Ramen Delicacies
Shepard was just about to enter Miranda's office when she heard two familiar voices coming through the office wall, halting her to a stand-still as the two voices started to get louder.
"While I appreciate you getting on Shepard's good side and keeping her out of trouble," she heard Miranda say in such a cold, calculating tone that in Shepard's opinion Miranda couldn't be furtherer from the truth than she was. "I do not appreciate giving her alcohol without my permission."
And to Shepard's absolute horror, she heard none other than Kasumi Goto laugh in reply. "You're the second in command here Miranda so I honestly don't want a fight with you because you could probably kick my ass, but come on. Shep needs to live a little! She was pretty worked up with you and Jack anyway."
Oh Kasumi, Shepard thought tenderly with a shake of her head, why must you tell Miranda everything? Why?
Miranda made a choking noise at the back of her throat and Shepard could just imagine the cold expression on her XO's face. "Me and Shepard can handle our own business Kasumi, if she's got a problem I'll make sure she takes it up with me and not go straight for the alcohol."
"I already said I didn't want a fight Miranda," Kasumi replied in a strange polite tone that was so different from her usual perky voice that it left Shepard feeling somewhat hollow. "If you want me to stop giving Shep alcohol then I will! But she's not a child, she can look after herself."
"Like yesterday morning? Or should I say afternoon? Shepard was wasted! You may not believe it but the way Shepard acts is childish."
Shepard rubbed her cheek with a pout, she wasn't childish! She just knew that if this was going to a mission that was so suicidal that she might not make it back then who was Miranda to tell her she couldn't have SOME fun along the way? Idiot.
"She just wants some fun Miranda! Being cooped up here with Cerberus can't exactly be good for her." Kasumi responded once again in that respectful tone that to Shepard didn't have much life to it than Kasumi's mischievous one. "I mean no disrespect, just…Let her live a little?"
Shepard allowed herself to pause in breathing because she was pretty sure that soon enough there would be a fist fight, probably ending up with Kasumi being knocked down flat or Miranda ended up with another injury. Until then she'd-
She heard Miranda sigh in defeat and she didn't really have to imagine Miranda sitting back down in her office chair because after a few moments she heard the sound of Miranda's heels clicking on the Normandy's polished floor halt until all that was left was silence.
"While I hate to admit it, you're probably right Kasumi." Shepard heard Miranda say softly, surprising her at how gentle Miranda sounded compared to the other times Shepard had spoken to her. "But next time, please don't let her get so drunk. Everyone on the ship is still wondering if she's sober or not half the time they talk to her anyway."
Shepard repressed her growl. That wasn't true! Was it? Surely Jack knew that she was drunk most of the time when talking to her because she truly could not stand Jack when she was sober, hence why she got drunk when talking to the convict.
Kasumi laughed in response and Shepard could just imagine that sickly-sweet smile overtaking the master thief's face. "Well in that case maybe I should get her drunk more often, imagine the videos we could send off! Shepard's Crazy Antics: Fornax Fighting with Kelly."
What? Shepard inwardly cringed at the thought of throwing Fornax magazines around the Normandy with Kelly, of all people! The Kelly who had stolen her damn stash of Fornax once she had realized the truth of her owning some!
And it got even worse when Miranda laughed at Kasumi's jokey quip, shocking Shepard enough that her mind seemed to fall silent at the procedure of the two women who had been arguing about her a few moments ago was actually joking about her!
"Shepard's stash has been confiscated by Chambers, if anything Shepard would be throwing tissues rather than magazines." Miranda said in that matter-of-fact voice that made her sound oh-so-superior and caused Shepard's anger to rise almost immediately.
Kasumi snorted. "You threw away her stash? Miss Lawson, how very cruel of you. And devious."
Fuck you both, I'll get some more!
"I'm glad you admire my skills, now as pleasant as this conversation has been I've got an appointment with our Commander and I don't want her to get the wrong idea." Miranda's voice had once more taken on a drone that sounded so cold it sent a shiver down Shepard's spine.
"Whoa okay then, nice chatting with you Miranda." Shepard heard the master thief reply before the door to Miranda's office slid open, revealing Shepard's presence to both the unfazed Miranda and the slightly-shocked-but-grinning Kasumi.
"Hey Shep!" Kasumi said in greeting, her lips quirked into a mischievous grin that was far too impish to be genuine. "Fancy seeing you here, I haven't seen you since yesterday."
