A/N: The response I got from this was amazing! So I'm updating it, just like most of you asked. And it's nice to see that more people felt the way i did about castle being pissed off. Anyway, here it is!
Disclaimer: still not mine, but i can still dream.
He stood there with his fists balled up as he watched her go. What did she think was going to happen? That she would just stroll back in here, ask for the files, and then tell him 'Sorry, but you need to wait more'? He's done enough waiting. If he can't make her see what's already right in front of her, then he doesn't have to keep offering it to her. After a couple of frustrating minutes waiting for something to happen, he decided that he needed to get out of New York, in a way he hasn't done since Alexis was born. He walked into his office, got a pair of small keys that lay in the back of the bottom drawer, went to find the right jacket.
After another ten minutes, he found himself standing in front of a tarp that was covering what he needed. With a quick yank that sent dust into the air of the parking garage, he let out a heavy sigh, started it up, and retreated away from the city in the direction of the Hamptons.
She didn't know what to do. Why couldn't he just let her really explain things. She let herself back into her cold apartment, and slumped down on her couch, throwing the file down on the coffee table. She had kicked him out after he was just trying to help her, and at the time, she didn't even feel bad about it. She just wanted him gone.
But now...
Looking at her watch, then digging in her pocket for her phone, she quickly found the right number and made the call.
Two hours later, she was sitting in the same office as she was the last week, waiting for a shrink to come evaluate her and give her his signature so she could get back on duty. But here she was, needing help. The picked at the seem of the chair she sat in until Dr. Burke walked in.
"I was surprised to get your call. Most people don't come back after their cleared for duty." He said, coming to sit across from her.
When he was met with silence, he started again, hoping to get an answer this time. "So, what can I do for you, Kate?"
She looked up to gaze out the window that lay to the right of her, and spoke softly in a watery voice, "I lied, before."
"About your shooting?"
She nodded in respond and sunk her head down once again. "What do you remember?" He prodded.
"I remember everything." She said, coming up to meet his gaze.
After a minute of uncomfortable silence he began. "Why are you telling me this now, and not before?"
"I, I just wanted to get back on duty, back to the way things were before. So I lied."
"So, what really happened?"
With a heavy sigh, she began. "I was standing at the podium in my dress uniform. I started reading the speech I had written, but all I could think was not to look at his family. I looked over to Castle after a break in the speech, and saw him just staring back at me with hurt in his eyes. I began the speech again, then out of the corner of my eye I saw him start moving toward me, I heard him calling my name, then I felt the shot hit me." She paused to swipe the back of her hand across her cheek. "He tackled me to the ground, and I heard him pleading with me to stay. I couldn't feel anything beside his grasp on my shoulders. I wanted to call out to him but I couldn't. He, uh... he said that he loved me."
"Is that why you're really here?" Dr. Burke asked.
She nodded, "Yeah, I guess."
"How do you feel about his confession?"
"Of all the times he could have said those three words, why did he have to say them there! Is he just so selfish that he felt he needed to get it off his chest to make himself feel better before I died?" She asked, annoyance pricking at the edges of her voice.
"You didn't answer my question, Kate." He said, asking for a real answer.
"I, when I woke up after blacking out, Josh, my ex boyfriend was standing there, but I had wished the whole time that it was him. He showed up about twenty minutes after I woke up and..." She couldn't finish, the shame getting the better of her.
"...and?"
"And I told him I didn't remember. I mean, he poured his heart out to me in the cemetery, and I spat in his face." She mocked herself.
"Kate, you still haven't answered my question." Dr. Burke pointed out.
"I felt, scared."
"Why do you think that is?"
After a long minute of pacing back and forth he prodded once again. "Kate?"
"Because I'm too much of a coward to say it myself!" She spat, and came back to sit. He waited for her to continue.
"He's always been so open and understanding. So when I came back from leave, I went to see him, to explain things. And the boys said that they had given him to file to my shooting for safe keeping. So I told him that I needed to wait until I put it to rest."
With a heavy sigh, he didn't say anything. Just kept on waiting. "He yelled at me. Accused me of using him for just information. He threw the file in my face and told me to get out. And I don't know how to fix it."
"Why do you want to fix it?" He asked.
"Because we're partners! I just wanted things to go back to normal."
"Kate, who do you want to fix it for? You or him?"
"What do you mean?"
