DISCLAIMER: Joss is Boss, Keith R. A. DeCandido is night manager, and the writers of Firefly-VS2 are employees of the month. I borrow and give great reverence.
SPOILERS: Firefly-Virtual Season 2 episodes 1 and 2, Angel Echoes and Heart and Sole.
CHAPTER 3
After the garbage bin and drone had settled on the floor of the cargo bay, Zoë and Kaylee rushed over to unlock the top and get their crew members out. The second that River climbed out of the garbage bin with Angel in her arms, they were surrounded by the female crew members of Serenity, leaving the other three to free themselves on their own. Kaylee cooed and made ridiculous baby talk while Inara and Zoë ran their hands over the baby's arms, legs, and hair. The first mate's expression was one of longing, and she quickly forced herself away from Angel and back to her Captain's side.
"Little Albatross," Mal called River's attention. He swung one leg over the rim of the bin. "You wanna tell us who that boy was that let us go without a fight?" The soles of his boots thumped as his feet hit the floor.
River ducked her head, a half-smile, half-grimace pulling at her mouth. "One of my movement trainers. He was a friend."
He let it sit at that. If the girl had had even one friend in that place, she was lucky. Mal turned his attention to taking the baby bags so that the other two out of the garbage binOnce out, he had Vi and Jayne leave the baby's things on a crate. Vi then went to join up with Fujita and Yuri in the mess. Jayne went to change out of the paramedic uniform and back into normal clothing that didn't smell like it had been in a dumpster.
Simon had rushed in when he heard Langston come over the intercom. In a few minutes, he finally managed to wedge himself between his girlfriend and the Companion to get to his sister. "Mei mei, are you alright?"
"Yes."
Simon looked the baby over and thought that she looked a lot like River had when she was a baby. He glanced at his nearly grown up little sister and was reminded that that had been a long while ago, and he might not remember all that well. "How about I go check RT2—"
"Her name is Angel," River corrected.
Simon smiled his "humoring River" smile and corrected himself. "How about I give Angel a quick check-up? Just to make sure she's healthy and…healthy."
To make sure they hadn't already started messing with her brain structure or anything else.
River, yet to relinquish her hold on her daughter, nodded in understanding and followed her brother to the infirmary, Kaylee on her heels. River hesitated in the door way, as she always did, but forced herself inside while Simon retrieved his stethoscope and put the earpieces in his ears.
Angel had stopped her frightened sobbing triggered by the plummet in the garbage drone before Serenity swooped them up, but she still whimpered her confusion about this terrifying turn of events. She tried to stick her fingers back in her mouth, but River took hold of her hand and stopped her which caused Angel more distress.
"Simon, hand me some sanitary wipes," River asked. "Don't want her getting sick from germs in the dumpster."
Simon reached into a drawer and pulled out a handful of them. He passed them to River as he lifted the diaphragm of the stethoscope to Angel's chest to listen to her heart. River cleaned the baby's fingers with the wipes and then let her put them back in her mouth. All the while, Kaylee cooed and tried to distract Angel with smiles and repetitious baby talk about how adorable she was.
Outside, Mal and Zoë met with Garcia in the common area while Langston programmed the autopilot to take them out to the Rim as quickly yet unsuspiciously as possible. The three people in the lounge looked in through the infirmary windows. River was rubbing Angel's back and petting her hair while Simon did a routine checkup and took a few blood samples. The finger prick to get the samples set Angel to wailing again, and River picked her up and did the sway-bounce again to calm her down.
"She's already getting attached to the girl," Garcia noted.
"That she is," Mal muttered.
Garcia cleared his throat. "You know, we never meant for River to keep RT2. I think you'll agree, it's safer for both of them if they aren't together. If anyone comes after the baby, they'll get River, too. Vice versa."
Mal turned a grim look on the shorter man. "So who's gonna be the one to tell that to River, hm? 'Cause now that she's got her, I don't think River will want to let her daughter go."
