Chapter 3: Slytherin
As much as I love words, I cannot find one word to accurately describe my experience at Hogwarts, because I loved it more than any word I have ever read. It was more than I could have ever imagined, and it swept me away the moment I boarded the Hogwarts Express. I had known about it the majority of my life, as my mother was a witch, but she rarely talked about it. Once in while she would drop a clue, or make a reference, and Emmeline and I would hang onto it, and discuss what that could mean. For ages we talked about the forbidden forest, and made up grand adventures about its happenings. With only our handpicked sticks and pillowcase capes, we would go gallivanting around the yard, fighting off made up beasts, and collecting dazzling treasures. It was greatly disappointing to learn that witches did not wear capes, though robes were a nice enough alternative. And as it turned out, some of our made up beasts were not so very made up.
It was hard to say why my mother did not talk about her life at Hogwarts or her life as a witch in general. Once she married my muggle father, it was as though she buried that past life of hers, never to return. She would not even reveal which house she had been in, though I suspected Gryffindor. I could not forget the relief on her face as she read Emmeline's first letter home. She did not have any wizarding friends, and we never met any of the family on her side. That is to say if there even was any, because she did not talk about them either. If Emmeline or I ever broached the subject, she would become very quiet, and quickly change the subject. She refused to journey to Diagon Alley with us every year, and not once had she accompanied us to the train station. She did not even use magic at home, so a part of me thought I was only going to Hogwarts to control my magic. My mother had thrown her life as a witch away, and traded it in for the humble life of a muggle housewife.
That is why I might as well have been a muggle-born my first year at Hogwarts. Emmeline had gone the year before, but there was only so much gloating I could handle. Her head had inflated while she was away, and my confident overbearing sister had returned an arrogant wench. Every time she had started to tell me about something magnificent at Hogwarts, she would stop, and say "well you really wouldn't understand anyway." That summer our already fragile friendship faded, and we were left with awkward silences and avoidance tactics. It was almost a relief to be sorted into Ravenclaw because it was easier to stay away from Emmeline, and it was something she did not know about. The library was also a place Emmeline's knowledge seemed substantially lacking of. It was a place I felt mostly at home. For many, Hogwarts was their first home, and it welcomed with eager arms students who did not have such an easy home life. Hogwarts was not my first home, and it could not hold a candle to my first. My childhood had been packed with a kind of love that made you feel whole and warm. Home was loud laughter, biscuits in the oven, and the sound of Jo Stafford playing in the background.
Despite its quietness, the library was the closest to home I could get at Hogwarts. Perhaps it is because it was the most welcoming. The decor reminded me of my father's study, lined up with tables for me and Emmeline, with high bookshelves pushed against every wall. My father was an avid reader, a love he passed down to me, and engrained into my very soul. A book was a new adventurer, a new tool to use in life. Every time I opened a new book at Hogwarts, I saw my father's smile or heard his voice as he read to me. I admired my father above all else and took great strives to please him. If he had a library as vast and amazing as Hogwarts, he would surely devote his life to reading and absorbing every book available. So, that is where I spent a majority of my time at Hogwarts, including this particular Sunday afternoon.
It had been almost a week since I had been given the details of Barney's eviction, and I still had not found him a home, not even a temporary one. I had taken to the library to clear my head, and think again upon the situation. Unfortunately, it was quite crowded with students catching up on last-minute work. Luckily, no one had decided to join me as of yet, and I hoped to keep it that way. Michael Turpin sat at the table across from me, naturally. He would look up occasionally to see what I was reading, in hopes of being one step ahead of me at all times, but for the most part ignored me. Michael Turpin was another Ravenclaw in my year, and highly competitive. He was a loner as well, and in all, not a very nice person. He strongly disliked me because he saw me as a threat and was made all the more bitter because I was female. I could feel his scowl or his snicker every time a teacher praised me, or I received a high mark. I just kept my head down, glued to my book, in hopes that he'd soon forget about me. Barney sat in his tank next to me, happily enjoying his dinner.
