Chapter Three: The Introduction Of A Home Tutor


The birds are singing, the sun is shining, and the street is bright and full of smiling faces. It is a good day to be Sasagawa Kyouko's friend, Tsuna thinks.

Kyouko, being the best friend a person could ever ask for, immediately accepted that he would have to cancel their Saturday plans, and then proceeded to insist that to make up for it, they could spend all of Sunday together! He feels like his terrible lasting mood from yesterday has been blown away, like dust in the wind. Hana is obviously coming, because she had decided to be Kyouko's shadow one day and never looked back. Tsuna has no idea what inspired it (though he has a sneaking suspicion it might actually be his fault), but he's not particularly bothered. Hana is usually a good sport about a lot of things, and he doubts she'll actively attempt to ruin their day.

Today, they're going to the arcade. Tsuna is thankful for this — all the running around he did yesterday is making his muscles ache now. This way, at least, he only has to worry about his hands and upper arms. If someone slapped him on the back right now, he would most assuredly die.

"You are not seriously wearing that in public," Hana dryly observes.

Tsuna looks down innocently at his neon t-shirt with a very colourful acid-trip visual of a sloth on it, topped with the gakuran and coupled with unassuming blue jeans. "Is there something wrong with my outfit?"

"So many things. But why are you wearing the gakuran around in public?"

"Do you have any idea how differently people treat me while I'm wearing this? Besides, I wasn't wearing it yesterday, and I want them to hesitate if they think kidnapping is an option."

Hana pales. "Wait, is it?"

"He seemed kinda into your charming personality, but I doubt the group will last long enough to identify you, report, and organize a kidnapping. I'm only being careful since I actually mingle. I told Kusakabe-san about the identity of their leader already, so things should be all sorted out soon. He was very impressed with me."

"If I wasn't there, you'd be dead meat!"

"Yeah. Thanks, Hacchan."

"Don't call me that!"

But then Kyouko arrives, and they are forced to end their conversation, lest worry her sick with hypothetical gang activity. They do, in fact, make it to the arcade without any kidnappings afoot. Kyouko drags Tsuna and Hana to the photo booth, gearing up to get in some Friendship Time before they inevitably split up to play the games most suited to them. Hana is clearly used to this with the way she easily slides in, but Tsuna, who has miraculously managed to survive an entire lifetime without even touching a photo booth, awkwardly perches on the edge of the seat next to Kyouko and eyes the screen warily.

"It's okay, it'll tell you when the pictures are about to be taken," Kyouko cheerfully reassured him. Tsuna is unconvinced. He wonders if he could use the countdown warning as a reference on when to slide all the way off the seat and hit the floor.

Kyouko drags him in further so he's sitting down properly. Damn. Foiled again.

Kyouko puts in the money and rapidly selects a few options with an expert hand, with Hana making a few suggestions. When they're finished, they set it up to take a photo. Tsuna narrows his eyes at the contraption. He doesn't deal well with photos. Especially crowded ones.

5...4...3...2...1...

SNAP!

Tsuna tries not to blink at the sudden flash. It starts counting down again, and Hana and Kyouko make funny faces. Tsuna grimaces. SNAP. Next one, they hold each other, and Tsuna sits awkwardly off to the side. SNAP. Kyouko wraps her arms around each of them and gives the screen a peace sign. Hana and Tsuna each give their own peace sign. SNAP. Hana reaches over to grab Tsuna's cheek and yanks it, grinning slyly, and Kyouko laughs and tries to get her to stop. SNAP.

"Now to edit," Hana chirps. Their five photos pop up on screen.

Silence.

"You look exactly the same in all of them." Hana glares at Tsuna.

"Uhm...he's kind of making a face in the second one! And then you pulled his cheek...so it's only three photos, really!"

"He's like a mannequin! We need to spruce the sloth creep up!"

"Do whatever you want, Hacchan," Tsuna sighs.

Apparently she took that as a challenge.

Outside the photo booth, a strip of pictures is printed. There's an awkward silence as the trio looks down at them. Hana had gone full out editing Tsuna, giving him exaggerated eyes, a cute blush, little accessory stickers, and even bling. Their own images, on the other hand, were mostly untouched besides airbrush and glow filters.

"Hana..." Kyouko mutters. Hana looks proud of herself.

"Anyway, we should try some games out. That's why we're here, right?" Tsuna says, eager to change the subject.

"Oh, right! I wanted to try the new dance game," Kyouko perks up.

