Chapter Three: Apprentice Days (Bluestar)

Bluestar and Snowfur were used to this strange life of theirs by now.

They were siblings once more, though their parents were far nicer this time. Moonflower was called Shimmerlight here. Bluestar was called Robinpaw while Snowfur went by Frostpaw. It was a bit disconcerting to all three of them, especially since they already knew called who had been called Robinpaw and Frostpaw in their past lives.

The funniest part was when Whitepaw came along.

He was the only kit of their parents' third litter, and perhaps a final sign that Violetclaw and Poolcloud ought to retire to the elder's den. They had spaced out their litters, not seeing any reason to rush, and this last one was rather difficult on poor Violetclaw.

Whitepaw had a dusting of grey around the edges that he didn't have before. It made him look more like Thistleclaw in all the ways that hurt, and Frostpaw was determined to leave that part of her life behind. But she couldn't. Not when her son was batting at her paws and looking up at her with only love in his eyes. Frostpaw would spoil her little brother rotten if that's what it took to get over these feelings.

StarClan definitely had a sense of humor when it came to names. Whitepaw went by Goosepaw now. Shimmerlight howled with laughter when she heard that she, once again, had a brother called Goosepaw.

"Make sure this one doesn't get to be too special." Her friend Goldenheart snickered darkly.

"Shut up, Sunfall! You're not funny!" Shimmerlight scowled playfully.

"Oh, I'm hilarious!" He protested. "But I'm also not joking. At all. That kit better be the most normal of us all."

"He will be." Frostpaw insisted. "If I have to die twice, that tom will know we love him."


Flashback: Sunstar and Moonflower

She doesn't know when it hits her, but it does. She turns to the cat she'd been sharing a den with for the past few moons and whispered his name.

"Sunfall…" She breathed, not wanting to shatter the peace but needing to know all the same.

"I haven't heard that name in many moons," The golden tom murmured. "and I was starting to think that I would never hear it again."

"I thought you were avoiding me," Shimmerpaw admitted. "in StarClan. I thought I'd never see you again."

"Why would you go looking for me?"

"Why would I-? Why wouldn't I? You were more of a father to Bluestar and Snowfur than Stormtail ever was. At the very least, I owe you for that!"

"You owe me nothing, Moonflower; I was Bluestar's mentor. Besides, she and Snowfur could never be separated."

"Not even when it mattered most…" Shimmerpaw murmured. "Sunfall, I… I didn't know how you felt about me. I didn't know how obvious Stormtail was being until it was too late. I should have seen it." Shimmerpaw scowled, letting her head flop roughly onto her paws.

Goldenpaw snorted.

"Not when the Clan was actively trying to keep you from being hurt." He admitted. "You deserved to be happy, even if your mate was a mouse-brain."

"I didn't learn this until I reached StarClan, but… he tried to kill Goosefeather."

"He what?!" Goldenpaw snarled, flexing unsheathed claws.

"It was in our early years. Goosefeather had just been appointed a full medicine cat after not even two moons of training, the poor guy. I just… I was so blind because I never thought anyone would look at me like Stormtail did. And by the time I figured you out I was already dead and… StarClan's kits, this is exhausting."

"You've had an exhausting day," Goldenpaw noted. "we should be sleeping by now anyway. I'm sure one of us has dawn patrol."

"Right. I wonder when Bluekit and Snowkit will become apprentices." She yawned.

"Hopefully soon. I'm sick of being the only one to gather moss." Goldenpaw grumbled before rolling over.


Robinpaw took a liking to Goldenheart. The blue-tipped she-cat could be seen at the young warrior's side more than her own, asking questions or telling him about her day. Talking about everyone she'd met in camp. What Frostpaw and Shimmerlight were up to, what color Goosekit's eyes were now that he opened them. He looked good with blue eyes, but she hoped they turned yellow. She imagined he'd look nicer that way.

"We can't control the will of StarClan, Robinpaw." Goldenheart had chuckled fondly when she proclaimed that Goosekit had to have yellow eyes. It was only right! "And woe unto any cat who dares to try." He warned. "He's your brother and you love him anyway, right?"

"Of course!" Robinpaw spat, astonished that he'd ask.

"Then that's what matters." Goldenheart insisted. "He could have green eyes, like Shimmerlight. Actually, a lot of cats of your line have green eyes."

"I guess so." Robinpaw grumbled.

