"Mark my words believe my soul lives on. Don't worry now that I have gone. I've gone beyond to seek the truth. When you know that your time is close at hand, maybe then you'll begin to understand, life down there is just a strange illusion." Hollowed Be Thy Name- Iron Maiden.
3 weeks later
Death would have been better than this. Being trapped in a cold cell while Saren came in and did things to her whenever he pleased was much much worse. Shepard was so angry she wanted to scream and kill him with her bare hands, but she was still too weak. He purposely kept her just weak enough to where she couldn't fight back. The anger was the only thing she had left to hold on too.
There is nothing worse in this life than being physically too weak.
Weeks have gone by and Shepard was still trapped in her cell the whole time never once leaving. Time began to blur together in one continuous loop. Maybe she was already dead and this is the hell she deserved for everything she has done.
Liara came and brought food throughout the week, or what would be consider as food, it was more of a paste like substance that tasted like Turian vomit. Not that she would know what Turian vomit tasted like. But Shepard didn't want to know where it came from. In fact she didn't particularly care. She just wanted to build up enough strength to fight this nightmare she has been living. But no matter how hard she tried. It wasn't enough.
It will never be enough.
Sometimes she would work out to keep her moving but eventually she felt too exhausted to even move. She was dehydrated and her stomach growled for real food. So she ended up just lying there staring through the glass ceiling trying to think of a way out of this.
Saren was trying to do something with her and Shepard was unwilling so it wasn't working to his satisfaction. He wanted her to submit. But she wasn't going too. She'd rather die.
Liara told her to keep strong and to never give in. Liara was the only hope Shepard had and yet she still didn't believe her.
Shepard was still lying on the floor. She barely moved at all and her body was still extremely sore from him. It hurt to move. She heard her door open like usual but instead of the soft padded footsteps of Liara's feet, she heard the big loud steps of Sarens.
Shepard played the same game she has been playing. She immediately closed her eyes and willed herself to slow down her breathing as much as possible. His steps got closer till he crouched down near her. She fucking hated him.
"My pet." He whispered while stroking her hair with his bare hand. She flinched underneath his touch wanting so badly to get away from him. "I know you can feel it. Feel me." He continued. And he's right, she can... feel him, his presence, his black hole of a heart. He was a monster.
"I fucking hate you." She muttered but it sounded weak and pathetic even in her own ears.
"I thought you'd eventually warm up to me and give in." He stroked her hair and she hated herself for liking it. Then she felt nauseous. "It's been 3 weeks."
Shepard didn't respond. Has it really been 3 weeks?
He sighed and then retracted his hand away. "I thought you needed a few weeks to adjust but clearly this isn't going to work." He went to touch her one more time but she scooted away from him. He grabbed her and pulled her up roughly. He grabbed the back of her neck and made her look at him in the eyes. His eyes weren't real. They couldn't be real, they were too bright. Then without question he shoves his mouth on hers, trying to kiss her. She rejected it right away but she couldn't help but notice how strange his Turian tongue felt against hers. It was rough and longer than a humans tongue. She hated that she enjoyed it. But it was different there was something wrong. So without any doubt in her mind she bit down as hard as she could onto his tongue. Blue Turian blood instantly squirted out. He roared so loud it made her ears ring. He then smacked her across the face again making her head hit the ground. He hit the same side with the cuts on it, causing them to reopen and bleed. He then backed away quickly while holding his mouth with his hands.
He growled with extreme anger in his sub vocals, even though she couldn't hear it, his voice was an octave lower than normal. Her body shivered because of it. "I must get rid of you then." He paused to lick up some of his own blood on his mouth. "You are of no use to me now."
Shepard hoped for death. She didn't care what he did as long as he would stop doing what he was doing now. Her face hurt so bad she had a hard time focusing.