The three of them split up, directions determined. Hana goes to try out the zombie mansion shooting game in the corner, Kyouko goes to the huge dancing pad machine, and Tsuna goes to the nearest racing game. He gingerly takes a seat, pops in a few coins, and...

Sucks terribly at it.

After getting sixth place, he slides out of his seat and decides to go to something else. Like the crane game, maybe! He slides past a few people, puts in a coin, readies the stick, and...

Sucks even more.

Tsuna stares down at the joystick with a pinched frown. He had forgotten how terrible he is at every task known to man. He must have been letting his lack of failure in the Committee get to him. Wouldn't do to get a big head, after all. Maybe there's a game for kids around here that could distract him...But wait, wouldn't failing terribly at a game for kids be even more mortifying?

He stares at the ceiling. It's a hard life for a pathetic teenager.

Finally, he reasons that if he's going to do anything, it may as well make someone else feel better about themselves. He takes up the second slot at the zombie mansion shooting game, where Hana is wrapping up a hallway of the pixellated undead. She takes a while to fire, but when she hits, its always a headshot. The numbers at the top of the screen are consistently rolling upwards.

"Finally take an interest in marksmanship?"

"Considering I joined a gang, it might be useful to know how to fire a gun," Tsuna jibes. Hana snorts.

"If you get in a situation where you would have to shoot a gun, I'll save them the trouble and kill you myself."

"Nice. Thanks." Tsuna pops in 500 yen (exorbitant pricing!) and aims the plastic rifle. Hana pauses to glance at him, but turns back to her game without commenting. Tsuna's eyes flick to her, then back to the screen. He presses the forward motion pedal and advances into the dark, decrepit, low-polygon building.

"...Don't your parents worry?" Hana says after a moment. The question sparks something in Tsuna, and he's suddenly strung tight, so tight he accidentally fires a shot directly into the first zombie's head.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I get why you want to hide it from Kyouko. She hates fighting. But you can't exactly hide gang activity from your parents. I mean, it's you." Bang bang. She clears out a staircase.

Tsuna pushes forward, tries to shiver out the new tension, and failing terribly. Two new enemies show up on screen. With a grunt of frustration, he fires one in the chest and one in the head. "Mom's fine with it. She just doesn't want me hurt, but she trusts me."

"Your mom is a huge ditz," Hana says. Another string of gunshots. "I bet she just pretends it isn't happening."

Would explain why she doesn't know about the mafia, Tsuna thinks. Another surge of bitterness. He releases three shots, dispersing three enemies, and surges forward until he comes upon the next wave, which he removes just as quickly.

"And your dad? You have one, don't you?"

"Are you trying to convince me to convince the Committee?" BANGBANGBANGBANG

"I'm worried about Kyouko, not you. If she finds out—"

"—She can trust me to not get myself in a brawl. I'm not a physical person."

"So if you got into a situation like yesterday you'd just lie down and take the beating."

"No, Hana-chan, I would just jump out the window, like a sane person," Tsuna sighs.

"So do you have a dad?"

Tsuna unleashes a hail of bullets on another wave of enemies. This time he imagines them all with his dad's face. "Yes."

"Did you tell him?"

"What's the point? He's on another continent right now. There's nothing he can do to stop me."

"Yeah, but did you tell him?"

Tsuna ramps down on the pedal, and his character flies down two hallways to get to the next wave. The tension in his core has heated up into full-blown anger now, and he feels like he's feeling everything in perfect, furious clarity. He aims the gun and lands a headshot on ten zombies in a three-second timeframe, pounds down on the pedal to keep rushing forward.

"...Yes."

Hana is looking at him again. Her foot is hesitating on the pedal. "He didn't approve, then?"

"No," Tsuna grits, zooming through the building. He's already hit the staircase he saw Hana at before he began. "He didn't care."

"What? Really? Does he not know of the Disciplinary Committee?"

"He wouldn't, so I made it perfectly clear. And he," BANG, "didn't," BANG, "care."

"Your dad's a jerk," Hana says.

BANG BANG BANGBANGBANGBANGBABABABABABABANG

The bullet sounds meld in together as they both hit a wave. Tsuna is only vaguely aware that it's the same one.

"He laughed and said that I better not be getting my girlfriend in trouble," Tsuna spits. His skin feels especially sensitive, and it prickles against the sensation of the plastic, his clothes, his own weight pressing against the arcade apparatus. "I don't even have a girlfriend. I never had a girlfriend! Even if I did, he wouldn't know about it, because I wouldn't tell him, and he'd have no way of knowing because he's in shitty Italy with his shitty boss having a shitty old time!"

