In the end, the girls ended up sleeping cuddled up together on the couch after they turned their aggression on the boys, prompting Loke to vanish while Happy pretended to be little more than an innocent little kitty.
So, blood was spilled on day one, some from nosebleeds caused by the joy of beauty and other nosebleeds caused by those beauties punishing them for the lascivious game they'd taken part in. All in all, Gray and Natsu were sure it was worth the pain to see both the wonder of bouncing boobs and how cute and harmless they all looked sleeping together the next morning under a blanket Gray put over them after they spent the better part of the night talking.
Natsu miraculously rose from his sleep in Loke's bed at a relatively early hour and after a trip to the bathroom, found Gray standing in the living room in the nude, watching the girls sleep.
"What the hell are you doing?" Natsu asked.
Gray sat on the coffee table and said, "The girls are really amazing, you know."
Natsu was less concerned about how awesome the girls were and more concerned about the fact that he'd eaten a piece of popcorn that fell on said table, forcing him to realize that Gray's bare ass had probably touched everything in the house.
"Really," Gray added, "Think about it. I think this kind of life is harder for women because pretty girls are supposed to get married and do all that. Juvia, Erza, and Lucy are doing what they want in spite of that."
Not one for heart-to-heart conversations early in the morning or with Gray, the dragon slayer said, "You really are such a creep. Most people would think you were a real sick bastard if they could see you standing there with your junk out watching a bunch of girls sleep."
Gray looked down and squealed like a girl, which caused the girls to awaken at near eye-level with Gray's flaccid penis. Lucy screamed, Juvia blushed, and Erza…well, Gray's penis was not what she wanted to see first thing in the morning.
She chased him into the kitchen and grabbed a knife from the block. "If I ever see that when I wake up again, I'm going to cut it off!"
The ice mage covered himself with his hands and felt his legs buckle. Erza had beaten him many times for his habits, which were admittedly worse at home, but she'd never threatened him with castration before.
Erza sat down at the table in her bikini and Juvia dragged her feet as she and Lucy followed suit with the blanket wrapped around her body. "Coffeeeee…" Erza whined.
"Juvia is hungry," the water mage added.
Lucy mumbled something that was unintelligible but indicated she desired both coffee and food.
Gray put his boxers back on, started the coffee and sat at the table with them. "What do you guys want to eat? We could go to the guild. Or try to make something. Or go out. Mirajane stocked us up on groceries."
Happy exclaimed, "I know! We'll make Happycakes!"
Natsu suddenly became excited. "Happy! That's the best idea ever! But…no one else has ever eaten Happycakes before. They might not like them. Girls are picky."
"The idea of you cooking is absurd, and Happycakes just sound gross," Lucy grumbled.
Natsu accepted this as a challenge and descended upon Gray's kitchen with his trusted feline. Natsu and Happy cooking was just as noisy, messy, and insane as any of them would assume, but soon the smells of cooking filled the house and Gray served the women coffee while he reveled in the fact that they were all still half-naked and didn't seem to care.
Gray sipped at his coffee and announced, "We've no survived almost nineteen hours of being roommates and my house is still standing. I am impressed."
Lucy looked past him to Natsu, who had a batter-covered ladle in one hand and a spatula in the other, and there was a mist of flour in the air around him as he and Happy talked excitedly about 'Happycakes.' As someone who knew Natsu would eat literally anything and had a long track record of eating non-food items and even things that were clearly dangerous, Lucy was a little apprehensive, but suddenly, a plate was thrust in her face.
There was a cat-shaped stack of pancakes with two eyeball-esque eggs and a bacon smile.
Lucy stared down at her food, and then up at Natsu. "Since when can you cook?"
"Lisanna taught me. Taste it already!" he said, leaning over her in such a way that suggested her approval of his cooking was very important to him.
"I just need a fork or something…" her eyes wandered around as she prepared to give stellar reviews to Natsu's awful cooking in order to avoid hurting his feelings.
Natsu started ripping open the drawers in the kitchen that he hadn't already yanked out and spilled all over the floor while Gray pretended he was on a deserted island somewhere and his rival wasn't making a huge mess in his house.
"As Elfman says, real men eat with their hands!" Natsu said.
"I'm not a man, and I don't think he ever said that."
Gray made her a fork from ice and Lucy said, "That's cold!"
Erza grabbed the frozen fork when Lucy rejected it and stabbed through the Happycakes to take a big bite.
She deadpanned, and for a few seconds, everyone waited in anticipation.
Erza announced, "Natsu can cook? Since when? How did this happen?"
Natsu's huge smile suddenly appeared and he gave Happy a high-five. "All right!"
Lucy couldn't remember when things had ever been so relaxed between the members in their group except after battles when nobody had any energy to move, much less fight. The girls were groggy and feeling a lot of camaraderie after the prior night, which ended up several hours of talking about everything while Gray sat back with his coffee and ignored Natsu's shenanigans.