"I'll sell you. In case you're wondering. The Turians are on verge of going to war with your humans. You're a prison of war now in the eyes of our government. Among others that have been taken, but the great Commander Jane Shepard, sister of Captain John Shepard, butcher of those Batarian soldiers on Torphan. Someone will pay high price for you." He wasn't lying. Where the fuck was this Turian that Liara said she could trust? It was probably a ruse to give Shepard the false hope that didn't exist.
Fuck could this get any worse?
Shepard guessed it was better than the alternative which was staying with Saren.
She didn't respond. She didn't have it in her will power to do so. One day, she would kill him that was for sure, but for now she was too weak, too broken, she needed more time to heal.
"It's a shame. You could have been such a loyal pet. You could have had anything you ever wanted." he paused. "Oh well." And then shrugged like it was no big deal.
Shepard couldn't take his condescending tone anymore, she snapped, "I don't fucking care. You obviously don't know me if you thought I would give in so easily. You obviously don't know who I am. One day, no matter how long it's been, I will hunt you down to the very edge of the galaxy and put a bullet in your he-."
Suddenly he kicked her hard in the kidney. She gasped for air as she clutched her side.
"You humans are so primitive. So weak and stupid as a species. There is a bigger role to this than any of you realize." He sneered while she gasped for air.
"If..." she started to say but still gasping for air, "you're really going to tell me that it's nothing personal, then kill me now and get it over with. I'd rather die than be a slave!"
He laughed his fake mocking laugh. "We are all salves, Pet." He finally turned away with a click of his mandibles and stomped out her cell.
She laid there on her side curled in a ball naked. She was still naked. She was shivering because of the cold and her body shook every few seconds. The cold floor made it worse, it was oddly too cold she noted. Her body was sweating which was odd because she was freezing. Her teeth were chattering. It felt like she had a fever. She crawled to the bowl that was left before Saren got there. Water was still in it. Her face still throbbing. Everything hurt.
She sighed and drank a tiny bit. She felt a little better but her body was still shaking. She spent the next few hours like that, she rocked back and forth on her side, then finally let her tears fall. She had been holding them back for days now, she couldn't take it anymore.
She cried for hours, sobbed like a little girl, she yelled for someone to come save her. But no one ever did. No one ever would.
She was all alone.
And despite everything that has ever happened in Shepard's life, she never felt so utterly hopeless, so weak and she fucking hated herself for it. Why didn't she fight stronger? Why did she give in so easily? Never again. She vowed. Never again.
The next day cycle Shepard was laying in the middle of her cell. She was starting to feel disgusting. Dirty even. She hadn't showered since she arrived in this fucked up place Saren forbid it until she gave in to his demands. This time it was different though. She heard the loud foots steps approach her cell like always except this time it felt different. She turned her head to look at the Turian approaching her cage and it wasn't Saren for once.
He was tall even for a Turian. He was wearing dark blue armor, and he had a black cloak on his back that had a hood attached to it which was currently down. The cloak looked torn and ripped from wear and tear.
He also had a bright blue eye piece on his left eye. Shepard noted his sniper status right away. His whole demeanor spoke leadership and confidence. He had sharp shooter skills which meant he was dangerous. His armor plating (skin) was a lighter grey for Turian standards. He had cobalt blue clan markings that Shepard found intriguing. But she ignored her spontaneous curiosity.
He just stood there for a few more minutes watching her without saying anything, without entering her cell. Her eyes felt heavy so she turned her head away from him and closed her eyes. That's when she heard another Turian enter the room. The sound was familiar to Saren's.
"Spectre Saren. Congratulations on the operation." The blue Turian said. His voice smooth and delicate but strong and deep at the same time with a slight growl to it. It shook her insides. The duel toned voice was beautiful. What the fuck did they give her?
Saren said in acknowledgment. "Commander Vakarian. I have a problem I need you to solve for me… quietly."
"And you're trusting me with this... why?" Garrus Vakarian was his name. She knows who he is, one of Saren's best operatives and the next Turian to become a Spectre. Shepard stayed on her side with her back towards the two. Her eyes remained closed. She just felt so tired.
