Detective88: Billy and Mandy, eh? I need to see that show. :D Thanks for reading!
acosta perez jose ramiro: I'm glad you like it! Thanks for reviewing.
Movie-Brat: I have someone for this chapter, but Spoony can be done in the future. X) Thanks for reviewing!
Subuku no Jess: Yay! Another Paulina hater! (Does anyone actually like her? XD) I really enjoy writing Norm, I've got to say. Thanks very much.
TweenisodeOrange: There's a place in the Failblog with her name on it, methinks. Thanks!
DoktorK: Well, I was going to have Fosters characters in this, and maybe the Simpsons, so who knows? :D To be fair about genies, they are kind of confined to a small space for all eternity. That's got to suck. :\ Thank you!
Zim'sMostLoyalServant: Yep, she's still aware. She's gonna think about this, dammit! Thanks for the response! :D
unknown20troper: Well, Norm's pretty awesome, isn't he? I'm a bit broke at the moment, but I'll check out the Bartimeaus Trilogy sooner or later. (I do need airplane-reading later this year.) Thanks a lot!
Two: Star Loran
ABRACATRAZ ARCHIVES
NORM CASE – FILE 002 – LORAN, STAR
Born 31/01/1997.
Father: Albert Loran (US national)
Mother: Gabrielle Garment (US national)
Displays mild to moderate fear of other persons opinions, therefore clings to Paulina Sanchez (FILE OUTDATED. YEAH, THANKS NORM.) Close to ghost hunter Valerie Grey. Once held relationship with T. Foley – ended poorly.
I don't even know how I got there. I mean, sure, the lamp follows the master until after the third wish, so I should've been in the museum. But in the trash? Yeah, real funny lamp. If I ever see that thing again, I'm going to blow it up. With a nuke. Along with Canada.
Well, before the stench fills the lamp and I suffocate to death, someone picks up the lamp and decides to rub it. Well, more schmucks for me!
I get another teenage girl. Wonderful. This time the pubescent idiot with longish blonde hair (this is gonna suck) and something like a cheer-leader outfit.
"Wha-what the…" she stammers.
"Yeah, hi," I groan, "We gonna do this wishing thing or what?"
"Y-y-you're a genie?" she gasps.
I groan.
"Yes. Now start wishing."
"What, is there a time limit?" she asks, holding her head, "OK, gotta think, gotta think…"
"Uh, there isn't a…" I begin.
"Come on, I…just wish I had time to think…"
Strike one.
I do the gong. Around us, all the people in the museum stop moving, the clock stops ticking, and Star glances around.
"What just happened?" she asks in a panicked tone.
"I stopped time," I deadpanned, "Now that that's settled, I've got news for you. There's no time limit. You wasted a wish."
Star tilted her head.
"You said you wished you had time to think," I elaborated, "So I granted it. Time's gonna stay stopped until you make your next wish. Now don't waste the next one."
Star pouts.
So I go over the rules, and she begins to mull in the airy expanse of her head.
"I got it!" she announces (yeah, I doubt that), I've been looking for this," she flashes a museum map in her face and points at something, "But I can't find it. I wish you could take us there!"
Why sure, airhead.
One gong later, and we're standing in front of some statue of some guy who's been dead for two hundred years. I should know, I was his genie. You ever tried being Andrew Jackson's genie? He tried to challenge me to a duel.
"Yeah, great doing, genius of the month," I grin, "You just used my vast supply of magic to do something that would have taken about fifteen seconds if you'd asked a guide. Bravo."
Star shoots me a look.
"I'm trying to keep it small," she replies, "I saw a movie about genies once with…well, I can't remember, but it said if you wish for really big things, they go wrong."
Oh, she's genre savvy! A genre savvy airhead! (Like Crocker but less funny to watch.)
"OK then," I shrug, "Easier on me, then. Should I whip up a sandw…"
Then we're interrupted.
Anyone remember Crazy Frog? Remember how annoying that thing was? Well, this ringtone's like that…but with the Chipmunks.
Before I commit seppuku on the spot, airhead picks up and begins to talk.
"Hey Val!" she grins, "You still on for…huh? You can't make it? Why?...You said that last time!...sigh…fine then, we'll catch up some other time…yeah, see you."
She hangs up and curses.
"Darn it!" she snaps, "Val blew me off again!"
If you really think about it, there's a slash fic right there.
"She's been so distant lately," she sighs, "Sometimes I wonder…"
She looks up, grinning. It's a lightbulb expression – this will end badly.
"I've got it!" she announces, snapping her fingers, "I've got my last wish!"
"A new ringtone?" I suggest.
"No!" corrects Star, "I wish I could know what's up with Valerie!"
Yeah, stock thought no. 232 – I've Heard This One Before.
Sighing, I wave my hands, there's a loud gong, and Star is gone. I begin to be sucked back into my lamp.
Well, I think, whatever happens next, she's done the right thing. Because friends don't let friends pursue a wacky hi-tech vendetta on their own.
Valerie sighed, and sat next to the dumpster. Phantom had gotten away again, and now she'd have to spend the whole day looking for him. So much for lunch with…was it Kwan? She couldn't remember.
"Ah, come on, Val, we'll find him!"
"That supposed to be pep talk, Star?" asked Valerie.
"It's better then nothing," S.T.A.R. (Suit Technological Assistance Render), the AI in Valerie's suit, replied.
"Yeah, guess you're right," groaned Valerie, "I'm just gutted that he got away again…"
She glanced at the dumpster. Mr. Krabs was burying himself inside, looking for valuables.
"…what are you doing?" asked Valerie, confused.
"Lookin' for stuff to sell!" replied Mr. Krabs, "What's it look like?"
Mr. Krabs pulled out a lava lamp. He grinned, and walked away, whistling.
"Hmm…" mused Star.
"What is it?" asked Valerie.
"Oh, nothing," replied Star, "Just feels like I've seen it before…"
ABRACATRAZ ARCHIVES
NORM CASE – FILE 002 – SUIT TECHNOLOGICAL ASSISTANCE RENDER (Star)
Programmed 31/01/2009.
Programmers: Axion Labs (funded by V. Masters)
Attempts to recover victim have been unsuccessful – again. Program appears unaware of original human existence, so attempts to have her wish herself to normal unlikely to work. Still entirely legal by Fairy World law. Need better lawyers.
No, Norm ending up in the trash will not be a running gag.
Remember - friends don't let friends pursue a wacky hi-tech vendetta on their own.