Hana stops cold to stare at him. Through the corner of his eye, he can see her alternating between gaping at him and his screen.

"You...really, er...don't get along with your dad?"

"If he's going to PRETEND to be a doting dad, then he ought to BACK IT UP!" Tsuna roars, and plows through a wave of twenty, alternating between going forwards and backwards rapidly to clear the entire room. He advances blindly, only barely noticing that Hana has gotten a GAME OVER with a new high score. She's still staring at him.

"...Have you ever been angry?"

"NO! I was born a robot, and do not understand human feelings! BLEEP!" BANG "BLOOP!" BANG

By now, many patrons have begun to edge in a little closer. Tsuna's eyes are glued to the screen, so he can't tell how many. He keeps pushing through rooms and steadily increasing zombie numbers, with new breeds of zombie mixed in. Just his dad isn't enough. He imagines them with hypothetical mafia faces, black suits and cold expressions, just trying to stop him. He won't let trash like this stop him.

Who need a dad, anyway? Plenty of people don't have dads. He technically doesn't have one. Not anymore. What he has is an illusion constructed out of periodic postcards and vague letters. If he's in the mafia, he'll probably be dead within the next ten years anyway. Tsuna is honestly better off cutting his losses. If he really wants the Sawada household protected, the good favour of the Disciplinary Committee would be more than adequate. Hibari owns Namimori. Tsuna once heard that because he protects the hospital, Hibari can even beat up low-risk patients. If anyone in a black suit showed up he'd call every Committee member within ten blocks and have them clean up.

Tsuna releases the pressure on the forward pedal and squeezes his eyes shut, taking in short, even breaths. He doesn't even remember the last time his dad visited, and yet—


~x~


"Haha! C'mon, buddy, you can't really be getting in trouble this early?"

"It's an occupational hazard."

"Well, I bet you can stumble your way through it! Hahaha! Oh, but don't be getting your girlfriend in any trouble, okay? A man's gotta protect his woman!"

"...It's okay. I ended up having to jump out of a window, though. Not sure what I would have done if the bushes weren't there."

"That's thinking outside the box! Just what I'd expect from my own kid!"

"...Well...between facing off between a guy on a bike with a steel bar and the guy leading the group, I guess the window wasn't a huge deal..."

"Ah, damn, the lil' Tunafish I knew wouldn't be able to do half that. You've been really active since I last visited, huh?"

"...Yeah. Guess I was."


~x~


—could it have killed him to be even remotely worried about him? What's the point of acting like an overbearing father if he just lets Tsuna put himself in danger like that? If he mentioned that he had put Hana in danger, would he even blink?

The foul mood that had just settled dead in his stomach yesterday is flaring to life now, sulfur and spit and a little hurt. He had expected his dad to be distant from the start, and only dropped the scenario to tease his father. He was just going to tell him it was joke and there was nothing to worry about. Apparently there was no need for Tsuna to reassure him to begin with.

He didn't care.

With a sniffle, Tsuna targets the last enemy with blurry eyes and lays bullet after bullet into its bloated, twisted body. It collapses in a heap of blood and muscle. The screen goes black.

YOU WIN lights up on screen. He wipes his eyes and glares at the letters telling him he just set a new high score. His is two digits more than the scores underneath it. A screen prompts him to enter his name on the katakana board using the gun. He fires. He has something he's competent with now, and if he just focuses on that, everything can go back to being background noise.

ヒショ

(hisho - secretary)

He feels the tension seep out of him, and now his limbs feel oddly weak. He actually has to aim carefully in order to hit the OK button with his crosshairs, and even then it takes three tries. Finally, he relaxes against the back ramp and places his gun back into the slot.

There's a moment of sweet, self-reflective silence.

Then the room erupts into applause.

Tsuna spins around to see an impressive crowd squeezed in around the shooting game, all staring at him. He flinches back, and seeks out Hana if only for her comforting normality, but she's gaping at him like he just grew a second head. He looks at the screens again, seeking an explanation, and it's only then that he realizes.

Hana's high score is 104,500. Tsuna's is 343,027.

"Oh," says Tsuna. "Hm."

