, ah, ah…calm down," Dad said, giving me a sharp look. "You say you didn't know what the gun was for…well, it's for defence. When people get mad they shoot people to shut them up. Sometimes they die, sometimes they just get badly injured, but…it silences them either way. Or…it makes them cry out a lot." We shared a chuckle. "In your case, you got the best thing. You obviously did it by accident, you went crazy and you accidentally fired the gun and you shot Ace. That's how he died."
My heart felt like it stopped. I did nothing except hold my breath and look at dad, who still remained calm. My mind replayed the scene, my brain racked as I tried to figure out if dad was right, because, like I said, his stories are very outlandish. The tape rolled in my mind:
I screamed, kicked the dog hard, who fumbles backwards. I clenched my fists, fingers wrapping around the handle, with the gun in my hand, as I watch the dog move out of the way.
Suddenly, a huge bang erupts the flat and I saw the dog flop down in the middle of the hall.
Everything went quiet.
Dad blinked at the lightbulb that wavered above my head.
I sat there very silently, head steering up at dad again. I wasn't quite sure what to say. The feeling of achievement that I had felt before crept back into me again.
I was so deep in thought I flinched when I felt dad stroke my face.
"Do you understand, Shaylee?" he asked, softly.
"In a way…" I replied. "So guns are used to kill people?"
"Kinda," Dad nodded his head. "Depends. They're used more to tell people to get back. Stand out of your way."
"Is that what Ace was barking at then?"
"Probably not, he most likely didn't know what it was either. He was just as clueless as you were. But now you know. You shot him."
"How do you know, dad?"
"There was no one else in the house, the door was locked and I know you like to explore, Shay, so who else could it have been? You had it in your hand when you were asleep. For a minute there, I thought you did know what it was. The way you were holding it, it was almost like you'd done it your whole life."
He winked at me as he burst into hysterical laughter.
I said nothing.
"I was close to getting rid of that mangy thing myself, anyway," Dad snickered. "But now…I don't have to! Because my little baby girl has done it instead!"
I managed to display a small smile. The situation was still attempting to sink into my brain. The thought of me actually killing the dog was very bizarre.
I had been angry many times, but I'd never been as enraged as I'd had been that afternoon, but that was only due to feeling my head start pounding for the first time. Like my heart had made its way up there from my ribcage. My head had pushed me so hard, until I felt I could actually kill someone.
And that was the first time I'd ever felt it.
"Dad?" I squeaked.
"Yes, pumpkin?"
"Dad…where is the dog now then?"
"Ah, that's the best part! You know how much you like campfires?"
I nodded keenly. I did love campfires. Dad kept piles and piles of wood in our little shed in the cramped back garden we had. I don't know why, but he said he got them so I could start a fire whenever I wanted because I loved them so much. Sometimes we sat by the fire together, with him telling me some of his amazing stories. Mom never ever joined us. It was strictly our father-daughter thing.
I found fire fascinating, the warm heat of it made me relaxed. I found the flames to be beautiful. Whenever there were fireworks exploding on special nights, I stared at them in awe too, but not like most of the other kids stared at them. I wouldn't go 'woah' and gasp or even hide away like some of the more whiny kids, I'd giggle excitedly and imitate the explosions. I found that to be more beautiful than anything.
I would've given anything to have a campfire night right at that moment.
As dad finished his last sentence, he took another sip from the glass and sighed heavily as he finished his last gulp. His eyes then darted back to my beaming little face. He pulled me closer, where I nuzzled up happily, like nothing had happened.
"Well, daddy got a brilliant idea," he said, grinning. "You know…how Ace liked to bark a lot? Well…" Dad had to fight back his laughter, which got me started. "I thought, because he barked a lot…I thought he'd like to rot away with the things he loved the most." His lifted his eyebrows and whispered. "Bark."
"What?" I asked, confused, although I was still smiling.
"You know, bark, as in wood. Ace's grave is in the shed. He was a horrid dog, right?"
"Yeah!"
"And you know what happens to horrid creatures? They burn. Ace will make a nice addition to our campfires!"
We both burst into hysterical laughter.
Dad was a genius. The thought of that dog made me so mad, but now it was gone made an amazing rush through me. And it was then I realised, the sense of achievement I felt was now stronger than it had ever been. I felt really good at that moment. Life was just one big joke, after all, so it was nice to laugh about something for a change.
Dad said I could stay up, despite having school the next day, because mom wasn't home. I was so glad mom was still out. As far as I was concerned, she could stay out until tomorrow.
"I want you to see this," Dad said as he turned up the TV. "This is a great movie."
"Why?"
"Just watch, baby. You'll see why."
He moved my head so I looked at the television, but I still wriggled up to him. I'd never felt so safe and calm, especially after the odd conversation we just had.