"Hey," Her sister's friend stopped her with a fluffy tail, urging her to look at him. "I'm proud of you."

Robinpaw dipped her head solemnly, eyes bright as her tail lashed back and forth.

"I'll be the cat you always thought you saw." She vowed.

Robinpaw's mentor was a senior warrior named Rainstripe. She was dark grey with light orange eyes and Robinpaw was painfully reminded of her former medicine cat, Yellowfang.

"Do you need another mentor?" Rainstripe prompted one day when she completely missed the mouse that was practically driven into her paws. "You seem to like Goldenheart a lot. I could see if he wouldn't mind training you."

"Why?" Robinpaw wondered. "I get that I'm a lousy hunter, but I can get better-!"

"What-? Oh, I thought you didn't like me. It seems like everytime we need to do something, you're padding after Goldenheart. Do you like him?"

"Of course I like him, he's a great cat." Robinpaw muttered, confused. Rainstripe's expression turned to one of sympathy.

"Have you talked to your sister about this?"

"Shimmerlight knows that I hang around Goldenheart. I... well, I guess I can tell you this. I'm honestly waiting for him to get sick of me."

"Why would he do that?" Rainstripe wondered.

"I don't know." Robinpaw offered quietly. "I guess it just feels like I'm not good enough for the cats I'm surrounded by. They all believe in me, but I'm... I don't know. It doesn't matter. I'll find another mouse."

"Robinpaw," Rainstripe murmured, sadness warring with confusion. "Where did this come from?"


"So, you were having trouble today." Goldenheart loomed over her like a cloud, effectively blocking the sunlight she was dozing in.

"I caught another two mice to make up for the one I missed." Robinpaw grumbled. "Rainstripe doesn't need to tell you everything."

"I'm not the one she told." Goldenheart corrected. "But I was there when she approached Violetclaw, Poolcloud, and Shimmerlight. So you might want to expect this talk more than once."

"Stars above-." Robinpaw groaned, rolling onto her back. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"C'mon, kit, you know you can talk to me."

"Not a kit." Robinpaw grumbled, allowing Goldenheart to poke at fluffy chest fur. "I just... I did some thinking today. About... Before. And I... I don't know if I can do this a second time, Sunstar." Robinpaw admitted. "Don't say anything yet."

"I don't know if I can do this a second time. I'm surrounded by cats I love, I have a brilliant mentor, everything's going great... but I'll lose it. Someway, somehow. There's no point to this second chance."

"Where is this coming from?" Goldenheart demanded sharply.

"Actually, that just occurred to me. What I was thinking about earlier is that I messed up... a lot. There's no way around that. I was born, I slept a lot, I opened my eyes, I walked around, Stormtail wanted nothing to do with us, Moonflower tried... she really did. But then she died in the WindClan attack. That should have been my motivation, right? I should have been a warrior worth her praise in StarClan. But I wasn't. I was completely average. I didn't do anything another cat couldn't do and the only reason I even became a warrior, let alone leader, is because it was given to me. Forced, almost. I was a walking disaster of a cat. You took pity on me and Goosefeather... Goosefeather probably saw one of his prophecies and thought I was destined to be the next leader but it really could have been any other cat."

"Like Thistleclaw?" Goldenheart sneered.

"Like Rosetail!" Robinpaw snapped, lunging to her paws. "Like Dappletail or Stormtail or Stonepelt or Sparrowfur. There were so many cats you could have chosen besides me and Thistleclaw. I kept making moused-brained mistakes and fox-hearted decisions and then when it finally caught up to me I couldn't handle it. And then I died not handling it. What good is a second chance when I haven't changed a bit?!"

"Well, to start with, Frostpaw snorted from above where Robinpaw lounged. "You're just as dramatic as usual but that was the insight StarClan chose you for. Cats don't just become leaders, Bluestar. Sunstar wouldn't have picked you if he didn't think you were up for it, whether you'd kept your kits or not."

"And you best believe I will regret that for the rest of my days." Robinpaw muttered bitterly. "What's your point?"

"I know what my point is." Goldenheart snapped, thwapping Robinpaw aside the head. "You haven't lost anyone yet. We're all still here and StarClan willing, we're here to stay. Now, you can rest your chin on your paws or you can get up and be the cat I thought I was proud of. It's your choice, Robinpaw, but there is one to be made."