A/N: Much thanks to Whitelilly, Susume, Dawn-at-Midnight, Subaruxkamui4ever, and Zaybex! I appreciate feedback and love reading your comments. Also thanks to the people that added this to their alert/favorite stories list.
WARNING: This story contains yaoi (boy x boy) romance. If you don't like it, do not read it.
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Bittersweet
Chapter Three: Reasons
Ticks and tocks rang their low harmony throughout the room. Swaying the still silence without hesitation to bring further tension. No, as an intangible sound it could not understand the rising annoyance it had started. Yet the syncing of the singular pendulum beating in the inhabitants ears grew a disturbing sensation of coldness.
Icy cold that felt all to real as it burrowed into the duo's already tired bodies. A freezing feeling that screamed for more time, for more chances to end this nightmare, and for more light to be shed upon life's twists and turns. But with this merciless swinging of passage this may never come to be.
Time was slipping away as if it were nothing at all. Just mere minutes, seconds, or years could drift by without notice. The world continuing it's twirling and acting as if all people had not one care. Precious time was being lost and a rapidly moving lifespan had not yet completed it's utmost important task.
Unknown to his being, Ryuzaki was this unfortunate case. Not that he wasted time with meaningless measures but something beyond his control would throw every inch of work away with his passing. Time, once again, would turn to worthless garbage.
Even he pondered if his life would end abruptly by an unworldly circumstance known simply as "Kira". With a name and face all would snap shut to the afterlife's doors. His life's work to capture a heartless killer would never come to be…at least by him.
Ticking counted into another hour as the clock struck two in the morning. His eyes closing for an instant as they came back to life to continuing typing for further unnoticed amounts of time. A constant pull of his eyes attempting to not look at the adjacent person.
Yagami Light was of course the said person. His dark lean figure sitting back against the soft couch as his own thoughts on time went by. Time being a key factor for him especially under serious conditions.
For one, his freedom still hung ever so gently in the balance. If L were to suddenly decide he was a murderer there would be no question from the already withdrawn police. His words of innocence would never matter again once the jail cell door was slammed.
Two: Capturing the real Kira still played the biggest role of all. Slyly and stealthily finding him using his own tricks and games. Fooling him before he could dare slip away again.
These two almost simply put plans were gambling as a constantly struggling issue. Issues that couldn't be ignored yet couldn't be solved until all focus could be aimed towards them. But before that could happen, Light had to first cross a line he couldn't bring himself to face. A border that had been set in the preceding hours and hadn't been mentioned since.
Thick looming barriers that had been brought up by both boys in an attempt to separate themselves…for obviously different reasons. For fear or testing, childish play or a sensation of madness. Whatever reasons L had were of no concern to Light. He could barely stand to think of his own troubles let alone questions of Ryuzaki.
Carefully he swept his hand through his messy bangs as his eyes showed their depth. Deepening thought he knew that logically he would have to conquer before anyone had the chance to force a solid answer upon him. A simple yes or no to his question had become an all out war on himself.
…L…
A chocked down gulp was uttered from his throat as he began to attempt a normal breathing pattern. Due to a panting that had cause his father alarm earlier in the previous day, he could not afford to have L notice him struggling. Simple, in and out.
The so called alarming pant was due to Light's own stubborn personality wanting to let out frustration of his partner's actions yet had led him to almost collapse. Doing so now would be even worse, the two were alone with no one to guard him in a defenseless position. L could question him, make him nervous, or even make him die if his fear overcame him.
L…W-why? Why?
Quietly, a single sigh was made as Light began his strange personal journey to discover this plaguing answer once and for all. Breaking down the largest into smaller fragments as to maintain calamity and sanity.
H-how do I feel about him? No…maybe I shouldn't think of him.
An imaginary nudge was given as he dared to picture the intelligent opposite as he really saw him. A strong, determined, unique, bright individual. Someone he deeply respected as a person and as a "friend". Someone he felt was at his level of persona, maintaining a cool posture and always holding a front against pressure.
His eyes narrowed at these thoughts of truth. There before him was the first problem. He still had admiration for the other man even after the incident that had angered him to a point of breaking down. He still liked L….Why? And why did the mere thought of it make him instantly relive that particular moment? His heart beating so intensely as he felt those odd emotions all over again.
A normal reaction would be to hate him…I did earlier. I did. I hated him…I don't know why but I had to. So why is it that I feel comfortable with him right now? We're alone, I should be scared but my only fear is that he'll start with his Kira crap again.
A shallow softening began to fill his deep eyes as he recalled easier times of blurry images. Memories he couldn't see clearly but remembered feelings of hate and distrust. Those foreign sensations towards his somewhat weird rival. How he hated him but suddenly began to grow a liking to him. To bloom a friendship that was still damaged by suspicion. Even then he felt feelings of…okay…just okay feelings of him.