Oh, and Regulus Black sat a few tables ahead to my right. I could not forget that, as much as I wished I could. I had not realized before how many classes we shared, but suddenly now, he was everywhere. Every time I sat down in my seat, I was conscious of how far away he was, or how close he was. I saw him in corridors, and knew where he sat in the great hall. I tried my best to not stare, but knew I was unsuccessful. He had caught me a few times, and had returned an icy stare, to which I swiftly looked away and blushed. I cannot say I was attracted to him, though I acknowledged his good looks. I was interested, but in what, I wasn't sure. It was a habit of mine to dissect everything I came across to understand how it ticked, to discover all its mysteries. It was part of the reason books and libraries never lost my interest.
I watched as he gathered up his books, and though it was a simple task, there was an aura of privilege to his method. I noticed it in everything he did. It was as if all these tasks were bellow him, and one day he would no longer have to lower himself to complete them. I don't know what made me place Barney's tank in my bag, and follow him, but I did. I waited until he was close to the exit before moving. I just wanted him to acknowledge my presence in some way, to confirm that what happened in that corridor was not a dream. I was convinced that he had to have felt that connection, that little pull on my heart to stay, to be around him. What other explanation could there be for my new-found fascination?
When I turned the corner, he was no longer in front of me, and there was a strange disappointment in my gut. I don't know what I wanted to happen, but it was certain that I wanted something to happen. Surprisingly, my wish was granted in the form of a pull on my waste and a hand over my mouth. It occurred too fast for me to conjure any resemblance of fear or panic, and I was strangely calm as I was pulled into a small alcove with ease. I did not struggle, and such a thought only came to me when I felt another body pressed up against my own. It was not long before I was staring into a pair of cool gray eyes. His hand was still over my mouth, while his other one laid next my head, with his elbow digging into my shoulder, our bodies molded to one another. I don't know why it was this moment that I was first attracted to him, but it was. I always thought it said something about my personality that I should want to be so disturbingly overpowered.
"Why are you following me?" It was a whisper, but it was as strong as a whisper could be. "Are you going to answer me?"
I tried to convey with my eyes, that even if I had a proper answer, his hand was still over my mouth. He seemed to understand as he removed it and placed it on the other side of my head, making it so there were two elbows digging into my shoulders. Upon his removal, I became attentive at how close his face was to mine, as I felt his hot breathe upon my lips. My breathing increased, and I could feel my breasts against his chest, heaving with every intake.
"Well?" he asked, his voice vibrating against my face.
"I don't know." He snickered.
"I thought you were a Ravenclaw."
"I-I am," I managed to answer.
"Do you know who I-I am?" he asked mocking me.
"Regulus Black." His name was so unnatural to my lips.
"Do you know anything about the Black family?" I knew plenty about the Black family. They were a pure blood family with a vast and rich history. You could not read a history book without coming across a Black, who almost always was in power. For some reason, however, I did not think of the fanatics or the many ministry officials. I thought of Andromeda Black, who had been a seventh year my first year at Hogwarts.
"I know about Andromeda," I said, and something dangerous flashed in his eyes. I felt him push further into me, making me gasp for breath.
"You know nothing about her," he spat, specks of his spit hitting me in my face.
"She was very nice."
"She's a blood-traitor," he responded viciously.
"You shouldn't say that about your family," I responded angrily. Andromeda Black had been a welcoming prefect in my first year, as she was always willing and eager to help. I often was lost, and she more than once had to escort me to class. My fondest memory of her was during my first week of Hogwarts, when I was terribly homesick. She had found me in the girl's bathroom, my crying competing with Myrtle's whining. She had comforted me with relatable words and chocolate frogs, and sent me on my way.
"You don't know anything about my family."
"I know Andromeda was one of the nicest people I've ever met. I can't imagine her doing anything to garner such hatred."
"How about marrying a filthy muggle-born." This was a bit of information I was not informed of, and understood his anger at my mention of her. He thought I was taunting him. He would soon learn that I was not that type of person, and the closest I had ever succeeded in taunting was by calling Emmeline a bully.
