Chapter Three: The Unhealthy Batman Obsession
Sheldon felt like he was in trouble when Howard discovered Kate's picture. Why did he feel like he'd been hiding—oh, right, in a way, he had hid Kate and his friendship from the group. Leonard was the first to ask why.
"My reasons are not exactly mysterious," Sheldon pointed out, sitting at his spot on the cushion on the far left. "When Amy and I were discovered, I had to endure the ridicule of Howard's unflattering mind, and Penny's high-pitched unnecessary garble about synchronized names of 'Shamy'."
Howard sat in Sheldon's chair, still. His eyes hardly had left the screen.
"Why hide her, though?" asked Leonard, occupying his chair. "You're obviously still bent about Amy dating Stuart."
"I'm not 'bent', as you've erroneously assumed. I'm not even remotely jealous." Sheldon stated.
"And why would you be?" Howard pointed out. He looked at the picture with a hint of interest. "She's a knock-out."
"I hardly doubt so; she's not unconscious." Sheldon stated.
"No, no—not 'knocked out'; she's a knock-out."
"Exactly," said Sheldon.
Raj and Howard exchanged 'what the hell' facial expressions but Leonard was over the mix-up. Instead, he was smiling broadly.
"So what's her name?"
Howard answered instead of Sheldon; he was reading her profile.
"She's a trauma surgeon at Pasadena General Hospital." Howard said. "She's Dr. Kate Burns, has a surgeon's residency over thirteen years."
"Wow," Leonard said, smiling. "She sounds nice."
"Nice is how you describe your job, Leonard. In this case, she is delightful." said Sheldon monotonously. He still looked irritated that Leonard had breached the Roommate Agreement, even more irate that he hadn't even noticed, but the fact that the three had invaded his privacy was even more irritating, surprisingly.
"So what do you all talk about?" asked Raj. "Can't be anything like you and Amy talk about, if you call that 'talk'."
"You know what I find amusing is that you three believe I am obsessed with the Amy and Stuart partnership but I hardly voice my opinions, instead, it is you three that constantly refer to them," Sheldon stated coolly. "Odd, is it not?"
"Odd it is," Howard replied, "but I know I'm not the only one that knows you automatically assumed us to be talking about Amy."
Sheldon gave him a sharp look but he was caught in the act.
"I'll quote what most teens are saying now and days when they come to a situation they choose not to discuss nor to address: 'Whatever'." Sheldon said. He stood to his feet and walked into the kitchen to get himself a bottle of water.
"So how long have you two been talking?" Leonard asked. Frankly, it was not his business but Leonard's curiosity made Sheldon wish to divulge further.
"A month," Sheldon said, "or to be exact, a month and two days, twenty-three hours, 32 minutes and five seconds, and counting."
Howard rolled his eyes at Sheldon's particular behavior.
"What makes her want to talk to you?" asked Howard.
"Why wouldn't anyone want to talk to me?" Sheldon inquired, clearly befuddled. He joined Leonard on the couch, sitting, as usual, in his spot.
"You're obnoxious," Raj stated.
"And yet, here you all are inquiring my business," Sheldon replied coolly.
"Forget what I said—what do you all talk about?" asked Howard.
"First off, I cannot simply forget what you said. I have, as I've told you all several times before and will probably repeat myself several times in the future, an eidetic memory. Second, I'll gladly answer your first question, which I'll say to it is that Kate believes I have a brilliant mind, and who can argue with that?" Sheldon said, earing rolled eyes from Leonard and Howard. "And lastly, what is included in our conversations are strictly private but since I'm presuming you're inquiring general day-to-day conversation, our most recent topic is Batman."
Leonard was in mid-drink of a soda before he heard the last bit and spit out all the contents in his mouth, to Sheldon's aversion.
"What?" Leonard coughed.
"If I repeat myself," Sheldon replied, "are you going to evacuate your saliva on the table again?"
"No," Leonard said, suddenly embarrassed.
"Batman," repeated Sheldon.
"She likes Batman?" asked Leonard.
"On a contrary, I think she's slightly obsessed with our favorite caped crusader. She's lately brought to attention and interesting inquiry. She's asked me if I was Batman if I'd like Robin, Batgirl or Harley Quinn as my side-kick."
"I'd get Batgirl," Howard said in a sultry tone.
Sheldon stared at him but went on.
"What about you, Raj?" asked Howard.
"I'd take Robin," replied Raj.
"Why Robin?"
"He makes funny puns as he fights," Raj said with a light giggle.
