A Tale of Ravens
...
"In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. It's the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it's the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future."
― Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart
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Chapter Three: Before
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When Shin awoke the world around her was fuzzy and cold. There were people moving around her in a frantic haze, screaming at each other in all directions. She had no idea where was she was, and the mere unknowingly sent her body straight into attack mode. But when she tried to sit up her body was immediately pushed back down by one of the bodies in the room, and chakra cuffs began to form around her wrists as she struggled against them.
They were talking to her, but she couldn't hear them. No part of her body was functioning right; her eyes couldn't focus, her hearing was going in and out, and her muscles were so weak she could barely put up a fight against whoever it was holding her down. Why was this happening to her? And oh god, what was that burning pain in her stomach? Why was it so bright? Was she finally seeing the light? And would she be good enough for the Heavens when the life finally slipped from her? Would she be able to rest in peace?
She felt a prick in her arm, and the tears began to fall down her cheeks as her thoughts were cut off and the world went black once more.
...
Amaya Itoru had been on the couch when they showed up to her doorstep. Two shinobi dressed in the black and gray of the ANBU, waiting patiently with their hands tucked behind their backs. Their faces were covered by masks, their only notable attributes being their hair - one silver, slightly taller than the brunette next to him.
"Amaya Itoru?" the brunette asked.
"What..." the woman practically gasped, thoughts racing through her mind at uncontrollable speeds. "What's going on?"
"Please come with us," the silver haired ANBU continued.
"Not until you tell me whats going on! Is it Shin? What... where is my daughter!?"
"Itoru-san, we ask that you remain calm and follow us to the Hokage building."
"The... Hokage building?" Her eyes narrowed. The Hokage had not called on her since his agreement to start providing disability for her small family of two, and before then it had been years since he had even acknowledged her existence. She had taken in a controversial child she had agreed to raise and protect above all else, and it was only now he wanted to see her? Ever since Shin became a kunoichi of the village, all updates of her growth had ceased completely; if Sarutobi wanted to check on Shin, all he had to do was call her in for an exam, not to mention he was the one who personally delivered her missions. "What could he possibly need from me?"
"Miss, please don't make this difficult."
Amaya gritted her teeth, knowing well there was no way out of this.
"Let me grab my coat," she said, before turning her back towards them. She bit her lip, the anxiety in her heart making its way to her bones as she went towards her closet.
...
I was an outcast in the Village for as long as I can remember. I was a bastard child of a prestigious woman and a man unknown, shipped from another land to live under the care of a local orphanage. Kohana was supposed to be a sanctuary for so many, but only those whose lives fell into a certain standard. If you were different, you were trash, and the villagers made sure you knew it.
So I set out to prove them wrong. At seven years old I signed myself up for the Shinobi Academy, and by ten years old I had passed with flying colors while most of my peers were still learning how to hold a shuriken without slicing themselves. By thirteen, I passed the chuunin exams and while I still continued on with my team, I was now a leader instead of a subordinate.
Of course this didn't sit right with some - how could a thirteen year old lead other capable, older shinobi in missions? How could a thirteen year old with no suitable clan history, no special powers be able to become a chuunin? How could the Hokage let this pass? So many questions, so many accusations, and it got no better even as the war continued and I was promoted to jounin at only seventeen.
By the time the fighting had settled and I had returned home - after I had spent years of my life protecting a village that would not protect me, I was sick of it. I had given the Hokage my word; one final mission, and I was retiring.
And then I met your father, and everything changed.
...
"Good morning, Shinwari-chan."
Shin opened her eyes, and while the room was still bright and headache inducing she appreciated the numbness the rest of her body felt. She sat up, her red hair falling over her face, and she took note of the lack of chakra cuffs as she reached up to remove it from her vision.
"Shisui?" she asked, almost shocked at the boy who sat at the edge of her hospital bed. "Wheres Itachi?"
The boy sighed, running a hand through his short hair as the young girl's stomach twisted in knots. She had only met Itachi's cousin twice; once when she had returned from a mission and had gone to the river to relax, only to find Itachi sparring with the elder boy, and then the day of the chuunin exams when they had both escorted her to the arena. They had never said more than the occasional hello, and the coal eyed girl had a gut feeling that he did not appreciate her presence at all. So why was he there, instead of Itachi? Why was he sitting at the edge of her bed instead of the boy who was supposed to be her best, admittedly only friend?
"He's busy," Shisui responded. "He asked me to come check up on you."
Only half of it was a lie, but Shin accepted it as truth. Itachi was busy, he was always busy - could anyone expect anything else from the heir of a clan such as the Uchiha? But that did not mean the boy did not purposely make time for the girl in front of Shisui - the girl with the messy red hair, dark black eyes, and the palest skin the boy had ever seen. The girl whose face was twisted at angles that made her striking, yet so odd. The girl whose silence was enough for a prodigy to hold on to some sense of false hope that maybe something could be hidden under those small smiles and casual gestures.
Shisui sighed once more. Itachi hadn't asked him to check up on her, the Body Flicker had chosen to simply because he needed to see for himself - see the allure of a child that was messed up enough to be a pariah of a village of peace yet... strong enough to defeat the youngest Kui member in history to master something as powerful as the Ayastura. Strong enough to be one of of three candidates to pass the chuunin exams that year, when there were over forty participating.