"I'll tell her, don't worry," Garcia assured him. "We already have a family on Kerry picked out. The Danvers' were originally from Paquin untiltheir oldest son was sent to the Academy. They'll take good care of the girl."
"And you expect River to be happy about that?" Zoë asked.
"It's okay."
The three turned to find River in the doorway of the infirmary. Judging by the fragile look on her face, she'd been there a while.
"I understand," she said. "I can't keep her. I'm not…not really her mother. She shouldn't have to grow up on the run all the time, never seeing dirt or sky. I am not always…able…." She swallowed. "I just want one thing."
"Name it," Garcia encouraged.
"I want to be able to give Angel to the family myself. I want to meet them and make sure they'll be good for her. I don't want Angel going to parents who won't love her."
Garcia looked to Mal for this one. It was the Captain's ship, and he didn't want to make a decision that the other man would have to refute. Mal glanced back at him, and nodded once. Garcia gave River an answering smile, and nodded his head as well.
"Thank you." River clutched Angel more tightly to her chest and walked toward the cargo bay to retrieve the baby's bags.
Kaylee slid her arm around her friend's shoulders, and went with her. "I'll show ya how to change her diaper. I had a lot of practice with my older sisters' and brothers' kids."
Simon joined Mal, Zoë, and Garcia in the common room. While he was glad that they had rescued the baby, and that River was so concerned for her continued welfare, the doctor worried that his sister would be hurt by the Captain and freedom fighter's decision. "What happens if River gets too attached?" he asked. "What if she doesn't want to give Angel up after we find the family?"
Mal sighed, and crossed his arms. "We'll cross that one when we come to it. Though, I'm a bit worried myself."
Simon tugged on his earlobe in indecision. He knew his sister was smart enough to realize the rational reasons why Angel needed to be elsewhere in order to remain safe, but rationality didn't have a whole lot to do with devotion. He knew that from firsthand experience. After a slight nod to the trio, he went back into the med bay and started looking over the blood samples he'd taken.
Mal led Zoë and Garcia out of the lounge and back up to the second level of the ship. Garcia stayed in the galley with his people, and Jayne who had come in to start dinner since it was his turn. In the passageway between the mess and the bridge, Zoë stopped the Captain with no more than her own pause and a turn to face him.
"Sir, I know the possible danger of Angel remaining on the ship," she began. "But I think that River is old enough to raise her. On most Rim worlds, girls younger than her are married and have families."
"Those girls aren't half-crazy," Mal pointed out.
"River has been so much better these past few months."
"And I'm thankful for that, but it don't make me think she can raise a baby, Zoë. Besides, she said it herself—a kid shouldn't live without dirt underfoot and a sky up above. Serenity wasn't built to be a nice safe home for little ones."
"Sir, in case you've forgotten, I grew up on a ship," Zoë reminded him. "It may not be a ranch on Shadow, but it's not a horrible way to come up in the 'Verse."
Mal stepped a little closer to his First Mate and looked down at her, though not harshly. Had he seen it from the outside, he would have noticed the same concerned expression that Simon often had when looking at River. "Why you pushin' this, Zoë?"
She glanced down at the grating under her boots. "I just think it's unfair to assume that River couldn't take care of Angel. She isn't even being given a chance."
"Zoë," he murmured, hands coming to rest on her shoulders, "that's not your baby downstairs."
Her whole body seized up, back straight, chin up, eyes forward, gaze locked somewhere above her commanding officer's head. "No, sir."
"My decision's been made. River's a smart girl. She'll understand why it's gotta be." He squeezed her shoulders once before releasing them. "Don't wanna hear another thing about it."
"Yes, sir."
Mal went on up to the bridge. Zoë stood a moment, eyes closed, before she turned around, kicked open her hatch, and climbed down the later. When it closed, the "Locked" sign came on, and no one saw her up for dinner that night.
