Sorry about how long it took me to get this chapter uploaded! I just keep on getting inspiration then losing it again :c
Usual disclaimers apply.
I woke up the next morning with the overwhelming sense of loss. I knew it was because I no longer had Dimitri's arms wrapped around me, caressing my cheeks, lips, shoulders. He was right to leave, but that doesn't mean I wasn't happy that he had done so. I was surprised that he had managed to untangle us so that he could leave without waking me up, but if I had to be frank, I was a very heavy sleeper and not much could wake me up. Not exactly a redeeming quality for a future guardian who should be on guard at all times. I refused to worry about that yet. That's one of the problems that I would be able to deal with in the future, when I'd succeeded in actually getting that far. Although I was determined to become Lissa's guardian, with my history, temper and luck, anything could happen between now and graduation.
With a resounding sigh, I pulled myself up so, so that I was sitting upright in bed. I was aware that my hair was standing up on end, but I didn't have enough time to shower, judging by the time on the clock, and the amount of time it took me to get ready if I had a shower in the morning. My eyes drifted to my desk, where a folded piece of paper was lying, with my name written in elegant script across the top. I was 99.9% positive that wasn't there when Dimitri and I had retired to bed the previous night, and I was just as sure that it was Dimitri's handwriting across the top. I got out of bed, not bothering to make the bed. I never do; what's the point if you're just going to mess it up the next night?
Dear Rose,
Good morning. Training has been cancelled this morning; I think we did enough exercise last night. Remember to have a shower (I know what your hair looks like after we've made love), and I'll see you later.
Dimitri
PS – Shred this note, or hide it. We don't need any more attention drawing to us than is necessary.
I smiled to myself. He knew me so well, and I loved his subtle sense of humour. His writing was so much more formal than my own, and his script so much neater. He was the salt to my pepper, the peanut to my jelly. I loved him with all my heart. The thought scared me, however. The feelings I felt towards him felt right, absolutely, noquestionaboutit right, but I was terrified at the intensity of them. I read all of the typical teenage books where the protagonist falls head-over-heels in love for this hunky guy (at least, Liss read those books, and unfortunately, I had to suffer right alongside her), and I was always so sceptical of them. I was turning into those girls, and although I wouldn't trade Dimitri for the world, I was scared that I was turning into one of the girls I so passionately hated before.
No. I wasn't becoming one of those girls. If I was, Lissa surely would have picked up on it. She was so attentive, especially towards me, and she picked up the smallest mood change I made, like she was bonded to me. But recently she hadn't been like that. Christian was a bad influence on her. I loved him, sure I did, but Lissa had changed. Some of the changes were for the better, like she had more confidence that she didn't have before, but she's turned into one of those girls who were obsessed with their boyfriend. We hadn't had a proper conversation together for weeks. There were things I so sorely needed to tell her, about Adrian, Dimitri, Mason, but I could never get her alone. It's not that I wasn't happy with Christian knowing, but I wasn't comfortable to spill my guts out to him.
I resolved to chat to her today, and tell her everything that had happened. She meant no harm, I knew that, but I knew she'd be annoyed that I didn't tell her about Dimitri in the first place. I sent her a quick text, asking her to meet me at breakfast in an hour, and then spend the day with me. It was Saturday, which meant that we didn't have school, and we had the whole day. That was, if she didn't already have plans. I rarely asked for things from her, so I hoped she would allow me this one day. Suddenly, everything that I had been holding in was desperate to be released, and I exhaled in relief when I got a reply from Lissa telling me that she would meet me there, and that she'd cleared her day.
I hopped into the shower, and the hour passed relatively quickly. I raced down the stairs to meet Lissa, who was wearing jeans and a pink shirt. We didn't talk much as we grabbed an apple and yoghurt before heading towards a bench outside, except to exchange a few pleasantries about each other's appearances. Lissa, being Lissa, didn't question why I'd asked her to spend the day with her, but I knew through the bond that she was really curious. I didn't detect any hints of annoyance that she'd had to cancel her day, however, so that reassured me, although she had grown better at blocking me through the bond, just like I had with her.
After we'd eaten, she rested one hand upon my shoulder gently. "Rose… what's wrong? Something has been eating at you for days, I can tell, and it's killing me inside," she said, her concerned eyes boring into mine, and before I could stop myself, everything came tumbling out. All about how I missed Mason, and cried almost every night. All about how Adrian kissed me, and my mixed feelings about him. All about becoming a guardian, and how I concerned so much for her well-being. And finally, and most importantly, all about Dimitri, and how I felt about him. What we'd done, how much I loved him, how long it had been going on for… all of it.
I must admit, Liss was an
exceptional listener. She didn't make so much as a murmur as I sobbed my heart out to her. This was a good thing. If I got interrupted, I would have reconsidered about how telling her all of this would be a bad thing. I would have thought about asking Dimitri about our relationship before actually doing it. I would have thought about how there were just some things Lissa never needed to know. But she didn't stop me, and so I never ceased talking, and once I had finished, although my makeup was streaked, and my voice was hoarse, the weight that had been pressing down on my shoulders had lifted. I had a free spirit… at least until I saw my best friend's face.
Whilst I had been speaking, I had blocked out her emotions. I didn't need the distraction, and I was honestly scared that she would be repulsed by some of the things that I told her. I watched her take a deep breath, and watched different emotions flicker across her face at hyper speed. Finally, she tried to make her face blank, like Dimitri's guardian mask, but it didn't really have the same effect, and she just looked like a girl who was trying desperately hard not to break down into tears. She just sat there for a few minutes, taking it all in, and trying to process it in her mind. I tried not to intrude, I honestly did. She didn't like it when I went poking around in her head, and I only did it when I was concerned about her, or when I was dragged under without consent. However, that had been happening less and less frequently recently, a fact that I was very happy with indeed.
"I'm happy for you, I truly am. I know that you've found it hard the past few months, what with Mason… passing away, and be being so preoccupied with Christian. Mason was your best friend, and I couldn't even begin to conceive how I would feel if Adrian or someone passed on, especially if I witnessed it. I love you Rose, you're my sister, and I don't want to see you upset. I'm so thrilled that you're happy with Dimitri. Really. I'm just a bit upset that you didn't tell me earlier. I would have kept it a secret… I would have told you," she said gently, although her voice had risen a bit towards the end of her speech. I expected it. It was the sort of thing I would have said to her if our roles were reversed.
"I'm sorry, Lissa. I just… I could never find the right time to tell you. You were always busy with Christian, or practicing Spirit with Adrian. We haven't had any time together for weeks, and I didn't want to just tell you in a rushed way. I wanted to do what we're doing now; have an actually conversation, just the two of us. I'm not even sure if I was meant to tell you now. I'm so scared of someone overhearing Dimitri and I, or seeing us do something that OBVIOUSLY isn't a mentor-student appropriate action. But I can't just… stop seeing him. That would be like you and Christian splitting up, even though you still both loved each other. It makes no sense," I warbled on, more tears springing to my eyes. God, what was going on with me today?! Maybe it was my hormones – my period was due in about two days or so.
Lissa had no reply to my last comment, and so she just leaned forward and hugged me, firmly but gently. It was the Lissa hug I had always remembered, the hug she had always given me when I was sick or upset. It put a faint smile on my face, remembering all the times in the past that she had given me one of these hugs. It wasn't often. Usually it was me giving the hugs to her when she was upset. But that made her hugs all the more special, because they were rare, and well deserved. But no matter how convincing her thoughts were, her words were, her actions were, I still couldn't ignore that niggling feeling Lissa was radiating. It was the feeling of doubt, and horror, and it worried me.
