Wahnsinn des Herzens

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Disclaimer: I do not own.

Fore Note: Shoutouts to Winx Fairy/Phoebe Rerun, Stills and Photographs, Remy9Clover and Fairie-of-Darkness!

Creepy? Yes. Intentional? Yes. Obssessive? Yes. True love? Maybe...


I woke up feeling really odd the next day and for next few days after that after I realised that I was really a fugitive princess. Not that it mattered anymore but I was sure that people would be looking for me. Looking to kill me anyways.

I should probably explain the predicament of 'on my way to the noose' since time is not really of the importance to me anymore. Only my Master's time mattered to me. His happiness above all but I guess I'm straying. I'm sorry.

I probably should introduce who I am, too, since you're probably wondering who is this raving lunatic, no? I hope that you don't think I'm a raving lunatic or at all but anyways… I want to avoid being dramatic, actually which is turning out to be quite a challenge. I don't want to say "I am…" with a dramatic pause following it—Merciful Dragon, I really am getting nowhere with this! I'm so sorry! I'm just so confused and my thoughts are scattered everywhere.

There are moments when I don't know where my thoughts are going or whether they are even my thoughts! Sometimes they are just beyond my grasp! I see them in front of me and when I rush to grab them, the slip through my hands like sand and it's so frustrating! One moment I'm remembering something as clear as day and the next it's gone and I'm left wondering what was it I was thinking. I want to rip my hair out so many times or to cry sometimes because it's so damn frustrating. There are even moments when I want to hit my head against a good solid wall to force myself to remember.

It's only been a couple of days since I've returned to my Master and I try to hide this weakness of mine because I don't want to show him that I'm weak! I was so happy when he called me because it seemed that no one cared about me anymore…

Goddamnit, I'm getting nowhere again! What was I doing? Right, introducing myself. I think I shall have to keep a journal or agenda of sorts to keep my thoughts and tasks organised.

To put it simply, my name is Diaspro Caelestis Panthera leo Hyacinthus. I feel that I have been called other names before but I can't quite put my finger on it. I can think of a few nicknames that I had growing up: Propro and Hyacinth, mainly. Hyacinth is a type of pretty flowers that were prevalent where I grew up. Hyacinthus is the genus name; not a big difference there. I'm not particularly a flowery person. Don't get me wrong; I like flowers! It's just I'm not crazy enough to make a study of them and go down writing their genus names and whatnot or start caring of what family they're from. I just like flowers if they are pretty and/or smell nice. I'm particularly fond of water lilies and tulips though. Roses are overrated in my opinion.

Panthera leo (yes, the L in leo is miniscule) is basically a lion. Lions were apparently the heraldic animal in my birth home and were aplenty where I came from but I didn't grow up with them. I grew up with wolves and bears instead…

Caelestis means 'heaven' or 'sky.' Nothing special there and I never really used it. I think they just tacked it on to me make me sound heavenly. I think they had an alternate reason to giving it to me though. I can't remember. It's one of those memories that slip through my hands but I'm not too terribly worried about it.

Diaspro is type of milky orange, red and sometimes black jasper. Personally, I like my name. It's harsh-sounding and a big contrast from most soft-sounding feminine names like Selina or Isabella…or Bloom or Stella. Hmm…where did I get those names? Who cares?

So, you know my name. I'm sure you're wondering about this fugitive princess predicament, right? In short, I am the Imperial Princess of Eraklyon and the Crown Princess of Isis Hyacinthus.

Nice titles, aren't they? They both don't mean much when you think of demographics of the both planets. Eraklyon formally only has about twenty-eight million 'humans' or humanoid life-forms. Basically anything that lives and participates in the running of a city or town and is recognised on a galactic scale. (Politicians are stingy.) However, that does not mean 'animals' cannot be intelligent as humans. They just don't live in cities. Remember, Eraklyon is a huge planet—about the size of the Solar System's Neptune. I'll let you think about that for yourself. The same thing applies for Isis Hycinthus with only a recognised population of fifteen million and a planet the size of Saturn.