"There's nothing wrong with being muggle-born. It's the same magic." I still had morals, and my opposition to blood purity was one of them.
"It's an abomination," he yelled, as though it was a line he had rehearsed, or a decree he had heard many times.
I didn't know what to say. What was the point of all this? My father had taught me that there were terrible people in this world, and some not so terrible that could believe horrible things. You could not change some people's ways, he had been insistent upon this fact.
"I don't know what to say," I told him.
"You 'don't know' a lot of things do you?"
"Who did she marry?" I did not expect an answer, but I was curious. He hesitated in his response, as it dawned on him that I was not aware of Andromeda's indiscretion. Also, I think he found it a bit strange that I was trying to start a conversation in the middle of an interrogation.
"Tonks" My heart lit up at his name, and despite my desperate first year crush on him, I was delighted to hear that two such people had found one another.
"He's very nice," I said, and could not help the smile that formed on my face. Regulus frowned and narrowed his eyes.
"Is there anything you don't think that's nice? Are you a Hufflepuff?"
"Well, I don't think you're being very nice," I informed him, a defiant streak entering my body. It had taken some time, but I realized the ridiculousness of our situation. This boy had accosted me, dragged me to a secluded spot, only to be rude and mocking. I had a right to be angry, and though I felt no real anger, tried my best to muster some to put on display. "And there's nothing wrong with Hufflepuff. What's this obsession with houses?"
"Your house is everything; it tells you who you are." He said this with such certainty that I almost believed the lie.
"That's rubbish." He seemed surprised at my answer. "I'm a Ravenclaw, but if I want to be brave, or loyal, or even cunning, no one's going to stop me." He did not answer, and instead, I saw him scrutinizing me.
"What do you think of Slytherin then?"
"What do you mean? What they're like? That's pretty hard to say because they're different. I can assure you that Andromeda would have never put me in a situation like you have, but you're both Slytherin." His eyes glimmered, and I saw a slight tug on his upper lip.
"Really?"
"Of course not, I'm not really her type." I don't know why I said it, but I did. I hadn't quite meant to, and still today I am not entirely sure what I meant by it. I knew how it sounded though, and it brought about an entirely different point of view of our current placement. I felt a slight heat radiate from his face, but he kept his calm.
"And you're mine?" he asked quirking one eyebrow. I thought it an admirable talent.
"Obviously," I replied smiling, and though the topic was tense, the atmosphere was nearly playful.
"You never answered my question."
"About Slytherins?" He nodded his head slightly, his nose barely brushing my own. It was the most sensual thing I had ever felt. "I guess I could try to dissect one to give you an answer."
"Dissect? Like a toad?" His lips formed a full on smile, and despite his insult at Barney, my own followed his example.
"It's the only way to understand the anatomy of a Slytherin."
"You'll need a test subject."
"Are you volunteering?"
"Will you have to cut me open?"
"Perhaps, it may be the only way to know what's on the inside."
"Any predictions?"
"Slime's been a common theory, but I'm going to go out on a limb, and say a heart."
"No way," he responded, his lips making a comical "O." Before I knew what was happening, we were both laughing, our chests vibrating against one another, like a ping-pong table of breathes. It was surreal, and never could I have imagined that I would be pressed up against Regulus Black, trying to catch my breath from laughing too hard. He looked so much younger when he laughed, and though his rough exterior intrigued me, I wanted to see more of this lighter side. Every time I appeared close to stopping, I would catch his eye, and only erupt into more laughter. He was struggling with a similar problem.
"We have to stop," I told him.
"Yes," he choked out.
"It's not that funny."
"I know."
"Then stop."
"What are we laughing at again?" he asked. Our words were slightly muffled by laughter, but somehow we managed to communicate. Only after more attempts to calm down, had we been successful. Once the laughter died out, there was a slight awkwardness hanging in the atmosphere and it finally hit me how close we were. I could feel every part of his body on my own, and I was embarrassed to realize that it was not a one way street. He had to feel mine.
"You're not like what I thought," he told me, slightly dazzling me.