He absolutely should not have been able to do that. Especially when distracted. To hell with 300,000, he should have struggled to hit 700. There's no way he managed to do this all by himself. He wonders if the hitboxes on this game were broken, so whenever he fired he hit something, but something eats at the back of his mind, reminding him of the strange tension he had mistaken for anger before he got really pissed.

It was almost familiar. He has no idea why.

Tsuna hops down and catches Kyouko's eye, ignoring the noisy group of preteen boys trying to get his attention. She's clapping just as enthusiastically as the rest of them, pleased as punch with his success. The sight makes Tsuna smile softly. At least there's someone he can count on to care. He's sure if he told Kyouko about the Disciplinary Committee's adventures, she's strap him to a gurney and cart him around from class to class to make absolutely sure that he wouldn't get into trouble again. There's a reason Kyouko is the sun in his sky, his best (and only) friend. She can never not care.

"I'm, uh...not feeling to well," Tsuna says weakly, giving the people around him uncertain looks. "Is it alright if we move on?"

"Oh, of course! Why don't we celebrate at a restaurant! I'm pretty sure that game's really new, but you did so good at it! Is it because the Committee taught you?"

"Well, I certainly know how to stay on my toes hanging out with them..." Tsuna mutters under his breath.

Hana hops down to join them, clearing off the rest of the patrons with a sweeping glare as she does so. "C'mon, Kyouko, I got a high score too. Where's my celebratory meal, huuhh~?"

"If we go to the cake shop, I'll let you have the biggest slice, Hacchan," Tsuna replies curtly. He can feel his emotion sliding away again. Off in the distance, where they belong.

"Don't call me that!"

"Sorry, Hacchan."

"Urgh! See if I pay for your bill, Sloth Creep!"

"That's cold, Hacchan."

Kyouko giggles, and the three of them leave the arcade, trailing wide-eyed gamers in their wake.


~x~


Being on the Committee is great now.

Everyone is suddenly treating him respect, like an old friend. The back-pats are increased to the point of excess, but they aren't really putting on the pressure when it's time for a snack run, and they actually invite him in on conversations. Kusakabe smiled at him. Hibari said 'secretary' and nodded slightly. Tsuna feels like a damn celebrity. He could kiss Kyouko for having such good and excellent ideas. He has never been more satisfied with his life. It might actually offset how upset he is at his dad being an unfeeling monster.

If the arcade had more students from Namimori middle when he performed his spontaneous videogame miracle, he bets he would have normal students thinking he was cool, too. Life is good.

At lunch, Tsuna slides across the counter to get at the yakisoba sandwich and runs it back up to the upperclassman Keitarou, before turning back and high-tailing it down to the tree outside to meet up with Kyouko-and-sometimes-Hana. From what he can see, today is a Hana day, as the dark-haired girl is loitering about near the pathway. Tsuna jogs up to them, and she abruptly sits down. He cocks his head. Was she waiting for him?

"Tsuna!" Kyouko calls, waving. "Come here, my mom made up something nice for my bentou. I'll trade you!"

"Sure." Tsuna skids in on the grass and whips out his own bentou box. He opens it to reveal the food his mother cooked, seeing as he has the competency of a drunk infant in the kitchen. The trio quickly trade side dishes, and compliment each other on what they got. Even Hana looks less hostile than usual. Man, everything's going great for Tsuna lately.

They quickly move into chatting. Tsuna aggressively turns the subject away from his skills at shooting games. No matter how much he thinks about it, he's sure he could never replicate the results from yesterday, and it's really better off put to rest. Instead, he veers the conversation towards Hana's mysterious gun-making benefactor. She assures him that her contact only modifies things, and is really better at arts, crafts, and automated machinery. Apparently the gun was just a bit of dabbling based on something they had seen in an online how-to, which Tsuna finds both terrifying and intriguing. Kyouko wonders if she should ask for tips on making her brother's boxing gloves more secure and safe for the fury of his shining fists. Tsuna doesn't have the heart to tell her that there is probably no known earth material capable of withstanding Sasagawa Ryouhei.

Not just his fists. All of him.

They're so deep in conversation that none of them note the figure rushing towards them, and by then, it's too late.

Tsuna receives a hard slap to his back that sends both him and his bentou flying, spilling all over the grass and Kyouko's lap. She lets out a shriek of surprise, and a shocked Hana automatically moves to brush her clean. Tsuna groans and slowly gets back up. He should have known.

"Whoops! Sorry about that, shrimp!"

He looks up to see Shintarou, a boy in second year and a proud Committee member. His pompadour actually looks very normal and traditional on his head. Must have short hair.

