TRIS
We go back to the broken city in groups of five. In our group, there is Tobias, Caleb, Cara, Christina, and I. No one knows what they're doing, but the city is restrained. No one has tried to become a ruler because they don't know anything anymore. We have a big task ahead of us.
Christina stops by the trains that lead to the Dauntless compounds. She looked up and grabs my hand. "I think we should go in." She offers. "I miss this place, and I don't want to see it run over by anyone."
I nod. I grab Tobias with my other hand, and we all start to walk up to the trains with Cara and Caleb behind us. Tobias rubs circles into my palm with his finger, and it releases tension I didn't know was there.
I hear the familiar sound of the train approaching, and Tobias and I begin to run. Christina is right behind us, and Cara and Caleb follow our lead. We jump in together with the wind beneath our feet. I pull the rest in, and Caleb jumps without my help. I am proud of his newfound strength.
Tobias and I sit together in the corner. I am reminded of all the times we have been here together before, when he snuck me out in the middle of the night to the Erudite compounds, when we were heading toward Amity with Marcus and Caleb, and now here, when we are once again on the brink of something new. He looks at me with a smile in his eyes, and presses his lips to mine softly. I return the kiss, and he tastes like water and fresh air. My arms find themselves behind his head, pulling him closer to me. And it helps me realize that I never have to let go. He is mine now and forever.
Once we are in the Pit, I hear the eternal roar of the chasm and the silence that surrounds it due to the emptiness of the Pit. I look up, and something draws me toward the chasm stairs. Christina nods to me, and I pull Tobias up the stairs. He starts to ask where I'm going, but I shush him. We climb the stairs by ourselves while the others walk along the floor of the Pit.
I decide that I want to go through my fear landscape again. I have gone through so much since I was in there in the first place, and I want to see if my fears have changed. Or if the number has changed.
When Tobias realizes what I intend to do, he tries to pull me back. "Tris, you don't need to do this."
I shake my head. "Yes, I do. And I want you to come with." I know it won't take much for him to agree with me. He never coddles me.
He gazes at me with wonder in his eyes, and finally breaks out into a smile. "When did you become so brave?" He teases me.
"Somewhere along the line." I laugh. I inject the serum into my neck, and he does the same. Within seconds, the room before me disappears, and Tobias's grip on my hand grows stronger. As the scene in front of me begins to change, I start to feel nervous about it. What if my seventh fear is still there, my fear of intimacy? I was sure that I had overcome it, but just the fact that I am worrying about it means it might still linger. I take a deep breath and try to push those thoughts away. I have a daunting task ahead of me, and Tobias is by my side.
The ground beneath us changes. Grass rises in the concrete and sways in a wind I cannot feel. A green sky replaces the exposed pipes above us. I listen for the birds that I know are coming. I remember this fear; it was about control and handling my power.
Wings flap next to my ear, and the crow's talons dig into my shoulder. Tobias tries to smack it off right away, but I stop him. "It won't do any good." I warn him. "They'll just keep on coming."
He nods, looking annoyed that he can't help me in any way. I recall that the first time I went through this simulation, I imagined a gun and shot the bird. But now, I still possess a wariness of guns, and I know that won't help. My heart rate starts to increase as I try to think of a solution, all while trying to ignore the birds. Now, there are two on my shoulder and a swarm is flying toward us.
Tobias remains untouched a few feet away, and I realize it's because this is my battle to fight alone. My fear is constructed this way because I afraid of being the only one who is powerless, and I must gain back the power alone. I close my eyes and focus on all the things I have learned since I first entered this landscape, and I slowly calm down and welcome death with open arms.
Suddenly, the birds are gone. Tobias slams into my side, and I see that we are trapped in tank that will fill with water. He seems confused for a second. "Claustrophobia?" He asks.
"No. Weakness. Not being able to escape."
He looks around, and I can see that he is uncomfortable in the close quarters. I wrap both arms around him and pull him closer. "I guess this is a fear for both of us, in different ways." I whisper in his ear. "We'll have to get through this together."
He squeezes me tighter, and water starts to pour into the tank. I wait with my head against his chest, and I breathe in his warm, airy scent. The muscles in his back flex as he squeezes me tighter. The water covers our waists, our shoulders, our heads. Finally, it reaches the top and the entire tank explodes. The setting disappears, and I marvel at how easy that was when we are together.
Then, we reach my third fear. I brace myself for the incoming wave and hug Tobias to my side. A solid wall of water slams into us, and we fall onto a jagged rock. "Pull yourself up!" I scream to him as another wave hits us. I can taste the salt on my lips and feel it stinging my eyes. We help each other climb up the rock and try to get toward safety. This fear is about being out of control, I remind myself. But with Tobias next to me, it seems a lot easier to regain control and climb up the rock toward safety. The scene vanishes as quickly as it came.
Suddenly, we are tied together on a wooden pole. I glance below me and see that there is a pile of logs waiting to be set on fire. People emerge from the shadows, but this time they aren't all initiates. Peter is still there, but so is Marcus, Johanna, Evelyn, Nita, David, and Cara. All people I have tried to stand up to in the past.
We both struggle against the ropes as Peter sets the logs on fire. "Not so brave anymore, huh Tris?" He shouts at me with a sadistic grin. "I thought you were stronger than that!"
I try to ignore his teasing and focus on freeing the ropes. Tobias grabs my hands and pulls them away. "Wait, stop." He says. "This isn't about the fire. It's about you feeling powerless in front of all these people."
I pause. He's completely right, I know. But I'm not sure how to move past this fear.
"Tell them you don't care what they think of you." He advices. "Tell them you don't care if they think you're weak. You're not, you're strong, and you can't listen to them."
I repeat his words in my head. You're not weak. You're strong. You don't care what they think of you.
I relax against the wooden pole and forget about the fire growing stronger every second, and pretend it's the warmth of a living room fireplace, the warmth of family and love.
The ropes dissolve around us, and we appear in the Abnegation section of the city. I exhale gradually, glad to be almost done. I remember this fear; it was faceless men trying to shoot me.
But that can't be right. I have changed so much since the first time I went through here that I have a feeling this fear might have changed.
Tobias and I walk down the stairs of my old Abnegation house and see my family sitting there. My mother, my father, and Caleb, except he looks awkward with them now that he has grown so much. A tear rolls down my eye. "Mother?"
She opens her mouth to say something, but I hear the click of a gun behind me. There is a mirror across the room that never used to be there, and in the reflection I see the faceless, scarred man behind me, pointing his gun at my mother.
I instinctively duck down and jump in front of them while Tobias punches the man. More appear behind him, but he takes them down easily. I grab the first man and throw his gun toward my mother, and she catches it. She shoots, and I close my eyes.
When I open them, I am back in my room. I take a deep breath, wondering how this can be so easy.
And then I see a second Tobias standing in front of me.