"You thought of me?" I asked curiously.
"You stare at me so often, it's hard not to."
"I don't," I mumbled, the embarrassment hitting me full force.
"Of course not," he responded rolling his eyes.
"How did you think I would be?"
"Boring," he said it immediately, without hesitation. Another boring Ravenclaw. That's what I had always thought of myself, so his assumptions made sense.
"How do you know I'm not? You've just met me."
"I know." I believed him. "Why did you stay?"
"When?" My face scrunched up in confusion as I searched his for an answer.
"In the corridor," he said hesitantly. "Why didn't you just leave?"
"I couldn't leave you alone. No one should be alone when they're upset." A soft tenderness formed in his eyes, and I wished he would always look at me in that way. My fingers involuntarily tensed against his chest, and I felt my palms begin to sweat.
"Even though I'm a Slytherin? And a Black?"
"What does that matter?" I questioned, confused at the real relevance of these truths.
"It always matters."
"Not to me." He smiled and went to respond, but a voice to our left caused us both to jump.
"What's this? Does icky Blacky have a gurrrlllfriend?" Peeves yelled in our ears. We both tried to escape the alcove at the same time, causing us to push one another. Eventually, we both fell out, and quickly looked for Peeves. He hovered over us, with a chaotic grin plastered on his face.
"Vixen Vance and batty Blacky are snogging! I've caught you now!" He cackled maniacally, and began to zoom down the corridor. His chants of "Blacky had his tongue down Vance's throat," "Vance lurrvvvees Black," and my personal favorite "Vance took off Black's pants!" travelled down the corridor to my revulsion.
"He can't tell other people those things!" Regulus yelled, bringing me back to reality. "We have to stop him."
"What are we supposed to do? It's Peeves. No one will believe him anyway."
"I don't even want anyone to think about the possibility of me snogging you." His words stung, more than they should have from a boy who I had only just recently conversed for the first time with. He was already well composed, and there was no trace of our recent encounter. "We have to find him."
"And do what? Beg him not to say anything? Peeves isn't exactly reasonable." He looked at me, scrunching his face up in thought.
"Distract him, make him forget about it."
"Why? It's not like we really were snogging," I said, only "snogging" came out more like a mumbled hiss. I was uncomfortable. I had never discussed snogging with anyone before, and I wasn't sure how to have such a conversation.
"I can't have anyone thinking that I was even talking to you," he responded, angrily, relocating his bag and throwing it over his shoulder. I wanted to punch him, and the feeling shocked me. I had never wanted to punch anyone besides Emmeline before. Violence was not in my nature, as I had always found talking it out, or just apologizing profusely worked better.
"What?" he asked at the look on my face.
I should have told him he was a tosser. I should have yelled all kind of profanities at him, slapped him across the face, and turned with a dramatic huff. Emmeline would have done that.
"Let's split up then," was all I said as I grabbed my bag and calmly walked away. I walked in a haze, releasing any concern I had for Peeves. Regulus Black could spend his entire afternoon searching for the poltergeist, but I had decided to no longer concern myself with the incident. That was until I saw a fuming Emmeline heading straight towards me.
How had I forgotten about Emmeline? I had just spent time up against Regulus Black, a Slytherin. I did not care about houses, or prejudices, but Emmeline most certainly did. She hated Slytherins, and their shared hatred was just about her only connection to many of her fellow Gryffindors. And even if he was not a Slytherin, he was Regulus Black. If there was one person Emmeline despised in all of Hogwarts, it was Sirius Black, and despite the obvious dislike between the brothers, the connection would only infuriate her. Emmeline had a tendency to think the world was out to get her, that everyone she knew met up and contemplated the best way to inflict torture on her. Even the suspicion that her sister was snogging Slytherin Regulus Black would send her into a rage with a cry of betrayal.
"CHARLOTTE!" My name had never been yelled louder or angrier, and I saw the students behind her cringe at the scratchy tone. Emmeline was wearing her quidditch robes, her face red and her hair wet with sweat, either from her anger or practice, I wasn't sure. Her quidditch team trailed behind, including a grinning James Potter and a gloomy Sirius Black. The brooding face surprised me because I didn't think Sirius would care who his brother was snogging.