Ten minutes past, and I ended up almost falling asleep again, but I was determined to stay awake and watch the TV. I wanted to see the purpose. It then displayed a scene were the bad guy, dressed in a long, brown coat and looked like a serious badass, was interrogating the good guy, a typical pretty boy whose acting was mediocre at best, in a car park. Although this was meant to be very dramatic scene, dad and I couldn't help laughing. I was laughing more at the one-liners the villain fired at the hero.
Then turned to me and said, "Watch this next part, now, honey." He'd obviously watched this a ridiculous amount of times.
I watched closely and the next shot revealed the bad guy take out a gun (one that looked very similar to dad's) from his pocket at hold it up against the pretty boy's neck. I gasped and my face lit up.
"It's a gun!" I cried, pointing a shaking finger at the blaring screen.
"That's right, princess!" Dad said. "I can't believe you haven't seen one on TV or anything. Are you sure you'd never seen one before? You hadn't even seen daddy carry one out of house before?"
"I'd seen you hold one, but I didn't know what it was or what it was for, still."
"Ah, so you thought they were just something I carried around for the hell of it?" Dad laughed.
"Well, I always forgot to ask you about it."
"No need anymore. You found out for yourself today, didn't you?"
We both giggled and continued watching the action on the TV, which I was surprised was still managing to work, it was so old. The two guys beat the hell out of one another, before the prissy guy managed to get the gun and then held it to the bad guy's face.
"Oh no!" I cried.
"Do you even know what's going to happen?"
Dad smirked at me. I knew he was trying to test my knowledge.
"He's going to shoot him, right? There's going to be a bang…?"
At that exact moment, the film showed a loud bang coming from the gun, followed by the bad guy yelling in pain and rolling around on the floor. His face was smeared in blood.
I looked at dad, who was beaming at me. My mouth was dropped open.
"See? I told you that's how it works. Fire the gun, boom, the victim's screwed!"
"So I really did fire the gun, then?"
"Yes, yes, you did."
"But I didn't realise I did."
"You were angry, Shay. All sorts of things happen when you go crazy. Trust me, I know. You triggered it by accident."
"I…I must have done it when I was grabbing too tight, or something."
"It's nothing to worry about."
"So you're actually happy?"
"Of course I am. I do all the awesome things around here, so, it was nice to see you have a chance, my girl. I always said I didn't want to be the monster father mine was, so…I promised when you were born, I'd let you do what you like, you'd learn to defend yourself and be a good girl, because being weak and defenceless in a world where everything is corrupted and flawed is no good. But it seems, you're learning fast already, Shay. I do all this stuff to show how pathetic people really are these days, and to provide for you and your mother of course. Besides, that dog was driving me nuts, so…you did me a favour anyway!"
He winked at me, before pinning me down on my back and tickling every inch of me. I squealed with laughter, yelling and kicking my feet in the air, almost hitting dad in the face. I blew a raspberry at him as he flinched away.
"Hey! You little monkey!" he laughed, as he begin to tickle me.
I squirmed around like a bug that had just been crushed under a finger, trying to push him off me, but he carried on tickling me relentlessly. I almost fell off the sofa with a playful scream, but dad caught me by my shoulder and pulled me back into his arms.
Our laughs became quieter as we didn't dare move from where we were.
"I'm so glad you're not angry, daddy," my little voice said, gratefully.
"Why would I be? I can never hold a grudge with you, darlin'," Dad replied, stroking my hair. "Like I've said to you before, you're the only thing that keeps me a little bit sane these days."
At that moment, we both heard the door slam hard. I heard someone taking their shoes off and making lots of wordless slurs at the door.
"Shaylee?!" it called.
"It's mom," I hissed to dad.
"Oh, god, here we go," Dad mumbled.
"Shaylee?"
I heard her knocking on my bedroom door. If I was asleep, she would've just woke me up. Brilliant logic there, mother.
"In here," I called to her, as I sat crossed-legged on the sofa, with dad next to me. He took the glass and stood up with a groan, ready to take it back into the kitchen.
Mom burst into the room. She was drenched due to the rain outside, her clothes glued to pale skin, her cheeks bright red and her hair was all over the place. I had to hold myself back from laughing.
She looked horrified when she saw us both. Her mouth gaped open at dad, who just simply fired a questionable look at her.
"Jack!" she cried. "What..? Where have you been?!"
"Been home for over two hours, woman," he answered.
"And you didn't bother to call? What were you doing out there? I've been searching for hours!"
"If you were really that worried you would have called me, Diana."
It was amazing how dad remained so calm, but judging by his face I knew he could explode at any moment. I prepared myself for any sudden outburst from either of them.
Mom then fixed her eyes at me, who had my arms folded, not giving a care in the world. I was used to this by now.
