Danny was fuming as he walked back to the university fro his lecture. God he wanted to put his fist through a wall. SHE loved him! He scoffed. Not a word or anything in 5 years nearly 6. All she had to do was re-add him on face book. Or even private message him to let him know she was ok. She could have even sent a letter to his old house. The new occupants had his new address so they could have forwarded it! The simple fact was she didn't get in touch because she didn't want to! Well he wasn't being her fool anymore. He was nobodies fool!
Later that day he was sat in his flat. He had cooled down and his anger over Alice's sudden reappearance had diminished. Now he sat and pondered over things. The hi-fi was playing. The song that was playing was called lost in the sun. It spoke to him in so many ways. It gave him some enlightenment about his relationship with Alice when they'd been kids.
Well it's been seven years since that summer
Why'd you call me at all 'cause I'm with her now
You know you will have to get over
Well I finally forgot all those times some how
Hey Don't bring it all back to me
Hey I know this is hard to see
You know the summer we smiled in the sun
You know it's only because we were young
And we promised to always remember
That we'd wind up together forever
Looking back we sure had some fun
A summer lost in the sun lost in the sun yeah
You know after all that we said it was done
You know we were leaving because we were young
And we promised to always remember
That we'd wind up together forever
Looking back we sure had some fun
A summer lost in the sun
I'm going under getting over you
I fooled myself by thinking we were through
You know the summer we smiled in the sun
You know it's only because we were young
And we promised to always remember
That we'd wind up together forever
This song was so true. They did think they were going to be together forever. But nothing ever lasts forever. He checked the box by the CD player and saw that is was one of James' Hinder cd's. Not a bad cd actually. God he had to stop thinking about her! We went into a cupboard and pulled a old shoe box out. He sat back on the settee and pulled the top off. Inside lay everything he had of Alice's. Her old brush with black hair twined around it. A tin of deodorant. He dug underneath for the photographs. The one on the top was the picture of them after a long ago bubble fight. They looked so happy. So carefree. Laughter in their smiles and in their eyes. He pulled out another one. This was taken at her birthday party. He was chasing her with the hose pipe. She was running. Screaming like mad woman. Then there was the picture his mum had taken sneakily. He was whispering in her ear. She was looking at him. Her blue eyes were on his face. She wore her sexy half grin that told him she was planning something. Hee eyes were so soft, full of love That look can't be faked can it? He was torn from his thoughts by a knock on his front door. He shoved the pictures back in their box and put the box in the cupboard by the front door. He opened the door.
"Miranda?" he asked confused.
She frowned at him. "You said you'd cook me tea. Among other things!" she added seductively.
The date didn't hold the appeal for him it once had.
She walked into his apartment and wrapped her arms around him and kissed him hotly. He kissed her back slightly with less passion then he'd ever displayed. He closed the front door.
"James told me you'd met an old friend today." Miranda said and sat on the sofa.
"Not exactly a old friend!" his bitterness was centered on the final word.
"What then?" she asked.
"She was an old girlfriend. I loved her a lot. My first love actually. She broke my heart of course. We never had closure then but I got it today." he said forcefully.
He walked into his kitchen. "You want anything in particular?"
She stood at his kitchen doorway. "You!" she purred.
"Miranda it would be better if we didn't do that right now. It wouldn't be fair to you. My heads just too full of Alice." he said.
"You still love her?" she asked angrily.
"NO!" he answered too quickly. "I just wasn't expecting to see her that's all. It threw me for a loop."
Miranda didn't look convinced.
"Look me and Alice have a lot of history. I don't want to have waited till you were ready and then have my mind one my other first!"
Miranda smiled. "Oh, your sweet Danny." she kissed him.
He'd grew up a lot from the boy he'd been. When Miranda kissed him he didn't struggle for control the way he had with Alice. I miss her! The thought snuck up on him from nowhere. NO I DON'T he thought angrily. It became a mantra in his head.
"So what do you want?" he asked.
"Your speciality Spag Bol." she said and smiled.
(X)
Alice stood at her cooker in her house. Lexi was sat at the kitchen table. Alice loved her kitchen. It was a baby duck yellow. Not too bright but a nice sunny colour. Shauna was out on a date with James. Apart from his accent which she couldn't stand he was a nice lad. Alice smiled. Shauna sure did like her men. She didn't sleep with all of them and she never brought them here. Alice had asked her not to coz she didn't want loads of different men around her daughter. She had a standard to set. Shauna had been fine about it. She took her auntie duties seriously.