"I hate you so much." Shepard replied dryly, shaking her head at the master thief and bobbing her tongue out at Kasumi when she laughed in reply. "I truly do. You are so going out of the air-lock next time we're near it."
"Hey Shep…" Kasumi waltzed up to her until she was sure that the master thief was about to kiss her cheek; instead she patted it with a playful smirk. "Relax! Being a master of seduction comes with the job! I don't mean to do it!"
"Still hate you." Shepard murmured teasingly at the realization that not only was Miranda staring at them but with such a predatory look that it actually excited her. "I thought we were going to be friends as well, fat chance of that happening now Ms Goto."
"Shep, it's what they all say." Kasumi said with a grin before moving past her, slinking her way back into the shadows.
Shepard turned her head at the spot where Kasumi had just been in, shaking her head fondly. "What a woman."
A cough broke her away from her thoughts and Shepard immediately bustled into Miranda's office, scratching at the back of her head with half her shirt ridden up to reveal a fair bit of her body.
It hadn't been her fault, she had been to busy trying to avoid Kelly who always seemed to find her like an itch always seemed to find Jack; in the most inappropriate places.
"You wanted to see me?" Shepard yawned with another scratch this time however to the nape of her neck. "Or so EDI said…"
"I do actually want to talk to you about something but it depends on whether you're going to take it seriously or not…" Miranda said cautiously, rearranging the dossiers on her desk and placing them next her terminal with a sigh. "Knowing you, it probably won't be taken seriously."
Shepard folded her arms across her chest, giving Miranda her best 'serious' look. "What are you talking about Lawson? I am the picture of being serious. Look at this face, does it not look serious enough for you?"
Miranda bit her lower lip and to Shepard looked like she was seriously thinking that God was testing her faith here. "Shepard I wanted to talk to you about fraternization."
"If you're telling me all about the birds and the bees then I'm seriously walking out of here Lawson." Shepard responded immediately, dread filling her at the thought of having that talk with Miranda.
Miranda got up from her seat at her desk, glaring at Shepard before pointing a finger to the chair opposite her desk with such fire in her cold blue eyes that Shepard had to blink multiple times to try and get rid of the image of it.
"Sit down Commander and do me the honour of shutting up." Miranda ordered her and before Shepard could think of doing anything different she found herself sitting down in the chair Miranda had indicated with her hands wrung together on her lap.
"Fine," Shepard pouted soon afterwards, rearranging herself in the chair until she was comfortable. "What about fraternization do you want to talk about?"
"I notice you and Kasumi are close," Miranda started straight away and it always shocked Shepard how she could place herself face first into people's lives without even the blink of an eye. It was sort of incredible, if not a bit annoying. "Not surprising really, considering how childish you both are but Shepard if this affects the way the mission goes then…"
"I'm not shagging Kasumi, Lawson." Shepard said simply, looking down at her top and forcing it back down once she realized it had ridden up more than she would have liked. "Hell I really only just talked to her about two days ago and as charming as I am…"
Miranda snorted at her and cut her sentence off with a wave of her hand. "Truly irritating more like."
Shepard clicked her tongue and rubbed the back of her neck. "Same thing these days Lawson. Don't you read the mags?"
Miranda's lips curled downwards into a scowl, her brow furrowed in obvious frustration. "Considering the sort of material you read I'll count myself lucky that I don't read the mags as you so put it. Now as I was saying…"
Shepard held up a hand to silence her XO, rearranging herself more comfortably in her chair and stretching with a big yawn escaping her, grinning up at the Normandy's ceiling to try and avoid Miranda's scathing look.
"Shepard! This is serious and I'd truly appreciate it if you actually acted like you were listening to me!" Miranda was clearly becoming more and more irritated at Shepard, and of course that did nothing but excite her to the extreme.
"Lawson I am listening to you, you were talking about fraternization and such but then you started talking about…"
"We will be docking in the Citadel in less than ten minutes." EDI's voice interrupted her, said interruption causing Shepard to glare angrily up to see where the AI was speaking from this time. "The trip was requested by Operative Taylor as he is looking for parts that are only obtained in the Citadel."
Miranda shot Shepard a glare over her desk, pushing away from where she was sitting and placing a hand on her hip. "We'll continue this conversation later Shepard, until then I think it's best you stay in your cabin."
