The next week was the easiest life had been in a long time. I could actually sleep most of the night here. It took a few days to get used to not having to worry about the dead all night. It was nice knowing I would get to eat the next day. Oh and I can't forget about the showers. They actually had decent working showers here. The water may be cold and they're still prison showers but it beats a river or a bucket. I was also warming up to the idea of being around other living people.
Rick had come to talk to me on the first night and I have to admit I was a little nervous. I was happy to find out however that he was just as nice as his son. His trust was a little harder to win over but he just happened to be more cautious than Carl. I could tell he had been through a lot of things. It's probably what made him such a good leader.
Rick spent our most of the time asking questions. He wanted to know if I had ever killed any people. The answer was no. I had watched my dad kill people to protect us. I however became good enough at hiding from people and staying my distance. I had been lucky enough so far not to have to. Then he asked how many of the dead I had kill, or if I had. The answer to that was yes.
It was hard at first, I was young and scared. There was a time where things were more hectic. When everything first happened. There were more people running around and more of the dead. I didn't have another choice but to learn to defend myself. I didn't just want to protect myself though, I wanted to protect my dad.
Unfortunately I had failed at that. Rick also was interested in what had happened to my dad. I didn't tell him the whole story. I just told him the important parts. The fact he had died trying to help me live. As you can see I did survive, even though I constantly wish I didn't.
I guess Carl was right though, Rick did seem to trust me too. He explained to me the basic rules of the prison and what they were trying to do there. The hopes and the goals they had in order. He explained that everyone had a job and he assigned me one as well. I would start the following day.
My job was to help Maggie in the watch towers. We had gotten a little closer over the last week. We spent a decent amount of the day talking about what life used to be like and what our hopes for the new world were. She told me about her old life. How she lived on the farm and how she met Rick and the others. She told me the story of how they found the prison and what they hoped for the future. She also spent a lot of time talking about Glenn but I could only think about Carl while she was talking.
I didn't see him that much since the day he showed me around. I was in the tower most of the days with Maggie now. I noticed Carl's everyday life seemed to consist of taking care of his little sister Judith and helping his dad. Every day he was out with his dad running whatever errands Rick asked for and assisting him with his tasks.
However there was a run coming up and Maggie had asked me if I would like to join them. I was happy to learn by "them" she meant Carl and Glenn. I would finally get the chance to talk to him again. That was the most exciting part about the trip. I was glad to be able to get out of the prison too. I wanted a chance to look for more books or comics. I couldn't however seem to get Carl out of my head.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" I said to Maggie.
"Yeah, shoot" she replied moving the hair from her eyes.
"Aren't you scared of losing Glenn?" I asked her.
"Of course, every day, all the time" she responded looking at me a little confused.
"Then why take the chance?"
"Because in the end it's worth it no matter what happens" she paused for a minute like she was thinking and then continued talking "It's worth it because I get to be with someone that makes the days go by a little easier. Someone to help make the bad days not so bad. Someone who makes getting up every morning worth it. A good memory to hold on to when we have nothing else. A hope to move on."
Listening to Maggie I could hear the passion and hope in her voice. It was something refreshing to be around. I could tell she really did love Glenn and I could only hope to be able to find the same one day. Especially in a world that seemed to be dying. It's something special that needs to be held onto.
"Is everything okay?" Maggie asked after a few minutes of silence. I wasn't really sure how to answer her. I wasn't really sure why I was asking. Well actually yes I was. I glanced a crossed the yard to where Carl stood next to his dad. They were currently building another animal pen. A baby deer had been rescued this morning. The mom hadn't made it but they got to the baby in time before the dead did. They seemed to have a lot of hope they could keep the yearling alive in the chances of breeding it. I watched Carl and Rick for a few moments. I could tell from here that Carl was dirty and sweaty. The fact that I was even noticing how cute he was when his hair and shirt where damp with sweat was a problem. I sighed and turned back to Maggie.
"No, everything is fine" I lied with a fake smile on my face. I knew it was a bad idea to have feelings for anyone in this world, even after talking to Maggie. She may have the hope and courage to love someone but I don't think I'm ready. I mean I've spent the last year alone because I lost my dad to a group of the dead. It took me this long to even want to be part of a group again, even though I knew it was crucial for survival. I know it's what my dad would want for me. He would want me to survive. He died so I could survive, and I can't forget that.
We were by ourselves for a while as well. We lost mom pretty early and I think it made my dad feel the same as I did. We weren't scared to be a part of a group, we were scared to lose more people. We learned quickly that just the two of us wasn't going to work. It was too hard to fend off any walking dead. It was harder to hunt and find supplies. We took up with a small group at first. We went through about three or four before we found a stable home.
Nothing is perfect however and after a year the dead broke through and well that's how I lost my dad. I still have nightmares about it. It's one of the reasons sleeping was so hard at night. But I'm beginning to like it here. I'm beginning to hope everyone here is right. Maybe this place can be a home. And if so the question is, can it be MY home?