Lexi was sitting singing and mumbling to her barbies as she brushed their hair.
"Mummy, why you call me Lexi?" she asked. Her voice was slowly losing her Scottish accent.
Her daughter was always full of these random questions which sometimes never made any sense.
"Coz that's your name baby." Alice replied.
Lexi turned. Her aqua marine eyes fixed onto her face and looked at her like she was stupid.
"No, my name is Alexis Marie Collins." she said slowly.
Actually her name was Alexis Marie Collins Trevanion but she got around that - so far.
"O." Alice said. "It's mummy's nickname for you."
"What's a nickname?" she asked.
"It's a name other people call you by. You know like mummy's friend Melissa is called Missy."
"Ok. Do you have one?" she asked eyes twinkling with good humour. She was thinking of CeeCee although she didn't understand why her mother had that nickname she and auntie Shauna had made it up together.
"I had one a long time ago." she replied.
"Can I give you a new one?" she asked.
"Tell me your ideas." Alice said smiling.
She frowned deep in thought. Then looked at her toy. "Barbie?" she asked.
"Go for it." she said and kissed her head. "Tea's ready in 5."
"What we having mommy Barbie?"
Alice bit her lip to stop from laughing.
"Well mummy's not hungry so she'll have something later but your having smiley face with jetters and alphabetti."
Lexi made a face. "Have we not got any in the night garden spaghetti?"
"Nope." Alice replied.
"Mummy?" Lexi asked as Alice was getting her jetters from the oven.
"Yeah baby." she said.
Lexi was brushing a different barbies hair.
"Did my daddy have a nickname?" she asked.
Alice hated these daddy questions. She understood her daughter was curious but she never knew what to say. It wouldn't matter if her dad was Danny. But she didn't know. Danny is listed as her father on her birth certificate. She knew she shouldn't of done that but it had been a split second decision. There was no way that other bastard was getting within 100 million miles of her daughter.
"Yeah baby he did."
"Really so I'm like him coz I've got a nickname?" she asked.
"Yeah!" she replied. Your so much like your father! She added silently. "Can you put your barbies away now please."
Lexi got up to do as she was told and Alice wiped down the spot where she'd been sitting.
"Wash your hands!" she shouted.
"I am!" she yelled in Danny's I'm not stupid tone of voice.
She saw flashes of Danny in her daughter more and more as she grew older. Maybe this was wishful thinking on her part but there it is. It was better than the alternative. She knew that Danny would make a good dad. He was loving and caring and was so funny.
Lexi ran in. "Look clean." she said.
"Sparkling." Alice grinned and ruffled her hair.
Lexi sat down to eat her tea. Alice thought about Danny. He'd had the same heart stopping grin. When he'd smiled she'd literally forgot how to breathe. This had to stop! Ryan wouldn't like it. She had been with Ryan for 2 and half years. Lexi knew that Ryan wasn't her dad. She didn't understand why though. And didn't understand why Alice made her call him Ryan.
He was quite different from Danny appearance wise. He had pale blue eyes and blond hair. He was short too, only slightly taller than her. He was stocky and his chest was very muscular, he did weights. He was nice but did have a temper. He had only aimed it at her a few times. But to be honest it had been her fault. She shouldn't provoke him. He'd even told her that too. He was great with Lexi though. Patient and kind and her daughter adored him.
"Mummy why isn't Ryan my daddy?" Lexi asked.
This question was one that always kept popping up.
"Baby mummy met Ryan when you were 2 years old. You were already born."
Lexi frowned. "But why isn't he my daddy?" she asked. Her eyes turned her shade of blue when she w as angry or frustrated. They turned green when she happy or getting up to mischief. So basically she lived with Danny's eyes everyday. At the moment though they were a vivid blue. Evidence of her daughters frustration.
How to explain this to a 4 year old. Honesty is the best policy. Well condensed honesty. "Honey you grew in mummies tummy before you were born. That's what daddies do. They put babies there. Ryan isn't your daddy because he didn't put you in mummy's tummy."