But now something had permanently taken a twist on their binding tie. It had not been shattered or damaged but…molded to something different. He didn't feel angry or upset but with every blink at his opposite he felt strange. He couldn't see him the same way any longer.
Is it wrong to still be alright with him? And what about Misa…
His eyes widened as he came to a realization. His thoughts of the two juggling together before becoming blackened by his will. His mind shutting them off, seeing as he could not face them right now.
"Yagami-kun."
Another low gasp elapsed as he shifted weary eyes to the boy across from him. Black beams once again feeling like unreadable books that left curious audiences in limbo. Digging into one's soul and staying there as they analyzed.
"W-what is it?" He cleared his throat as to not show weakness.
"There have been rumors of secret meetings. I think it would be wise to…"
"Why?"
Both sets of eyes widened at the sudden out bursting question. L staying surprised that Light would interrupt him during a desperate time of consulting and Light shocking himself with his stubborn mind wanting answers so carelessly.
"Well if we intend to investigate them I suggest we discover what happens in those meetings…We could start by…"
His words of planning were no longer halted by interruptions, they were simply trailed off in Light's calculating mind. His shocked and stunned figure pulling to a strong front as he wondered back to the things he never wanted to face. Yes this was another fact that had been brought up many times in his own thoughts. He could not move forward because his questions would always set him back. Breaking in and finding the new Kira would never come to be so long as him and L kept a strange tension wall between them. Now the question was whether to break the barrier and start asking or not.
Low panting allowed itself freedom as he managed to act like L's plans were of immediate interest. Meanwhile his mind began a quick scan of some of his more unknown workings.
Misa.
She was his first dilemma, the one to cause all the aching confusion he suffered. Declarations of love, of how he felt, or even if he could feel that way. She was the cause but was not to blame for the escalation of all the odd occurrences. Still in his time of needing to know how he felt he had not once thought of her feelings or wants. All his attention had gone to L in an attempt to have an understanding. Slowly L had become his problem of love. He didn't…did he? No! He had to love Misa. She was his already, he simply had to let her know that he had fallen for her, right?
A frustrated growl echoed out as Light shot from his seating on the couch. Clinks and rattling falling to the floor as the chain hit the carpet. L's slouched figure staring curiously as he shot questioning glares.
"Why did you do that to me?"
Again a stare was shared between them as L stood in an advanced knowing that a fight may ensue. Both glancing with opposing looks as L put his finger to his mouth in concentration.
"I thought it was clear that I wanted to help you."
"Yeah? And how does that help?" He panted roughly.
"Misa-san is the only one to ever show you affection in love, correct? I thought if I showed you that there were other people out there that would do the same, you might discover you didn't love her." He smirked.
Further clinking shook as Light stepped back, almost touching the couch with his leg. His mind slowly taking in the answer as some stress seemed to be lifted.
"I must admit…" L looked with a bored glance to the ceiling.
Light began a questioning stare of his own. Eyes not meeting as the strange wall of tension began to rise into odd levels.
"Admit what?"
"Admitting that I didn't do it all for you. I mostly was testing to see if Kira could be swayed to kill by anger alone." He looked to the stunned boy.
"W-what?" His body shook as his mind became hazy.
Silence was given as a response as both awaited a reaction to the admission. One hoping for a statement linking his suspect to being a killer, and the other staying in an unknown corner of shock.
For L he could tell only himself that these motives were low but somewhat necessary. Sure he caught Light at a vulnerable time but hadn't Kira done the same when it had been clear that a selected few would be the only ones pressing this case? It was low and uncalled for under certain circumstances but he had his various reasons.
Light could only shake and struggle to comprehend this. Why was it so shocking that he would pull this? He would do anything to take Kira down but going against someone he saw as a friend was unheard of. Still Light as a suspect…No! He was a friend in need? No not that either.
A smacking sound echoed into the night as L's knee slammed his weight against the bulky table. His collar in a tightened hold as Light readied a solid punch. Their eyes forcing to look into the others with anger. Black holding a hint of depth, shallow madness, and yet a caring glint. His opposing side only holding hate but obvious struggles to understand.
I still don't hate him…I can act like it but I can't really…why?
"Yagami-kun?"
Eyes locked into the other's.
"Do you have your answer?"
He loosened his grip, "…Yes."
Light's hand soon released the captive shirt as he allowed a smile to come over his lips. His body letting large pieces of tension go as he began to accept his answer as a blessing. Yes, he knew what it was he wanted.
And as he fell back to the couch in bliss, his fellow investigator let bits of happiness slip by his mouth. No not happiness. A glad feeling that he had found his answer.
L only opened his mouth once more before shutting it. His eyes seeing how happy Light was without words and out of his own sense of sulking he frowned at the relieved teenager.
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A/N: I know you wanted more hotness, right? Well this was not the end! There's one more to go so you may see some more loving! It'll really suit the title but I hope you enjoyed this one. Please review!
