Bonded With Flame: The next chapter is The Attack of the Fangirls. Without further ado, here's the chapter. Oh yeah, I have a mild case of writer's block and a serious lack of work ethic. One last thing. I am giving my brother co author credit on this story. He's gonna make the next chapter.
"Axel!" Zexion yelled.
"Not a director's cut, not a director's cut, not a director's cut…" Axel prayed.
"I up-graded Kingdom Hearts 2."
"Oh Frick."
"I added Super Proud mode!" Zexion yelled happily. "Try it!"
How can he mess it up, thought Axel. He started playing. "Lalala… Passion, opening cut scene… Holy crap! I have to fight Marluxia?"
"His AI sucks, just like his actual intelligence."
"I heard that!" Marluxia snapped. "You're mad my flower ate one of your experiments."
"True…" Zexion said. Meanwhile Axel had just finished Marluxia off and was continuing with the game. It progressed as normal until the part where you have to make Roxas cross the street to get to his friends. An info bubble popped up on the screen.
"Use the left analog stick to make Roxas move. Tilt it slightly to make Roxas walk. . Press o to jump. Watch out for landmines!"
"Huh?" Axel wondered.
BOOM!
"Bree-bree-bree!" sounded the little thing that says: Dude, you're almost dead!
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!" Axel burned a controller. Roxas supplied him with another.
"Don't worry, you get 99,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 potions. Twilight Town's a war zone." Zexion said.
"Who's fighting?" Axel mumbled.
"The mailman clan and the newsman clan."
"Who's winning?"
"The mailman clan has more people, but the newsman clan is higher level."
"Which side am I on?"
"Your pals are hippies, 'cept Olette. She was too calm and peaceful in KH2, so now she's a vampire."
That received a glare from Axel.
"It was late and I was tired." (If you get the far side reference I'll give you a cookie.)
"Who's side is she on?"
"Mailman."
On the game… 'The newsman clans gone too far this time!' Olette tugged.
'Why can't we all peace out, duuuuude?'
'BECAUSE!' both Roxas and Olette yelled.
"I fear to know what you did to the musicals."
"You need a dance pad, a microphone, a PS2 controller and some mad skills." Zexion said, "And more songs."
Axel's mouth dropped. "But…but….but that's impossible!" Axel protested.
"No, you just need some mad dance skills," Zexion assured him. Axel looked away from him and started to battle Seifer, who was a lot older and was dual-wielding gunblades. The upside was Roxas actually had a sword.
"Who's side am I on?"
"Mailman."
Axel had managed to trick Seifer into walking through a land mine. "Haha!" Axel yelled triumphantly. "Just how do I know where the landmines are?"
"You play an insanely complex game of Minesweeper," answered Zexion.
"Ooh!" Vexen yelled. "How do I initiate the game?"
"Press all the shoulder buttons."
"Done." Vexen said.
Axel's jaw dropped. "You completed a 1000x1000 Minesweeper in 3 seconds?"
"You're right, that is a little slow."
"Zexion, show me your file on this game."
"I'm level 99 and did everything."
Axel checked that. "On beginner."
"Ummm… but, but Axel, you're the VG expert!" Zexion protested. "You could beat super Inferno Mario on Soul Calibur 3!"
"SC3, the only game that is a good edit," Axel said, as if he were far away. "You added us, although all your hits were instant kills. However, The Code initiated a defense program that made it so your hits were Matrix-style."
"They somehow knew I would do that."
"You hacked almost all good games." Axel said, kind of irritated. "TOS, Lloyd died, you came to replace him. FFX, added yourself as the best blitzball player who had all stats maxed at level 1."
"I couldn't get past the Psyches!" Zexion wailed, "The people in the cutscene were too hard!"
"It's a cutscene, you put the controller down."
"Oh."
"Hey, why am I supposed to dance through the Struggle?"
"I found that in a time like this they couldn't have a violent tournament. So it's a dance off."
In the game… 'The key shoes are guiding your steps Roxas…'
"That is it!" Axel turned it off.
"Key shoes?" Roxas asked.
"Xyanu, explain to Zexion exactly what he did to your other in FFX."