"Have you seen Peeves?" she yelled although I was a meter away from her.
"No-no," I said, scared witless.
"Then you haven't heard his new song have you?" she asked, her eyes widening, and her lips scowling.
"It's a gem," James Potter interjected. "My favorite thus far. Who knew Peeves could be such a poet." There was laughter from the other four, but Emmeline quickly snuffed it with a look only she could carry out. Only James was brave enough to keep his grin intact.
"It's the worst thing I've ever heard. It made me want to gauge my eyes out and flay Black." I feared for Regulus Black's life in that insistence, though a selfish part of me was glad I wasn't included in her mutilation plans.
"Stop being a bloody drama queen Vance. It wasn't exactly the most pleasant image for me, but you don't see me running around like a mad man," Sirius exclaimed, clearly annoyed. Emmeline whirled on him.
"Shove off Black, no one asked you! You're a bloody slag, and now I have people thinking I've lowered myself to the likes of you." She had put her finger in his face, and made sure to add an exaggerated jab as she said "you."
"You wish darling," Sirius drawled with a smirk. "I don't want anyone to think about the possibility of me snogging you either." I was momentarily shocked at his words, words used not long ago by his brother against me. "It's not good for my reputation to have my standards so low." Had those been the unspoken words on the edge of Regulus Black's tongue?
Then all at once it hit me: "me snogging you."
"Vance took off Black's pants."
Emmeline's last name was Vance. Sirius' last name was Black. Emmeline wasn't furious because she thought I was seeing Regulus Black, she was furious because she thought Peeves was singing about her snogging Sirius. I was an idiot. I wanted to yelp and leap for joy, but I knew it was inappropriate. I settled for a tight smile. The rest of the Gryffindor team retreated away with sighs and rolled eyes, as if they knew something I didn't. Emmeline was shouting in Sirius' face by this point, and I will say, I somewhat admired his calm demeanor, and the challenging smile on his face.
"Don't mind them," James Potter said to me. "This is a common occurrence." Unsurprisingly, I didn't know what to say. I was not a conversationalist, and it struck me how odd it was that I had interacted with Regulus for so long.
When Emmeline shoved Sirius causing him to stumble backwards, I knew a line had been crossed.
"What the hell!" he yelled.
"What are you going to do about it Black?" she spat.
"That's unfair Vance, Hogwarts has you classified as a girl, so you know I won't hit you."
"Oh come off it, chivalry is dead. I could take you." I did not doubt it. Sirius was obviously taller and stronger, but Emmeline was ferocious and had a very high pain tolerance. Emmeline would rather die than admit defeat. Sirius took a step towards her, and even James' carefree smile had dropped from his face. Before he could intervene, I spoke up.
"Emmeline, are the Owls really as hard as they say?" She spun on me in confusion.
"What?"
"The Owls. I'm really nervous with it being my fifth year and all. What if I muck them up?"
"You've got be kidding me Charlotte!" Emmeline shouted in outrage. I was very thankful that Emmeline had a one track mind. "You of all people are worried about your Owls? Not perfect enough, are we?"
"But what if I do Emmeline? It can happen." Emmeline snorted.
"When pigs fly."
"But that's the thing Emmeline, they can if we want them to." She looked momentarily stunned by this assessment.
"Why do I even bother with you? You're nothing but a freak." She huffed before gallivanting away, her fists scrunched up at her sides. I suspected she was off to find her best mate, Benjy Fenwick, for several hours of complaining.
"That was impressive," James said to me, alerting me to the fact that I was alone with him and Sirius.
"I have loads of experience," I said quietly. Sirius had a funny look on his face as he examined me, his dark curls slightly covering his eyes. I tried not to compare how much he looked like Regulus.
"Sorry to hear that," James said. "Charlotte, is it?" He put his hand out for me to shake, and I shyly took it as I nodded. "James Potter, Gryffindor quidditch captain and famous Marauder." "Marauder" referred to the name he and his band of friends called themselves. I though it over the top. "And this is Sirius Black, though I'm sure you know all about us." The arrogance astounded me.