I'd learnt to control myself and hold myself back from crying by now. I had realised mom wasn't worth crying over.
"Why are you still up, young lady?" she garbled.
"Dad said I could."
"Jack!"
"Keep your hair on, Di, we were just watching a movie, weren't we, Shay?"
I nodded.
Mom sighed and darted around to look at the action movie still playing on screen. Two seconds later, she marched over to the remote on the arm of the sofa, pushing dad out of the way and turned it off with the remote.
"You didn't think to watch a cartoon, no? Why are you showing her that crap, Jack?!"
"Why did you allow me to own that crap, then, Di? Hmm?"
"You probably stole that shit anyway!"
Dad burst into laughter.
"Aw, you know me too well, honey."
I couldn't help but laugh at dad's jokes. Mom then glared back at me.
"And what's that mess all over the carpet in the hallway?" she demanded.
My heart stopped.
"I spilt a drink before." Dad came to my rescue. "I had some of your wine."
"You don't like wine, Jack."
"Since when?"
Mom gave up too easily and folded her arms. I bit my tongue to prevent the laughter.
"How thoughtful of you to clean it up," Mom complained.
"Oh, it's no problem, sweetie," Dad replied.
Then, the shrill laugh unexpectedly slipped off my tongue. Dad laughed with me, but mom was, as usual, unamused.
Mom then glared at me and ordered, "Shaylee, to bed. Now." I refused to move. "Now."
"Shaylee…" Dad beckoned me with his outstretched arms. "Come on." I reluctantly walked up to him and he hugged me. "Do what your mom says."
"But daddy–"
"Mommy and I need to chat."
He gave me reassuring smile and a wink, so I knew it was all okay.
"Okay," I said, reluctantly, hugging him back.
"Night, sweetheart."
"Night, daddy."
"Night, Shaylee," Mom called after me.
I didn't answer, and slammed the door behind me.
I journeyed to my room, throwing my dressing gown to the floor and made the room pitch black. I snuggled myself into bed, with my drawing pad on the end, smiling up at me.
I was expecting to fall asleep instantly, but I was very wrong. Mom was so horrible, telling me to go to bed and then she continues to yell at dad, blatantly keeping me awake. She probably thought I couldn't hear her. But I could hear both of them. Every word.
"I've been so worried, Jack," she blabbered on. "You can't keep doing this! Just…just going out and doing whatever things you and your scumbag friends get up to! Just leaving me here to worry whether you're going to go to get locked up every day! I tell you this every single day of my life and I'm sick of it! I shouldn't have to stay here and–"
"And what do you all day, Diana?" I heard dad cut in. "Just sitting here on your ass, drinking all day…"
"I do not, I try every day to–"
"Don't stand there and lie to me, all you care about is the next bottle of vodka. You say you're going to go out and try and get a job every day, yet, every day I keep having…to tell you…that all you do is sit on your ass drinking instead. Does Shaylee deserve a mother like that?"
My heart smiled because dad was sticking up for me. He was always there with the uncomfortable truth.
"Do you think Shaylee deserves a father who's constantly getting chased by the police?!" Mom argued. "And is proud of it, you know."
"You think I'm proud of the fact I'm risking everything day in, day out to provide for you two?!" Dad now had a rougher edge to his voice, as he was clearly offended. "Because you don't wanna get off your ass and find a job? Huh?"
"Whatever! Does she deserve a father who's basically nothing but scum?!"
"Nothing but scum? Huh, I least I care about that little girl. I would give my life for that little girl in there. No matter what she's growing up into, I adore her! But you don't, do you, Diana?"
"Of course I care about her! I'm her mother!"
"No! Shut up and let me finish!"
Dad's dangerous growl was coming back again as his anger grew and grew.
"Jack, calm down…I didn't mean…"
"Oh no, you mean to push my buttons, don't you, Di? Huh? You stand there trying to argue with me when you know I'm right."
"Why should I stand here and listen to you talk bullshit, Jack? You make out I'm the bad one here, when it's actually you who–"
That's when I heard a painful backhand, with mom's body slamming against the door. I pinned my covers close to me, as I began to hear mom constantly whimpering dad's name, dad roaring the most terrible words, calling her the most awful names, all accompanied by crashing against the wall. I could faintly hear dad's strong hand beat her into reality.
"Jack, stop it! Stop it!"
"Don't like the truth, huh?!"
Then I heard mom start to cry.
"Look at me," I heard dad say, in a terrible threatening voice.