"I'm giving you the opportunity you asked for. This is it. I want you to take her." Shepard's heart was racing now, beating through her chest.
"Who is she?" He questioned.
"Garrus, I'm surprised you don't know. It's Commander Shepard."
Garrus, was his name. Commander Garrus Vakarian. Shepard remembered reading about him. She read that he was working for Saren and one of the most well respected Turians in citadel space. He was ruthless and dangerous.
"I barely recognize her. Why is she so injured?" Garrus asked. It almost sounded like he was worried but Shepard knew better than to believe it.
"She refused to submit. She's a wild one Vakarian. Be careful." Saren replied. At that point Shepard couldn't let them talk about her like that anymore. She opened her eyes then turned her body so she could get up without hurting herself. Her hands still cuffed in front of her. It still hurt but she ignored it. She faced the two Turians who were standing outside her cell. Saren begins to laugh in a that mocking humorless laugh of his. Garrus looked at him for a moment then looked back towards Shepard. She could have sworn she saw sympathy in his eyes but how the fuck could she know? She wasn't that great at reading Turian faces yet.
"Open the door." Garrus told Saren who stopped laughing now.
Saren then unlocked the door walking in first. Garrus followed behind him taking off the cloak that was attached to his armor.
Saren grabbed Shepard roughly by the arms. While handing her over to Garrus. He also gave Garrus the manual key to the cuffs and then said "I'd leave these on if I were you." He looked at the cloak that Garrus was now holding in his other arm. He didn't say anything just stared at the other Turian while he put it gently around her shoulders. He tied it in the front to cover her chest. His gloved fingers were so close to her heart and breasts she felt her heart speed up even faster, if that was possible.
She gave in and looked into his eyes. They were the most expressive, beautiful blue eyes she has ever seen. They were bright electric blue and they looked so sad for her that she almost believed him. His eye piece was going crazy with information which he ignored. Was this the Turian Liara said she could trust? Or was it wishful thinking? She sensed he was honest, but she wasn't sure, she doesn't know if she can trust her instincts anymore. She used to be able to rely off of her instincts and they guided her through every right path but right now she wasn't sure.
She forced herself to look away. Saren was watching the exchange with mild interest but he didn't really care. "She is a slave now she doesn't deserve to be covered." He sneered but shrugged like he didn't care either way.
Garrus sighed, irritation clearly on his face but he was trying to hide it. "What do you want me to do to her?" He said looking over at Saren then back down at Shepard. She gave him a glare then.
"I don't care. Be done with her. Bond with her. Make her submit or sell her. I don't care how much just give me the credits when you're done; you can keep 20%." Saren started to walk away.
"Yes sir," Garrus said and then he gently put a hand on Shepard's shoulder. Normally she wouldn't have flinched but he touched the spot Saren shot. It made her hiss in pain. The Turian backed away instantly like he was afraid to touch her now, but instead he put a hand gently on her lower back escorting her out of her cell. Saren was waiting for them by the elevator with a blank expression. Shepard fucking hated him. One day she would kill him and end his miserable existence.
By the time they got to the main deck where the airlock was for docking. Liara had joined them. "Go with Vakarian. Make sure she is properly healed." Saren ordered Liara who just stood there and nodded.
All three of them looked at her then. Shepard felt dizzy and was barely able to stand straight. She really just wanted to sleep and never wake up. At least then she wouldn't be in this fucked up nightmare.
Garrus and Liara walked besides Shepard. As soon as those airlock doors closed behind her she felt herself relax. She was just happy that she was away from Saren. Even if it was just trading one evil for the other, she was happy to be out of that fucking cage.
*Garrus*
Garrus Vakarian looked down at the fragile human and he felt regret. Regret that he didn't get to her sooner. When Liara had sent him the message that she needed him for something; he had no idea what that something really was.