&&&
Serenity dropped Garcia and his team off on Santo where they would rendezvous with other members of the underground movement—as yet annoyingly unnamed—to evaluate the information that Garcia was able to download from the Academy data base. A round of quick handshakes preceded an uneventful departure leaving Mal and the crew to head off for Kerry. He told River to make it a slow trip, no hurry. They don't want to draw attention from Alliance cruisers. The only reason a flag hadn't come up on the Cortex was because, if the Alliance put up a warrant for Angel or her kidnapping, they would have to name the baby's parents, or explain the lack of those names to an evermore mistrustful post-Miranda public.
The trip took eight days, with a brief stop on Harvest to pick up baby food, milk formula, and extra diapers along with a mess of other things Mal didn't see the need to buy since they wouldn't need them for long. They got baby shampoo, a little hair brush with the softest bristles in the 'Verse, washcloths, a booster seat, spit-up rags, two pacifiers, plastic baby silverware, and Inara chipped in for three cute little jumpers: one pink with a lamb, one in yellow with a duck on the chest, and one in lavender that had a teddy bear decal on the leg like on Kaylee's coveralls.
During that week, River cared for Angel. She gave the baby baths in the sink in the mess, like Kaylee showed her how. She found out that babies were very slippery, but River rediscovered a joy of water as Angel splashed and giggled in the sudsy bathwater. And Angel surely did need those baths after she was fed. She could hold her spoon or little baby fork, but River did most of the directing to get the food into Angel's mouth. Alot of it unavoidablyended up all over her face, down her neck, and around her in the baby seat. Once, River even found carrots in her hair.
One lunch while River was helping Angel negotiate the spoonful of pasty baby cereal, Jayne walked through the mess on his way to help Kaylee with a repair in the engine room—she needed someone to life a rather heavy floor panel so that she could get underneath it. As he passed behind Angel's seat, he lifted a hand to the top of her head for an on-the-run pat. River opened her mouth to scold him, but the touch was gentle. She stared after him in surprise. Angel had been surprised and craned her neck to see what had touched her head. She followed River's example and looked at the big man who was leaving the room.
Jayne glanced back and found himself double-teamed by big brown eyes. Creepy and unsettling. He shook his head and walked on. It was bad enough with just the crazy girl; now there was two little girls who just sat there and watched. Didn't matter that the kid, the baby, was shipping off—Jayne had his doubts about that decision—he thought the sight of being stared at by two sets of identical, knowing eyes would haunt him for a while.
Most of the time, Angel spent her days up on the bridge with River. The baby sat on the pilot's lap, and played with Wash's dinosaurs. Zoë came up and played, too. She told Angel the story of This Land, and how the T-Rex and his crony Pterodactyl tried to take it over, but Stego and his friends, Bronty, Hammer-tail, and Triceratops, always won the day. Kaylee once took Angel to the engine room to show her how Serenity ran. Inara would sit at the table with the baby and brush her hair for nearly an hour after River had given her a bath, ensuring that she would drop off to sleep as soon as River put her down on the cot that was set up in her room. Inara considered painting Angel's little fingernails, but decided that that was a bad idea. Angel ignored the pacifiers they'd bough for her, and sucked on her fingers instead.
In only a few days, River had fallen in love with Angel. She remembered things that she had forgotten she enjoyed. She learned new skills, and got lots of practice in repetition to perfect those skills. Watching Angel study the ship and the people around her led River to re-explore the halls and rooms, and observe how the crew interacted. One of River's favorite new games was saying a word slowly to savor every vowel and consonant, every nuance of sound, and watch Angel mimic her face and try to repeat the word.
At night, when River had put Angel to bed, sometimes Simon would walk by and hear his sister's voice drift through the door of her room. He tried to listen a few times, but River would inevitably feel him outside and come to the door to ask him if he wanted something. This was her not-so-subtle hint for him to go away.
Inside, River talked to Angel about a plethora of things, told her stories, gave advice. She knew that Angel wouldn't be able to remember anything when she grew up, but she thought, maybe, when she was older, Angel might get a feeling of familiarity when she heard the story of Snow White and think, "It wasn't a glass coffin, it was cryo-chamber," or that she would have a love for science because somewhere in the back of her mind, Angel would know what the stars were made of and how they burned.