A child born of a sick civilian mother, with no shinobi history, who was well on her way to becoming... well...
"Shisui?" her voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and he took note of how she only spoke in whispers. "I'm... okay now."
She was dismissing him, he knew that, but there was this aching feeling in his gut that he couldn't leave her yet. So they both carried on in silence until the nurses arrived to change out Shin's IVs and give her medicine that would have her back on her feet and out of the hospital when the end of the day came.
And when the time came and Shin changed out of the hospital gown and into her same dirty clothes she had arrived in, she felt something she had never experience before -
Disappointment.
And it hurt so bad that she couldn't help but resent Itachi for all he was.
...
It seems our worst fears are slowly coming to life, the Hokage had said as Amaya was hand delivered to his office.
Amaya was walking in circles around the village. It had been a week since the chuunin exams, and Shin had been knocked out for most of it. The kunoichi at the hospital had explained that they had put the eleven year old under a medically induced coma in order to keep her from lashing out during treatment. They had pulled the plug that morning and Shin had immediately woken up on her own, but Amaya just couldn't bring herself to visit her. The conversation with the Third was still ringing in her ears and she did not want the first words exchanged between herself and her daughter to be ones she would regret later.
Shinwari has inherited her fathers fire.
Amaya had begun to read Reikyo's journal again, hoping there would be answers in there that would help Amaya control her daughters newfound rage, but reading them just set the brunette waitress off even more. Instead of giving Shin something that could actually help her, she had written over fifty pages of some sad, sick, and twisted love story. Was being remembered for everything had done all Reikyo wanted? She would rather her daughter know who she was instead of helping her daughter through the pain she had caused by -
Amaya was cut off mid-thought as a blur of red caught her eye. All stress seemed to cease as she raced towards the young kunoichi, her arms wrapping around her.
"Shin," she whispered, kneeling down and burying her face into her daughters neck, ignoring the stares of the villagers who passed them. It didn't matter what they thought - what any of them thought, and it was at that moment Amaya realized that it didn't matter what Shin was, who her father was, and that Reikyo stopped mattering the minute she had died. All that mattered was that Shinwari Natasu was her daughter, and she was still alive.
"I'm so glad you're alright. I love you so much, Shin-chan," and we will get through this.
"Thank you, Kaa..." Shin whispered, pulling herself away from her mothers hold. "I'm so sorry for worrying you. Let's go home, okay?"
"Okay."
And they both believed everything would be.
...
"Hokage-sama."
Hiruzen looked up from the pile of paperwork on his desk and into the dark eyes of Reikyo's daughter.
"Shinwari, please, no need to be so stiff. I did not call you here to scold you."
Shin nodded, but she did not relax. It had been two days since she left the hospital and she had been denied entry of participating in missions with her team even though she was medically cleared. She had gone to the Hokage's office the day before requesting an audience, but was denied without reason.
But that morning she had been summoned, and she swore she had never gotten dressed than she had the moment the two ANBU showed up at her front door to escort her there. She didn't even question why she needed an escort, which in itself was odd since messenger birds were enough to communicate.
"I would like to personally congratulate you on passing the Chuunin exams, and hand you your official Chuunin vest."
Shin's eyes went wide and her fists unclenched, falling limp at her side in shock.
"Is there something wrong, Shinwari?"
"N-no Hokage-sama," she whispered. "I just... are you sure? Are you really sure I passed?"
Hiruzen lifted an eyebrow, a small smile creeping on his lips as he recounted his previous interactions with the young girl. She was quiet, practically a mute, never revealing any of her emotions in any situation. The first time he had truly seen her angry was during her fight against Shiro, and even then she was able to properly execute every attack without faltering even once - even attacks she had never used before, or even knew she was capable of.
The old man couldn't help but wonder if the girl even knew what she had done to beat Shiro, or if the memory of her flames was diluted in the mess of her black out.
He could only hope for the latter, but would not bring it up in order to avoid triggering any further events. He had spoken to Amaya after the chuunin exams to help her deal with what may come, but as long as Shin remained calm and focused as she was now, Hiruzen had no doubt the Natasu girl would be completely fine.
"Of course, Shinwari. I am not one to joke about things as important as this."
"But..." she stopped, trying to form words but her head was spinning with so many possibilities. "My team was dispatched the day I was medically cleared, and I was told I was unable to join them. I thought... I was being punished."
"For what?"
She sighed.
"I... I don't remember what happened at the exams, Hokage-sama. I remember it up until Shiro had been pinned to the ground, and the rest of it was a blur. I thought... I thought maybe I killed him."
The man would have laughed had it not been for how broken the girl looked, how sad her eyes were and how her hands were shaking at her sides. "I didn't, did I?" she asked and had Sarutobi Hiruzen not been a shinobi, he would have never heard her.
"Of course not," the man replied, letting out a sigh of relief. So she doesn't know... "And even if you had, it is an nonpunishable act due to the rules of the exam."
Shin nodded, a sense of relief flooding over her as she stepped forward and picked up the vest from his desk.
"You were barred from the mission because you are no longer apart of that team. Out of all of the candidates this year, only three passed... which means you are to be re-grouped into a team that meets your standards of expertise."
"Standard of..." her voice fell dull. "Oh."
"Congratulations, Shin-chan. You will meet your team tomorrow morning at the river."