And Natsu…Natsu was taking care of his friends. He was actually cute enough about cooking that even Erza had to smile a bit when no one was looking. That said, he really couldn't help himself, so the Happycake he made for Gray had a frown and gouged-out egg eyes.
After Natsu sat down at the table, Virgo came through the gate on her own, and after giving the messy chef a look of serious consternation, zipped through the kitchen and washed all the dishes, put everything away, and then started on giving the rest of the house a good cleaning.
Gray was finishing up his meal when he noticed that Lucy and Juvia were whispering and looking at him, and he'd spent enough time around teenage girls to know that this was a sign of impending doom. "…what is it?" he asked.
"It's your face," Lucy said.
"I'm sorry? My face? Is there something wrong with it?"
Juvia raised a hand to her mouth. "It's furry…"
The ice mage ran a hand over his stubble-covered chin. "Ah, right. I didn't shave yesterday or today."
"Shaving? Since when?" Natsu asked, suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious that he had no face-fur to shave.
"A couple of years already. It's not that big of a deal. Honestly, it's kind of a pain."
Happy exclaimed, "Grow a mustache! A big fat one that's really long that you can curl up on the ends!"
Gray gave the cat a look of disbelief. "Thankfully, most of the people who have opinions like that aren't old enough to grow facial hair."
"I want a mustache," Natsu exclaimed as he slammed his fist onto the table. "Tell me how!"
"Growing facial hair isn't a trick or a magic skill. It just happens. It's actually kind of weird that you don't have any," Gray commented, rubbing his stubble and his success as a normal adult male in Natsu's smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom face.
Natsu angrily said, "I challenge you! We will grow mustaches!"
Erza narrowed her eyes. "You would both look like complete idiots like that. Unless you want me to use a very big sword to shave you while you sleep, I suggest you both forget the idea. Especially you, Natsu. Your hair is pink. No one would ever be able to take you seriously."
Lucy asked, "Besides, if you can't grow facial hair, you'll lose if you challenge Gray to a mustache-growing war."
"I'll beat that ice-pervert!"
"Oh? You want to fight, flame-brain?"
"I want a mustache!"
"That has nothing to do with me!"
Natsu decided that he would simply force his body to grow a mustache just to prove Gray wrong and, after stomping into the living room, sat down on the floor facing a window and took up a distinctively un-Natsu-like pose. Seemingly meditative, he soon started to growl as he visualized thick pink hair suddenly sprouting from his upper lip.
Gray and the others just stared at him from the table. "Really…that guy."
"Can I touch it?" Lucy curiously asked.
"No!" Juvia exclaimed before she stopped herself, covering her mouth quickly. "Only Juvia should be able to touch Gray's stubble!"
The ice mage was equal parts amused and disturbed with how interested the girls were in his stubble, including Erza, although she was doing a better job of pretending that she wasn't. "Touch it? Sure, I guess. It's just hair."
Suddenly, Juvia was leaning in close, running her fingertips along his chin and jaw. "Gray's face is prickly! Like a cactus!"
For some reason, he found this a little embarrassing, so he excused himself from the table, and ignored Natsu, who was by then flailing around in the living room and growling about his true desire to have a mustache.
His face was covered in shaving soap and half-shaven when he heard Lucy scream, and more on instinct than anything else, he rushed out of the bathroom and found that the cause of her horror made him cringe too.
"Natsu?"
The fire dragon slayer had somehow willed his body to grow a thick, ungroomed, bizarre-looking pink mustache over the course of only a couple of minutes. There was a little hair elsewhere, but he'd somehow miraculously convinced the face on his hair to grow at will.
"Natsu! Get rid of that thing right now!" Erza exclaimed.
Lucy covered her mouth. "Natsu, really. It looks like someone killed a rat, dyed it pink, and then stapled it to your face."
Instead, Natsu groaned with exertion and it started growing again.
"Natsu, that's disgusting! Stop it! I don't even…" the blonde didn't even know what to say to the fact that Natsu was such a stubborn oaf that he could tell his own body to grow facial hair just to beat Gray at something.
The dragon slayer crossed his arms and let out an evil laugh. "Unlike the underwear shogun, I'm not going to be a wuss and get rid of it either!"
"You're so awesome now, Natsu! Now all you have to do is get some hair gel and curl it up on the sides!" Happy exclaimed.
Natsu gave Happy a high-five, and then passed Gray and slammed the door to the bathroom in search of whatever Gray used to make his hair stand up all over the place.
The ice mage went over to the kitchen sink and continued the task of shaving, which the girls watched with fascination. "Is it really that interesting?"
Juvia answered, "Everything Gray does is interesting!"
"I'm more amazed that you haven't punched Natsu out by now, to be honest," Erza admitted.
"I'm saving it up. I'll beat him senseless once we're at the guild."