She obviously still had a lot of questions and didn't understand but she quieted. Obviously something was still troubling her daughter. She pushed her alphabetti around her plate.
"You ok Lexi?" Alice asked her softly.
"A boy at nursery called me a bad word coz I don't have a daddy. He said my daddy left coz I'm horrible. Is that why he doesn't love me?" Lexi asked softly.
"Aw baby." she walked over and knelt by her chair and pulled her close for a hug.
"Your daddy does love you. I know he does. Mummy's trying to find him too."
Ok so she'd told her daughter a little white lie, but what else was she supposed to do. She knew Danny would be a great dad and love her!
"Really?" Lexi asked dubiously.
"And if that boy is nasty to you again." Alice had the biggest urge to tell her daughter to batter him with a bat or something! But instead she said. "Tell your teacher and they will help you ok." and if that doesn't work then batter him she added mentally hoping her daughter picked up on that thought. "Go and play on ya Nintendo DS for a while. Mummy be through in a minute ok."
Lexi toddled through to the living room.
In the meantime she was gonna go wild with this boy's parents! Where the hell had that kid picked up language like that. And if his parents dared to call her child that in front of her she wasn't being held accountable for what she did to them! Lexi didn't have to tell her the word he'd used. It was obviously the b word for illegitimate child. Her blood boiled. Lexi had a father and had his name. she just used Collins instead and she'd tell his parents that before she broke their jaw for any disparaging remarks about her baby!
As Lexi had grew up she'd tried to make her happy and secure in herself as a person and she was. Lexi did what she wanted without wondering whether someone was going to think she was stupid. Ok she didn't have her father but she had plenty of family. Mrs Carr was her nana on earth and her mother was her nana in heaven. She had Shauna and Missy as aunties and she had her and Ryan. She was starting to wonder whether she had done her daughter an injustice by not getting in touch with Danny sooner. At first it had been no way. It had taken along time to get over the dirty stigma. She'd been nearly 5 months gone by the time she realised she was pregnant. It was like she'd been in a coma and suddenly she woke up with a small bump and this little thing using her kidneys as footballs. By that time abortion had been out of the question. She'd even wished the "thing" away as she used to call her. Actually she wished her away continuously. That is until she must have been about 8 months gone and Lexi hadn't moved at all. Alice had been beside herself. She'd rang her midwife who'd told her to go to the maternity unit at Glasgow. She and Shauna had went up and they'd hooked her up to a heart monitor to try and find Lexi's heartbeat. Then of course Lexi had tried to kick it off. Alice had burst into tears. 5 weeks later Lexi had been born. Red face and screaming but healthy. She changed her life for the better now Alice couldn't imagine life without her. Her mother had been right about the money. It had come in handy. She'd also had the proceeds from the sale of her fathers house. Her mothers house had been taken off the market and that's where she and Lexi had lived. Lexi had to go to nursery though. She had bills to pay and of course college to go to. Care to learn covered the nursery while she was in college and she and child tax credit covered the rest of the day care expenses. God it had been expensive. £195.00 p/week. She'd been lucky and only had to pay about £50.00 a week. Coz of the care to learn and child tax. But that was still £200 a month and she wasn't on a lot as it was! Anyway they'd got by.
As time had went on it had actually just got easier to stay away from Danny then having to get in touch with him. What was she supposed to say? Hello I'm your girlfriend from 5 years ago and I might have your daughter but guess what I don't actually know. So do you want a DNA test? And contrary to his belief she had wrote to him. In a moment of drunken madness she'd wrote to him. She poured everything into that letter all her love and grief and how she was sorry and missed him so much she could hardly breathe sometimes. She'd told him she had a little girl. And sent him a picture of Lexi. She'd told him that if he wanted to come up and see her he was welcome to. She'd also told him she didn't hold him responsible coz it was her fault she hadn't taken the morning after pill. She'd had no reply so she'd thought he hadn't wanted to know. Obviously though he'd moved and never received it.
She checked her watch. God an hour had passed.
"Lexi bath!" she shouted and walked to the bathroom. After the bath she'd sit on Lexi bed and talk to her about her day. Just like her mother had done with Alice.
A/N ok i know its kinds slow bt am trying to set the scene. it get better soon :) x