"The most important thing to remember," River told the sleeping baby two days before they were to land on Kerry, "is that everyone is broken. It's easy to see in some people, but other people keep their broken pieces held tight to them. Hidden. But everyone has them. You must remember this for later. Family is made of people who have broken bits where you are strong, and whole places where you're broken. You fit together and make a whole heart.
"Sometimes you find family, and sometimes they find you. So you can't be afraid," she urged. "You must be brave. Love before you hate. Try before you give up. Fight before you lie down and die." Her voice hitched. Tears slid down her face, and River covered her mouth for a second to keep in any noises that might wake Angel up. "That's all I can give you."
River leaned down and kissed Angel's forehead. The baby's breath wuffled in her sleep, but she didn't wake up. River wiped her nose the sleeve of her white duster which was as closed to a robe as she had. She should get to bed, she knew, but she couldn't pull herself away from the cot yet. She traced Angel's face so lightly with the tips of her fingers. Across her forehead, down her nose, around her mouth, her chin, and up her cheeks. She traced the shell of Angel's ear, and brushed over her long lashes.
"I love your eyes best," River whispered. "You have my eyes. I got them from my mother, just like you did. She got them from her mother, who got them from hers. And back and back and back. Maybe to the beginning of time. One day, you might have a baby girl. She'll have your eyes, and you can tell her that she got them from you. You got them from me, but you won't know to tell her that because you won't remember me. You won't remember that your mother got those eyes from her mother, who got them from her mother before her, and back and back and back. All of us. To the beginning of time."
She resettled on the floor, and rested her head on the cot next to Angel's chest so she could feel the up-and-down of her breathing. "I think I'll sleep here tonight."
&&&
"I'm worried about River," Simon announced at breakfast after River had taken Angel up to the bridge with her. "She's getting too emotionally involved with Angel. She's going to get hurt when the time comes to give her to Mr. and Mrs. Danvers."
"I know," Mal agreed. "Just don't see what I can do about it now. I shouldn't'a let River keep her this long. Should'a had Garcia take the baby with him when he got off on Santo."
Kaylee looked down at her plate of scrambled egg-like protein. She didn't want to think about them giving Angel over tomorrow when they landed. Her sentiments were shared by the other two women, though they managed to keep their expressions from betraying it.
"It's just…." Simon blew out a long breath, and leaned back in his seat next to Kaylee. "River's been hurt so much already."
"Simon," Inara said, "think of it from her point of view. This is likely to be the only opportunity River will ever have to be a mother. Even if she were stationary long enough to meet someone to start a relationship with, the Academy made sure that she would be sterile."
"Heartache isn't something you can protect her from," Zoë added. "Just leave her be."
"I don't see why Angel's gotta go in the first place," Kaylee muttered. "River's been real good at takin' care of her."
"Yeah, she ain't been doin' too bad," Jayne mumbled around a bite of protein-sausage. "That's a surprise."
Except for a few cursory glances, Jayne was ignored since his opinion didn't really matter one way or the other.
"Now, Little Kaylee, regardless of how well River is caring for that baby, we can not keep her on this ship," Mal stated. "I already done had this talk with Zoë."
"How could you be so cold, Mal?" Inara hissed. The force of her voice drew Mal up short. "It is obvious that River is already in love with that child as if she had given birth to Angel herself. There is no sustainable reason for River to have to give her daughter up other than the fact that you don't want to have to deal with it. You are a selfish, inconsiderate bastard!"
Inara pushed out from the table so violently her chair crashed to the floor. There were tears in her eyes, a few even managed to escape, as she fled the room. Mal was quick in pursuit. Firstly, he didn't like being under-minded in front of his crew. And secondly, he had never seen Inara lose control like that.
He caught up with her on the catwalk before she reached her shuttle.