Commander Jane Shepard walked beside him. Her hands still cuffed in front of her and she still wore the cloak he had put on her shoulders.
Her face was so bloody, mixed with red and blue creating a slight purple, that he barely could see her face. Her red hair was probably once beautiful but now it was matted and greasy. Garrus could smell the odor but he ignored it. Saren had her for weeks and he never once let her shower. He cursed at himself for taking so long.
Garrus waited until they detached from Saren's ship to finally say something to Shepard who surprisingly didn't say anything at all. "Liara go to the medical bay and tell Solana to meet us in my quarter's. She needs some rest and a hot shower."
At the mention of a hot shower got Shepard to stop and look at Garrus with a questioning look on her face. Liara left for the medical bay without saying a word.
"We'll talk later. For now you need to get clean, eat, and then rest." Garrus told her truthfully.
Her eyes began to water in that weird way that some species do when they cry, or express sadness. His heart hurt for her and his anger towards Saren grew. This was the final straw. He decided right then that he wouldn't go back to Saren. Even if they didn't have enough evidence to accuse him. He hoped Shepard would be enough for the Council to at least consider it.
She broke eye contact with him and looked forward. Garrus started walking again and this time Shepard followed without hesitation. The mention of food and a shower brought a little life back into her. She looked so dead, emotionless, he wanted to comfort her for some illogical reason and he didn't know why. There have been hundreds of humans that Saren has toyed with and while Garrus felt bad, he knew he had a duty. In order to become a Spectre he must turn Saren in for the things he has done. But now staring at this human he couldn't help but feel something for her. This woman was feared upon. Her brother was a war hero. She was not someone to be taken lightly. Yet her she was damn near broken. Shattered.
They continued to walk to Garrus' quarters where he figured she'd have the most privacy. He was the only one on his ship that had a private bathroom. He went into the bathroom and turned on the shower for her. When he walked out she was standing in the middle of his room looking around with slight curiosity to her features. He wasn't that good at reading humans but they have similar to facial features to Asaris and he has a lot of experience with that.
"I turned the water on for you. I hope it isn't too hot. Liara should have some clothes for you when you get out. And my sister Solana is a great Doctor, although she has never worked on humans yet, she has studied your species more than anyone I know." Garrus told her. She remained silent. He then realized that the cuffs were still on her. He apologized under his breath, and then took the key that Saren gave him unlocking the cuffs. When he grabbed her wrists he noticed how soft her skin was. Garrus felt a little awkward so he took the cuffs with him and then moved toward the door to give her some privacy. Shepard was rubbing her wrists on where the cuffs were at and they had bright red marks dug into her skin. He cursed Saren for the 100th time.
Right before he was about to walk out the door, she whispered, "thank you." If Garrus didn't have superior hearing he wouldn't have heard it. But that thank you went straight to his soul. She was so broken. What the fuck did Saren do to her? Suddenly Garrus was filled with rage that had been building up for years. He needed to walk away before he ended up scaring her. He left his room with her inside and let the doors shut behind him. He refused to lock them. As much as he didn't want her to leave, or try to leave, he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. Garrus imagined that locking her in his room would freak her out even more.
Solana and Liara were now just getting to his room. Liara had a thing of clothes in her arms and Solana had her usual medical bag. "How is she?" Solana asked.
"She's… I don't know. She'll be okay for right now but…whatever Saren did to her will be marked with her for the rest of her life." Garrus told her. Why did he feel for this human so badly? Maybe because he feels guilty for not getting to Saren sooner. Although it wouldn't have matter because in the end, it was up to Saren to give her away.
"That bastard." Solana said clearly upset. "We can't keep doing this Garrus."
"I know, sis. I know." Garrus replied walking away. He was going to the kitchen to get her something to eat that human might like. He has no idea what humans eat but he figured anything solid would do.