Shepard straightened up instinctively after that, getting up from her chair and crossing her arms at the cold Cerberus operative. "You seem to be forgetting something Lawson, no matter how hard you try you are not the one in charge here. I am. And I run this ship military, so I expect you to be ready when we hit the Citadel."
Miranda cocked a brow at her, making Shepard even more unsure at her XO's expression but she chose to ignore it and turned her back on the Cerberus operative to head to her cabin to grab her gear before they could land on the Citadel.
"You expect me to be ready?" Miranda's question caused her to pause, turning back to face her XO with a scowl because if there was one thing Shepard did not take orders off anyone from Cerberus without a damn good reason.
"You're coming with me Lawson, why else would I be telling you to get ready?" Shepard said with a cough to accentuate her tone, glad that her spiky blonde locks were long enough to pull down slightly so that her one eye was covered. Luckily it was just as easy to pull back up otherwise Shepard would have had it cut a long time ago. "I'm not allowing you onto this mission just because I want you to stand around and look pretty! You need to get your priorities straight on this mission or I'll leave you behind."
"My priorities?" Miranda snapped, feeling fully insulted at Shepard's words. "Commander I'll have you know that I…"
"See you off the ship Lawson," Shepard smirked at her before exiting with a wave, chuckling as she left Miranda to spit and spew at her cold words.
She stopped at the mess hall, calling up to EDI with another smirk. "EDI, tell Ms Goto to zip up. We're off to the Citadel."
"To eat ramen?" Miranda asked slowly with that tone Shepard had learned to associate Miranda with every time the Operative opened her mouth to question her every move.
Shepard shrugged at her XO and picked at her noodles with her chopsticks, placing the piece of meat (which she honestly had no idea what it was) and chewing it slow enough that when she was done Miranda's glare had softened into a frown.
"We needed a break and besides there's nothing wrong with some ramen! It's lovely!" She turned to the master thief beside her with a grin. "Thanks for telling me about this place otherwise I wouldn't have come!"
Kasumi mock saluted in response, slurping at her noodles delicately. "It was nothing, it just reminded me of the ramen my grandmother used to make. Ohhh Shep, it was the best ramen around! Too bad I didn't steal it."
Shepard couldn't help but smirk, allowing her eyes to avert past Kasumi for a mere moment to stare at the curve of Miranda's face before allowing them to focus once more back on Kasumi.
"Don't you own anything that you didn't steal?" She teased fondly which was strange considering the fact that she and Kasumi had really only started talking a few days ago. "I mean, did you steal that outfit off someone too?"
Kasumi didn't answer her and instead gave her a shifty look under her hood, her smile formed into an amused twitch of her lips and the way Kasumi's fingers wrapped around her chopsticks made Shepard chuckle under her breath at the intended action.
"Hey!" She said suddenly after realizing that not only was there an uncomfortable silence hanging around but most of her crew had managed to wander off without telling her. "Where's Garrus and Jack? Damn it! I told them to make sure they didn't get into any trouble."
Kasumi waved her concern away and offered her a drink that the waiter had left for them all. "Want some Shep? And before you say anything Miranda, it's completely non-alcoholic."
Miranda opened her mouth to say something but obviously thought differently afterwards, closing her mouth with a grunt that sounded nothing like the XO's normal tone.
Shepard pouted at the master thief before pouring herself a drink and taking a sip of it. "Thanks, now this just makes it taste bitter and ashen."
Kasumi leaned in closer to her and for a moment Shepard thought the thief was about to kiss her (again) and was unpleasantly shocked to discover that Kasumi's breathing was tickling her ears. "Maybe you should go spend a little bit of R and R with Miss Lawson? She looks like I've stolen her cat suit."
Shepard leashed in the urgency to check on Miranda by staring Kasumi's suit up and down, cocking a eyebrow at the thief when Kasumi grinned at her. "What? You mean you haven't stolen Miranda's cat suit?"
Kasumi gave her a serious look before departing her seat at the ramen bar with a snort, tossing up something that was too small for Shepard to see. "You're so funny! Anyway, I'll be off now. I'm supposed to be looking in for some upgrades for my suit anyway. See ya around Shep."
Shepard watched her go with narrowed eyes, shouting out the first thought in her head towards Kasumi's back. "And for the love of everything holy, don't steal anything!"
Kasumi spared a glance behind her to wink at Shepard before continuing on her way, disappearing as soon as she turned a corner.