"Kate, put yourself in his shoes. You tell him that you love him when he had just been shot. But when he wakes up, he tells you he doesn't remember. Then, he runs off, not to be seen for another three months after saying that he'd call you. And then the only reason he ever comes back at all was because you had the files he needed to get back to his life. So, do you want to fix it because you need him to help you solve your case, or because you need him and him alone?"
"I... how do I fix it?"
"You have to start by being honest with yourself why you want to fix it at all. If you keep lying to yourself, telling yourself that you just need to a little more time, then your never going to get the answers you want."
With a sigh, she lifted her head and paced for a couple more minutes. After a minute or two, he saw a smile start to prick at the edges of her lips, that soon blossomed into a bright unyielding smile. "Thanks Dr. Burke." She then made her way swiftly out of his office.
She tried his cell phone, but it was turned off. She knew something was wrong because he always kept his cell phone with in reaching distance in case Alexis needed him. She went up to his loft once again and knocked, but was startled when Martha had answered.
"Kate, darling, what are you doing here? When did you get back in town?" The older woman asked, some what glad to see her.
"I'm actually looking for Castle, is he around?" She asked, looking behind her and into the loft.
"Come on in, dear, I think we need to talk." She said on a sigh and waved Kate in. When Martha offered Kate a glass of wine or a cup of coffee, she declined, knowing her nerves or too on edge to keep anything down.
"Well, dear, Richard is pretty upset." Kate felt a stab of pain hit her, followed by a sudden wave of guilt. After a long pause, Martha began again, "He left about three this afternoon. To where, god only knows."
Three o'clock, that's right after he kicked her out. Where the hell was he? "When was the last time you saw him?" Kate asked.
"Around eleven, right before he left, he had a book signing near the park today." Martha answered.
"Then how can you tell that he's upset?" Kate asked, obviously missing something.
"Oh he took that dreadful bike of his!" She said, waving her hand in the air and going to refill her wine glass.
"His what?" Kate asked, making sure she heard her right.
"Oh that awful motorcycle of his. He hasn't gotten it out since before Alexis came along. I had hoped that he would leave that thing in the garage."
"Since when does he have a motorcycle?" Kate asked, wanting to get back to the point. If he had a motorcycle, and knew how to ride it, why didn't he tell her?
"Ugh, he got it after Kyra left. At that time, darling, he had too much money and too much time for his own good. So he got that old motorcycle and flight of fancy. When Alexis was born, he threw a tarp over it in the garage and it's stayed there ever since. He's only taken it out once or twice since then, but he only ever took it when he was really upset." She said, replaced the wine she had decided to go with.
"Any idea where he would go?" Kate asked, still frazzled by the fact that he knew how to ride a motorcycle and didn't tell her.
"Usually to our house in the Hampton's. It is a beautiful drive up there this time of year, after all."
"Okay, thanks Martha." She said and went to leave, but was stopped by a soft hand on her shoulder.
"Talk some sense into my think skull of a son would you? You're the only thing that seems to get through to him sometimes, dear." She said, with a bright smile. "You know, dear, he would kill me for saying this but you're the only girl in his life that I actually ever liked?"
With a slight chuckle and a bright smile, she responded, "Thanks Martha." She then gave the older redhead a hug and let her out. She knew why, or at least she had a theory. She knew exactly why Martha didn't like Meredith. They were exactly the same. Bright, fun, exuberant red heads with a flare for the dramatic and a love for acting. Women like that tend not to get along. And she guessed that the only reason she didn't like Gina was because she was constantly bugging her son about being late, and dragging him to places he didn't want to go. She didn't know why Martha had decided to make an exception and accept her as a big part of her sons life, and she decided not to fight it.
She went back to her apartment, changed into her boots, and leather jacket, grabbed her helmet from the top of her closet and headed out. She got to her soft tail, got on, started it up, kicked the shifter down to release it from neutral and into first, and rode off to fix what she had damaged.
A/N: Yes I made castle be able to drive a motorcycle. For two main reasons, 1) because he's rich, and he sometimes has too much time on his hands and 2)Because he's a guy, and we just get it, it comes naturally to us.
I dont know how much longer im going to take this story, but the next update to this might come a little later than my usual updates, as Ive been getting responses to update The Impression That I Get. So i guess ill have to work on that. Anyway REVIEW! I want to hear what you guys think.