*Shepard*
Shepard watched Garrus leave. Her heart was racing. Was that the Turian Liara said she could trust? Did Shepard even believe Liara? Either way the sound of the water running made her feet move towards the bathroom. She could smell how bad she smelt and she could feel all the dried up blood on her. She entered the bathroom. It was huge with two showers on both sides. Shepard took the cloak off her shoulders letting it drop to the floor she slowing made her way to the shower. It was really hot. Almost too hot. But she didn't care. She felt like Saren was still on her body and she wanted it gone. So she sat in the burning hot water for who knows how long.
Shepard heard the doors to the room open, but because she was in the bathroom it had a separate door so she didn't see who entered. Her heart began racing again has she expected the worst.
She heard a slight knock on the door. "Shepard? It's me Liara, I have some clothes, a towel, and some soap that smells like flowers." Shepard didn't respond. So Liara came inside anyways. She set the soap and the clothes on the sink and then left without saying anything else. Shepard was grateful for that.
Jane walked over to the sink and grabbed the soap then walked back into the shower. She pretty much used the whole bottle of soap and she was totally okay with that. Shepard scrubbed and scrubbed until her skin turned raw. She just wanted Saren gone from her skin.
When Shepard was done, it took her a while, but she figured out how to turn off the shower, then she walked over to the sink. The reflection she saw in the mirror resembled someone she didn't recognize. The girl in the mirror looked broken and beaten. The wound around her eye dripped a little blood, her dark red wet hair stuck to her face. The bullet wound in her shoulder was now dried up and scarred really bad. She turned around to see her back side. She started to cry then. There were so many marks on her back, scars, wounds on top of wounds that never seem to end. Her tears fell down her face as she starred at herself in the mirror. She looked so pathetic. So weak. She hated herself for it.
After a little while she composed herself and grabbed the clothes Liara had left her. They were meant for an Asari but they still fit Shepard pretty good. Just regular black sweat pants with a black tank top. She didn't have underwear but the fact she was wearing normal clothes made Shepard feel better.
When she existed the bathroom. Garrus, Liara, and a female turian were waiting for her to get out. The female turian must be the doctor Garrus mention, he said her name was Solana, she had a beg with her that looked like a medical bag. Liara was sitting down in the corner of the room where a couch was placed. Garrus was sitting down on the bed which he held a trey of something that smelt delicious. Shepard's stomach growled the moment she say the food.
All three of them look at her with worried looks on their faces. Garrus stands up and then tells her, "I don't know what humans like to eat, the extranet was very unhelpful. So I just got some random items that you could try."
"Thank you." Shepard said before grabbing the trey from Garrus. She sits down on the bed with her legs crossed and she devours the food. It was actually really good and Shepard ended up eating everything on the trey. When she was done she looked up and noticed that all three were staring at her intently.
"Shepard this is my sister Solana. She will take care of your wounds and then you can get some rest. I want you to know that I don't plan on do what Saren ordered me to do. In fact we are never going back on the ship again." Garrus spoke to get rid of the awkward tension.
Shepard looked at him slightly confused, but overall she trusted that he was telling the truth. She doesn't know what it is with this turian, but she has feeling that she can trust him. Shepard still didn't reply. She didn't know what to say other than thank you. Garrus looked at her one more time before turning around to leave. Liara was behind him.
After they left Solana patched up some of Shepard's wounds including the one of her face. "I'm so sorry Saren did this to you." Solana looked every similar to Garrus except she was turian. Shepard has never seen a female turian but this one was defiantly beautiful.
Solana was finished patching her up, "if you need anything don't hesitate to come find me. Garrus will give you a proper tour of the ship later, after you get some rest."
Shepard nodded and continued to stare blankly at the wall. Solana left quietly, the door swooshing shut after she leaves. Jane laid flat on her back on the turian bed and stared directly at the ceiling. Events from the past 3 weeks flash in her brain. She in unable to stop the terrible memories from forming.
After what seemed like forever she finally drifted off into sleep. She was so exhausted that sleep came easily. She only hope she wouldn't dream.
