Cave
Simba and Kovu had retreated to a cave, were they can speak privately. Kovu groaned, "This is your entire fucking fault."
Simba laughed, "Hah! It's not my fault. Who's the one who insulted me?"
He just looked down at the ground. The two stayed silent. Simba tried to think of a plan. I'm the king I should know what to do. Wait a minute, we're kings! He exclaimed, "Kovu, do you know what I'm thinking!"
He suggested, "Why do we sing randomly?"
Simba just glared at him, but resisted to claw the shit out of him. He sighed, "No. We're kings here. So?" He wanted Kovu to redeem himself. Kovu thought for a few seconds. Then, a light turned on. He exclaimed, "We're kings, so we can make the rules!"
"Good job, Kovu! I think I have some dog treats lying around here."
"Well, that's grea-Hey!" Kovu growled. For once, Simba didn't want to fight. He ordered, "We don't have time for that, well…not yet. Right now, we have to find Malkia."
Kovu put out, "Great, because I have a plan!"
Simba stared at him, surprised. "Wow, Kovu! And here I thought you were only good for annoying people. Alright, lay it on me."
He explained, "I thought that one of us could be a distraction. And since I'm still young, and you're so old, I thought it would be best for you to do it. I still have a lot to live for, and well you're almost near your death bed, right?"
Simba gave him a stony glare. Kovu just smiled. If you were a 100 miles away, you'd still be able to hear the world's most girlish scream. Kovu got thrown out the den and shouted, "It's clear!"
Simba walked out the den and stepped on Kovu's stomach. Simba whispered, "You can be a dick at times." Kovu didn't say anything. He just got up and followed him, kind of upset.
A few minutes later
They found Malkia outside the main den. The two ran up to her. They called, "Malkia!"
She looked down at the two. She smiled at them; it faded when she saw they're concerned looks. She asked, "Is there something wrong, my kings?"
They answered, "The lionesses are…"
Simba smacked Kovu and snarled at him. Simba continued, "The lionesses are forcing us to make cubs with them."
Malkia's jaw dropped. "Surely you can't be serious!"
Kovu nodded. "We are serious and my name isn't Shirley!"
He snarled, "If you weren't married to Kiara, I would so throw you off this mountain." Thank the gods. Kovu sighed in relief. Malkia sighed and walked into the den. To make sure everything is getting taken care of, they followed her.
Inside
All the lionesses were discussing something. They all got quiet when Malkia, Kovu and Simba entered. They bowed down to their Queen and Kings. Malkia put her head down to think. She asked, "Has anyone tried to…*ahem* rape these two?"
It seemed like half of the pride raise their paws. Some of them may have tried when the two were asleep, which is kind of creepy and desperate. Shanti spoke up, "Well, we need an heir."
Simba pointed out, "You guys have Nzuri. She can be your heir."
"Yeah but, I'd still be a female. We need a king." Nzuri explained.
Kovu asked, "I have question: What happened to the males here?"
They all looked at each other. A lioness with tan fur, beige underbelly, and paws, and pink eyes, named Kila explained, "They were driven away by hyenas. It was under what's-his-face's rule."
Simba whispered to Kovu, "You were adopted by a fucker. Scar just fucked up everything."
Kila continued, "I guess they were afraid to come back."
Kovu accidentally said aloud, "Those guys are pussies."
Everyone looked at him. He just gave them all a smile. Simba sighed deeply. "Well, you guys can't force this out on us. None of you are in trouble, but just don't do it anymore okay."
They all nodded. Kovu and Simba left out the cave. Malkia growled, "I'm disappointed in all of you. I didn't think you would stoop so low. Like I said before, let the new kings decide."
She left out the den. They all just exchanged devious looks.
Outside
Kovu and Simba started walking down the mountain. Kovu smiled. He stated, "I think we did a good job."
Simba laughed, "I'm sorry we. I'm the one who came up with the idea."
"Yeah. But, I,"
"I'm just gonna stop you there. I have feeling you'll say something, that'll make me choke you. So."
Kovu stopped. Simba kept walking down. He stopped when he noticed Kovu stopped. He rolled his eyes. "What did you forget how to walk? It's one paw, after the…"
Kovu shouted, "Will you stop that! You treat me like I'm an idiot. Well, I'm sorry Simba if you don't have a sense of humor. You don't think I don't want get outta this situation! Ever since I married Kiara, you've seen me like a bag of dirt. Is that all I am to you!"
Simba was stunned by his outburst. Kovu growled, "You know what, I don't have time for this!"
He walked past Simba and went to the den. He just stood there, letting the words sink in. I didn't know he did it for humor. It just got annoying and…I guess I'm a little rough on him. I don't know. I'm so confused. He sighed and went into his den.
When he got inside, Kovu glared at him. It's not the usual ones he gives either. This one was full of hate. Simba got to the corner of the den and fell asleep.
I just want to say this just in case. I know Kovu isn't stupid. I just made him seem stupid. Just to make it more funny. Also, since Simba was kind of mean in the third movie, i made him more of an ass. I just wanted to get that point across. Also, i decided it's gonna be 5 chapters long. Anyway, did you like it? Was it funny? Please review!
Disclaimer: I don't own any Lion King characters. I only own Nzuri, Shanti, Malkia, Malkia's pride, and Kila.