Shintaro is blushing and looking excited at Kyouko, revealing an enormous hole in Tsuna's reasoning of this being the best job ever; now that everyone's friends with him, they feel comfortable approaching Tsuna's own friends. Specifically, the school idol.

"Sorry to you too, Sasagawa-chan," the delinquent says quickly, whipping out a handkerchief and passing it to her. She smiles at him and uses it to brush the remainder of the rice from her person. Tsuna scratches his head, still lost in thought. How did he miss this possibility? Is it because he had already blue-balled half the male population in this school already and assumed that his reputation at being useless as a way into Kyouko's heart preceded him?

"It's okay, I'm sure you didn't mean to," she laughs.

"Yeah, it's Tsuna's fault for having a rubber spine," Hana snorts.

Tsuna raises his hands. "Guilty as charged. Did you need something, Shintarou-senpai?"

"Oh!" The delinquent turns even more pink and straightens slightly, glancing periodically at Kyouko. "Well- y'know, I was wondering if you might wanna learn a few more of the ropes...there's some things they don't teach the secretary, you know...the girls can come too!"

"Pass. Free lunch," Tsuna quickly dismisses.

Shintarou deflates. "O-Oh, well..."

Out of the corner of his eye, Tsuna notes, to his confusion, someone brazenly wearing something against the school uniform regulations. On school grounds. He's not even sure if this guy is a real student; Tsuna certainly hasn't ever seen him before. He frowns. Does this man want to die?

Shintarou follows Tsuna's gaze to the newcomer and mimics his frown. He straightens and shoots Kyouko a winning smile. "Looks like there's some riffraff to clean up. Don't worry, Sasagawa-chan, I'll make sure he doesn't bother you none."

"Oh, uh, thank you!" She smiles again, and Shintarou straightens so far that he walks like he has a steel rod in his spine. Tsuna watches in mild interest as the Committee member intercepts the mysterious suicidal teenage newcomer.

"Hey, those close are against Namimori Middle regulation. Do you even go here?"

"Nope," says the teen. And he — as if to prove how suicidal he is — lights up a cigarette.

"Oi," Shintarou hisses, angry now. "No smoking on the school premises. Besides that, you're underage."

"That's none of your business, is it? I'm not even attending this school right now, am I?" The teen bites back.

"Then you're also trespassing. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

By now the trio has completely lost interest in their lunches and have taken to leaning forward to listen in on the conversation with thinly-veiled interest. Tsuna has seen a few of these interceptions before, and they're almost always clean, but he's not sure if he's ever seen anyone who straight up didn't know what the hell he was getting into. He can't help but find it intriguing.

"What if I don't, huh?"

"Then I will have to forcefully remove you for disrupting the peace of Namimori middle school." Shintarou spares Kyouko a proud glance as he said this. Tsuna narrows his eyes. That would have been cute if it weren't aimed at his best friend, who Tsuna hopes won't be interested in boys until at least college. Can't he hit on Hana instead?

"I'd like to see you try," the teen hisses, and he pulls out...

He pulls out...

Tsuna quickly turns around, pulls out his device, and taps a quick message while casually eating his meal. He nudges the still-staring Kyouko to get her attention. "That's none of our business."

"But..."

He nudges Hana next. "That's none of our business. Right Hacchan?"

She grimaces at the nickname, but pats Kyouko on the shoulder. "That's none of our business, Kyouko."

"I-I guess," she worries.

Tsuna hits send. A few seconds later, he can hear alarmed cries as Hibari Kyouya leaps down from the roof. He gently puts an egg roll in his mouth and chews deliberately, a portrait of peace and tranquility. Hana does much the same.

Kyouko squirms. "U-uhm...I think he's going to..."

"Kyouko," Tsuna says gently, "that young man has pockets full of dynamite. That's none of our business."

She sighs. "I guess."

And they peacefully eat their lunch to the soothing background track of a mysterious dynamite-wielding teenager being bitten to death. Just another ordinary day at Namimori middle school.


~x~


Day 2 is pretty much second verse, same as the first, but with more teenage boys hoping to get some quality time with Tsuna's friendcrew. Tsuna doesn't appreciate this much, and is sure to send out some barbed words about what they're doing with their time. Hana actually seems to be enjoying the extra attention, but she keeps shooting the school gate nervous glances, so he supposes she's still worried about being kidnapped. He has to reassure her three times that Kusakabe told him he got it taken care of.

