PerfectionA part of the PeinxTekai Saga

Perfection- flawlessness. perfect nature: somebody or something that reaches the highest attainable standard

I made my way across the base. The other members were scattered throughout the base, lounging lazily for it was the day of rest, and I had not assigned any missions. Some attempted to greet me, but I ignored them. The smarter ones let me be. I had just arrived from my daily look out of the town. My daily time to mourn and let the rains fall and drown things out. I walked into our room, coming in from outside. Our room, I had to change that. It was now only my room. It felt so odd. Our had changed to my, but in reality I tried not to stay there. Really, it felt like no one's. I looked around. The only thing I saw was shades of gray. Life had lost all it's color, and everything was darker. The light gone and dimmed away never to come again. There was nothing left for me. There was no joy in life like it once had.

I was falling apart inside. I had no one here to help. Without the other half, how would I ever be complete? I could feel myself disappear. Each day passed and passed, taking parts of me every time.

I gazed around the room again. It was empty, though filled by memories. . . And haunted by mistakes. Every time I walked in there, I couldn't help but to think of her. Everywhere I looked held some memory, a memory I longed to forget, yet wanted to keep closer and closer. The mistakes haunted me; I blamed myself for her death.

I should have been there to save her. I should have been at her side. I should have kept her from dying. Unfortunately there was no way to undo the past, and that mistake, my mistake, has left me here. I had drowned my self in self-regret.

I sat on the bed and held my face in my hands. The soft texture of the bed sheets called back to an earlier, happier time. The room echoed back the times that I longed for. The times I wish were still here. I could easily hear her laughter echo in the room. I could hear her voice. I would do anything for one smile, for one more chance to kiss her, for one more chance to make things right and have her here with me.

I lied down on the bed sheets. The cool black and red fabric easily shaped around me. Memories easily, quickly filled up my mind. This was where I talked to her. This was where she would comfort me. This was where I made love to her, kissed her, and so many more things.

I opened my eyes looking up. My body felt drained, cold like it always felt now. I could clearly see her face hover over mine, coming closer to kiss me. I raised my hand to... Her imaginary face, a wispy reminder. A hallucination brought on upon by my depressed mind. The only thing embracing me where arms of sorrow, covering me with its darkness.

I couldn't just forget her, no matter how much I tried.

I was here alone again, helpless and hopeless. I wished I could be someone else. I wished someone else could take my place. I wished I could be stronger, able to live without her, but a life without her would be a life. . . Not worth living.

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. I could see her clearly in my mind. That was the only place where she existed, in my mind and only in my mind. There I saw her, there she was.

I opened my eyes again and reached for the picture on the table next to the bed. There was my favorite picture. Everything was perfect. There she and I were, smiling.

Smiling. . .

How long had it been since I had last smiled? Since I had shown any happy emotion?

I had my arms around her waist, and her hand was entwined with one of mine. She had her head on my shoulders. There we were both happy, the essence of love, framed forever in that one picture.

I looked at her again, soaking up everything. Her hair, blacker than the sky that held the stars at night, framed the delicate shape of her face. Her skin was a soft beige, unblemished. Her eyes, the color of the bluest skies, brimmed with adoration. Mine were as well.

Had I once been that happy?

I placed the photo away from me.

"Tekai," I said slowly, savoring the sound of her name. "Tekai."

She was my everything, or well was once my everything. There was only one way to describe her.

Perfection.

Perfection was what I used to have. Perfection is what I called her. She was exactly what I ever wanted. Tekai was perfect in every extremity. Everything about her was perfect; her strength, her beauty, her personality, her mind. She was perfect.

Tekai was my perfection. Everything we had was perfect. Every day was a new best day, though it was a cliché, it was always true. I never wanted anything more than her. Just having her around made even the worst days better. She always knew how to make things better. I couldn't help but miss her. There was no moving on for me. I couldn't. every fiber of my being longed, ached, wanted her, but I knew that wouldn't be possible. Being with her for five years embedded her deep with me, engrained her. She was my entity.

Try being split apart and trying to live, it's nearly impossible.

I remembered things from earlier at the look out point. I could see everything from there. I remembered seeing couples walk around joyfully together, frolicking together without a care. Jealousy flooded through my body. They had everything. They had each other. Why couldn't. . . Why couldn't I have her? Why couldn't I have that perfection they had?

Why can't they suffer like I was?

Who said this won't be perfect after all I ever knew was right? I realized life was never perfect. Life was cruel and merciless especially for me. My life started out the worst, but life began to get better. My goals became clear, and then I met her. My life became completely perfect. She was in every dream, every goal. I centered everything around her.

Then life became cruel again and ripped my love, my soul-mate, my other half, completely away from me. Deep down, I knew this wouldn't be perfect no matter how right it felt. No matter how much I wanted it to be perfect. There was no such things as happy endings.

I rose up. Jealousy and anger held me tight. I punched the wall. I had to release the emotion that was locked up. No one here understood. No one would every be able to help me heal. I was hopeless. No one was there to return my heart's desire:

Tekai.

I felt so fucking hollow. I was completely alone in this world. What I felt would tear anyone apart. To be so in love with someone, and then not have them here to love. It would make any sane person insane... Maybe I had just lasted a little longer than most.

Maybe, if, when, I died. . . Maybe I'd finally reunite myself with her, and we'd be able to love each other freely. The thought of impending suicide, always in my mind, ran through my mind quickly. Sometimes I thought that was the only escape. Perfection that I once had, perfection was what I had held in my arms, was gone, and maybe suicide would unite me with my desired perfection.

Maybe it was my only choice. My dreams were gone, and the nightmare was here to stay. Darkness filled me like the air that I inhaled.

I waited for her to come back. Was she waiting for me?

I waited for perfection to come again, however, I knew, perfection would never grace me again.