"'Nara!"
"Go away, Mal."
Instead of answering, Mal caught her arm before she fully opened the door to her shuttle. He caught the handled and stopped the door's slide. Inara pushed harder, but Mal wouldn't give.
"Bun tyen-shung duh ee-dway-ro!"
"Inara!"
"Damnit, Mal, just let me go!" she sobbed.
"Why're you so upset about this, 'Nara? Why you arguing so hard for her?"
"Because I know how it feels!" Her breath caught before she began crying in earnest. "I know how it feels to know you can't keep your baby, you just can't, but you'd give anything in the world to have it as long as you can. And yes, it's going to hurt when she gives Angel away, but she has a chance spend time with her, and you cannot take that away, Mal! You cannot expect her not to ache and cry when she looses her daughter!"
Inara sobbed, arms clutched across her chest to hold herself together. Mal reached over her head and slid the shuttle door the rest of the way open. He ushered her inside with a hand on her back, and led her over to the couch. Inara hiccupped in her attempts to calm herself down.
"What's this really about?" Mal asked as gently as he knew how. "This isn't about Angel and River, I can see that much. You gonna tell me what happened?"
Inara wiped her eyes, some of her eyeliner and gold shadow smudging. It took a few remaining sniffles before she opened her mouth to say anything. "You remember I once told you that my mother is a Companion, and that I was a mistake?"
Mal nodded.
"Well, as I've heard all my life: like mother, like daughter." She let loose a bitter, humorless laugh. "I wasn't even a year out of my apprenticeship when I got pregnant. Before you start in on me, yes, I knew who the father was! He was a politician on Sihnon. Young, unmarried, and not yet in the market for either romantic attachments or an heir. I didn't bother to have him notified.
"Instead, I withdrew from my friends and from the House for a week. I went to see a doctor on Osiris who was very discreet to talk over my options." New hot tears slipped down her cheeks, and Inara dashed them away with her knuckles. "I was awake every night, crying, trying to figure out what I was going to do. I tried to be rational about it, but I know my feelings for my mother influenced me. I didn't want to be like her. I didn't want to further the Serra Dynasty of House Madrassa. I knew I wouldn't have been able to stomach the looks I was sure to get.
"However, it turned out that the decision was taken out of my hands. During a sonogram to see how far along I was, the doctor discovered an abnormality in the fetus. The baby was growing outside of my uterus. It's a rare occurrence—not even one in a million pregnancies—but it wasn't totally unheard of. I wouldn't have been able to carry the baby to full term, anyway, so it was a good idea to terminate the pregnancy at that early stage before my own health was endangered. As it was, I couldn't have a simple abortion, I needed surgery."
Mal clenched his jaw a few times, his eyes cast to the floor. "That's how you met Simon first? That was the surgery you had—why you wouldn't tell me about it."
Inara sniffed. "Yes. I just…couldn't. I think about it, though. Every day. I wonder if the baby was a boy or a girl, what it would be doing now, what he or she would look like. I think I'd give everything I owned, even my own life, to be able to see that baby alive and healthy now. And that's why I got mad. I know you're worried about River, but she's strong, and smart. She'll do what she has to. She'll cry, she'll stay in her room for days, maybe weeks. But you couldn't expect that not to happen even if you had insisted Garcia take Angel with him and deliver her to her new parents himself. Just let her have this time."
Mal looked up at Inara's blotchy face, swollen from crying. He moved up on the couch next to her, and put his arm around her shoulders. "Alright. It'll be okay."
Inara stiffened at first then let herself sink into his hold. She had kept all of that inside of her for nearly four years. It was almost a relief for Mal to know. But—"You can't tell. You can't tell anyone."
"I won't."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Bun tyen-shung duh ee-dway-ro—Inbred sack of meat
NOTE: Okay, this is so far the longest and least Rayne-y of all of the chapters. However, do not despair! Jayne starts to take a more parental role as of the next chapter. I just had to set things up first.