Tsuna actually forgets about the incident from yesterday completely until he takes a detour to the convenience store after school. It's not the one he usually goes to, but he wanted something cool to drink, and the store has a distinct and totally inexplicable 'hallowed grounds' atmosphere to it that makes him think buying his drink there would probably feel twice as satisfying and slightly sacred, like being an 8-year-old in a spare-change snack shop. He was only planning on taking a minute tops, but his speedy purchase plans are ruined when he sees him.

Dynamite Guy.

He's crouched by the instant food, clutching his stomach and glaring at the cup ramen, occasionally giving the microwave dinners an accusing stare. There's a box of nutrient bars tucked in his armpit, and his teeth are latched so firmly onto his cigarette it looks like he is perilously close to biting the butt clean off. Tsuna can do little but stand there like a buffoon and gape at the strange, out-of-place image. How the hell does one afford dynamite and not instant meals?

Dynamite Guy's hand hovers uncertainly over a cup of vegetable ramen. He clucks his tongue and hovers over to the microwave dinner. Then a glance at the pricetag, and back to the cup ramen. This is the saddest thing Tsuna has ever seen in his entire life. He has been fully plunged into a cheesy daytime drama. It is his punishment for not sucking at life for once.

He takes a few hesitant steps forward. "Having trouble deciding?"

"Wha-huh?" The teen spins around and locks eyes with Tsuna, who notes with some surprise that the guy has pale green eyes. Then again, with the elongated face...he looks Japanese, but he's probably half. Tsuna wonders if he's from out of town or out of country. He can't be native to Namimori if he was stirring up trouble publicly like that. Even Tsuna's bullies took the trouble to antagonize him in dark corners.

"The ramen is crap, but it'll fill you up in a pinch," Tsuna continues, trying to pretend this guy doesn't have sticks of dynamite in his pocket. "If you're not expecting any money any time soon, the ramen is fine enough, but you shouldn't rely on it."

"Oh, I..." He relaxes for a second, then goes tense. His cheeks turn an unbecoming shade of scarlet. "I-I don't need advice! I can shop by myself."

"Just trying to help. If you need an extra 500 yen or something-"

"I didn't ask for your charity!" The boy spits.

Tsuna's eyebrow twitches.

"Cool." He takes his basket and sets his arm down on the end of the shelf. Without breaking eye contact with the teen, he deliberately drags the arm all the way down, dropping all the ramen cups into his basket until it's overflowing. Then, still not breaking eye contact, he walks backwards to the counter and declares "I'm buying all of these."

The teen looks torn between confusion and horror.

Tsuna only turns to pay for his excessive purchase, which is placed into two bags. Tsuna holds both of them with one hand and hold up his prize to show the mysterious starving delinquent. Dynamite Guy has his hands hovering over his pockets now. Tsuna quirks his head, gently, almost mockingly, and negotiates in the traditional time-honoured Disciplinary Committee technique of completely unnecessary antagonism.

"Fight me for them."

Dynamite Guy gapes. "What?"

"You heard me. Punch my lights out and take my groceries."

"I'm not going to fight you for a bunch of ramen cups!"

"Why not? They're free."

"I-It's...I mean..." The poor bastard looks genuinely lost.

"I asked you to fight me. It's not assault that way."

"Yes it is," the clerk whispers. "Shut up," says Tsuna.

"You're not gonna call your boss on me or anything?" The teen asks, because yes, this sounds like an obvious trap, but he's starting to eye the ramen cups hungrily now.

Tsuna sighs. As much as he would really enjoy handing the bag over so this poor soul could spend his money on better things, pride corrupts such innocent gestures. There's no way he wouldn't stretch this pain-in-the-ass situation out unnecessarily.

He takes the cigarette out of Dynamite Guy's mouth and puts it out on the shelf, staring him down.

"I don't have all day."

It works. Dynamite Guy drags him out to the parking lot by the collar, and Tsuna gives the clerk a thumbs-up as he goes.


~x~


"I'm home."

"Oh, no, Tsuna, how did you get a black eye?" Tsuna's mother cries in horror.

"Being a good Samaritan is a road with all pain and little gain," Tsuna says sagely.

In the end, Tsuna threw a punch, stumbled, and got socked in the face. Then Dynamite Guy yelled at him for a while. Tsuna is never doing something nice for a stranger again. He thought he had gotten better at dealing with delinquents, but there was no real way Tsuna could think of to handle the guy besides begging to get mugged.

