I'm back with Chapter three of Repentence!

Okay so I've been attempting to make my chapters a bit longer but have totally failed miserably because I just felt right for this chapter to end where it did, welp?

Well I hope you enjoy and R & R :D

Disclaimer: I don't own kuroshitsuji because if I did Lizzy and Finny would be having a secret love affair on the side

I ran from the party, desperately seeking refuge, somewhere I wouldn't have to hide my tear stained face from view. Reaching the back door of the, I wrenched it open, and dashed for the first available room, the kitchen. By now the adrenalin rush I had felt fleeing the scene had all but been used up and the symptoms of my asthma hit me full force. Shoving my hand into my inner coat pocket, I grabbed my inhaler before taking long deep puffs on the device. After several minutes the medicine started to work and I could feel the iron band around my lungs loosen until finally I was able to breath normally once again. Sighing, I slid down one of the kitchen walls, remaining perfectly still on the cold slate floor. The last thing I wanted to do was start moving around only to trigger another attack.

When it was clear that I had indeed recovered, I remained seated debating exactly what I should do. I didn't want to return to the party so soon nor could I leave, Elizabeth was depending on me. Well, I definitely wasn't up to facing the outside just yet, no doubt the press had caught up with what had happened, I could only pray that none of them had been there to witness it.

That was the last thing I needed, some over-zealous journalist publishing more articles about the state of my mental health, I'm not sure I could handle that all over again. I had worked too hard to regain the reputation of my company to have it put to shambles because I wasn't able to control my own emotions. It was strange really, the way I handled the company. At first, most had been reluctant to allow me to take total control. Again and again I was told sell the company, to save myself the stress.

However, I was staunchly against selling. The company had been in my family for generations, not only that it had been my father's pride and joy and one of the only things I had left of him. I couldn't let it go. Although, as it turned out, my advisers need not worry. Whilst I was generally inept in most aspects of my life, my job was the exception. In a working environment I shined, I found myself able to openly converse with strangers, something I couldn't even do in the confined of my own home. Usually, in a social situation, I would shut down or withdraw at the hint of an argument, whereas, in the company, I relished the chance to state my professional opinion and even to counter the opposition. I knew that once I had complete control over the company, I would have to do my upmost to diminish the doubts that many had over me, yet after the success of my first year I had, at least, begun to make a dint into those doubts. Of course, my situation was well documented by the press, something I usually despised; however, I actually had found it to be beneficially of late. My dislike of social situations was well known, and as such, business clients, who would usually be inclined to get to know me better, avoided it, knowing that I would prefer to work rather than play.

My psychologist had never been able exactly pin pointed why I was so comfortable in a social situation, although she did have her theories. Her main one being that my job was the only thing in my life that had remained constant before and after the incident. I was always to be head of the company and as such had always been psychologically prepare to be so. Personally, I believed that to be rubbish, as with most of what my psychologist said. I believed the real reason to be much simpler; it was the same reason for why I did anything in my life. Guilt. For when it came down to it, it always came back to guilt with me. I had failed my father and so the only way I felt I could redeem myself was to help improve the company he had loved so much. It wasn't an overly complex reason and one I definitely didn't need a science degree to tell you about, but there you go.

Business was the only thing I had found solace it whilst recovering. I poured over books on business studies, read article on article in every financial journal I could get my hands on. I hired private tutors, to teach me every business related subject there was so I would have a well-rounded skill set. When I was deemed able to go out in public again, I spent most of my time shadowing Dierich as he headed the company in my stead and familiarised myself with every intricate detail my company had to offer. Of course, I an advantage over many who wish to learn anything, I had no distractions. I spent every minute of my waking day devoted on bettering my knowledge of how to make my company great.

And now I may have blown a year's hard work in one day.