After he was done, he rinsed his face and splashed it with cold water, then proceeded to rub it with both hands to check if he'd missed any spots.
"Can Juvia feel now?"
"If you want. It's just my face though. Really, you girls are bizarrely fascinated with this."
He felt the pads of her fingers slide over his smooth face just before she squealed, "Soft!"
More growling sounds and the cheering of a cat were heard coming from the bathroom and Gray's brow twitched. "I don't even want to know what they're doing in there." He really hoped that wasn't the noise Natsu made while using the toilet, because if so, it was going to be an awkward three months.
Everyone else got dressed and prepared to start their day somewhat normally while Natsu hogged the bathroom.
There was a knock at the door and Gray went to go answer it, only to find Lisanna standing there. "Hey, Lisanna! Do you want to come in? I think there's still leftover breakfast and coffee."
"Actually, I'm supposed to go on a job with Juvia today and she didn't meet me at the guild when we planned on it. I thought…" 'maybe she heard two women were sleeping in your house and went crazy?'
Gray gave her a subtle, knowing smile that said, 'why yes, that's exactly what happened, but it wasn't bad at all.' "I think Juvia is just getting dressed now. She ended up staying over here last night. Good times…"
"Do those good times have anything to do with your fat lip? You and Natsu weren't fighting, were you?" Lisanna asked.
"Erza."
"Oh, I see," she kindly answered although she meant, 'if Erza did it, you deserved it and I'm not going to feel sorry for you.' "Hope it doesn't hurt too much."
Another groaning, gruntish, distinctly Natsu-esque sound came from the bathroom and Lisanna cringed. "What's he doing in there?"
Happy's voice came next. "You can do it, Natsu! Just a little more! Try harder! It's so big and long!"
Natsu heard Lisanna's voice and shouted through the door. "Lisanna! I'm almost done. You have to see it!"
Without context, this statement was horribly offensive to Lisanna's sensibilities. "Natsu! I don't want to see anything big that you made in the bathroom. Period! If you act like a pig, a girl will never like you!"
Juvia came out of Loke's room wearing an outfit of Lucy's. "Lisanna! I apologize! Juvia was distracted by Gray's unique wake-up call, and then Gray's coffee, and then Gray's stubble, and then Gray shaving! It was very distracting!"
Lisanna smiled. "No problem. Wait…Gray shaves? Since when?"
It took Juvia five whole minutes to explain how manly and awesome Gray was, comparing his stubbly face to a prickly love cactus and all sorts of other irrelevant details. Apparently, his freshly-shaven face was as smooth as her freshly-shaven legs.
Actually, that piece of information was worth it.
He rubbed his face, and then looked at Juvia's legs and used the special powers he gained by achieving puberty to connect his mind and sense of touch in order to facilitate dirty thoughts. Glory.
Natsu suddenly burst from the bathroom full-speed, having grown his appalling mustache until it stuck out almost twenty centimeters on each side. It was curled into little spirals on the end using hair gel, and since using so much gel made it appear wet, it just looked…
"Look, Lisanna! I have a mustache!"
Lisanna covered her face with her hands. "N-Natsu…you look so s-stupid." And then she burst out laughing. As she held her sides, she giggled so hard Lucy thought she was about to fall on the floor. "Y-You c-can't…your hair is pink!"
Lucy responded more or less the same way, and Juvia just glared at him as if he was the one with mental problems.
Erza pointed and ordered, "Remove that thing from your face at once!"
Natsu was actually pretty pleased that he'd horrified all the girls with his new facial hair. "I don't have to listen to you, Erza! I have a mustache!"
"Yo, Natsu, I've had facial hair for two years and it's never once protected me from Erza's wrath. You might want to rethink that logic," Gray commented.
"It hates you because you shave it off!"
Happy frowned. "I want a little kittystache."
Erza reequipped so she had a sword in each hand. "I will ask one more time, Natsu. Shave that thing off your face."
"Or what? You'll hold me down and—"
"Don't move, Natsu!" Fairy Tail's Titania moved so fast Natsu barely felt it until she was already behind him. Two fragments of his gel-encrusted mustache fell to the floor, leaving two small cuts on each side of Natsu's face.
She ex-quipped the blades and asked, "Natsu, if I ever see hair on your face again, I won't be so gentle when I remove it. Think about Fairy Tail's reputation when you decide you want to look like a fool."
Please Review!
Special thanks to Chrys Stone, Miki Boy, duskbird, Bareerah123, keke1208, WONDERBANGx3, Mariaa, LaynaPanda, Elemental Dragon Slayer, Sin of the Fallen, 61 wisampa, Senbei x Cup Ramen, Derrick, With a tardis and a portal gun, Dattebayo Devon, Kishin rei, thunder-fiend, Catwho, satomika, Beczy, paiialuna, and Lyssalaa for reviewing!
AN: This isn't a 'pairing' fic at all. There are going to be moments, but this story is basically just meant to be funny and that's all.