In short, I was the princess of one big planet and sent to another to be someone's bride. That was about four years ago.

Okay, to be honest, this is where it gets hazy. Remember what I said about memories escaping me earlier? This is what has been frustrating me for the last few days. I'm on the verge of tears because I can't remember freakin' single thing from the last four years! I don't even remember who was supposed to be my groom! Merciful Dragon, was I married? Did I have kids?! Gods, I must be the universe's worst mother if I did! I know that this is really bad of me to say but I hope that I did not have any kids. I wouldn't to put them to this kind of trouble!

When I think of 'groom,' I imagine a very serious man with yellow hair and nice blue eyes but that might be an implanted image because every girl wants to marry a blond blue-eyed man. I don't know. My 'groom' had a very strange style of hair with light blond locks but that might just be me.

I draw a blank when I try to remember the last four years. I remember being sent to Eraklyon to be a bride and suddenly, I'm back on a transport carrier on Eraklyon heading back home for Isis. The reasons why I was going back to Isis were strange. Apparently, I was going home to…? I remember that as soon as I was to get home, it would be the end. After home, there was nothing. No plans for the future, not even being idle and ruling a kingdom, which seems logical, doesn't it? Apparently, 'home' meant 'the end.' This meant…

It meant that I would…

Would…?

Would what? This was only three days ago. How can I not remember?! I was sitting in that stupid carrier three freakin' days ago until I escaped my retinue and went to find my Master!

Goddamnit, another memory slipped by me! Why? Why? Why? WHY? I didn't do anything! Am I being punished?! What did I do?! Please, tell me what I did and I will repent! I don't deserve to be punished! Gods, I'm so sorry…

-

The room that I awoke up in was strange yet familiar. Strange because it was not necessarily mine since someone had obviously dwelled in it before and familiar because I was becoming accustomed to it. I had been sleeping that room for several days since Valtor reclaimed it but it was still strange. The last few days were strange actually.

The room I am in is large enough for a stone castle, I suppose. It was small enough to keep the warmth in and big enough so that it would not suffocate you. (Yes, I really mean that it is a stone castle. Meaning that there was no electricity or indoor heating. All of which is bearable when you light a fire in a fireplace, cozy up in several layers of wool and feathered downs and dress appropriately before going to bed.) My room was square and it had three bay windows to the far side from you stood from the door. On the left was the fireplace made of stone and black with use. On the right was the bed I had slept in. It was a four poster bed and was extremely tall. Just sitting on the edge reminded me of how short I was. The walls were covered with tapestries and floor was covered with warm furs. For notable furniture, there was a wardrobe; several chests filled who knows what yet; a large circular table with chairs at the middle window, a vanity with a mirror above it and two embroidered chaises. Of course there was other furniture but do you need to know about the side table beside the bed or the table that held the basin?!

All in all, it was cozy but I needed to clean the room out before I felt it was mine. Either way, I got up, washed my face with the water from the basin and dressed. I had apparently taken some woman's room since there were dresses in the wardrobe. I tried to take a plain dress because who knew what I was going to do today and used magic to fit me like a glove. I know what you're thinking: "Eww, disgusting!" I really didn't care. My priority is my Master's happiness, not mine. As long as I'm presentable, I'm happy.

After slipping on some shoes, I went out into the hall and made my way down to the kitchens where we usually started the day. The Great Hall was still a mess but the food had been sent away by magic. Normally, I would be curious as to where all that good food had gone since it seemed like it was such a waste but what did I care?

I should probably note now that Poneros, despite being far from the Milky Way, felt and looked exactly like Eraklyon except it was slightly more archaic. The cultural similarities are frightening to note but coincidences are coincidences. Who am I to question it?

The kitchen was huge.

As it should be considering the size of the castle but it was still intimidating and such a waste at the same time. The oven was big enough to fit several people in there. What was the point of lighting and warming it up if it was to only feed two people? I felt the same for the rest of the kitchen. Everything was supersized to feed a whole castle but a 'whole castle' only meant two people.