"Well, he made it so my other was wearing her Final Fantasy X-2 garb, had five more summons, one of which was The Uber Zexionater, her best weapon was Zexion's Stick, which I think you made her primary weapon, and now for overall. You added Zexion the Great as a Blitzball player, and added an awesome boss at Omega ruins called Zexion the Awesome (Not to be confused with Zexion the great,) with way too much HP."
"There's a story behind Zexion the Great-"
"I know, the people in the cutscene were too hard. Shoulda considered that when you made the cutscene playable." Xyanu said harshly.
"Aha!" Axel said sharply. "So that's how he failed!"
"Not my fault! It had to be a self-defense mechanism!"
"You also made it so you could destroy Zanarkand as Sin." Xyanu said annoyed.
"Good times." Zexion sighed.
"It was something off Godzilla!" Xyanu shot back.
"Actually it was." Zexion said, defeated.
Bing-bong! "I have an announcement to make. Sora has escaped. Come to the meeting so we can discuss a battle plan. If you do not come, we will throw you in the pit of a thousand fangirls."
Luxord run by, cursing "I had him !#$&!"
AT THE MEETING…
"So how do we get him?" Xemnas asked.
"I HAD HIM FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED!"
"Where is he?"
"I told him to stay still. He won't be there anymore."
"Right… where is he?" Xemnas checked the cameras.
"There he is…" Axel grumbled, "AND HE'S LETTING THE FANGIRLS OUT!"
"And he's stuffing himself in a locker." Demyx moaned. "Why don't we have locker numbers? And why aren't our halls distinguishable from one another?" Demyx was getting more annoyed by the second, "IT'S ALL YOUR FREAKIN' FAULT XEMNAS!"
Exralnex stood up "I could just kill all the fangirls!"
"Why do we have lockers man?" Braxgix said, "Remember when we got infiltrated by Solid Snake?"
"Yup, he stuffed everything in lockers." Xigbar said.
"Xemnas, I have to say I like Exralnex's plan." Axel said.
Xaldin had news however. "The fangirls are opening lockers… and they got the one with Sora."
"SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the meeting room shook.
"Let's go." Xemnas said, "Bring your weapons."
"Braxgix, your rapier came today." Xaldin said. "It not is hilt to blade balance, but who needs that junk anyway?"
"Dunno man."
"Hey guys, since we haven't made a bad Star Wars rip-off, let's surround them," Axel said. "One of them is bound to say 'It's a Trap'!"
"Genius," Roxas told him.
"There they are." Xaldin said.
"LEXAEAUS SMASH!"
"Eek!" They all screamed. One of them attempted to grab the keyblade but it just reappeared in Sora's hand.
"Ambush!" Axel yelled.
"It's a trap!" One of them yelled.
Roxas hi-fived Axel. "Doubl- wait I'm not an anime character. Charge!"
And the rest just watched because they weren't in the active party.
"Hey can't you guys join as like, guests."
"Nope, goes against our credo."
"Blame Him!" Zexion yelled. He was pointing to a random guy.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
"There's too many of them!" Axel yelled.
"That's Star Wars too." Roxas said.
Lexaeaus died.
Roxas was scratching his head. "Isn't this K plus? So no dying."
Screw That.
Lexaeaus fainted.
"Now we sound like stupid Pokemon." Axel said. "Annoying things that are exempt from death!"
"Pokemon aren't stupid!" Luxord said.
"So that's what's in the boxes in your room?" Demyx asked.
"No, those are my decks." Luxord said.
"Wow, where are your spare cards?" asked Exralnex.
"In the lockers from the pit of a million fangirls to the Chamber of Dissonance." Luxord replied.
"Chamber of dissonance? Sounds like Castlevania." Zexion said.
Xemnas shrugged. "It is. Castlevania rocks."
"Next Up!" Axel and Roxas had just been mobbed to oblivion.
Demyx, Zexion, and Xigbar went out.
Demyx, Zexion, and Xigbar came very close to death but did not faint, but did not die.
"Okay, now it just sounds stupid." Exralnex said
Larxene, Saix, and Xaldin went out.
Larxene, Saix, and Xaldin passed out.
"Finally a good sounding death type thingy." Braxgix said.
Xemnas went out.