That left her alone with Miranda and that of course meant that it was either going to be more awkward or Miranda would just ignore her.
With a sigh Shepard got up from her original position and sat down next to the Operative with another sigh escaping her, placing her cheek in the palm of her hand and staring down at Miranda's hands (noticing the way she held her chopsticks in a sluggish manner which seemed alien to Miranda's description) until Miranda growled angrily under her breath; the sound causing Shepard to look up at it curiously.
"What is it Commander?" Miranda breathed out with a dangerous tone tingeing her words. "You've been grating me all day and it's truly getting annoying and childish that it's unbelievable!"
Shepard nodded once before pointing at her XO's hands. "You're holding the chopsticks wrong Lawson."
"I'm what?" Miranda just seemed to be getting angrier with her but still it was annoying Shepard to no end seeing how stupid Miranda was holding the damn sticks.
"You're holding the damn chopsticks wrong! That's what!" Shepard growled out angrily, reaching over to grasp the chopsticks away from Miranda's hand and placing them in her own, bringing said chopsticks up to Miranda's face so the Operative could see how her digits were wrapped around the wood. "You see? That's how you hold them."
Miranda gave her a look that clearly said she was wondering if anything serious ran through Shepard's mind, making a move for her chopsticks and glowering when Shepard moved them away. "Commander, they're my chopsticks."
Shepard rolled her eyes and felt the side of Miranda's ramen pot, snorting at the temperature. "Lawson, this is almost cold. If you were struggling you could have just asked for a fork."
When Miranda turned her face away from her (obviously thinking up a callous one-liner that would throw Shepard off) Shepard used Miranda's used chopsticks and dug into the ramen, spinning it round the noodles until there was enough on the chopstick that it'd be worthy of being called a 'bite'.
"Alright Lawson, open up." She nudged Miranda's side with her elbow, giving Miranda's scowl a winning smile in response. "Aw, come on. Aren't you going to try it?"
Miranda gave her the best unimpressed look Shepard had ever seen and that was something! She remembered Ashley giving her that look before and boy, what a look that was!
"Commander you can't be serious in thinking that I'd…" Opportunity was granted to Shepard when Miranda opened her mouth and so she used said opportunity to place the chopsticks in Miranda's mouth; withdrawing when she was sure Miranda had managed to get the noodles off the wood.
Miranda's eyes widened at the intrusion and to Shepard it looked like she was about to choke until Miranda settled back down in her seat and started chewing in slow, subtle movements that make Shepard ridiculously hot under her armour and when Miranda gulped she had to remind herself to breathe.
Shepard actually sees something in Miranda's eyes that doesn't contain displeasure, discomfort, anger or frustration at her and weirdly enough resembled something that looked like curiosity with just a hint of embarrassment.
"Like it?" Shepard asked in a way that she hoped was subtle enough that Miranda wouldn't be able to catch the anxiety in her voice.
Miranda in turn bowed her head, shaking it slightly as if to try and regain her thoughts and before Shepard can even think of saying something there's a snorting sound behind them.
Both herself and Miranda spin around ever-so-dramatically at that point - feeling caught for no apparent reason - to find Jack, Jacob and Garrus awaiting them both, all of them looking surprised apart from Jack who looked pleasantly smug.
"Well ain't that precious…" Jack murmured with a mischievous glint in her eye, scratching at the skin just below her ribs. "What? You two bosom-buddies now? Cause that's just sickening for you Shepard, thought you were fucking the thief?"
Shepard scowled at the convict, getting up from her stool so that she was now staring down at the biotic convict. "Jack, question for ya. How long do you think you'll be able to run before I shove my gun and foot up your arse?"
Miranda broke in between them both with a cold, calculating look that was of course enough to make Shepard lose some more oxygen from her lungs.
"I'm going to find Kasumi," she informed them all frostily, giving Jack a glare that was so deadly that Shepard was surprised the convict didn't drop down dead. "Everyone should get back on the ship Commander, we've all got what we wanted."
Shepard nodded hastily at Miranda's retreating back, looking at Jack when the biotic winked at her. "Answer to your previous question, as long as it takes for you to shove your fingers up that Cerberus bitch's cunt."
Shepard went for her gun.
Jack placed her hands up in mocking self-defence. "Christ Shep! I'm just kidding around!"
Shepard decided that maybe it was best she next talked to Miranda drunk, just to spare her the pain.