Anyways, my Master, handsome as ever in a poet's shirt, dark trousers and leather boots, sat at a worktop eating. My heart races every time I see him. It's embarrassing but I do love him. Inside, my inner self is squealing like a little girl. He is just that beautiful. I mean, how can you not? Every morning that there was two plates on that same corner of the worktop and we would quietly eat. Every morning, Master would be quietly reading while biting into a bit of toasted bread. I preferred my toast with a large heaping creton and a slice of cheese with milk.

Every time I look at my Master's plate, I keep thinking 'He should eat more.' I don't know why I'm worried but the way his plate was always so barren scared me. I try to be quiet after I'm finish eating so I that don't disturb his reading. I usually end up staring at some corner of the kitchen for no apparent reason. I don't know why. I just do.

"Diaspro," he started abruptly. My attention was immediately on him. "You are a fairy, right?"

"Of course, my Lord." I nodded and wondered why he cared.

"You are the Fairy of what?"

"I am…I…" I drew a blank suddenly. My face contorted into worry. I am the Fairy of...? The Fairy of…? My memory was failing me again! No, no, no, no, no! This wasn't supposed to happen! How can I be a fairy if I do not know what I am guardian over?! Some fairy I am! Goddamnit!

I slanted my head down and tried to think. What kind of magic did I have? They obviously involved…involved…stones? My shoulders trembled and my eyes watered. This was a fairy's greatest shame to not know what one's affinity was. What was I? I knew I was a fairy, didn't I? I was a fairy, right? Yes, of course because I have wings that I can pull out of my back at will. Witches could not do that so I was not a witch at all? What am I saying?! I'm supposed to be looking for my affinity!

Why is remembering so hard for me?! Looking back on my childhood, I tried to remember every instance that I used magic to solve a problem. Childhood was not an option. I didn't remember it well anyways. Plus, I never used much magic back then. High school was my safe bet. I had gone to private school. A military private school. I had had some friends. A small amount but good friends. What had been my affinity? My study? Math, science, history, current events, languages, fine arts…I had never taken any magic classes in high school! Not even daily magical application classes! What was wrong with me?!

Something or someone flitted in my mind's eye. I closed my eyes. I couldn't stand to look at my Master anymore. I covered my face with my hands and tried to think even though tears were spilling from my eyes.

I uselessly tried to think on the last four years again. What was wrong?! How could I not know what I was?

Failure. It engulfed me. I had failed to do something. In my mind, I saw that familiar yet strange blond man. He looked so familiar. Then another memory faded into the blackness. There was a woman. Orange hair, blue eyes, fairy, light translucent wings, blue top and skirt, a gold crown.

And she was throwing fireballs at me! I was in some high wooden room flying. Something told me that it was underground and it was at a school. A 'red' school.

"Crown jewels!" I screamed in my memory. A circle of stones appeared and made a golden barrier to take the fireballs.

What did that mean?

Betrayal. Surprise. Failure. All those feelings engulfed me. It was suffocating. I wanted to die. I had failed. I had let something slip by me and I had failed because of it. That redhead attacked my memory. She flew in and out of my half-sensible memories always attacking or screaming at me in every instance. She screamed insults, promises of revenge, even death.

I had stolen something from her? Did I? And what?

"You traitor! You sided with him just to get to me, didn't you?! You had to steal him, too, didn't you?! Why can't you leave us alone?!"

"Because I love him!"

That jarred me. Who was 'us?' The redhead and somebody else?

"Diaspro!" My Master's cried out into the dimness of my mind. "Wake up, Diaspro. Open your eyes."

I opened my eyes wide to find myself staring into my Master's concerned face. My face was a mess. It was wet with tears and I was sniffing and hiccupping. I then realised that I was lying on the floor with my Master's arms cradling me. I fainted.


Latter Note: Diaspro must be having an absolute horrible time.