"I am Xemnas and I will be you- Ow, hey stop, Ow! Ah! My hair ow! Ouch!"
Xemnas passed out.
Vexen, Marluxia, and Luxord went out.
They all died.
Braxgix went out sword swinging. However, he was mobbed.
Exralnex readied a spell. However her spell was almost interrupted by a massive swarm.
At that moment Sora got up. "SOOOORA!" They screamed.
"Mega Death!" Exralnex shouted.
But for some reason two-hundred had death proof armor. The other bad news is Sora died.
"YOU KILLED SORA! DIE!"
"Crap!" Exralnex quickly used a Mega-Potion, than was majorly whupped.
The organization members got up and they were really steamed. So they decided to do their signature attack.
"HAILFIRE AQUATISHOCK DARKLIGHT NUCLEAR LANDSKY GRAVIGA NATURE SHAPESHIFTING STOPPING MOON-CRASHER!"
"Oogedy-bleh!" all the remaining fangirls screamed, except for one fangirl who had apparently gone into Xemnas's room of ludicrously awesome equipment.
"Oh crap," Xaldin said. He turned to Xemnas "Why did you create that?"
"That armor makes the fangirl resistant to everything!" Xemnas said. "Except for one thing…" he handed out ear plugs to everyone but Saix. "Saix pretend that you are making cookies." Saix's face instantly lit up and he started singing, badly.
"I'm happy because I'm making cookies! Yes I'm making cookies…" Saix sang. The Organization with their earplugs were spared. The fangirl was not as fortunate.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The rest rolled over in their death.
"Hey, what happened to my Nobody?" Larxene asked.
"Um… she should be ok," Axel said.
Exralnex got up. "Hi, what's up?"
"Yeah… wait a minute where's Sora?"
Sora had got up too.
"Oh just check the lockers."
They heard a stream of colorful curses coming from one locker.
"That one," Xigbar said, opening the locker. It was a Sora plushie that had a voice box to make it swear.
"Heyyy… There's a ventilation shaft in this one," Demyx said.
"Xigbar I nominate you, because you can levitate them out of the locker and back into the pit," Xemnas said.
"Whatever man," Xigbar started to crawl down.
"For the love of-"
"Why does it always end, they have to go somewhere."
"Ah, here."
Xigbar was following them until they reached the ventilation room, where he was clobbered by a triumphant Sora.
"Ouch…" Xigbar moaned. "Ouuu…"
"Hah! We got him," Sora said triumphantly to an unknown figure.
"Yep."
"Hehe. And I rigged the other traps when they come," said a female voice.
OUTSIDE…
"C'mon in here! All in!"
INSIDE…
"Any second now…" said the female voice
Snip! "Aaaah! My leg! My beautiful pretty leg!" Marluxia screamed.
"Shut up Marluxia- Owww! My arm! I can't throw kunai!" Larxene said.
"Yeah you're complaining! These traps ripped off my hair!" Xemnas yelled.
"Hey guys, they're gonna come through the door…" said Sora.
The Organization XIII jumped through a window.
"Grrrr…"
"Rewind." Sora said.
"Right…guard the window and the door."
The ground shoke for a moment and then Lexaeus jumped out of the ground. They rest followed. "Nyah!"
Rewind was cast again.
"Alright then the door the window and the floor!"
They ambushed them with dark portals from above! "Hehe… This is amusing." Braxgix said.
"Rewind."
IN THE SHAFTS…
"Y'know, I think he doesn't know we know that he cast rewind," Xemnas said.
"Yep. Door this time," Roxas said.
"Wait," Larxene stopped Roxas.
"Yes Larxene?"
"Use magnet a lot."
"Right…" Roxas cast magnet until he ran out of MP.
"Now we go."
They burst through the door. "Nyah!"
"Aah! Rewind!" Sora yelled. Nothing happened. "What the… I'm out of MP!" He reached into his pockets for an ether but Xemnas knocked him unconscious before he could use it.
"Hah. Back into the pit with you. And you, random traitorous, Organization member who I believe to be Riku!"
"Dang" Sora said, "Logic works." Xemnas turned to the female person who helped Sora escape.
"And as for you Kairi… The pit of a thousand fanboys!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
LATER…
"Hey Axel."
"Yes Roxas?"
