Stand in the rain

She never slows down. She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone feels like its all coming down. She won't turn around. The shadows are long. She fears if she cries the tears that first tear the tears won't stop coming down.

Willow sat on her bed in her dorm room. Buffy was helping her pack the last of her things. Buffy looked sadly up at her friend, "Will, do you really need to do this? I mean Harvard is so far away."

Willow looked up from her photo album she was holding in her hands. She still didn't meet Buffy's eyes. "Oh Buffy, you know I do. I'm going to miss you so much. I said I'd…"

Buffy couldn't hold back the anger that had been boiling inside of her all morning. She stood up and threw a book of spells against the wall. "You said what? That you'd leave your friends?! That you wouldn't even try to be happy without him?! Scare the hell out of me and Xander?! Well, you did it Willow!"

Willow watched Buffy leave, and felt tears burn in her eyes. She was afraid to allow herself to cry though. Crying made her feel weak, and she didn't think she'd be able to stop.

Buffy and Willow didn't know that Xander had been standing outside and had heard everything. He couldn't believe that Willow wanted to leave them. Quietly he went into the room. He saw Willow sitting on the floor packing suitcases.

Xander cleared his throat. "You are really leaving. If you are you should have this. I had to save a lot of money but… here, just open it."

Willow opened the velvet box and gasped. Inside was a beautiful heart shaped locket. She hugged Xander. "This is amazing! Help me put it on. I have to find a picture to put in here. I love it."

Xander smiled. He felt better knowing that he made her at least act happy. Gently he went behind Willow and put the necklace around her neck. He hugged her back. "That's the idea. I hope you don't mind, but I kind of already picked the picture for you."

Willow took the locket in her hand and slowly opened the clasp. The picture inside made tears well up in her eyes again. She took a deep breath. "Oz. You put a picture of me and Oz in here? Xander, how could you do this to me?"

Xander sighed. "Willow, listen, I did what I did because as much as you say you want to forget, I know you don't. I never wanted to hurt you. Willow please…."

Willow didn't answer, she just stood up and walked out of the room, ripping the locket off her neck. Once she was out of the room she ran up to the roof. She was barely aware of someone following her.

She didn't notice the girl sitting beside her until she felt someone touch her arm. She looked up and saw a blonde haired girl she had never met before. The girl blushed and stuttered. "I-I'm s-sorry. I-I s-should j-just g-go."

Willow smiled at the girl. "No, you don't have to go. I should finish packing anyway. I'm Willow. What's your name?"

The blonde girl blushed again and stuttered, "T-Tara."

Willow didn't know why, but she wanted to know more about this girl. She turned to face Tara again. "Hey, are you new here?"

Tara smiled and for the first time didn't stutter. "Yeah, I'm going to be roommates with a girl named Buffy Summers. Do you know her?"

Willow nodded. "She's my best friend. I guess after I leave you'll be her new roommate. I'm transferring to Harvard tomorrow."

Tara went to go back inside, but stopped when she saw Willow wasn't coming. "You ok, Willow?"

Willow shook her head. "I'm just going to miss this place. I've lived here for eighteen years. Sunnydale is my home. I'll be inside in a minute. My flight leaves in twelve hours and I still need to pack and…."

Tara went back over to Willow. "Listen, I don't know you, but you seem like a really nice girl. If something is wrong you can tell me."

Willow felt her voice break when she said, "I'm fine…. I'm just going to miss…"

Suddenly Willow found herself on her knees sobbing into her hands. Tara didn't think twice she just pulled Willow into a warm hug and waited for her to calm down. Willow eventually lifted her head and sniffled. "I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. I guess I'm just being over emotional."

Tara shook her head and helped Willow to her feet. "You aren't. It's understandable that you'll miss your friends. If you've lived in a place your whole life it makes change harder to accept. You aren't just leaving a school, town, or a state. You are leaving behind family, friends, and a home. I'll let you in on a secret though - Sunnydale will always be your home."

Stand in the rain. Stand your ground. Stand up when it's all crashing down. Stand through the pain you won't drown. One day what's lost can be found. Stand in the rain. She won't make a sound. Alone in this fight with herself; the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down.

Willow went back to her dorm room with Tara. She didn't talk she just kept her eyes straight ahead and tried not to think. When they reached the door Willow fumbled with her key pretending like she couldn't find it.

The truth was, she was afraid that Buffy was still angry with her. Tara touched Willow's hand gently. "You have the key right here. I have a hotel downtown until the room is empty. I was just hoping to meet Buffy tonight. As you saw earlier, I don't do well meeting people for the first time. I stutter and stuff. Now that I see how late it is I'll just meet her later."

