The small shards of glass flittered around the sides of my face, causing small lines of blood to clutter my face.

"That was 14 years...my 14 years of grief and anger, brat", those words were said through clenched teeth and ragged breath, teeth that were grinding from rage...and sadness.

"Asuka...Asuka I'm so-", Shinji wasn't sure what he was trying to say but it didn't matter, Asuka wouldn't let him say them.

"Shut up", she said, snarling with anger, raw anger and grief.

Shinji didn't know what to do anymore, he didn't have a single clue as to what to say or do.

For Shinji... everyone he ever cared about... hated him. They hated him not for what he did or looked like, they hated him for who he was.

Not knowing what else to do, Shinji slowly slid back down into his chair, clutching his broken sdat with a desperate grip, slowly taking in the sterile hospital styled room he was placed in

Nazumi was already all over him, checking wounds and asking him if he was okay.

'why...why is she so nice...', Shinji thought wanting to cry, cry and roll into a small ball. He hated that feeling...that feeling and himself.

Shinji stared down at his sdat as Nazumi lined the cuts on his face with a sealing fluid, absent-mindedly pressing the worn out play button that he had used so many time to escape.

Escape into his own numb little world, but the thing was broken, broken and worthless.

Shinji wasn't sure why, but the more he pressed the button on the sdat, and the more it didn't work. The angrier he got at it.

He began to put pressure on the sdat with both of his hands.

He also began to hear a small yet satisfying crackling coming from it.

He wanted to crush it, to show it what it was really worth when it couldn't do anything for him.

But Nazumi stopped him before he could finish it off.

Without a single word, she lightly placed her hand on top of his as if to say, doesn't it belong to you, why would you want to destroy it?.

Shinji felt that was what her hand meant when it placed itself upon his own, and he didn't have an answer for it.

Slowly, Shinji let go of the sdat, letting it drop to the floor, the wires that belonged to the headphones slowly unwrapping from his arms and following its main body.

Nazumi hands gave a comforting pressure on his hands before letting go and getting back to work.

"We'll continue your tour of our facilities later", Misato said, leaving with Ritsuko in tow.

"Hmm, Shinji are you okay", Nazumi said while observing the boy with genuine concern. All while doing that hum.

no response.

"sigh, well I have to go for today, see you tomorrow okay?", she said softly, but before leaving she had one more thing to say.

" Oh, and we'll put you in your official room tomorrow, 'kay?", She said with half her head already out the door.

She then left, and Shinji was alone...alone with those damn thoughts of his.

He got up from the chair and went to lay down on his oh so great hospital bed.

Once he was in a semi-comfortable position, Shinji relayed over everything that he had been told(though it was rather annoying to do so with the stinging sensation that was laced all over his face constantly burning back up).

Shinji thought about the lives he had taken...the lives he had cut short. It felt like the more he thought about the lives he ended, the more he thought he could see their faces, their scared faces built a wall in his mind. Shinji's deepest sorrow for the moment though was about what he had sacrificed half the world for.

'damnit...damnit...damnit', that was all Shinji was able to think about as he turned the words Misato said to him over and over again in his head.

Wait...Misato...

W-what is it There was the tiniest quiver in her voice.

Where...where is Rei? It was a question Shinji desperately wanted to hear an answer to but was so scared of it at the same time.

She's dead, Shinji... she let the word Shinji slowly drag itself out of her tongue, feeling sympathy, not for the blue haired girl herself, but for what she meant to the boy her mind had decided that it cared about. And she was afraid that no amount of time would change that fact.

Shinji didn't bother thinking about how the conversion turned out after that point, no, all that mattered was that even in his last moments, Shinji was still a failure.

He threw away half the world just so that one, small life would be saved...and he still manages to fuck it up.

Shinji's thoughts naturally started toward the direction of Asuka, and, without really thinking, Shinji placed his hand on his face only to immediately tear it away with unseeable speed as the fiery stinging rippled through his now pinched face.

'gah, wasn't that stuff supposed to help', shiny thought recalling back to the liquid that Nazumi lined across his cuts.

Once the sour burning died down, Shinji somehow managed to go asleep in his hospital styled bed.

Sleep, for once, was merciful for Shinji. Sure, there were no whimsical moments or impossible serenity that only dreams could create. No, instead, what Shinji got, was nothingness in its purest form, and Shinji reaped every moment that wasn't torture on his mind that he could.

IKARI

Shinji jumped up from his bed with blistering vigor.

'What the-what the hell was that!?', He thought, trying to reconstruct the bellowing voice he had just heard-or no, he thought he heard.

IKARI, WE MUST GO

This time Shinji was fully awake to hear the voice, and he thought he recognized it.

'is...is that rei', Shinji thought with the nonsensical hope that what Misato had told him was all just a twisted joke.

But before Shinji could fully process everything, he was thrown out of bed by an explosion ringing out of the air and the ship's alarms sounding full force in the tangled up Shinji's ears.

COME ON IKARI, WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME

Quickly untangling himself from his bed sheets, Shinji made his way toward the voice with uncertain yet blissful footsteps.

With each ringing that his feet made when they hit the steel floor putting him in an almost trance-like state.

End Of Chapter 3

Author Note: Please comment on this chapter with your thoughts, they really motivate me to keep writing.

thanks for reading.