Sighing I began to lift myself from the floor, I had to back out there soon, otherwise people would begin to question my absence. For the first time I took in the kitchen I was standing in. In truth, it had been a long time since I had set foot in here. The country estate had been in my family for generations and as such was still set up as a Victorian mansion. The floor I was now on, although technically the ground floor, would have actually been used for the servants, hence why the kitchen was located down here. Back when my parents were still alive, a cook and a few other helpers had been employed to help care for the house. I always remember how this would annoy my mother; for the most part she got total control over the cooking and cleaning at the town house, but at the instance of my father, was no allowed to do anything that would be considered as house work. He was always adamant that, while we stayed here, we were on holiday and should act as such.

I frowned, reminiscing was not getting me anywhere, I needed to try and stay focused. It probably wouldn't hurt if I headed to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face, might help me to get through the rest of this day in one piece. I headed out of the kitchen and towards the stairs that lead up to the main house; however, I froze in place at the foot of them, listening to a familiar voice whispering at the top of the stair case.

"We shouldn't be in here, what if someone sees us."

"Oh come on Liz, darling, no one is going to come up here, why would they, they're probably all out their bragging about whose got the most money or some shit like that."

That first voice, that had been Elizabeth talking I was sure, but the second, I wasn't sure but it sounded like Elizabeth's sectary. I'd met him a couple of times, Elizabeth had even occasional brought him round to the house. Ronald, I sure that was his name. Why would they be hidden away in here though? Part of me wanted to slowly sneak away, to leave them to their private business, because of course that is what they were discussion, business, why else would they be here? But another part of me forced myself to remain still and listen for their next words.

"But w-what about Ciel…" Well that had perked my interest, why would they be discussing me?

"Hah, oh don't worry about your little boyfriend; he's probably still out there, in a corner somewhere being his usual depressed state. I mean yeah, all the stuff that happened to him, it was messed up and shit but the guys a wreak, from what I've heard he sits at home rocking himself to sleep in a puddle of his own tears and then gets up the next day, goes into work and rips his employees a new arsehole if a single thing isn't to his liking. I mean god, the guys a business genius, no denying but he's seriously pyscho, I mean look at the way he acts around you."

"I don't know what you mean, Ciel is always so careful around me, he would never do anything to hurt me."

"Exactly, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you, but he wouldn't do anything to love you either Lizzy. He treats you like a porcelain doll, not the able women that you are, he doesn't respect your independence and he definitely doesn't hold any romantic attractions for you."

"But Ronald, you don't understand, I have to…"

"No, Lizzy you don't…. you don't have to do anything." The anger that had suddenly surged up in Ronald's voice quickly died. "You say you have to be with him, but you don't love him, yeah you care about him, but those are underlying feelings from when you were a kid. You're not happy with him and you never will be. You say that he won't hurt you, yet he spent time in that mental ward for a reason. Yes he cares for you, but he does it through guilt not love. By agreeing to be with him, you'll remove the possibility of ever having love in your life… of ever being happy", he finished softly.

My breath hitched. Was that true?

"Ronald..," Lizzy Started but he cut her off.

"Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me you will be happy in a relationship with that man or will you spend the rest of your life in purgatory with a man that does not love you. Is there even the possibility that he will ever cause you to feel even a twinge of happiness?"

Silence fell, a silence that broke my heart.

"See", Ronald continued, "you cannot marry him because he cannot give you what you want. Whereas as I can."

My heart was fluttering wildly.

"He can never give you love and yet I love you already with all my heart, he can never give you happiest, yet I would devote my very being just to see a smile grace you face. I can give you the things you've always desired, a family and an escape from the past. Please, Lizzy, I beg you choose love over despair, choose me over him."

Again there was silence, but I would have done anything for that silence to continue, to never hear another sound again of it meant I didn't hear the noise that followed the silence. The sound of the lips of two people connecting…

Le gasp, Lizzy you bitch (no I kid, I actually like Lizzy for the most part)

Yeah just an interesting note, I didn't make up the whole adrenaline eases of the symptoms of asthma thing, it really does. (Yeah, I'm a Biology student so I had to put something biological in this even if it was just small)

Oh yeah and Sebastian will finally come in in the next chapter

Thanks for reading