"I'd take Harley Quinn," Leonard stated.
Sheldon looked at him.
"It's amusing how you say that," he said. "Kate brought up something similar."
"How's that?"
"She's explained to me, although such explanation was unnecessary, that if Batman were to take Harley Quinn as his main apprentice then Gotham could single-handedly rule itself, as Harley would be a double agent. Granted, her theory was sublime, but also wrong. Harley Quinn is insane and most likely to board with the Joker rather than succumb to a good-doer like Batman. Such a world does not exist, alas." Sheldon said, looking a bit dazed.
"That's what you all talk about?" asked Howard. "Batman and the Joker's arch-rivarly and whether or not Harley would be with Batman?"
"That's not all we talk about," said Sheldon. "It's the most recent conversation, which, thanks to you, was so rudely ended on behalf."
"You didn't have to stop the conversation," retorted Howard.
Sheldon looked ready to respond until he heard a text message ringtone—ding dong. He pulled out his cell phone and saw that Kate inquired his sudden leave from Facebook. He responded that his friends had come into the apartment and he had to suffer their questions.
We were discovered, huh?
Most unfortunately, yes.
Practically puts down my anonymity on Facebook, doesn't it? What r they saying?
Does it disturb you to know what they're saying?
Not really. But seeing they r ur friends, I figured I might as well try 2 b interested in them.
Why would you want to be interested in my friends? I'm not your boyfriend and you're certainly not my girlfriend.
Not unless u want 2 change that but I'll keep that entirely up 2 u.
Sheldon was affronted. He hadn't been told she wanted to be with him in that circumstance but it was baffling, her response.
"What's with the face?" said Leonard.
"They're texting," said Howard, laughing. "He doesn't know what she's saying in real life."
"Real life is referred to as 'reality', Howard. Escape the lamence terms from third grade," Sheldon scolded, "and bring yourself to the adult table."
"What's with the tone?" asked Howard.
"Look," said Sheldon. He handed Howard his phone and he read over the messages.
"Wow," said Howard, looking at the phone as though it had grown two legs and sprouted arms.
"What?" asked Leonard and Raj.
"It's the second girl that wants to be with him," said Howard. He looked at Sheldon incredulously. "You just draw them in, don't you? It's so bizarre."
"It's not bizarre," Sheldon said. "It's…"
"Don't say 'fascinating'," said Leonard quickly.
"It's not just fascinating," said Sheldon. "It's interesting."
Leonard gave Sheldon a 'what the hell' look but he ignored it. Sheldon was in awe of Kate's reply. She wasn't enforcing it, but it was clear she didn't mind being his girlfriend. Granted, he had gone that extra effort with Amy because Amy had made a front with her mother. Sheldon doubted Kate's inference was the same.
"What should I tell her?" asked Sheldon, slight panic was rising within him.
"Just be aloof, dude," said Raj. "She'll probably go along with it. Just as long as you don't say 'okay' or 'yes', I think you'll be fine."
"You think?" Sheldon emphasized. "I need more of a commitment to a piece of advise before I take it, Raj."
"Well," said Howard. "I'll put it to you this way. Until you and this chick get together, Kate will be on the market. And as far as I'm concerned, she's ripe for the picking."
"Howard, you're married to Bernedette," said Leonard. "You can't even flirt with her."
"I'm not saying me, per se." Howard stated quickly. "Just pointing out that guys definitely will go for her; she's a beaut."
"Howard, she's a woman," said Leonard. "Not some car."
"Car or not," Sheldon said, "I'm not planning on her being my girlfriend."
"No one plans on anything," Raj said. " But you imagine that Kate's got some liking to you; that in itself has to be extraordinary."
"Everyone likes me," said Sheldon. "It's because they're too stupid to realize they like me that gets in the way of my acquaintance with people on this morbid place we call 'Earth'."
"And you wonder why people aren't your friends?" asked Howard pointedly.
Sheldon rolled his eyes, shook his head. He took his phone back from Howard and went to his room. It was past ten o'clock, past nine for his bedtime and he needed to get out of the room before their conversation became way too out of hand.
Still, as he dressed for bed and laid down, he was thinking of Kate. Why did he feel the compulsion to claim Kate for his own when he knew the relationship would only progress to a comfort zone he could no longer uphold? The cuddling was none too appealing. The having to do with the girl's problems was not his cup of tea, nor his Mountain Dew. He'd keep things the same and wouldn't have to deal with any of it. There, he could do that.