Sirius cocked an eyebrow and seductively smirked. Before I knew it, he had taken my hand and lowered his lips to place a chaste but alluring kiss on my knuckles.
"M'lady," he spoke, his smarmy personality showing through. Despite my slight disgust, a heat rose to my cheeks, and I nervously began to play with the hem of my skirt.
"How's the toad?" James asked, and he could not know how thankful I was for that topic change. I could talk about Barney forever.
"Alright, though I haven't found him a new home."
"Why's he been ousted again?" James asked curiously.
"He's been bothering the girls in my dorm."
"What could a toad possibly do? Sure, he's not pleasant to look at, but there's not much to them, is there?" I wished people could be more understanding of Barney. "Peter's dreadful cat has been pissing all over the dorm for years but even he has kept his home."
"Well he sits on their chests while they're asleep, and on their stuff. And Barney has a tendency to begin a croak, but never quite finish." I felt foolish explaining this to them.
"Why on their chests specifically?" Sirius Black asked, intervening.
"He's a breast man," and it was out my mouth before I knew it. Immediately James and Sirius broke out into loud laughter.
"A kindred spirit!" Sirius proclaimed.
"I thought he'd be a leg man," James said, adding another corny toad joke to his list. "Well if you can't find anywhere, look for us. I'm sure we can work something out. Sirius doesn't have any pets."
"Too much trouble, I say." There was no possible way in a trillion years that I would ever consider letting Sirius take care of Barney. "But there's something intriguing about a toad with a tit fetish."
"I'll keep that in mind," I told them. "Well, I better be off. Work to do," I motioned towards my bag.
"Care to join me for a quick snog first?" Sirius asked me, and I was so surprised at his question that it took several seconds for it to process. He had to be joking. "There's an empty classroom just down the hall."
"You're joking," I asserted. He tilted his head as though he was taking in all of my features.
"Well you're a little plain, but I've snogged worse. Kathleen Davies for one." I couldn't believe what he had said, and I even saw James cringe at his words.
"Mate, no need to be so brutal," James interjected.
"I'm not James, I thought it a compliment. It's obvious she has low self-esteem. I only said she was a 'little plain.' What's the problem?" His words bounced around in my head, as I tried to understand them. He thought I had low self-esteem, a thought that had never crossed my mind.
Should I have low self-esteem? Was I that hideous?
For the second time that day, I found myself wanting to punch a Black in the face, but restrained myself. Instead, I straightened my shoulders, and with all the self-respect I had left, nodded my head with a "Good day gentleman," and continued on my way.
As if my luck couldn't get any worse, I ran into Regulus for the second time that day. He was standing against a wall near the Ravenclaw common room, hands in his pocket, with one leg bent so that his foot was against the wall. He pushed off when he saw me.
"Did you find him?" he asked anxiously.
"No."
"Did you even look?" he asked with a scowl. I decided to put him out of his misery.
"No need. Everyone thinks he's talking about my sister and your brother. She's furious." He visibly sighed with relief.
"Thank Merlin," he said rubbing the side of his face.
"Was it really that big of a tragedy?" I snapped. "Am I that ugly?" He looked startled.
"What? No-"
"You and your brother have a lot of nerve!" His eyes went dark.
"What does my brother have to do with this?" I was too embarrassed to tell him about his brother's proposition.
"Just forget it," I told him heading for the common room.
"Vance, wait!" he yelled and I whirled around to face him, not realizing how close he was to me. "What's your name?" I stared, confused. "Your first name, I mean."
He didn't know my first name. I wanted to cry, but then I wanted to scream at my stupidity for crying over this boy.
"Charlotte."
"Charlotte," he said softly, and I loved the way it sounded on his tongue, and the way his lips molded to form the name. My name. "It's pretty."
"Don't get used to it, you'll never use it again," I informed him roughly. "It's Vance to you."
I left him there, not waiting for a response.