"What was with Saix?"
"You seriously want to know?"
"Well yeah…"
"Brace yourself." Axel said. "It all started when Xemnas sent Saix to destroy a tree, in the middle of a forest."
"Is this the same story as when he got that scar?" Roxas asked.
"No, different. But I can honestly say I had nothing to do with it."
"Any way… So Saix went to this giant tree. There he was supposed to overall raid and take the cookies, but…"
FLASHBACKNESS
"Hey Saix," an elf yelled. "We're making more cookies today!" Saix came running down some stairs.
"I love making cookies!" Saix squealed. The old elf smiled.
"I know you do Saix," Saix instantly started making cookies.
"Whenever I'm making cookies, I feel like I have a heart, Ernie Keebler!"
"Now for some reason Saix took an instant liking to making cookies," Axel's narration droned. "He sent a message to Organization XIII saying he was retiring and spending the rest of his existence with the Keebler elves," Roxas was listening intently.
"What happened?"
"Well obviously Xemnas didn't want his most psychotic henchman making cookies for all his life, sooo…"
DING-DONG
"Don't screw this up Axel," Xaldin said. Axel and Xaldin were outside the tree.
"I'm OK Xaldin. After those anger management lessons you gave me I feel perfectly fine." Axel stated calmly. Xaldin nodded. The door to the tree opened.
"Hello! My name is Ernie Keebler!" the elf said. Xaldin nodded.
"We would like to speak to you most recent employee," Xaldin asked. Ernie nodded.
"He's making cookies but I'll go get him," he said. Axel's jaw dropped.
"SAIX! COOKIES!" Axel said is disbelief. Xaldin was quiet.
"It's worse than Xemnas said…" Saix then walked through the door. He frowned.
"I thought I sent a letter to Xemnas," he said. Xaldin opened his mouth to speak but Saix quieted him. "I'm an elf now. I like making cookies." Axel noticed his ears were more pointed.
"Come on Saix. You're a murdering raving lunatic, and I respect that!" Axel yelled. Saix turned toward Axel.
"I'm surprised Xemnas still sends you on missions after that Animal Crossing disaster."
"THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT! TOM NOOK WAS ASKING FOR IT! 4,000 BELLS FOR A STUPID LIGHT!" Axel said then he instantly stopped. "One…two…three…" Xaldin turned back to Saix.
"The point is Saix you signed a contract and Axel and I will have to make you come back if you don't come," Xaldin threatened. Saix turned around.
"You and your red haired arsonist better never come back here, or I teach you a lesson like that time on Cloud City." Xaldin looked miffed but Axel was thoroughly ticked off.
"HOW DARE YOU BRING UP THAT MOMENT! YOU AND YOUR STUPID ELF FRIENDS ARE GONNA BURN!" Axel raised his hands toward the tree and shot a huge jet of fire at it. Saix looked shocked and ran back in.
"I GOTTA SAVE THE SECRET COOKIE FORMULA!" He ran back out with a piece of paper. He then knelt down and started crying. Xaldin got a brilliant idea.
"You know Saix, I bet Xemnas would let you start a cookie factory in the dark city by our castle," Saix instantly brightened up.
"You think!" he said excited. Xaldin nodded.
"As long as you rejoin Organization XIII," Saix nodded.
"Only as long as Axel stays five feet away from me at all times," Xaldin shot a look at Axel that said, do it or else.
"Of course he will."
BACK TO THE PRESENT
"So that's why Saix hates you!" Roxas exclaimed. Axel nodded.
"By the way... about the Berserkers…" Axel said.
"Yeah…"
"Their hammers double as cookie making tools," Axel said. Roxas looked at him.
"Seriously. They also have no ears, that's how they survive Saix's singing," Axel said. Roxas then asked Axel another question.
"What happened on Cloud City?" Roxas asked. Axel groaned and went back to trying to beat Davy Jones in Zexion's Kingdom Hearts II.
"Ask Xaldin."
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Star Wars, Final Fantasy, Tales of Symphonia, Pirates of the Carribean, Soul Calibur, Super Mario, Minesweeper, Godzilla, Metal Gear Solid, Pokemon, Castlevania, Keebler, and Animal Crossing.