He's not sure why he wanted to help Dynamite Guy to begin with, considering he wields sticks of actual dynamite. (Unless they were cleverly disguised fireworks.) Something about him just seemed...kinda harmless. Some part of Tsuna simply couldn't see him as a threat. He was just a poor unfortunate in need of a hand.

Tsuna has too many feelings lately. He wishes he could remember how to kill them.

Tsuna's mother carefully treats his eye and doesn't ask any questions, and Tsuna wonders if this is the willful ignorance Hana mentioned. He doesn't mind. The important part is that she cares about him. It really does feel good to be showered in positive attention every now and then.

Once she puts a little gauze patch on it, she stands back and gives him a chipper smile. "There we are. You better be more careful, I don't want to have to keep buying more first-aid supplies!"

"Yeah, of course," Tsuna sighs.

"Well...Oh! That's right! Guess what, Tsu-kun! I've hired a home tutor!"

"Oh?" His grades are pretty terrible. He doubts he'll be allowed to stay in the Disciplinary Committee if this keeps up. "Sounds good."

"Let's see...I have the flier somewhere over...here!" She pulls out a piece of paper and begins to quickly read through it. "Mmhm, mhm...It's a contract for a live-in tutor, one year tuition, bringing your child to new heights...doesn't that sound wonderful?"

Tsuna scratches his head. "Do we have room for something like that?"

"Oh, don't worry, we have two spare bedrooms, and more than enough money! Anyway, we're having an appointment this afternoon. He should be here within thirty minutes, actually."

"I guess that's-"

Knock knock.

"Oh, he must be here already! Tsu-kun, tidy yourself up, you have to look ready to learn!"

"Right..." Tsuna adjusts his clothes and brushes the dirt off his pants. Maybe with a tutor, he'll even be elevated to the level of a normal student. Just think; Tsuna in college, completely average and not a failure at all.

"Come in, come in, you'll love my Tsu-kun, he's a perfect student, trust me," his mother titters. She comes in, trailing...

Tsuna cocks his head.

Dynamite Guy looks like he's seen a ghost.

His silvery hair has been slicked back and he's wearing glasses and an open suit now, but Tsuna definitely recognizes Dynamite Guy. Right down to the cheap metal jewellery and rigid posture and unnecessary smoking. What the hell, is he stalking Tsuna? Well, no — he looks just as shocked to see Tsuna as Tsuna is mildly surprised to see him.

"Guess you don't need the ramen cups after all, then."

Dynamite Guy's expression doesn't change, but his cheeks flare pink. He glances at Tsuna's mother in desperation, but she doesn't seem to notice there's a problem.

"Well, Gokudera-kun, this is Tsunayoshi, my son. Tsu-kun, this is Gokudera Hayato, the tutor I told you about!"

"We've met," Tsuna say dryly.

"I-I-I..." He stutters. Seeing Tsuna's lack of reaction, it sinks down into cold fury. "You-!"

"Really? Where?" Tsuna's mother asks.

"Just an hour ago, actually. I was impressed by his sense of pride."

Dynamite Guy, now known as Gokudera, looks like he wants to strangle Tsuna right then and there. Tsuna blinks up at him.

"Well, anyway, if you've already made a good impression, I'll just go and sign that contract!" His mother chirps, and she proceeds to pat him on the back, snatch the cigarette out of his mouth, and put it out on the ashtray they use to hold pistachio shells.

"W-wait, I dont- I mean- this guy is-" Gokudera looks desperately between Tsuna's mother, who he seems to like, and Tsuna, who he seems to want to kill. Tsuna leans his chin on one hand and continues to look at Gokudera, waiting for some coherent opinion to come out of his mouth. Tsuna still doesn't really feel any threat from him, despite the hostility rolling off him in waves, and does not feel the need to shrink like he does when Hibari so much as glances in his direction.

"Aaand...there! Tsu-kun, could you show Gokudera-kun around the house?"

"Sure. Come on, Hayato."

Gokudera lets out an aborted shriek Tsuna was sure only Hana could make. He makes a mental note to continue calling him by his first name.

As soon as they're out of earshot, Hayato slams Tsuna against the wall. Tsuna is impressed; he works fast. "What's the deal? You think this is funny?"

"Am I laughing." Tsuna deadpans.

"So what, you set me up so you can mock me just like at the store? Beloved pampered son can do no wrong, right?"