After Tara left Willow had no choice but to unlock the door. She found Buffy sitting on her bed pretending to read. She went over to her friend and touched her shoulder "Buffy… look, I know this is hard. I'm sorry. I just can't get over him, Buffy. I need a change of pace. I don't want to spend my last night here fighting with my best friends. Please look at me."

Buffy snorted, but wouldn't look up from her book. Willow started to get mad but then she noticed the "snort" was actually a sniff. Her expression softened and she sat on the bed next to the Slayer.

Buffy felt the bed sink lightly and looked up. "Willow… I don't want to fight with you either. I'm just going to miss you so much. Why do you have to go? I'm nothing without you and Xander…. Wait, you just said friends… you and Xander are fighting too?"

Willow nodded. "He gave me a locket and it had Oz's picture inside. I kind of got all freaky and weird. Do you know where he is?"

Buffy nodded. "He went to the Bronze. He said he needed to be alone."

Willow frowned. "Buffy what am I going to do? I can't leave without saying goodbye to Xander. He's my yellow crayon man. Don't ask about that one."

Buffy hugged her friend fiercely. "I'll tell you what we are going to do. We are going to go to the Bronze and talk to Xander. I won't have my two best friends fighting."

When they got to the Bronze they found Xander sitting at a table alone with his face in his hands. In front of him was the necklace he had given Willow. Buffy nudged the witch forward and mouthed for her to sit down.

Xander looked up when he heard two chairs move. He opened his mouth to speak when Willow cut him off. "Xander, I'm so sorry. The necklace was lovely. The picture inside shouldn't have bothered me so much."

Xander put his arm around Willow and gently hugged her. "No sweat… I mean, seriously, no sweat…Will what are you so nervous about? You are sweating bullets. What's the matter?"

Willow sighed and pulled away from Xander. "I'm fighting with myself right now. I want to go, but I want to stay. I feel like I'm being split in half. Xander… I'm going to…"

Xander put a finger to her lips. "I know… I'll miss you a lot too. Let's not talk about that now though. Let's talk about happy things. Buffy, you got anything happy?"

Buffy took a deep breath. "We are all together. That's not going to change either…. Will? Will? What's the matter? Why are you crying?"

Willow was staring at the soda a waiter had brought over to the table, tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn't even realize that she was crying until Xander handed her a napkin. After she wiped her eyes she sniffed. "I'm not in the Bronze type mood tonight. I think I'm just going to go to bed."

Buffy caught her friend's arm. "Willow, this is your last night here. I'm not letting you walk out of here upset. Now tell me what's bothering you."

Willow wrenched her arm out of Buffy's grasp and took off. Once she was outside she ran back to her dorm. Once she reached it she threw herself on her bed and screamed into her pillow. She felt like she was all alone. Even though she knew that it wasn't true, a voice in her head whispered, "They don't need you. You aren't worth anything to them. They know you are spineless and weak. They hate you."

Willow lifted her head from the pillow when Buffy came into the room. She took her coat off and sat down on the bed next to her. Gently she set a hand on her friend's back and rubbed circles on it trying to calm her.

Willow looked into Buffy's eyes. "You guys don't need me. I'm spineless and weak. I'm nothing important."

Buffy frowned. "Willow I know it feels that way, but it's not true. You aren't spineless and you most definitely aren't weak. You stand side by side with me and Xander fighting evil. Most people, if they had found out I was the Slayer, would have turned and ran. You and Xander didn't. You both stood right there with me. You both nearly got killed because of me several times and yet you never once ran away."

Willow nodded and hugged Buffy. "How do I make these feelings go away?"

Buffy hugged her friend tighter. "You have to stand up and fight. It's kind of what I have to do with vampires. They want me to give up, but I won't. I stand my ground. Even when things look bad, I still fight. You have to do that too."

She wants to be found. The only way out is through everything she's running from. She wants to give up and lie down.

The next morning Willow dreaded getting up. Dried tears made her face sticky and she felt awful. Buffy lightly shook her shoulder. "Hey, it's time to get up. If you want to catch your plane you need to leave soon."

Willow groaned. "I don't want to go. Buffy… is Xander here?"

Buffy shook his head "He's not Will. He couldn't bear saying goodbye to you. He told me to give you this though. He said to tell you this picture is worth a thousand words."

Willow smiled when she saw the locket. When she opened it she saw the engraving "Faithful friends forever be." On the other side the picture was, instead of Oz, a picture of her Buffy and Xander at the Bronze.

Buffy hugged Willow. "I'll have to tell him you like it. You'll call us when you get the chance. God, I'm really going to miss you. You better come and see us when you get the chance. If I hear anything from Oz, do you want me to call you?"

Willow shook her head "If he wants to talk to me he knows my number. I'm sorry it had to end this way Buffy. Give Xander a hug for me. Shoot, my cab is here. I'll call once I'm settled. Maybe someday the wind will blow me back here."