"Jack…please…"
"Shut up, you dirty little whore," he snarled. "You trying to say I'm the bad parent here? I may go out and mess up justice, you know, and I don't give a fuck if I do or not, I couldn't care less…but like I said, at least I care about our daughter! You don't care about her. You don't spend any time with her, all you do is yell at her, boss her around, make her feel like she's a horrible child. You make her unhappy. You know it's the truth. She's come crying to me because all she wants is her mom like every other little girl at her school! I've barley seen you guys hug! No wonder she's getting into trouble at school. You're the only example of a woman she's had! Give me a reason to believe you deserve her, I beg of you."
There was a long silence. I reckoned it was mom trying to think of a good reply.
I was smiling wide, a little tear starting spouting from my eye. I loved dad so much.
"You…you need to look at yourself!" Mom gasped. "You're not exactly…a good role model either, are you, Jack? All this violence and crime, it's not right! It's not you, Jack!"
"I'm only violent to people who deserve it," Dad snapped, ignoring the comments about crime. "Shaylee doesn't deserve that. You on the other hand…"
"I have been nothing but good to you! And all we do is argue about the same things every fucking night!"
"Nothing but good to me?!" Dad's laughter rung throughout the house. "Don't...don't make me laugh, darling!"
"Don't you darling me!"
"Ooh, okay, is bitch better?!" Dad continued cackling.
"Shut up!" Mom sobbed over his laughter. "Please! Shut up! I can't deal with this anymore! Get off me…please…"
"Can't handle me, honey? Then why don't you leave? Huh? Leave me and Shay alone!"
"Over my dead body! Why would I leave her on her own with a violent criminal of a father?"
"Ooh, violent criminal am I?"
"Yes! Yes you are!"
"Says the alcoholic. Did you go to the bar today while searching for me at all today, hmm? Get distracted, did you?"
I then heard a huge thump and then I heard the second round of beating, which only lasted for a few seconds, but mom's tears were now louder, even more so due to the alcoholic.
"You wanna know what happened today, bitch?" Dad asked her, now suddenly calm, but out of breath.
Mom just continued to throw up her tears.
My heart pounded. I'd be so dead if mom found out what had happened today.
"Come here then." Mom groaned and I imagined she was struggling to get out dad's grasp. "So I came in today, from the freezing cold," Dad began his story. "Shaylee had fallen asleep, so I put her to bed–"
"But she–"
"Shut your fucking mouth!" Dad yelled. "Anyway, long story short, I went off a bit mad. The dog went nuts at me. I got out my little gun and bang. Ace got scared and he ran into the garden, so I followed him. He hid in the shed, which for some reason was unlocked, and he wouldn't shut up, so I turned to him and said, 'Why so serious, you stupid mutt?' If you wanna know what happened you should check the shed. But listen, don't be so mad when you see it. Lighten up for once, Diana."
"What have you done?"
I didn't hear another word after that.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard dad finish his story. He'd lied to get me out of trouble! I wondered if this was all part of a plan. Dad always had some sort of plan. He loved to make mom mad, he told me he did. He said he loved to see her crazy and hated it when she was calm. I don't understand why exactly. I wondered if he didn't want mom to see any of my really bad ways (like what happened that day) until the time was right, and when I did, it would eventually drive her so mad she'd want nothing more to do with me, so then I could only be with dad forever, which was perfect in my books. This is what I thought at the time, and if that was the idea, I was willing to play along in daddy's little game.
Dad obviously then let her go, and I heard mom run out the back door, slamming it hard. I heard the jiggling of keys and then the door locked.
About two minutes went by, and I heard nothing but distant yelling. It wasn't loud enough to mess with my head and keep we awake, so I decided to close my eyes.
After about another minute, my door started to creep open very slightly, making me grab my covers to protect myself.
It was only dad, who was now wearing his pyjamas and his frizzy hair was now even messier. I smiled at him when I saw his face peep through the gap.
"Hi, daddy."
"You okay, princess?" I nodded. "Just ignore with what happened just now. Did mom scare you?"
I shook my head vigorously.
"Did…I scare you?"
I gulped.
"No," I said, softly.
"Huh, good girl. I've dealt with your mom anyway. Since she loved that flaming mutt so much, I thought I'd leave her out there with him tonight."
We both giggled quietly. I covered my mouth, holding back the laughter.
"Just ignore the bitch howling, honey," Dad said, still giggling. "It's what she does best, after all."
"Okay," My voice then cracked a little bit as I felt my heart beat fast. "Thank you, dad."
"What for?"
He walked in and kneeled beside my bed.
"For sticking up for me."
"Hey, that's my job, isn't it?"
He then did something he rarely does. Very gently, he kissed my forehead before pulling the covers over me more.
"Pleasant dreams, my number one girl," he said, standing up and leaving.
"Night, night, dad."
He shut the door behind him, and as I nestled into my dreams, the scary thoughts of what happened that day faded away from my mind. They had sunk in now.
I felt I was not a little girl anymore. And I loved it.