"Uh. No. I didn't even know you. I just figured you'd yell at me if I tried to give you the bags."

Hayato, against all earthly logic, becomes even more red-faced than before. "I would not!"

"Yes, you would. Don't touch me." Tsuna gently pushes against Hayato's wrist. Hayato tenses, but doesn't release him.

"Do you really expect me to believe a punk like you just decided to give out free food to some random stranger?"

"Have you never experienced basic human kindness? Yes. You're worse than Hana. Do I have to cry and sob about how much I felt for your plight?"

"And if I don't believe you?"

"I don't know, punch me again? I thought you were here to teach me," Tsuna shrugs.

With an beastly growl, he pushes away from Tsuna and marches down the hall to barge into his room.

"How do you know where my room is?"

"None of your business!" Hayato snaps.

Ah, yes. The balance of the world. Great fortune cannot happen without great misfortune. Tsuna cannot experience any good in the world without an equal level of pain-in-the-ass. Well, as long as Tsuna isn't being tortured or anything, he supposes he can roll with this.

Tsuna steps into his room and sees Hayato carefully laying out some sort of thin notebook on his desk. He peers around him to see it's a workbook.

"This is...?"

"...It's to measure your skill level. I wrote the questions myself," Hayato mutters.

"At least you came prepared." Tsuna reviews the notes.

And reviews them some more.

Aaaaand, reviews them some more.

"Hayato?"

"Don't refer to me so casually! You should call me Gokudera-sensei!"

Tsuna ignores him. "What grade level would you say these questions are at?"

"Huh? Uh..." He quits his over-aggressive machismo routine long enough to look unsure of himself. "Well, I just wrote down questions that seem easy to me."

Tsuna squints at the questions that are obviously at university level.

"Hayato...while you're definitely a genius..." He places the workbook back down on the desk. "...You're not a very good teacher."

Hayato flinches, and Tsuna feels a sting of remorse. That might have been a little to abrupt a dismissal. He's obviously trying hard. Too hard. At everything. A home tutor and a delinquent and a street rat, introducing himself by a coupling of brazen threats and exemplary shows of genius. He doesn't seem to have any idea what he's doing, but he sure is doing it. That's worth a little respect.

...On the other hand, Tsuna's not sure how to stop being so blunt. Kyouko usually just rolls with it, and Hana likes to snark back. He's socially stunted otherwise. This is unprecedented new territory.

Hayato thankfully buckles before Tsuna does. "F-fine...If you don't like it, I'll just make a better one. Where's your school textbook?"

"Are you sure? What happened to slamming me against the wall?"

"It's fine, okay? I'm your home tutor. It's my job to get this right. You won't learn anything if I don't do it properly," He grumbles.

Tsuna shrugs and digs his school textbook out of his bag.

Over the next twenty minutes, Hayato reviews Tsuna's curriculum and mumbles about it being too easy and for children. Focused like this, pushing up his glasses ever so often, Hayato almost looks like a respectable tutor. Tsuna just hopes that he can actually teach at some point, or else this entire situation would be awfully silly.

...Not that it isn't already. Tsuna feels a familiar tension singing through him. Why is it that a starving delinquent kicking up trouble in Namimori middle would decide to be a live-in home tutor? Especially when he clearly has no idea what the average curriculum of a middle school student is like? He's obviously trying hard to execute his poorly-considered life plans, but why?

Hayato had no idea what Tsuna looked like. So is the tutor thing just an unlucky coincidence? Tsuna squeezes his eyes shut. No...There's been too many unfortunate events lined up for it to be that simple, and he must have been at Namimori for a reason. A boy old enough to be a middle school student, scouting out Namimori middle, is clearly poor as dirt, definitely a delinquent from the poorer end of town, and has a hostile attitude towards him...

He tenses. Udo or someone in the power vacuum must have sent this guy in to check up on the organization (and possibly individual person) responsible for dethroning him. It only makes sense. In that case, he really should have listened to Hana. She obviously knew they were dealing with a serious threat, she wouldn't have been needling him to ditch the Committee otherwise. It was careless of him to ignore that.

Dame-Tsuna messes it up again. Can't have fortune without misfortune. He is once again resigned to this.

"Hey. Hayato." Tsuna prompts. Well, there's no harm in being direct. "Who sent you?"

The sneer turns into a scowl that is a bit closer to a pout than anything else. "Hmph. So...you already know about the mafia."

Tsuna's eyes snap open.

"Wait, what?"